Trouble W/ 3 Year Old Daughter's Attitude

Hello N.,
I too have a 3 1/2 yr old little girl. They are full of spunk and energy at this age and I agree at times it can be quite stressing. I however dont have the sibling thing to deal with but I have found a wonderful book that has helped me with perspective in these matters. The first in the series is called Babywise and the second Childwise will help with the older one. I have loved and benefited from both and hope you can as well! The authors are Ezzo and Bucknam...GoodLuck,LC

N.,

We just moved to the area about 4 months ago from Florida. I have a 2 1/2 year old (Jacklynn) and a 7 month old (Arianna). Jacklynn does really good with her, but she has been getting in trouble a lot too. We notice that if she is acting out, if we redirect her in a more postive way she will respond more. Other thing we tried was taking her to dance class. It is her special thing to do way from her sister. Hope it will help. If you want you can e-mail me at ____@____.com to swap advice.

OH HAVE I EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS! I'M STILL DEALING WITH IT, I HAVE A 9 YR OLD SON, 7 YR OLD SON, AND 5 YROLD DAUGHTER, MY OLDEST SON IS PRETTY MUCH WELL BEHAVED BESIDES THE NORMAL "I'M THE OLDEST I CAN DO WHAT EVER I WAN TO", WELL MY 7YR OLD HAS ADHD AND WAS NOT TO HAPPY WHEN WE CAME HOME WITH HIS LITTLE SISTER, HE HIT HER IN THE HEAD WITH A METAL PAIL. WE HAVE DEALT WITH THE SIBLING RIVILARY PRETTY MUCH THE WHOLE TIME NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG THERE ARE SOME DAYS THEY ARE INSEPERABLE BUT MOST OF THE TIME THEY ARE FIGHTING. THEY DR'S HAVE TOLD US WHEN ANY OF THEM START THROWING TANTRUMS WALK AWAY DON'T YELL AT THEM JUST ACT LIKE YOUR NOT FAZED BY IT THEY ARE JUST TRYING TO GET ATTENTION.NOW MY MIDDLE SON IS IN COUENCELING AND WE HAVE DECIDED TO DO A BEHAVIOR CHART FOR HIM PUT LIKE 2 OR 3 GOOD BEHAVIORS YOU'D LIKE THEM TO DO IN A DAY AND WHEN THEY HAVE BEEN GOOD FOR A DAY OR EVEN A FEW HOURS THEY CAN GET A SMILLY FACE, DON'T PUT A SAD FACE CAUSE THATS NEGATIVE REINFORCEMENT. THEN AT THE END OF THE WEEK THEY CAN EARN A STICKER OR PIECE OF CANDY BUT DON'T ALWAYS BUY THEM SOMETHING LIKE A TOY CAUSE THEN IT GETS TO EXPENSIVE AND THEY WILL BEGING TO EXPECT IT ALL THE TIME. WELL I HOPE THIS WILL HELP SOME. :)
GOOD LUCK!!
T.

I have a four year old that is going through the same thing. She has gone to this school for two years and now all of a sudden almost every day I am getting a call from the school telling me she is acting out. I think your daughter and my daughter are going through control issues. I have let my daughter get away with alot b/c she is the baby sister of 4 big brothers. Now she is having to grow up a bit and know that she isn't in control. I hate to say it but I bribed my daughter. I told her she could do something at the end of the week (go to the park, the dollar store, etc) if she behaved. If she didn't, she would get spanked and have to sit in her room. Just be patient b/c unfortunately it got worse before it got better in my case. Also, just be very calm and matter of fact. I chose to flip out and almost cry myself when this started to happen. Be calm and be firm and FOLLOW THROUGH. BE CONSISTENT. I hope this helps! Good luck and God Bless!

I agree with a lot of the advice that has already been posted. I have 2 boys (6 & 4) and 2 girls (18 months & 2 weeks). I have found that rewards work better than punishment. I have a reward chart and my boys earn "chips" (poker chips) for good behavior. The calmer I am when the discipline is dealt, the better response I get from them, too. Worst case scenario, put her in "time-out" somewhere safe and walk away to give you both time to calm down. Then later (so it is not related to the behavior) spend some special "one-on-one" time together and let her decide how to spend that time with you.

I just wanted to 'second' the sticking to the guns advice youve already received.

My daughter gave me fits when she was younger, and there were times it took all day to get her to realize I was sticking to my guns and not going to let her away with it...

but she is 12 now, and its much better...just in time for teen age ism...lol

please let us know how its going!

N.

We moved around the time my son was three and had some difficulty in the transition too. I think you have to focus on routines and boundaries in her daily schedule. It probably feels out of control to her right now and she is "controlling" the things she can.

Our 3's were worse than the 2's.. and then when he turned 4, for about a month, it was worse than 3!! Really smart mouth and just flat out defiant !!! This was NOT AT ALL our son's character. He's a very loving and sweet child USUALLY !!LOL I would really have to wonder if what she is going through is not just the "natural" part of being 3. All of my friends have agreed also that 3 is bad!! That bad part is, for us, it lasted most of the year while our son was 3...... I hope it's just a phase and she will get over it in time. but on the other hand you have some obvious changes that we didn't have. If it keeps up, I would talk to your Dr. Best wishes!

C. - PS - Also in TN!!

I have a 5 year old and I have found that usually when Logan is acting up or out that it is usually because he is unhappy or stressed about something. I find that if I go ahead and discipline him for the "act" of acting out, so that he knows he can't by with it... then I take about one hour and totally devote it to him. Sometimes it is really hard for me to make that time and then to take a deep breath and calm down myself. But if I do I can immediately see the difference in him. D.

N....
I am a 36 year old mother of 3 children, ages 16, 14, & 5. My older children were two years apart when I had your problem. All that was required for my daughter when she got jealous and started acting out was to make her role VERY important. I explained to her how she was the BIG sister now, and that she had to teach "HER" baby sister EVERYTHING she needed to know and that because I cant talk BABY talk she has to be the one to teach her. Placing her in a more responsible role seemed to boost her ego and slowly but surely everyday got a little less problematic between the two of them. She rather enjoyed being the babys new teacher, and it put the focus back on her.
Now when my 5 year old was born they were both 9, & 11, so the transition to add another child was easier.
Try it , she might like it...GOOD LUCK!!!

Hi N.,

I want to tell you what your daughter is going through is very normal. My son is three also and he is doing the very same thing and I have also tried everything talked to he preschool teachers, discipline, and spanking. Nothing faizes him, I have decided TIME OUT is all that will work and that means constantly putting him in time out for three minutes. He does say I have to go potty and gets up and never returns. JUST STICK TO YOUR GUNS...GO WITH HER TO THE POTTY AND RETURN HER TO TIME OUT TO FINISH HER TIME. My son also talks the hole time he is there that is when he gets ISSOLATION! Noone to talk to no talking. Recently my son has been pulling my plants out of the pots...never before has he done this...rrrrhhhhggggg yes I feel your pain. The teacher at his school (Montessouri by the way) says they should never have said terrible twos because Threes are much worse and with girls FIVE ALSO...attitudes develope even stronger. I also have a little two year old daughter so yippy for me. Email me if you would like to chat. A.