Hi. My daughter is almost 9 months old and lately when I put her down at night she starts to scream and wants to be held. She used to go down fine every night, but suddenly she is having separation anxiety I think. I try to let her cry it out, but she will literally scream at the top of her lungs for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes I go in because I don't know what else to do. Eventually she falls asleep on me and I put her in her crib. But now, she wakes back up and starts all over again. Has anyone ever had this problem? I am open to any suggestions. I don't know what to do! By the way, I'm positive it's not an ear infection or teething! Thanks for listening.
Thank you to all who responded. It was so helpful to me!!! So, here's the update....I let my daughter cry it out the first night and it only took 15 minutes!!! I had to turn off the monitor so that I wouldn't be tempted to go to her. It was tough, but we got through it. The second night, she cried for 20 minutes. But, since then she has slept through the night (knock on wood)!!! Letting her cry it out was tough, but I knew I needed to do it for my own sanity. And I really do think she is much more well-rested now that she's sleeping better. Thanks so much to all of your support. It's so nice to have a place like this to get to vent and to get suggestions.
Fondly,
D.
D.,
Maybe put a night light in her room or try putting on some soothing music for her at night. A routine is always good for kids at her age or any age. It could be a phase, but try this to see if that works for you.
Good Luck
A. C.
That happened to our daughter as well. At first, I would pick her up and try to get her to sleep and lay her back down, but then she would cry worse. What I ended up doing was letting her cry it out for a couple minutes, walk in and pat her back and talk to her quietly until she quieted down, then leave again. She would cry and I let her cry a minute or two longer this time before going in to rub her back again. Definitely don't pick her up. It is hard to do, but if you do that then she expects it the next time. Each time you settle her back down and leave extend the crying time by a minute. It might take a couple of nights and it will be frustrating for both of you. I always wanted to scoop her up, but i ended up being best not to. She will eventually understand that you aren't going to pick her up and that you are just going to rub or pat her back. Hope that works.
Good luck!
Hi D.:
Some people think that "crying it out" is cruel, but no harm is done by letting them learn to go to sleep by themselves. My 7.5 month old has been sleeping through the night since about 3 months, and we did have to go through some crying at first. The first week was hard because she did cry for sometimes up to an hour. But within a few days, she understood what was happening and what was expected and now (even at naptime) she goes down without a fuss. When you go in to your daughter, you reinforce the notion that if she cries long enough, you will come and pick her up. I know it is hard to listen to the crying, but it will only last a few days and (hopefully this won't sound horrible), but you can always turn up the volume on the TV and watch the monitor lights instead. That way, you still are conscious of how long she has been going, but the sound of the crying won't hurt your heart. As long as you know she is not hungry, not in pain, not wet. My daughter actually started night waking a month or so ago after we had been on a trip for a week away from home to a different time zone. I let a week go by of me going in a couple times a night and reassuring her that we were home, she was safe. Then, I just stopped going. She has been fine.
This too shall pass. Hang in there!
A. F.
I am going through the EXACT same thing, or at least I was a few weeks back, with my 9-month-old. It is definitely separation anxiety, and it will pass. We had to let my son CIO for more like an hour before he fell asleep, so it may be worth letting your little one cry a little longer, especially since you said she wakes right back up when you put her back down anyway. Good luck - I feel your pain!
D.,
i think you got some excellent advice from the ladies. soothing music and bedtime ritual was what worked for me and also very important (for all age children). that along with comfort and love. but what ever you do, as hard as it is...DONT give in and pick her up...it will just put you back 3 steps for everytime you do so. as long as she is clean, fed and ok, let her cry...although it breaks our motherly heart to do so, she will be fine and learn you are the mom and she is the child. it will also teach her to occupy her time alone as she grows up which helps keep children from becoming bored later in life and not getting into trouble (believe it or not).
With a chair next to the crib, rub her back while she is in the crib until she falls asleep. Gradually over the next few days/ weeks decrease physical contact at bedtime. Eventually you will only have to place her in the crib and walk away, but that secure place needs to be established.
Does she have a lovey? My son is a great sleeper (so far) but when we read our story before bed, we get his lovey (and binky) and all read the book together. That way he goes in the crib with something that he's had with me. Might be worth a try-- some moms I know wear the lovey in their shirts a little while in the evening so it smells like them when they give it to the baby at night (at least to get started).
Good luck. This too will pass...
put some ceral in her bottle at night or get that bed time baby bath stuff and give her bath with that before she goes to bed. or lay her down and turn on a mobile.
Hi D.,
I feel your pain! I think this is a common age to have this problem. This is the time when they need to learn to put themselves to sleep. Put her in her crib when she has a nice full tummy and is tired, but not sleeping yet. Have a nice night light and some soft music (Baby Einstein or the like). At first, maybe hold her til she's just beginning to close her eyes (nice and sleepy, but not asleep!) then put her down in her crib. If you want to do the "cry it out" method, don't wait til she has screamed for 30 minutes--go in and soothe her every 10 minutes but don't pick her up. Just say 'It's OK. I'm here. Time for bed." Next few 10 minute check-in's not much eye contact or talking. By picking her up & holding her, she is actually learning to just keep doing it. It will be a rough 3-4 nights, but she will get the hang of it. It's hard, I know, but it will pay off in the long run. Maybe start it on a Thursday or Friday night so you can have the weekend to get it done. At that age my son was doing the same thing and we made the BIG MISTAKE of driving him around in the car til he fell asleep and it only prolonged the problem--he was training US to do what HE wanted! We decided to bite the bullet and do "cry it out." It was a rough few nights, but then, amazingly, it was OVER! Good luck!
Personally I dont like letting my kids cry it out unless I'm really upset with them. Try this book. "Sleepless in america" to get your little one in the right routine. Its by Mary Sheedy kurchinka.
i know how hard it can be. here's what i did with my 11 month old, which was advice i got from a mommy friend of mine too! i bathed and fed him, put on soothing music then put him down when he was tired and about to fall asleep, but not quite asleep. then, he if he started cryuing, i would say, it's alright, it's time for bed, and pat his shoulders, and leave the room. i would return in 2 minutes if he was still crying, do the same thing, (and definitley resist to pick him up, as hard as it was) and increse my time between visits in one minute intervals each time i left. he never made it past five minutes of crying, or three cycles of me leaving. it took about three nights of this to get him back on track, but it was worth it. good luck!
Apparently there's a sleep regression phase around 9 months which is a real bear -- you can read about it at www.askmoxie.com, or you can buy an amazing book called _Wonder Weeks_ -- search for it on Amazon. At this point in a baby's mental and physical development, a whole LOT is going on, and it's no wonder that they wake in the night. Learning to crawl, separation anxiety, new ways of understanding the world, it's all going on at the same time.
The askmoxie site discusses the crying-it-out versus the non-crying methods and does it in an evenhanded way, so if you're not sure it's working for you (moxie has a theory that some babies are 'escalators' when it comes to crying it out, while others need to cry to release some tension before they can fall asleep), then you can evaluate your baby's tendencies and try other solutions. But you may just have to ride it out, but know that it will end and in the meantime you can manage as best you can. I think it helps, though, knowing that your child is growing and that your beautiful girl is not being difficult on purpose, she's learning and developing into a big girl!
Good luck!
