Trying to Get a Newborn Back in Her Bed.

K.,
I have a 6 week old whom I have been breastfeeding and she would not sleep anywhere but on her boppy while I was feeding her or on my chest while I was rocking her. She would not take a binky either. Here is what I do. I rock her to sleep at night with her binky in her mouth. The trick was to put it in her mouth and turn her against my chest as if she is using me as her binky, This also holds the binky in her mouth. Next once she is asleep I use a swaddle me which gives her the feeling of still being held and keeps her warm enough that she really does not need any extra blankets. Because she is swaddled after her late night feedings she goes right back to sleep.
You may want to try to feed her earlier for example 8pm 10pm 12am then she may actually sleep through the night. Audrey actually sleeps from 12 am to 4 and sometimes 5 am which is when my husband gets up. We also try shifts: he goes to bed early, I go to bed late so if she does get up he is more rested to get up with her. and If I stay up late with her with her late feedings I get the sleep while he is up early.

Hi. I have 4 little angels and I know exactly what you are saying!! Here is my advice..she isn't ready to be in her bed. I bought an Arm's Reach Co-sleeper that attches to the bed and pulled her back and forth. Some nights I kept my arm on her. That is the way I transitioned her to at least sleep somewhere other than next to me.
I think she is pulling closer because you, not intentionally, are pushing her away. Of course, I hope you don't think I literally me pushing away!!
I feel your pain, I promise. I think my youngest finally went to her crib at about 6 1/2 months. Now she is the best sleeper in the world.
Also, I would try EVERY pacifier out there. Mine only took the Soothie from the hospital. Not the ones you can buy at Wal-Mart/Babies R Us because they aren't the same. They are harder than the ones you buy at childmed.com.
Hopes this helps, email me if you have any more ____@____.com.

Sleep is a necessity when you are working, so this is really a tough time for you. But, I am concerned that your baby is only 4 months old. She is still very little and may still need to nurse in the night. It may not be just for consoling. A way to know if she is just consoling herself is if she only nurses on one side and falls asleep and won't wake up for the other side. If she is eating on both sides, sounds like she is hungry to me.

I only say this because I had 2 boys that both ate in the middle of the night for almost the entire first year. They were hungry and were growing very fast. The doctors always said they were fine when I asked if they should still be eating. My doctor said all kids are different and you must learn to listen to your child. So I did and feed them very sleepily!

Additionally, if you work during the week and not on weekends, pick a weekend to work on consoling her without a binky or nursing or whatever. My children liked to be held and bounced up and down very gently. I have always rocked my children to sleep. My hint to put them into bed was when their muscles in their legs would twitch. I knew they were fully asleep and they almost always stayed in bed then.

Good luck and just do what is right for you and your baby!

My first didn't ever take a pacifier. My youngest did, and I loved it! But it might be too late for your daughter to want it. She'll learn to self soothe, don't worry. We transitioned out of our bed once they were eating baby food. I would feed them the rice cereal right before bed, and that helped them sleep longer. I remember not being able to sleep as well when they seemed to want to nurse all night. That was the sign for me that they needed more food. Once the transition periods were over, we all slept much better. Good luck! It can be hard. We also used the Ferber method for self soothing. Its hard, but worth it in the long run.

She's spolied Mommy & yes you did it but in order for her to take the binky you must let her cry at times & have the sitter enforce this as well. I've been told that she won't take a binky & as long as she's been fed & was dry...I let her cry & guess what & who takes a binky?! You might try getting a boppie for your daughter...it makes them feel like they're surrounded by their Mommy. Your not a bad Mommy for wanting the best for your girls OR for spoiling them either...after all their almost seven years apart:-). Good luck & God Bless!

I, too, have similar situation with my 8 month old. He prefers me- always has and I think always will! We co-sleep, didn't at the beginning, but started to around 6 months just so I could get some sleep. Co-sleeping is going well and helps me sleep better & him still be allowed to nurse on demand. My son has never liked the bottle & would only take if necessary. Now he sometimes takes a straw cup, but not a full feeding. He also stopped taking a pacifier at about 4 months of age.

Really, she just is wanting her mommy. Nursing is not just about nutrition, it is also about comfort and bonding, so while she may not need to nurse all night, she is also doing so for comfort. I know this doesn't help when you are feeling exhausted and frustrated. But seeing my little guy's need for comfort & that I could simply supply this for him by rolling over to breast feed, or just simply rolling over and touching him, I decided I didn't want to deprive him of this. Night time parenting is hard but part of the deal!

So, I understand your situation. I have just decided that I am a night time parent, too, at least for now, and until this situation no longer works, we are okay. I did read a book and tried to use some methods called "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. She has many ideas of how to help with sleep at night including how to help reduce night feedings and how to move to the crib. Check it out and try some of her ideas to see if they will help you.

I can't offer any advice because I have the same issue with my six month old. I'll be reading your responses.

If it is any consolation, her wanting to soothe herself to sleep by nursing is not only healthy for a 4 month old, very normal, and shows that she is attached to you. Baby attachment to their own mommas is a good thing. They will grow up to be better teenagers. LOL Now, I am wishing I would have kept my oldest in my bed to nurse longer than the first 3 months. Now, he is 13yo! I can see the difference in the children I have put in their own beds by 3 mos, and by those that cosleeped much longer. The younger ones are more independent now at a younger age, then the older ones ever have been at the same ages. So, letting them be dependent does not cause overdependence, it helps them to become more independent on their own time, which is well before high school, I assure you. So, be encouraged, go with your instincts. Cherish their babyhood, because it goes by fast. Kymberli, mother of 7

My breastfed baby girl did this too, at about the same age. At some point we decided to let her cry it out b/c we were so sleep deprived. Our pediatrician said I was becoming her evening pacifier, which is exactly what it felt like b/c she stopped taking them at that point as well. I say, offer her the pacifier, but if she doesn't want it, don't worry. In time she'll find her thumb. Next, pat her on the back or head, and softly tell her she's find. Turn on a white noise maker on a low setting and leave the room. We'd check on our baby every 15 minutes if she was still crying, but wouldn't pick her up unless she was hysterically crying. After 2 or 3 nights, we had no more problems. Additionally, we put her on a sleep schedule that we never deviate from (7pm-6:30 am). Now our baby is 6 months old, goes to sleep without a peep and nurses only once in the early morning (2:30 am). I never did co-sleeping b/c my baby is sooo noisey. We put her in her crib at 3 weeks old and never looked back. Honestly, I don't think she cared one bit, but it took more work on my part to get up, walk to her room to nurse her. You can do this. The first few nights are the worst but in the end, you'll be glad you followed through.

I'm sure you've already thought of this, but have you tried different kinds of pacifiers? Both of mine were sucker babies, (suckers is what we call pacifiers)but they would only take a certain kind. I also used to babysit for a baby that wouldn't take one, and just wanted his mom and to be nursed all the time. I had him taking a pacifier for a little while. He would only do it for me though and one of a different kind than what his mom had tried.

In the evenings, when she's fussy, maybe try reading or singing to her. That always makes my daughter go from fit to smiling!
My baby girl is 9 months old and due to a stuffy nose and cough, we've all of a sudden the last month or so been getting up in the night. She doesn't want to eat, but I've been reluctant to let her get into my bed, no matter how tired I am. What I've been doing with her is lying on the couch on my back propped up so that I can doze, and her on her tummy on me. She will almost always be back to sleep in a matter of minutes and I can put her back in her bed. I realize it's still getting her in the habit of depending on me in the night, but at least she's not getting used to our bed and I can get her put right back.

You have great responses here. I have had this with both of mine, too and didn't mind a little co-sleeping at various stages, but that's a personal decision.

I noticed someone said that she might really be hungry and wanting to eat so much at night because she isn't getting enough during the day.... I think that sounds like a possibility. Maybe you could experiment with some different bottles/nipples and see if that might help.

I thought the woman who suggested having your husband take a weekend has a great idea. I think that could help her learn to fall asleep on her own. When she sees you now, she thinks of nursing, but Dad is different.

I'm sure letting her cry it out would solve your problem, but my husband and I never felt comfortable with that. My son is 22 months and we've gone back and forth with sleep issues, in our bed and out, since he was your girl's age but for the past few months, he sleeps all night long in a toddler bed, so hang in there. When you are told having a baby in your bed means you'll have an eight your old in your bed, use your own common sense...... she is only four months old and like everyone said, she just wants her mommy :)

Hi K.!
I am a mom of a 3 month old. We had the issue of our daughter wanting the boob through the night as well. I had become a human pacifier! What we did was just decided as a couple we were going to buckle down on this. We chose a weekend so my hubby could help out a lot too and with you working that would probably be best. I knew that the first night was not going to be easy, but I had to tell myself that the gain was greater than the few moments I would have to go through. I would nurse her before putting her to sleep, place her in her crib and leave the room. From there on out, it was my husband who went in to calm her if she needed it. He would place his hand on her belly firmly, turn on the mobile, say things like "you are fine" "Daddy is here", offer pacifier, "sshush". All these things he would do without picking her up. We didn't want to form another habit of her having to fall asleep with rocking or being held. But, if she is getting to the point to where she is uncontrollably crying, pick her up and soothe her. I think using your hubby will help because then she will not want you to pacify her and you can separate yourself too. This was hard for me to lay in bed and hear all of this going on, but in two nights, she got it! Now I can lay her in her crib and she gets to sleep on her own! Good luck to you!

We were told in class at the hospital to not allow them to nurse to sleep. Stop nursing just before they fall asleep, and get them into bed so they fall to sleep in bed. I haven't tested this as I haven't delivered yet. It may be harder now that her "habit" has been formed, but it might be worth a try.

Is it possible that she is just not eating enough during the day and is trying to make up for it in the evening and during the night? If you think that might be the case it may be easier to get a side car bed (or convert her crib into one) so that she is not always in bed with you, but within arm's reach for nighttime feedings. It may also help you to remember that she is still very young and young babies are designed to want to be with their mothers. As she gets older her social circle will expand and she will be happier with others.

I feel your pain. I have no advice, but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

My daughter is 3 months old and I have yet to have a good nights sleep. I am not big on the "cry it out" method, it seems torturous to me. I have adopted the co-sleeping method & that helps a little. I figure she'll grow out of this phase. I was just winging it there for a while but now I'm broke down and I'm going to check out the book by Dr. Sears, Elizabeth Panthley, and the "Healthy Sleep Habits" book. Can you tell I'm desperate too? LOL, deliriously tired and working.

I can only promise you that they don't do this forever! Hallelujah right, lol. Hang in there girl. I'm reading your blog for good advice to use as well.

I just keep telling myself that she's a little baby still and crying is the only way she can tell me she needs me. I'm like a pacifier most of the night. It's frustrating and then I feel bad for feeling frustrated. But, then in the morning she's all smiles and giggles and even though I'm TOTALLY EXHAUSTED.....my heart just swells with joy. How can I ever let that little face down? I'm just stickin' it out girlfriend.

Your sleepless fellow soldier mom.

In many cultures around the world it is considered perfectly normal for a child to sleep in the parent's or the mother's bed for the first two years of life. We were very glad that our son slept with us. It allowed him to 'find the groceries' without even waking me up. It allowed him to have more closeness and bonding with his father who was gone to work all day. It allowed us all a good night's sleep.

I learned much from reading "The Family Bed", by Tine Thevenin, while I was pregnant. You can find it at http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/stores/offering/list....

I also learned much from a friend. She and her husband put a full size mattress on the floor in her son's room. Sometimes one of them would lay down with their son in that bed until he fell asleep. when mom and dad wanted some privacy. We did the same thing and it worked beautifully for us. When he was still nursing during the night, I would just get him before I went to sleep and bring him to be with us or just go back and sleep through the night with him. It allowed us a great amount of freedom and we all slept great. After he weaned at about 19 months, he was already used to one of us just staying with him to fall asleep. We turned out the lights and I would tell him stories, recite poems & prayers, and sing lullabys.

I don't remember how it all transitioned to independence at bed time. It was so gradual and natural. By the time he was 4, he almost never climbed in bed with us.

The only difficulty I remember is that, because he always turned to my side of the bed to nurse, he became trained to keep his head toward me. The few times he woke in the night and crawled into bed with us, we always woke up with his head against my back and his feet on my husband. He never could stay straight in the bed between us. Small price for all the great memories.

I never felt the need for a crib. Since his mattress was on the floor, we didn't worry about him falling out of bed. Because he slept with us the first several months, he never developed the need to climb out of bed to look for anything. Everything he needed was always right there for him. I only had about 4 sleepless nights throughout his early childhood when he had a fever. I had many more when he was 18 years old! But, we got through that too. He is such a caring young man today!

I think the eating just enough from a bottle and then nursing all evening is normal. She just wants you. I know it is tough when you are working and just want to sleep, but she is just wanting her mom. My friend's son did this for quite some time, then he just had enough of waiting for mom at 7 months and quit nursing all together. Just completely refused her. I say enjoy it while it lasts. Nursing is such a close loving thing.