J.K.
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Okay so i have 14 y/o twin girls. and they are so different, complete opposites. Maddie is a cheerleader, boy crazy, and is always talking. My other 14 y/o, meghan, is quiet, artsy and loves music. Meghan is more like her dad, for sure. And my 17 y/o girl and maddie are more talkitive. But my question is, how do I get meghan to open up to me more? Maddie tells me everything that happens to her, and meghan gives me one word answers. Meghan does talk to her dad more, which makes sense, because they are so similar, but there are conversations, that dads cant give to teen daughters. And i just want to make sure she's okay, and everything is fine. She talks to me, but i just dont feel as close to her, as i do with my other kids. It makes me feel bad when maddie mentions things about meghan that i never knew. Any advice? thanks!
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My older daughter is also much more guarded and secretive than my younger one.
I have found she really opens up when we are someplace alone, just she and I, no other family members, siblings or friends.
I wish she could be like this all the time but for some reason that's when we really communicate, when it's JUST the two of us.
Make an effort to spend some one on one time with her and you may be surprised :)
Go do something and only take Mehgan. Just relax and spent time together. Have fun. My teen will only open up to me when i take her alone somewhere or have spent several hours laying on her bed with her just talking about small stuff!!!!
i do alot of listening,...just be there.
it's up to you to change this dynamic between you...& it will be a long haul. Based on your post, it's fully-ingrained.
The very fact that you state that you "just don't feel as close to her"...means that it is very real & she knows it. At age 14, she's old enough to help change this....
Begin with a one-on-one conference. Address the issues, address your feelings of loss/need, & ask for her help. Clearly line-out "how" you want life to change & ask her to make an effort to try to open up more with you.
Please be very aware that this may not be within her realm. I share everything with my Mom, my Sis is 47 & still does not. In your daughter's case, during the conference, make sure she knows what she needs to know & offer to help her with the rest. That's all you can do.... Peace.
I have a 16 year old girl like yours, She is a carbon copy of her dad! They have chats all the time, about anything really important? No, just grades, how her day went, and all that! What I did when I was in the car I was trying to talk to her about he boyfiriend, and all that, and she was giving me single word answers, and i was said "One word answer? thats all I get?" to losen the mood, and then just said "I know your quiet, and thats fine, but I need more then single word answers, its time to work together on this, so you feel conforetable to tell anything, because you should know you can." After that things got better and better! I feel so much closer to her. Somethimes teens dont know that them being quiet can worry parents, and you gotta tell them sometimes. You'd be suprised what that can actully do! Good luck! You sound like a great mom! :)
