Twins and Kindergarten: to Separate or Not to separate...that Is the Question.

One thing to think about: different classes means you have two sets of holiday parties, field trips, etc. to keep track of.

When my daughter was about to start Kindergarten, I wrote a nice letter to the principal. I put that I would appreciate if she took the consideration of putting my daughter in the same class with another student she went to preschool with. I explained my reasons and also put I will understand if the request can't be put through. When I handed it to the principal at the end of the year, she didn't even open it but told me classes were already picked and so on. I told her I understood but would really appreciate whatever she could do. She must have read my letter, because about a half hour later she called me down to the office (I was there for my daughters preschool graduation ceremony) and the secretary said they were honoring my request.

So my advice, is to write a nice letter directly to the principal and see what happens. The earlier the better. It may or may not help, but at least you tried. If it doesn't work out, I'm sure in time your sons will be fine, or they will figure something out.

Best of luck to you!

I know you are a little freaked out. Even parents with only 1 child worries about the teacher the school, the rules. Each of our children is precious and an individual.

The school will figure out what is best for each of your boys. They have studied and been in their profession for decades.They have seen so many different children including twins, they will look at their backgrounds..

Parents marital status, married, unmarried, divorced, death of a parent. Past education of the child, date of birth, status in a family. 1, 2, 3, 4th child. Twin, or triplets.
All of this helps them place the child in kinder.

You can send a note with your concerns or added information.

Please allow them to place your boys. Give it a month. If they do not feel the way they placed them is working, they will reevaluate. Trust them.

Our daughter was placed in a class with a teacher in 1st grade and I was really concerned abut this placement because our daughter was the only child from a kinder teacher.. Our daughter is extremely shy and did not know even 1 child in that class. She missed her good friends. There was about 2 weeks with her saying she missed her friends. Then I finally mentioned it to the old kinder teacher and she said, our daughter was matched with the best teacher. The teacher had been an only child, LOVED books, but was also considered a shy child. Sure enough about the 3rd week , it all clicked for our daughter, She loved her teacher and started finding friends.

We have two different friends and one has a set of twin boys and the other has a set of twin girls. They were in different classes and teachers all through elementary school. They did great. Remember they will see each other at recess.. Just give it a try. I know it is very scary to send them out on their own,. but never underestimate your kids.. They will blow you away every time.

The loer standing or rating of a school can be caused by many reasons. Our Middle school is a National Blue Ribbon school, but 2 years ago they got an lower rating due to a large group of children were transfered into the school. Their school had failed state testing for many years. These students did not even know how to use a ruler! They did not get the higher rating even though all of their scores came up by dble digits. Remember these children were placed in classes on campus that met their needs.

The students that really struggle in kinder will usually be placed with teacher that will bring them up to level by Dec.

It will be up to you to be a partner in your sons education. You set the tone. Make sure they understand any homework sent home. That you let them know you expect them to listen to the teacher. To follow directions. To always keep their hands to themselves. Also remind them you know they will do their best each day, and to have fun.

I am sending you strength.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I do not have twins but when I took my dd to school for testing day for kindergarten, the principal specifically asked about twins and the parents preference for class assignments - it just seems to make sense. You, as the parent, have a better feel for whether your twins prefer to be together or are independent of each other. I would send a note to the principal and keep looking for a "school of choice" or whatever they are called in OR so you can change schools.

Good luck - schools should be better at accomodating first time parents in kindergarten, it's new for us too!

Are you part of a local parents of multiples club? The National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs (http://www.NOMOTC.org) not only has a zip code search that allows you to find your local club, but they also have some literature that can be helpful for parents who feel their children would benefit from being in the same K class (one of the moms in our local club found the NOMOTC literature useful in helping their principal be open to the idea that twins - and their teacher/classmates - *can* benefit in when twins are in the same classroom. This link has a little bit about what NOMOTC has on keeping twins together in the classroom:
http://www.nomotc.org/index.php?option=com_content&ta...

Policies vary not only from district to district but even from school to school and even within a school if it changes principals (this happened with another family in our multiples club). We were fortunate to have a school that gives parents the option of requesting that their multiples be in the same or in different classrooms (and we have loads of them - at least one set of twins in each grade k through 5) - some are together, some are separate. We chose to separate ours b/c one is more assertive and tends to feel it's her responsibility to be her sister's "mom away from home" so being in the same classroom is a distraction to both of them. You know your kids best so IMO it's sensible/understandable for you to request that they be placed in the same K class.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like more info - I can check with the mom who used the NOMOTC literature to convince their principal to allow her twins to be in the same K class (they've been in separate classes since then by their parents' choice)

I would let them try whether its to separate them or to put them in the same class. Give it a couple of weeks if they are separated and if it doesnt work then go to the school and make them move him. You might have to sign you did it against their wishes. But when its your kids its your wishes that count. Some do say its good for twins to be separated a little to help them grow their independence so its not a bad thing. If its a decent school, not counting the chick up front, they could possible put them in adjoining classes so that while they will be separated when the open the two sides through out the year they will still spend time together. Also while they may not be in the same class during the day if you get them in separate classes that go to recess together or sit at lunch together they can catch up and bond but yet be able to spread their wings individually in class.

As a teacher, I used to always say that twins should be separated. Then, I had twins and can see both sides. If you are feeling they should be kept together for kindergarten, do it. You can always separate them next year. Some states do have laws in place that allow the parents to choose if twins should be kept together. If the principal is adamant, bring in research to show the benefits of keeping them together, and argue your case. You are the mother, you know what's best. On a personal note, we plan to keep our twins together for kindergarten, the separate for first and beyond (unless they have an objection either way).

She was sighing because every parent has some sort of request about their kid(s). Don't take it personally.

If they separate them, I would let it be. Some people just can't take another person's word. Especially a mom. They feel that the mom is being to 'mama bear' and not letting their kid grow. So let the school see. When they come to you with the problem, simple repeat your request.

I have 8 year old twin girls, second graders (separate classes since K). My brother has 7 year old twin boys (same classes since K). So I think that I can sort of give some advice on this issue. Both of our sets are identical though. I only mention this because then the issue of making things easier on the teacher and also the issue of classmates constantly asking which one are you?.....comes into play. I started separating my girls in Kindergarten (1/2 day K). And so far it has gone well.
The advantages……could be
1)Their teachers don't get confused about who needs to work on what (related to school skills).
2)They don't get "compared" in general (i.e.: one shyer....one the stronger skilled student in certain subjects.)
3)They also get a chance to make their own individual friends.
4)It is also fun for them to talk and compare the things that they are doing in their individual classes. 5)They might actually kind of miss each other and are excited to see each other in the after school hours.
On the other hand.....Some disadvantages could be;
1) Different homework = more to help with at home.(although this hasn't come into play that much for us, so far) Not to be lazy.....just say'n
2) Teaching style differences and Method of instruction differences .
3) If you volunteer @ school....you might feel like you have to keep things equal (as far as help and contributions to the class).
4) All the more people to invite to shared Birthday Parties. (This may seem like a funny one but something I didn't think about until it came up)= potentially large party @ one time.
5) Birthdays; bringing treats to one class and then running to the other one. Unless you do treats on different days, it leaves you feeling…..like you really don’t get to focus on either of the kids.
6) Because they are so comfortable with each other....they might be more likely to quarrel in class or argue over who gets/has what. This came into play with my nephews. They get along well with other kids but, "butted heads" with each other
5)It's harder for them to understand, not being invited to a party ,when they have the same classmates. And they’re the one that gets left out. O.K…….so life is not always fair and I know sooner or later they should learn to deal with this anyway....but it is tough when they are younger.
Ultimately....I really feel strongly that the parents of the twins should really make their decision, based on the personalities and connection between their doubles. I have also talked to doubles parents who have had bad experiences separating twins. Because, socially they really needed the comfort/confidence of their sibling. This can be especially true during the first couple of school years. They can be very emotionally attached and dependent on each other. On the other hand, I have heard that if they are very different personality wise…..one can possibly hinder the others school growth. If one tends to be a more dominant child and the other more withdrawn. It’s like their habits continue in the classroom and perpetuate in the classroom (though it might not be apparent to the teacher). The “quiet” one may actually “break out of their shell” more if their sibling is not always there.
A situation that came up with my nephews was; one of them would often defer to his twin for answers and take the easy way out and not make an attempt.
I don't know about the rules in the school district that you’re in, as far as being able to make a request to have them apart or together? So far, my experience is, that it has been up to us, as parents, to decide. I'm sorry to hear that someone was insensitive to your concerns about separating them. Unless they have had firsthand experience raising twins. They can't really understand the dynamics of it. They can only offer info. on what teachers have experienced in the past and how they have dealt with certain issues, which only come up with twins. I do sympathize with teachers who have twins in their class (especially identical). Because they already have so many challenges during any given day in the classroom as it is. I think that one could also argue…..why do we have the right to “choose” what class situation our children can be in……when anyone with a singleton, for the most part….does not get a say. They simply just get placed (maybe based on academic fit, that is). Does that make sense? Not that I agree.....I’m just trying to look @ it from both sides. We all just want the best possible situation for our children. It seems to me that we would have the best perspective on what would be beneficial for both (teacher and children) within the classroom setting. I see that you have experienced that it has been maybe more disruptive to have them apart. Because one gets caught up/distracted by his brother not being present, it causes more work for the teacher to take time out to deal with this. The school should listen to your input regarding this.
Sooooo
I just asked my twins about what they like about being in different classes? They replied…
It’s good to get some “space” from each other. (At age 8 they actually kind of need this@ school)
I like to see sister @ recess, though.
We don’t get asked all the time which one are you? (only @ recess sometimes).
The teachers don’t get confused about our work, who they just called on or who their asking a question.
I hope this has helped you in some way.
Good Luck, whatever you decided. Sometimes we can plan….and as you know….it can totally backfire anyway.

~S.

I have identical twins who will go to kindergarten in the fall. They are very close and I keep going back and forth on whether or not to separate them. As a teacher, before we had kids, I felt they should be separated to help them gain some independence but as a parent of twins, I see the other side and it is tough. Our kinder is all day so one advantage you have is that if your boys are separated, it won't be for the entire day. That would help to prepare them for being separated all day in first. If you decide to push for them to be together, do some research about the benefits of keeping twins together, print it out and ask the principal if she/he would read it before she makes a decision.
You may want to change your question title to include separating twins in kinder so other parents with twins will notice it. You may get more input.
I will be checking back to see what others share. Let us know what happens.

I don't have twins - but don't feel that I need to, to answer this question. Your boys have TOLD you in so many words what they feel they need - to be secure - one another. Being forced into a government run school (a bad one at that, which I would never do) and you are wondering if its a good idea to keep them together ????? Hell yes keep them together. They probably need each other now more than ever. Just because they are 'little people' doesn't mean their needs should be neglected. They DO know better, often more than the ignorant adults that ignore their feelings.

If the principal has an issue about not keeping them together - run to another school. This should not be an issue for them, if it is - would you actually keep your kids in a place like that, that does not respect the wishes of the parent and child ????

I also would like to say, personally, you already have reservations about this school -- No way would I put my little innocent children in any school that according to you is 'not rated well.' Are your kids not worth a school that IS rated well ? If you can't find one, homeschool your kids. At least they CAN be together - and you can have the environment that would make them happier and safer.

I don't feel the issue at all is if your twins are or are not identical - or even twins for that matter. If they were siblings of different ages and wanted to be in the same class then let them. Montessori classes always let siblings of different ages in the class together (maybe you should look into that). Any school that is hostile and not letting you lead and make choices for your children is NOT a place you should put your kids. Can you imagine what hell your kids will have to live with day in and day out with a staff that is uncaring towards the needs of your children ?

Make the right decision based on the BEST environment for your children. Do not ever settle for second best.

Do not pay any attention to the sighing office girl. I've never heard of a policy where it's up to the principal whether twins are in the same class or not.

I don't have twins, but we've had MANY twins in my kids classes, some moms wanted them together, some moms wanted them separate, I can't see how it would be up to any one but you.

If I were you, I'd def stand my ground, you know how they'll function best, and when they're ready for a little space of they're own.

:)

State law here in PA says that twins must be given the option of being together in class. You should check into this.

My twin brother and I were kept in the same class by my mother's request, and I am so grateful for that! It was right for us. The other twins we knew were always separated.
It could have been argued that I would be too dependent on my brother (he was the outgoing one) but really it helped me to make friends and be comfortable at school. Besides that, it was helpful to have the same homework, activities, and such when it came to needing help from my parents!