Two Things Here.

One issue at a time... The dog...grrr.... That was out of line to have a mean, less than kid friendly dog at a family gathering.

Next...the dad. You should not have done anything to distract your daughter. Let her pester daddy or just clime right up into his lap and watch sports with him.

Now about you and husband.... Oh honey. Fast forward a few years and you'll only WISH that he'd leave you alone for awhile. As you age and your marriage ages, you find a time when you enjoy doing some things apart. Surely there is someone on the female side of the family you wanted to talk with?

This is all just stuff to take in stride....except the dog. No way would I have even stayed there if the dog was out. I would have said goodbye to husband and taken daughter home.

okay, here's the deal: your story is not new. Your story was very real for you. & sadly, most of us have lived your story. Sucks, doesn't it? :)

Every single point in your post.....yep, been there/done that. Just passed our 30th anniv this year & it's still happening for the younger generations. Here's how I handled it:

illness: no matter how considerate you are, somebody in the family will not be. Open communication is the key to surviving this. At my ILs party this year, there was one nephew being kept inside (with the rest of us, thank you)....who was under the influence of alternating Tylenol/Motrin - just to keep his fever down to the point that "life" was bearable. Thank you, stupid Mom/Dad for exposing all of us. It's just not the other kids you have to think about....how about my DH who is a diabetic heart patient? I always "voice" my opinion....otherwise how will they know it?!!
Sometimes in parenthood, you just have to suck it up & stay home. :)

dog: been there, done that. My SIL had a springer spaniel who exhibited "spaniel rage" (according to the vet, this is common for the breed as they age). NObody could move in the house without being attacked. The dog was either freakin' in the bedroom/basement....or was allowed to be with us - - until she bit someone to the point of drawing blood & then would be put away again. Totally sucked going there! & the sad part is that they kept that dog until she died of old age. Grrrrr. We handled it by never/ever leaving our son's side....& everybody in the family (all 35 of us) consistently remained vocal on the subject & how wrong it was that we had to deal with it. Eventually, it became a joke & the adults would stand as a barrier between the kids & the dog....& my SIL's family would be mad at us for our "intolerance". Whatever. :)

When I was young & immature, my DH's abandonment of me/the kids (at family gatherings) sucked. Not only was I on my own, but somehow.... he'd manage to be 1st in line, too - without us! How the Hell he managed it....I have NO clue, but his family always joked about it! Sometimes I'd pick a fight over it....sometimes I ignored it. & then there were times when I refused to go....simply to avoid going thru it again.

Fast forward a few years, & I grew up. I became secure in myself & our relationship. When our first son came along, I simply insisted on shared duties. Once I drew this to my DH's attention, life became better....but did require consistent reminders on my part. I learned to approach the subject without hurt feelings, without angst.....& life became easier. (still don't enjoy hanging with the ILs....I prefer to visit with their spouses, tho'.)

As for your daughter's behavior....& yes, a lot of this boils down to her: with the dog, I would have taken her into the bedroom & had a discussion as to "why" she could not play with the dog. Dad should have been in on this talk....& Dad should have addressed the issue with the Aunt. Regardless, your DD has to learn to "listen" to your requests & behave appropriately, whether or not she wants to. Discipline & obediance 1st is a huge part of personal safety. If she's not listening to you, then she's not cooperating in her own safety. This applies to many, many aspects of childhood!

This discipline/obediance issue also applies to the football game. There's absolutely NO reason why your DH shouldn't play with the others. Next time, make cheerleader pompoms & let her cheer Daddy on! Make it fun for her & this will pass..... & honestly, she has to learn to listen to you! It was not safe on the field for her....& she has to learn that! Next time, be proactive & teach her that she has to be ...?8? - before she can play with the big kids. A perfect learning/counting time for her!

Peace to you!

When our kids were younger, my husband and I had a deal. When we're with my family, he's in charge of the kids and when we're with his family, I'm in charge of the kids. If we needed help with the kids, we'd ask for it and get it. It just gave us maximum opportunity to visit with our respective relatives. We both didn't mind it because we knew that kids grow up and it wouldn't be that way forever.

So, it wouldn't be a big deal to me, but I totally understand where you're coming from. I probably wouldn't say anything this time, but at the next family gathering, I would mention it beforehand.

About the dog: People are stupid about their pets. And yes, it is your responsibility to keep your kid away from the dog, although it would have been nice for you if your Aunt wasn't stupid about her dog.

i think the holidays, especially when you are not particularly close with your husband's family, are going to be stressful either way. it doesn't help that the aunt is one of those "dog people" who treat their dog like their child and refuse to be responsible and realistic about it - she absolutely should have offered to put the dog up. since she didn't you couldn't have done anything differently, imo. and yes, i would have been irritated and offended.

as far as your husband, i have been there. mine was less than sensitive to the fact that i was at a house of (then) new people i didn't know, and he went off to have a ball. we have learned in 10 years to respect the others' feelings a bit more. his family is in florida and we are kansas - so it isn't such a problem any more (not to mention that after 10 years i love his family like my own so it isn't an issue anyway) but when we do things with my family i always make sure to check in with him from time to time. i would cut him some slack. you are a big girl and honestly, although he was a bit selfish, it's christmas. he was enjoying his family.

and for the record, i am 99% in charge of feeding, bathing, and entertaining our son (less now that he's older, but from birth to about 3 years old, that was the mom domain exclusively!) so if he's not normally like that, be grateful and give him a break for christmas.

First and foremost you should have kept your daughter home. Period, full stop. You risked getting that entire party of people sick so that none of you would miss out, and none of them will know if they're going to get sick for a few days yet thanks to incubation period of the germs. Way to go. It was inconsiderate to everyone at that party and it was inconsiderate to your daughter. You could have sent your husband alone. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I've been on the receiving end of germs and gotten seriously ill and/or my kids have gotten ill because of people like you bringing sick kids to parties.

Don't ever do that again. Because you'd be absolutely livid if someone did it to you and then your precious little snowflake got sick because of it.

Secondly, you should have spoken up for your daughter to your aunt and said, "I'd really like for my daughter to move around the house freely. I would appreciate it if you could put the dog into one of the bedrooms or on the leash outside." You are your best advocate for your child. Unless you stand up for your child then no one else will.

When it comes to your husband, he's not going to help you when he's around his family unless you TELL HIM THAT YOU NEED HELP. "Honey, I haven't had a chance to get to the ladies room. Please get Snowflake something to eat and drink and set her up at the table so that I can grab a moment in the bathroom." Then hand her to him and GO. By the time you get back she should be taken care of.

"Hey sweetie, that looks like so much fun. I'm going to go spend some time with Aunt Busybody and your mom, so I need you to take Snowflake. Here. I'll come back for her in half an hour. Thanks!" Then GO.

Don't wait for someone else to offer or else you'll be waiting forever.

As aggravating as it is, all of my friends who have children and my mom all dealt with the same thing. It always ends up falling on the moms to keep with their kids all night long - as far as the dads are concerned, they're visiting family or friends and so they're not dads anymore.

I HATE it. I don't let my husband get away with it (as much as I can). I will actually go and dump our daughter in his lap - no matter where he is or what he's doing. Our code is "Your turn."

Now, I love my daughter and I know that last paragraph made it sound like I feel like she's a burden. Of course I don't. But I think all moms understand the added frustration of trying to do everything yourself (that you may share with your husband at home) in a strange environment.

In fact, my husband has discussed going to his sisters and BIL's for New Years. I've told him that he can go, but our daughter and I will stay home. He doesn't get that I'm not good friends with his sister's friends. I don't have a lot in common with them, and he completely forgets that he has responsibilities as a husband and father when he's over there and they're having friends over. I'm just not going to do it this year.

You are right to feel how you do: the dog owner should have been more aware that baring teeth means a bite might be next, husband should be aware that being at his family's house for the day does not mean he is no longer a dad, and the illness issue is always a difficult one to decide whether it is all gone and you are worried about nothing or whether one is still contagious.
I agree with the other postings: discuss this some time when you are both relaxed. And like someone else said - when the kids were little they were basically all mine, and when our 2nd daughter came along my husband would take the 3 year old with him at times, but he never took care of the baby alone, except when she was home asleep (I was also nursing exclusively and my girls never took bottles so he really could do very little. He would get them to bring them to me to nurse and he changed them in the middle of the night so I could get some sleep so I was happy). It all depends on what is OK for your two, some people are happy to divide the tasks the old fashioned way, and some people do not like that at all. best of luck to you.

Sounds to me like you could have used an out or exit strategy for yourself. You may consider that for the future. If you came with the husband always have a spare set of keys so you can go for a soothing drive to get a break or some fresh air.

Sorry I couldn't offer some added better information but I hope this helps.

The dog....yes, the aunt should have put the dog away especially since it bared it's teeth at your daughter. I think I would have asked "Aunt Ginny, would you mind putting Rover up for a bit? I'm concerned for Susie."

Your hubby...he was visiting w/ his family but your daughter IS his family too. I would have told him that "Susie wants your attention for a bit". Outside of that, let it go...next time, before you go, discuss his lack of attention.