I have 2 year old boy/girl twins. My son as recently become VERY unruley. His new favorite word is no, he ignores me, constantly pushes my buttons, refused to do ANYTHING I tell him to, even things as simple as "Come here so you can get dressed". And he whines and cries ALL the time, even over nothing at all. He's taken to biting out of anger, leaving bruises on his sister and occasionally on me. He just seems like he is continuously trying my temper and he is getting to be really difficult to deal with. What can I do about this, because I'm worried this behavior will carry over into his daycare. It's really frustrating and I'm literally at my wits end because it's just me and them, their father not in the picture. Any help would be much apperciated.
What you are describing is typical for his age. Just be patient and keep trying, he will end up coming around. He's acting like a two year old.
Well, I wonder, is he a good napper at the babysitter or daycare that he's at. I have found that when kids skip naps they are so hard to deal with at the end of the day. I also found when I picked up my kids sometimes they have saved up all their naughtiness for me. I would call it the "letting your hair down syndrome" because they know you love them so they are almost venting as best they can since they don't have the words yet to say, wow, I am so frustrated,etc.
It's common for them to start to say no and it's so shocking at the same time. sometimes it's our reaction that they are after as well. I would try to act like it didn't bother me/or that I didn't hear it and I would keep on going, not skipping a beat. They just don't have that much vocab yet to fully express themselves so they resort to that.
don't let him know if you can help it that he's pushing your buttons. Never let them see you sweat. Now of course you're probably trying to make dinner, feed them, get them ready for bed,etc so you're close to being maxed out anyways. I would try and take a look and see if there's a pattern as for when his behavior is the worst.
I usually would have a 1/2 video or tv show that I would let the kids watch while I finished with dinner. Have some special toys that you pull down just for dinner hour so that you can finish up, not too many pieces though, so that pick up is not another challenge.
My sister was a single mom for awhile and she used to dress her daughter at bedtime in clothes for the next day, like comfy cotton outfits-gymboree,etc. So you just have to change their diaper and have a good bib to protect their clothes for breakfast and away you go. I would look at anything you can do to streamline your schedule. When I'm doing dinner and bedtime solo 'cause my hubby is working late I know how hard I have to work. I am literally sweating by the time I get done with cleaning up and wrestling my twins into clean clothes for bedtime.
And when you find some time!! try and read up on whatever developmental stage the kids are in. Loving guidance or positive parenting type books/maybe even look on computer. Sometimes it helps to know you're not the only parent that is going through this. and that some of the behavior is normal and how we deal with it can help minimize how much we have to deal with.
Once upon a potty, no more monkeys jumping on the bed, and other books that say "no" in a joking way can help take some of the negativity out of the word "no". Also, when my kids would stand on a chair I would try and get them to cooperate instead of barking out orders all the time. I would ask , are chairs for standing and of course the kids would say "YES" and then i would redirect and say, chairs are for sitting and get them to sit. silly, but simple, and sometimes can help the tone for the moment. I would be as creative as I could not to say the word no yourself. Reword if you can. Kids start to tune out the word "no". If they run for the street instead of saying NO don't run by cars, say or yell DANGER. It can be mentally taxing but after awhile it starts to come naturally.
As for biting, this is a difficult phase. my twins bite each other from time to time and I make them apologize. I actually say the words for them and take the offenders hand and gently apologize with them. It's important that if they can to try and be aware that they have hurt someone. We also take 10 second turns with toys or I remove the one that's the problem. If my son gets angry he throughs himself on a cushion or something and we just say he's working out his anger mangagement and let him go. If he needs a hug because he's so frustrated I try and console him a little.
Now when you get this stage all figured out he'll be onto another. My three year old says "why" continuously, sometimes my head just hurts and sometimes I say we're going to take a break from talking for a few minutes. These are just temporary phases we have to get through.
Hang in there,and hopefully you'll see some improvement soon.
LaurieK
www.mymonavie.com/LaurieK
Hello S. I hope this letter find you in the best of health. S. I tell you the reason why this child is so aggresive is because he or she has sense your passiveness. It's okay to be a little aggressive with kids without being being abusive in order to keep them in a place of understanding as to who the boss is. We can be respectful even to young people at the same time let them know who is in charge. Don't feel bad that their daddy is not around, just try and keep some balance and know that you are playing two roles now. Mom and Dad. Of course you could never be a man, but some times playing a dual role could almost demand that some times you be a kittle aggressive.
Okay take
From your Mamasource sister
P. A P.
I have been getting creative and using reverse psychology alot. IF she doesn't want to brush her teeth, i put the paste on and then put it back. She wants to brush then and i tell her to go get it then. she goes and brushes her teeth. Play games and make them silly to get things done. LIke little germs need to get out of your mouth... have them help set the table, do chores with you, sweep the floor for you, etc. If your child has problems getting dressed or something, play with them dressing their doll (for a girl), etc. But 2 years old was the worse for me too. Mine is 3 now and maybe once a week she needs a time out and i get my time out too otherwise i will blow a fuse. They have to let out frustration, they dont know how to deal with emotions and stuff yet. So they cry and be difficult. Let them vent. nothing wrong with that. after a good cry, they will need a hug.
S.
Hi S.,
I have 2 yr old twin girls and i am going through 'the cry all the time stage as well.' well, it's at times, and it gets so frustrating because now they can communicate more and yet i find myself trying to decode the cry to understand the reason. a perfect example of one of the reasons for them crying is;
have a doll in their hands, drop the doll intentionally on the floor and then pitch a fit for ME (DA MAMI) to come and pick it up and hand it over. i have tried the time out chair and has never worked for us, so now, i take the fav. toy away or the toy in question and i say; lina cry no toy, lina happy mami give toy. seems to work (at times). you said you were wondering how this will work in daycare. well, in daycare apparently my abbes are perfect angels, so when i ask the teacher about 'their temper tantrums' they look at me and say 'them?? they're happy always.'
well, ok.
good luck
V.
I think all the suggestions so far are really good. I think you could really use some Mommy time - it will help you stay calm and rational when dealing with the tantrums. Get out by yourself - even if it's a walk around the block.
Tantrums are normal. My daughter is the same way - an angel at daycare and a monster at home. I just walk away and leave the room when she throws a big tantrum. Eventually she comes to me and I tell her to use words and I help her calm down.
Hope that helps! Keep trying!
Well, he is acting just like mine did when he was 2, that's for sure !!! I have no further advice, since everyone before me has totally covered it !!! Well, as for the naughty chair, that didn't work for me at all, then I had a brainwave and just lost the chair. As soon as my little guy had to stand in the corner (face in the corner, not allowed to turn around or talk) with his hands behind his back every time he did something really really bad or didn't listen and obey within his count of '3 2 1', he totally changed, he started listening, he became a total joy, and I haven't had to give him a count in weeks. He still throws an occasional temper tantrum, but now all I have to do is ask him if he's gona carry on for a long time, and if he says yes, I send him to his room to cry it out, but most often he dries up on the spot now and is his happy self within seconds of my saying it !!!
Not all ideal punishments are the same for kids, this is just what worked for mine. But remember, even the best little angel has their terrible 2's, even if it's not specifically during that age !!! They do grow out of it !!!
S.,
ever watch Nanny 911? The naughty seat works wonders. Spanking does not, although at the time you may think about it!:) You have to get down to their level and tell them that they can't do that again and if they do, they will sit in the naughty seat. (be it a corner, a mat on the floor away from everyone, a dining room seat-whatever you make it)Then when they do it again, you take them directly there without saying a word. they will leave the "seat" many times at first, but you just have to keep putting them back and leave him there for 2 minutes because he is 2 years old. Believe me, he will eventually stay there when he's told to go. When the time is up, you get down to his level, ask if he knows what he did wrong and/or tell him and them ask him to say sorry, and give him a hug. It will work for you. I don't know what makes them stay put, but it's like magic. And they don't want to go there again. Please try it!
