Well my basic question is how do I wean a very stubborn little girl? My daughter is 16 months and a very strong-willed girl! She absolutely has to nurse to go to sleep for both naps and bedtime. Her daddy used to be able to put her to sleep at night, which was nice for both him and me! Starting the beginning of the summer she stopped letting him put her to sleep and had to nurse to sleep. There were no big changes at the time she just all of a sudden had to have me. I am ready to stop nursing her all together now and would also like her and her daddy to have their nightime routine back. I have never had very much milk and had to supplement since almost the beginning and now she is on whole milk and eats like a pro! I loved nursing, but she is getting a little too rough for me and would like to stop. Any idea as to how to get her to stop or how to get her to let her daddy put her to sleep again would be great!! We really don't like to let her cry for very long so just letting her cry it out would not work well for us. Thanks in advance.
Hi H.
At 16 mo she is probably old enough to understand "all gone" Mommie doesnt have any more so you will have to take this or that- she may cry a lot at first but soon she will understand.
Good luck and blessings
H. - I don't know if this will help you at all, but I will share my story.
I nursed my daughter (now 3) until she was 17 months. I was in school at the time and going through final exams. She was only nursing at night before bed. I knew we were near the end, but I wanted to wait until finals were over to stop because I thought it would be too stressful.
However, one night, after studying all day I was exhausted and just didn't have the energy to nurse. So when dd asked for milk I said, "Not tonight, we are just going to sing." She cried for a little while and I rocked her and sang to her until she became drowsy and then put her in her crib and she went to sleep.
The second night she asked for milk again and I did the same thing. She still cried a little, but really enjoyed the cuddle and the crying was much less than the first night. I never left her alone to cry it out, I simply held her and rocked her and replaced the comfort of nursing with the comfort of rocking and singing.
The third night she didn't even ask for milk at all and there was no crying. We just rocked and cuddled until she was drowsy. Perhaps once or twice in the week or two that followed this she would ask for milk, but it was never a big scene - she would ask, I would say no and rock her.
This just happens to be what worked for us because it felt right at the time. I knew it was time for me to stop, and because I was able to replace nursing with rocking and cuddling, I didn't feel like I was really taking anything away from her.
I hope this helps you in some way. Great job for nursing so long, and good luck!
I only nursed for 5 weeks. But when my son was 10 months I quit rocking him to sleep with the bottle. By doing this I changed our routine, Instead I would lay him down in the living room and put on his favorite show on T.V. and let him drink his night time bottle while I sat next to him (I did not hold him). I would then brush his teeth with a finger brush and carry him to his room and gently pat him and say "time to go nite nite", lay him in his crib pat him and say goodnight and walk out of the room. He would cry for 10 minutes the first night before falling asleep on his own, and every night after that he would cry less and less before falling asleep and so forth. After a week he learned to go to sleep without crying. Now he just rolls over and goes to sleep. My son is 14 months old and we are still doing this routine. Hope this helps.
H.:
It seems like you have received great advice already, but I would like to add one thought. I noticed in your request there seems to be an insistance on the part of your daughter, but none by you the PARENT. Certainly kids do have some choice in things, but to say she absolutely will not especially on her choice of her puts her to bed, sets a very bad precedent. You are the parent, and you decide if your husband puts her to bed, if you will breast feed etc. I understand that the weaning is emotional and I am not suggesting you kick her to the curb, but she does need to understand that what you say goes. My daughter went through a phase where she didn't want my husband to put her to bed either. My husband and I decided on a compromise of he put her to bed on Tuesdays and Saturdays. She did cry the first two times and then realized that, one Dad is not so bad and two, we were not giving in on this. Sometimes, when we have faced other "my child absolutely won't...." situations I would think "what if she didn't want to brush her teeth, would I make her or let her decide when she wanted to brush them?" Obviously, I'd make her brush her teeth. This kind of thing is no different. If you set the peramiter now, you love her, respect her and try whenever possible to give her comfort and what she wants/needs, but ultimately you are the parent and your decision stands, 16 will run a LOT smoother!
Good luck!
I have been in your situation. It sounds silly but my oldest daughter 18mos at the time had to tell "mo's", thats what she called my breast,good night. Nothing to weird, she would just say nighty night when I gave her a goodnight kiss.That seemed to really help her. And I would put one of my shirts under her pillow. So she could still smell me and then she would let daddy put her to sleep. Sometimes it seemed like she just wanted to win, so this was a nice compromise. She also had her snuggly that would always be in her bed waiting for her. I know this isn't the most conventional method, but I could not just let her "cry it out". I hope you find something that works for both of you. Good Luck.
I would love to be able to tell you all the things you need to do and have it all go smoothly.
Still, some of the things that worked for me include:
- keep up the hugs and attention from you (and dad)
- recognize she is no longer nursing for nutrition; it is a comfort need
- ask or suggest that you two change things a little (a little at a time), like a sip of water and big, long hug
- mention that "it kinda hurts" and follow up with a snuggling option
I moved from snuggling and getting my son(s) to go to sleep, to patting their stomach or back (I was not longer beside him) and talking him to sleep, then to quietly being nearby while he fell asleep. Some repeated assurances that I was there for him and that he was alright and could go back to sleep - was a little wearing for a while but didn't last very long (weeks not months and months). [By the way, there were a few times I had to start over. Maybe my son got sick or had a terribly scary dream. But gently repeating the process from the beginning worked well and didn't take as long the next time around as the first.]
You might want to Google: Dr Sears and sleeping alone advice.
Good luck!
H.,
There was a request not long ago, almost identical to yours. The "cry it out" method is -not- for me, either so here's what I posted:
Kudos to you for long-term nursing!!!
I was very blessed that my oldest self-weaned a month or two before her second birthday. We went on a trip to Disney, and with the constant go-go-go, she just kind of forgot to ask for it.
My youngest, not so much. A few months after her second birthday, I decided it was time to take my body back. Band-Aids worked like a CHARM, and I assume at 16 months, yours will know all about Band-Aids.
I'd put one on each side, and tell her that they had "owies," then offer her a cup of milk. . . okay, that worked.
After a day or so, they'd be "all better," (so I wouldn't get engorged). . . . then "owie" again. . . Off and on for about a week or two, longer between each "all better" until I was comfortable that I wouldn't get engorged. Then I left them on "full time" for a bit. It was funny at night - we were co-sleeping at the time, and she'd try to latch on, but couldn't. I'd whisper a reminder about the owies, snuggle up, and she'd go right back to sleep. I think there was only one night that she was inconsolable, and I gave in.
NOTE: I highly recommend that you stick the Band-Aids to your shirt or pants for a moment before applying them. It softens up the adhesive a bit, and makes removal MUCH more comfy.
I actually found this method here on Mamasource, requested and answered by other moms. I thought it was brilliant, since most kids know ALL about Band-Aids and "owies." I hope it works as well for you.
Best wishes and luck!
M.
i breastfed my daughter until she was 16 months also and to wean her i took one feeding away at a time i would wait 1-2 weeks before i took another feeding away the only time i had trouble was at nap time and at bed time...i also didn't like to let her cry it out so i just held her and rocked her...she would put up a fight but it didn't take very long at all...and if you like you could let your husband hold her while she is crying he may feel like he is being mean but i feel that they will bond...i have a friend that had to cold turkey her daughter at 9 months because she was pregnant again so her mom keep her daughter and they bonded very well her daughter is almost 3 now and her and her grandma are reall close...well good luck and i hope that you find something that works for all three of you!!
