What Do I Do? - Red Oak,TX

This book saved my relationship

http://www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-Feeding-Husbands/dp/006...

You need to talk to him... Tell him that you are confused and want to see how this can be remedied. Maybe work is more stressful than before or he needs a vacation????

Get a sitter and go out on a "date night".

J.

I've experienced similar roller coasters in my marriage. The best advice I ever got came from a book called "The Five Love Languages." My library even had it. It just completely makes sense and is an easy read. My problem was that I could not get my husband to go to counseling. So, I could never find the right way to communicate with him. This book gives you some tips on how to make the marriage better even when it is a one-sided endeavor. Keep being strong.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. But you know what, most married couples go through storms. And many are happier and stronger after they've weathered it. But the getting through it part...

We've been married for almost 8 years. Much of it has been a struggle. But we've kept fighting for our marriage, been to counseling when we needed it.

Start with communication. If my husband didn't realize that I was unhappy (he usually didn't) I would talk to him like this. "Honey, please turn off the tv/computer/phone for one minute. I have something very important to tell you. I am very concerned about __________________. (how much time you spend at work/spending time with wrong friend, keep it to ONE phrase.) I have some ideas of how I'd like to see this change, but I want to hear how this is affecting you. Can we go out for coffee on Saturday and come up with a plan to deal with it?" and don't say a word about it until saturday, and don't let him wiggle out of it on saturday.

In our tough conversations, we've often said- i will never leave you. I'm really unhappy right now, but I'm committed to this marriage. If you are, saying it out loud can be very powerful.

Go to counseling for yourself. At one point, I really thought my husband was going to leave me. I decided that I couldn't change him, and to do the best I could to be responsible for myself. I meet with a spiritual mentor/lay counselor through my church and started going to Bible-based 12-step recovery group. I found my own childcare for these activities.

I went to church, whether he did or not. I built a support group of friends from there, and got active using my talents, which made me happier. I decided to spend more time with God, and really focus on my relationship with him.

this made him much more willing to go to counseling, because I was willing to change, and did change. I saw how i was contributing to our problems, and also how much of it truly was his choice. we did meet with another couple from our church, and they helped us out. But i think that for a lot of men, it's actions, not words that count.

I've always strongly believed in having sexual intimacy frequently, regardless of what is going on. Make the arrangements for this to happen, invite him, and then let him respond. do this often.

Do the best you can with what you have, where you are. Always be kind and gracious, but honest and non-manipulative. he will either choose to change or not, but you will know that you have acted as maturely and wisely as you were able during this time.

My heart goes out to you. May this be a time you can later look back on, and be proud of the way yall pulled through it.

I know that most women seem paranoid and think that when someone isn't acting normal that automatically means that they are cheating but that is not always the case. Don't let someone elses paranoia spread to you and ruin your family. With that being said I can say that his change in behavior is probably due to his new found friendship. I know from my own experience that being a 30 year-old hanging out with a 20 something can make you act a little out of wack. Especially if that friend is living the life of a single person. Sometimes hanging out with someone who is single with out all the responsibility of a family makes you start missing the days of being an irresponsible singleton. If he is putting in extra hours at work and spending little time with the family then he may be a little resentfull towards being a family man. He may be thinking that if he didn't have a wife and kids he wouldn't have to work so much. You know what I mean. It probably isn't personal at all but a phase many of us go through. You need to surround him with your love and remind him why the single life isn't as cool as it seems. Try to get him to spend his time off with the family instead of his friend all the time and talk with him honestly and tell him how you feel. You may actually get an honest answer. If you have to play hard to get then do it. You may not have to do it for very long either. Just so you know I am around guys all the time so I have picked up on alot of things from being around so many guys for so long. I work in a body shop repairing cars and before that I was in the military repairing missile launchers with nothing but men. I have sat in on their conversations and they have often come to me for advise. It is something that has paid off for me in my own marriage. I hope this helps. Sometimes you have to be a bit fiesty to get what's yours but if you love him then it's well worth a fight.

~L.

I forgot to tell you that you need to ask specific questions. Men don't usually offer up any additional information. You need to be persistant and loving.

I have been in a similar place with my husband. They work so hard to provide for our family, because to them that is the way they show their love and commitment. Then they come home and act like you are a bother. He is exhausted. He feels like you don't appreciate him for all he does. He is stressed and he needs a break.

So, quit playing games, guilt will only change his behavior for a short time. Let him come home to a clean house, a clean you, and a family who appreciates his hard work. Talk to the kids (and yourself) about all the things you have because Daddy works so hard. On his day off, let him sleep in, he needs some rest. Encourage him to go play golf, fish, whatever with his friends, any friends but lean toward the guys he used to hang out with.

I think as moms we start to focus on the idea that we never get a break from the kids, the house, the chores. We want help, we want our partner there, in the trenches. We feel bored, tired, stressed, overwhelmed, hormonal, whatever and we call them at work and dump it on them. Then we wonder why they never call. Try focusing more on him when you call, or about the happy funny parts of your day. Make home sound like a nice place to be, and then make sure it is when he gets home. Will you always succeed? No, of course not. Will you see results overnight and an all the time change in him? Of course not. We all have off days. But it will get better.

It worked for me. Good luck and God bless.

A., A couple of weeks ago when he told you he was unhappy, how did you respond to that? Did you and he delve any deeper into why he's feeling unhappy? Did he say it was because he is unhappy with you, his sex life, his home life, friends, family, work, etc.?

If it were me and I didn't already know the answers to these questions, which it sounds like you don't, I would ask him why he's unhappy. Why he's hanging out with this guy. Why he's no longer calling you by your nickname. Why he seems so annoyed by you and the kids. Why he doesn't call you from work anymore or answer any of your text messages. I would do it in a concerned way though. Not an accusatory way. And if he doesn't answer you or seems defensive, I would let him know that his unhappiness is affecting the rest of the family and that he needs to find a way to get out of his funk and get back to the business of being a husband and a father. If he can't do that, he needs to be honest with himself and you and let you know so you can do what you need to do. I would then get myself to a counselor so that I could take care of me. Your kids need you, and at times like these, your husband needs you to be at the top of your game as well. If you're equally as depressed as he is, there's no way you can help him out of his depression.

We can't change the people we love. We can only change ourselves. Early in my marriage, my husband was very unhappy and it really took a toll on me. I finally broke down and called a marriage counselor and the first thing she told me was to come to counseling, even if it was by myself. She said I needed to help myself first before I could do anything more for my marriage. Fortunately, the idea of me going to a marriage counselor by myself didn't sit well with my husband so we went together. We were in counseling for less than a year I'd guess but it really did help a lot. We found that a lot of my husband's unhappiness stemmed from feeling deprived. He was a middle child in a fairly low income family and always felt deprived of material things and probably love and attention as well. In marriage, because you have to make compromises and give up things when you have a limited income, it continues to be a struggle for anyone who has those issues. Now, we try to work through issues with that knowledge in mind and have been together now for 17 years going strong (knock on wood - LOL).

Please know that when you ask these questions, and even if you both decide to go to counseling, you may not get the answers you expect. That's why it's so important to work on your happiness regardless of what's going on with your husband. If we tie how we feel so closely to how our spouses feel, we'll end up not seeing the real problems that are going on. When we're clear headed and as "happy" as we can be in our own skin, we can see things much more clearly and you may find that some of the things you are so sure are not problems now are really the things that are causing all the problems in your marriage after all.

Good luck to you. Please keep your chin up and get some help for you. That's the most important thing!

Okay, first of all I'll tell you that I don't believe in playing games (pulling back, not doing chores, etc). It usually blows up in your face and takes 10 times longer to get to the root of things. Second, if you've asked him what's up already and had "the talk" - then stop. No one likes a nag - or a martyr for that fact so don't go into all that you do to keep this family runnning, yada yada. I agree that something is definitely up, and if you feel that cheating is not the case, then I'd say he's in a rut. Help him get out of the rut. Arrange for a getaway (ranging from a few hours to a few days - whatever you can manage) with just the two of you. Not to hash through all this mess (men hate that stuff), but just to have fun together and reconnect. Second, choose to be happy. Happiness really is a choice. Happiness also affects every part of our world. When you are happy, others around you get sucked in too! Your house is nicer, your appearance is nicer, your relationships stronger, etc. My husband has fallen into a rut a few times in our 11 years of marriage, and it seems like he doesn't always 1)know he's in a rut and 2) how to get out of it. So help him out. If it's the hours, try to figure out how to help. If its just being tied down to the everyday, make the everyday fun and exciting. If he's craving the fun single life, arrange for a babysitter and you two go downtown for drinks one night. Please forgive me here for the next statement, but....
If he needs variety in the bedroom - spice things up by trying something new (a new outfit, some special lotion, increase the frequency of romantic interludes, change locations, etc). Trust me when I say this is definitely win-win! lol!
Best of luck! My advice for wives is always 1) don't nag 2) you don't have to drag them into long drawn out conversations about their feelings, especially if they're not even sure what their problem is 3) have fun and enjoy them (physically, spiritually, mentally) 4) don't play games (unless it involves whipped cream and candlelight lol!)

tell him how you feel but try not to corner him or he'll lash out at you. ask him if anything changed at work and why he hangs out with this guy.

Have you sat down and talked to him - totally told him how you feel?

Maybe you should totally pull away. I am NOT saying leaving but I mean pull away. If you have sat down and had "the talk" then pull way back. No cooking, no laundry, don't call, make plans without him, etc. When he FINALLY gets upset about it, explain AGAIN how you fell and this is how life would be if you weren't there. Put it all back on him since it seems that he has dumped it all on you.

Ok as long as you KNOW hes not gay. ha ha I would quit kissing his butt for one thing, you should love him but I think your trying too hard and its turning him OFF. I would totally do a turn around, get some hobbys, start a new business, do something that makes him realize just how special you are. The biggest turn OFF to a man is a insecure woman, I was married for 13 years and realized it just a little too late. He NOW sees what he lost but im the person now he wishes i would have been before. Love yourself first and then it will work. email me if you want to talk more. I would tell you more about my PAST but dont want to do it publically. GOOD LUCK AN BE STRONG. L. ____@____.com

A year ago my husband began acting similarly (with similar guy friend/wingman), he was cheating. Even if he isnt you need to look into couples therapy so that you are both on the same page. There is some noncommunication or miscommunication in your relationship that needs to be addressed. Good luck.

K.

Having a stressful job can take a HUGE toll on our guys and our relationships!! I'm speaking from experience here! A lot of the problems in my marriage have stemmed from my dh not feeling adequate at work, etc, feeling like a failure at providing, being overly stressed on the job... It all started at work, but b/c our guys are wired to want to be the hero and provide and stuff (not even neccessarily consciously) it bleeds over into his other relationships and making him feel like a failure in general instead of just at work. What I started doing was building him up even if I hated him at the moment. If you make him feel like he's your hero no matter what, then he'll start to feel like it a little more, and should hopefully ease up on spreading the stress to you and your kids.
I'll keep you and your family in my prayers! I know how hard this can be and I really hope that you find something that works!!! Good luck!

A.: It looks like you've gotten some good advice here. Whatever you do, do something. My husband began acting this way in my first trimester of the birth of our one and only child. In a nutshell, he basically moved himself upstairs and broke off emotionally from me. After confronting him three times asking what the matter was, I gave up. Fearing rejection and imminent divorce, I dropped it. My child is now almost 4 years old, and it's become unbearable. I've mentioned counceling, but he's not interested. I don't need to say what the outcome will be for my situation, but as far as yours, do something before it's too late. Talk with him, get counceling, whatever it takes. Men say that we are the complicated sex, but I don't think that's quite true. It would be so much easier if our men could just tell us what they want and how they feel! I wish you the best of luck and I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

This is not fair to you or the kids. Talk with him and see if he will talk to someone with you. Couples counseling would help any marriage. Communication or lack there of is what causes most problems in a relationship. If he does not respond to how it is impacting you, tell him about the impact on your children. Be assertive yet supportive of his situation. I believe with honest communication and committment on both parts, you can work it out. I hope he listens and is willing to change some behavior. Good luck.

The new "friendship" seems curious. I would look into that. Unfortunately until he chooses to open up to you your hands are tied. Forgive me if I sound holy roller (which I am not by any streach) but do you go to church? If so, I would set up an appointment with your priest/pastor to talk about things. I think people forget about our religious advisors in a time of need in today's society. Maybe he would open up in this setting. Only thoughts.....

Dear A.:
You did not say whether the workload was temporary. In the long run, this cannot end well, but for a period of time it is normal. If he has a few months of work overload, he gives up sleep, a 'life', involvement with kids, etc. He'll be easily annoyed and irritated, because his pattern is now work-sleep-work-sleep. Perhaps the a**hole turned out to be supportive during this extra work, and maybe they got off on the wrong foot altogether. His calling you by name instead of nickname can be a rub-off from work. Keep in mind that a very large portion of his awake time is work and that his sleep is lacking. He has zero energy to do anything else and no time at work to call or text you. The fact that he makes an effort when you pull away shows you that he is very serious about you. As soon as the personal problem is bigger than the workload, he'll turn to it. But do you REALLY want to add stress to his life just to feel more wanted?

I worked my behind off with an hourly commute each way AND started an MBA program in Austin on the weekends on top of that, just to ensure the long-term well-being of the family. My non-working former wife felt bored and unappreciated and ended up getting attention elsewhere. She slept around while I was in Business School, and eventually it came out. We divorced, sold the house, lost tens of thousands of dollars, I dropped out of my school and the kids struggle in their school. Now she has to work. Not sure whether she feels more appreciated by some other guy, but even if - at what cost?

If your husband works hard, does not cheat and gets serious when he is afraid you are about to leave, you should welcome him with his slippers and a beer in your hand. He does exactly what a family man is supposed to do: Ensure that the fridge is full. BTW, I did not hear you complain about the extra money from the overtime... Use smoe of it for a babysitter.

Regards,
W.

Honey, I am sorry you are in this situation. It is a familiar one for me. You didn't mention your husbnd's age but he seems to be angry and on edge about something and taking it out on you; the one closest to him. Yet he doesn't want to lose you either. These conflicting feelings may be causing him to want to become someone else. Which is really only a way to change what he sees as a problem, hence the new friends and personna. I feel that he is resenting or rebeling against what he perceives as pressure on him whether it be financial, professional or his own high espectations. Sometimes we get ourselves into situations that cause our coping supply to overflow to the point of a trickel. I am sure you have already discovered confrontation only makes it worse. You need counseling to work thru this. However if he refuses to go you can gain some skills in dealing with this if you go alone. And please don't wait. Communication is critical. The hard to get game is just that a game and all games end at some point in time.

A while back when my husband pulled this emotionally abusive behavior to both me and my kids there was a need for intercession from the family crisis center. THey mandated his taking anger management, parenting classes, etc. Things were better sometimes, worse again. BUt eventually he did pick up the skills once he accepted responsiblity for his problems and stop blaming all of us. Now and again, if he starts up, I tell him that if he REALLY dislikes us so much, and doesn't want to be here he needs to leave because he is being abusive. It works. Kinda like telling a miserable person that you are sorry that their life sucks so much, but that they needs to look within themselves and get help or get the hell away from you so that the rest of you can have some peace.

Do what you can about researching options of any community/state run counseling, and even provide him with the contact information. Sometimes, just slapping them in the face with the fact that 'if they don't like it, leave' because he is abusive to your family - and having a third party talk to him about how his behavior is wrong and he needs counseling, whatever, is enough for him to stop and take stock.

Oh my ! Something is going on ! To treat you like that, i hope he is not turning gay ! I have heard of this happening ! Just because his hours are on his paycheck does not mean anything ! - i have heard also of people charging time & "not" being at work ! & that you said he never calls you from work ! (that is a red flag), i would be investigating this a little more !........ Have somebody follow him for you ! & there are some people who will investigate for free now ! That is not right that he treats you like this, he may want his cake & eat it too !
Don't be fooled ! I have delt w/ a cheater & i know !
Good luck ! ~

OK all the ones about pulling back & playing hard to get are absolutely not the best solution. You are married and you are to be there to support him even in the difficult times. Try to be understanding but also he needs to know (in a nice way), obviously this "friend" he's been hanging out with has been dragging him down. Tell him you can see a change in him that is not healthy. Also if this guy isn't married-he really doesn't have any business hanging out with him, without you of course. Married people & single people have different agenda's. And sorry to say-but he WILL be influenced by the people he is around-whether good or bad. And honestly when you feel there's nothing else you can do-try praying about it. Seriously-it works. I've been married for 8 1/2 yrs. & have come to realize-I cannot change the way he thinks-only God can. Hope this gives you some hope!! Of course you need to watch out for yourself too. If you do find out he's cheating-you need to do what is best for you & your children (if you have any-I can't remember).

i feel for you, I was in a kind of similar situation last year. All of us sometimes loose our way and what is important to us. For my husband it took some radical changes to wake up. When his attitude didn't change with counseling, etc and escalated to very bad we separated. Eventually he worked it out and we are back together. I think through a combination of counseling, an attitude change on my part too and prayer we got through it. I also read Dr. Phil's book Relationship Rescue. It was hard and made me cry a lot but opened my eyes a lot too. I hope you don't have to go through all that A., I"l pray for you and you can PM me anytime. Okay?

Do you guys go to church together? It is a way to find peace and closeness within the storm. Sit close together and hold hands during the service. God gives us peace and it will help you both to have HIm at the center of your marriage. Even if myhusband is disappointed at me for something, when we go to church is gone. Sometimes we even talk about what is hurting us at church and then it is all lifted and wonderful again. It is hard to find time with his work load and having 6 kids at home, but we make the time. Sometimes it may be at midnight after the kids are asleep, or we drive around after church and talk. I imagine it is hard for you too. Come up with ways to be alone together.

Sounds like he does care about you and he is going through a difficult time. Love him, ask him how you can make his life a little easier during this stressful time for him. Plan on a vacation for just the two of you-something to look forward to. Do get a babysitter and have date night(s). Ask him about his work and how long is he going to have to continue this pace. Listen to him, be sweet and supportive. Tell him you love him and miss him too, make him feel appreciated and that you are looking forward to things mellowing out. But that you will support him through this period and that you would like it if he relaxed more at home with you and the kids and ask him how to make that easier for him.

Don't pull away, you are his wife and are supposed to support him through good and bad times, just like he is supposed to do the same for you. You are a partnership. Do listen to him and try to work something out with him because you love each other and want this to make you a stronger couple not a defunct one.

Good luck

Would your husband be open to talking with his doctor. My husband went through exactly that same stage about 6 months ago. He was really stressed with work and school. The doctor diagnosed him as being depressed. Once he started some meds and therapy...I have my old husband back! Its worth a shot to at least talk with your family physician.

What does he say about all of this? What is his explanation/reasoning?

Some of the other responses are good, but IMO I've been in a similar situation a few years back. I couldn't get him to go to counseling or nothing... After putting up with it, and after vast amounts of family trying to convince me that "I wasn't the problem" I left for a few months and stayed with my parents. I knew that it's not me or my marriage needing protecting but my kids from that type of environment, and what type of message that sends! You say he comes after you when you start to pull away. You should send him a big enough message that what he's becoming isn't all good. It may seem like it's great for him right now and he just doesn't see how exactly it's affecting the whole. Either way every one needs to pay the consequences for their actions. I hope it doesn't come down to divorce, and my prayers are with you. It took my case 9 months of being gone, so goodluck.

The bible says "for everything there is a season". In other words, be patient and kind and soon this phase will pass and you'll be on to other issues. LOL Maybe the overtime hours are getting to your husband, can he cut back on them or can you suggest using the extra money to go on a vacation somewhere fun? When I was having similar problems with my husband, one of my older lady friends suggested I start thanking my husband more, a thought that honestly hadn't occured to me mainly because I felt like I did my job and he should do his job. But, when I made an effort to tell him daily how much I appreciate the fact that he is such a good provider, it seemed like it lifted his morale which put him in a better mood. He also switched jobs shortly after to one with less hours and less of an a**hole for a boss, this helped tremendously! As for the friend issue, I think the more you complain about the friend the more he will think he's great, just like a teenager! Try some reverse psycology on him. Praise the friend, invite the friend to dinner, invite the friend to come watch movies, etc. Soon enough your husband will realize the friends "faults" and in the meantime your husband will at least be at home with you and the kids while him and his friend hang out.

it seems like you are very paranoid that he is cheating... this may be pushing him away as well if you are accusing him...and you can't try to control who he befriends...that is up to him...it does sound like he is being influenced by this other guy, but it's probably him trying to escape...so you might want to suggest marital counseling...if he is very opposed to this idea, as most men are, tell him you will not just stand by and watch your marriage crumble...don't kid yourself, if he told you he is not happy then you need to act now before it is too late...you two need to reconnect...and you need to be relentless in this pursuit if you want to stand a chance...most of all, you two need to really communicate (without anger) what is wrong from both sides and work towards correcting the problems...good luck

You might try BECOMING hard to get - not just playing it. In no way am I advocating an affair or the threat of one - but it sounds like you're relying on your husband for your whole human connection. Arrange a few playdates for the kids, and make friends with moms.

Quit texting him period, and don't always answer when he calls.

S.

I'm going to suggest a more conservative and traditional approach. Try making his home a "sanctuary" from work. The happy place to come to. It's hard on a man to come home after a VERY stressful day (my hubby does the same thing when he's stressed) and then have to try to put on a "happy" face for the kids and you.

Perhaps if you try a week or so of making sure his home is a place of peace, it might help a little. Or at least help with his stress load.

Another thing is to definitely try to get in a date night. Just dinner and a movie. Or something. Make yourself really pretty and go out!

Oh, and don't try to text him, or call him so much. I go into "panic mode" when I sense something bad... and with my husband, that means overload of messages and "I love yous.", which isn't alwasy the best thing.

Hope things brighten up for you!

Is this friend he is hangin out with married? That could be the problem this guy is makin single life, seem so great. An ur husband is missing it.If this guy is comin to work talkin about this girl an that girl an partying all night. Ur husband could be a lil jealous. He has this new friend that he is livin his life through right now. ( the good Old days). My husband had this friend that would call at 12 in the morin on a fri,sat night wantin him to go to the club. Or bring in the new year with him in another state. I told my husband I know U like this guy but he is tryin to ruin our marriage. Him havin all theses different girls is not the same as havin one special person in ur life an he hates thats. It didn't take my husband long to see wat I was sayin was true.

I have two questions for you? and please respond to me with it. This guy that your husband hated so much, is he married? and does he have a family?

Please respond

I can understand what you are feeling. My husband tends to subconciously distance himself from the family when he gets stressed out or overwhelmed. I think that the wife/mom has the most important job in the family and is kind of like the glue to hold all of the family together. We end up looking out for everyone else, but don't always have someone to step in and take care of our emotional needs on a regular basis. (that is where sites like this are nice to get your ideas/problems out there and get some feedback.)
As hard as it may be, try not to take his behaviour personally. He may even be a little depressed (he'd probaby never admit it or even realize it), so he needs help to relax or see the fun side of life again. Does he like sports? Maybe you could get some tickets to a game and get him out of the house to forget about all the work and stress? Maybe find a way to go on a date night and try to just enjoy the time with him and not talk about the stresses of work/home etc. Once you guys have had a good time together and are both feeling a little more light hearted, then it will be easier to talk to him about how you feel and how his attitiude is affecting the family. Try to think of things together that would help him relieve his stress so that he has more energy and patience when he does get time with you and the kids. However you go about it, this phase will pass if you can be patient and supportive. Try to do some things for yourself to help your mood too. It will be even harder for him to improve his attitude if he is stressed at work and then comes home to a wife that is feeling depressed and downhearted. (I know that this is not an easy suggestion, because you can't just magically change how you feel). Strong emoions, especially negative ones, really do affect the people around us and tend to rub off on others, so if you can try to be positive and lighthearted it may help break this negative cycle a little faster.
Best of luck to you and good for you for trying to make the situation better! Too many people give up on their marriages at the first signs of difficulty.

When I was newly married, my husband had an abrupt behavior change, which ended up being related to his revisiting/remembering some childhood issues that he'd buried, and that had him seriously depressed. A good counselor gave us back our marriage and gave my husband back himself. I'd go to counseling and give him the option of going with you or getting out until he gets himself right. Whatever is going on (and it sounds to me like there's a possibility that he might be dealing with some depression), a good counselor should be able to help you identify the problem. I wouldn't tell him to do something or else you'll divorce him, unless you're emotionally at that step, because a lot of men are very reluctant to get help and shut down even further when they hear that word. I'd definetely stop kissing his a**; when you do that you're rewarding and reinforcing the change in behavior.

My husband and i have been married for almost 4 years, together for almost 5 years, and have 3 kids and one on the way. We have not ever had any real marriage problems (arguements, disagreements, of course, who doesnt disagree!), but we have many many marriage studies and read many books to help prevent problems and learn what i could do in case some arise later in life. The best book I have read is called Love and Respect. The jist of it is that no matter what act respectfully to him, and in time (sometimes soon, sometimes a little later) he will act loving towards you, and have a changed attitude and demeanor. Now, I dont know your whole situation or how you are being treated, but it seems to work pretty well (especially when i dont particulary feel like being respectful because i dont fell loved!). Have you come out and asked him if you or anyone else has done anything that has made him feel belittled or disrespected? Men have really really sensitive images about themselves and their position, and its amazing that some remarks some people say can really take a toll on whats going on in their head and how they act towards people.
It could also be the fact that he is overloaded at work and it's just too much for him and he doesnt want to say anything. I know that my husband started a new job in San Antonio in may and man they have him running ragged right now (until next month thank the Lord) and with the physical demands they place on him if he doesnt get enough sleep he is a little curt and not completely enjoyable to be around.
The biggest thing i would have to say is-have you come out and asked him what is going on- is he working too much, does he not feel he is being respected and appreciated for what he is doing, etc? like i said, men have really sensitive- i hate to say egos, but that is the way God made them!-egos and they will NOT coem out and tell us what is on their mind most of the time.
If you are interested and would be able to make it, the people who wrote the book i mentioned earlier (love and respect) are having a conference in austin this weekend, friday and saturday the 2nd and 3rd- it would give you guys some much needed time alone and would get the ball rolling most likely on him communicating what is going on with him. the webpage is http://www.loveandrespect.com/. I wish i could go to it, but unfortunately i am going on a ladies retreat with my church this weekend! Anyway, let us know how it goes and whats going on. God Bless,
H.

I know that this sounds easier said than done, but since you are certain that he's not cheating....and it doesn't sound like he has time to cheat even if he wanted to, maybe you should just wait out this storm. It's painful and seems unfair, but maybe he will work out his issues on his own and get over it. We have been through things like this, and sometimes I have been the one on the offense. The fact of the matter is, whichever one of us that is doing wrong, will usually look up one day and realize what we are doing and stop. My husband will even apologize, which is not something that most husbands do willingly. I used to be the one working while he stayed home with the kids, and not only was I tired, but often very resentful of him and his being able to do whatever he wanted to do during the day while I barely made a living for us. During one particulary rough period after I had already quit my job to stay home, I ran into a book called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schellinger. I borrowed it from the library, and it was the most awesome and insightful book. She really hits our marital issues right on the head and has the best advice for handling them that I have ever known.

"Something" is going on! He may not be cheating, but he may have gotten into something he shouldn't...drugs, a bad situation, something illegal, or something involving this new "best friend". His behavior seems to be irrational and erratic and kind of scary. I am not sure how you would approach him because of his anger problem. Is there anyone in his family (male...such as brother, cousin, father) that you could approach for assistance in an intervention? By intervention, I mean getting with hubby and presenting the evidence of his change in behavior in a clear and non-confrontational way. If that doesn't work, try to find out what hubby and new friend are doing when not at work or home. Best of luck!