My 5 year old daughter likes to sit on the corner of sofa or ottoman or chair in a such a way that its kind of rubbing against her private area. She does it kind of often. I will walk into her room and she will jump off her bed because she was sitting on the edge in this way. When my husband sees her he will say quit doing that (he doesn't know why she doing it, he thinks she is just doing something weird). However, I asked her the other day why she does that and she said she likes how it feels, so that is how I figured out why she was sitting that way.
What do I do? Do I tell her to stop? I don't want her to think or feel ashamed. How do I approach this?
Thank you for the great responses. Just want to point out my husband was telling her to stop it before we realized she was doing it to rub her privates. Now he knows and will stop and I will talk to her about it ....without making it seem like a shameful thing. Great ideas in all the responses of how I will do that. Thanks ! :)
Just tell her that you know it feels good, and it's perfectly okay to do it, but that it's something she should do in private. And if her bedroom door is closed, knock before you enter.
Don't make her feel bad about it. Just explain that she needs to keep that activity inside her bedroom because it is private. The last thing she needs is to feel like it is something dirty which it is not.
I second Christine... if her door is closed, you knock first..
Everyone is right about this being normal. However, if you and your husband are dealing with this differently, it sends her messages that she should be ashamed of her bottom and how it feels. DON'T do that to her. Would your husband like it if YOU were ashamed of having good feelings down there? No, he wouldn't. Well, your daughter's husband would like for her to feel good about herself too, so tell your husband not to wreck it for his future son-in-law.
You two get on the same page. She needs to go to her room - tell her "Honey, we don't do that in front of people, only in private." Redirecting instead of shaming is what helps prevent problems later on in her life.
Dawn
I agree. It's normal. Teach her it's private. Knock when her door is closed, because it is respectful of her privacy and it teaches her to respect yours by modeling.
You need to teach her that this is normal and that it does feel good but it's private. She needs to have privacy in her room so you guys need to knock before entering.Then she'll have time to stop if she's doing that.
It is normal, it will only get more prominent if you don't get her to go to her room now.
It's normal, and you don't tell her to stop because it's nothing to be ashamed of. HOWEVER it's something that she should be aware is appropriate only for when she has complete privacy in her own room or the bathroom. Tell her what it's called, that it's something she can do but that because it's in a private part of her body she needs to do it in the privacy of her bedroom.
I just bought my preschooler a book called "Amazing you" it is written by a doctor for preschoolers and talks about the difference between boys and girls and that it is normal to explore your private area but in private etc. I really like the book and it may help you too.
Tell her it's a private activity.
Emphasize that we are to look at our private parts in private. That is why they are called private parts. No shame in fact.
ok just a shot in the dark here , I didn't want to repeat what everyone else has said. Could this be connected to the number of bathroom trips shes doing at grandmas house? I'd check to make sure she's not itchy down there.
I don't have an answer...my son is 4...I'm sure it'll be me in a year or so :) ...but I just wanted to say...I LOVE THESE PARENTS! What excellent, enlightened, and insightful answers they've posted. I'm going to check out Amazing You!. Yet again, I'm delighted to have these parents -- and Mamapedia -- as a resources. Best wishes, Celina!
I don't know if I would want to encourage my daughter to do that in private or whatever, even though it is normal. She should learn that it is not something to practice. When you catch her doing it, you the adult already know what is going on, so distract with something else to take her attention away from that. As someone else said, she could very well be itchy there. At 5yrs old, it is just a sensation, but I wouldn't make the sensation into a "sexual" thing. She doesn't need to be so informed of the act in my opinon.
