I've told my grandchildren that the only time it's OK to talk with someone they don't know is when an adult that they know and trust is with them. Then we talk about who those adults are. I tell them that some people take advantage of kids and they might get hurt if one of those people found them. I tell them that it's my job to be sure they are safe and they can help me be safe by staying close to me.
WE talk about how we might feel around a yucky person and that we should immediately leave that area if someone is close by that makes them feel yucky.
I tell them it's OK to talk to strangers if I am with them. I'm a very social talkative person who often talks with strangers. Because of that I can't tell them to not talk to strangers but I can tell them to not talk with strangers unless I'm with them.
I have noticed that my grandchildren seem to be able to sense friendliness and respond to that. I've seen them shy away when someone in the check out line makes them uncomfortable. Even tho I'm a retired police officer I believe that most people are OK and will not hurt a child. I do insist that they stay close to me and usually they do but I don't worry if they've wandered off and can find them when we are in a familiar place such as Fred Meyer. I hold their hand when we're near an exit. Not only because it would be easier for someone to grab them and disappear but also because it would be easy for one of them to run out of the store.
I've also noticed that my grandchildren are shy with most strangers. IF someone tries to talk with them they come back to me. Our rule is that they have to be able to see me from where ever they are standing. My granddaughter is 8 now. This wouldn't work for a 4 yo. At four they usually stayed right with me. Not always. If they began our trip by running off I put them in the grocery cart.
I've also found that it helps when I keep them involved. When we're shopping for groceries they help find the food and put it in the cart.
I do not want to scare them but I do want them to know that there are scary people around and for them to stay away from them.
We also talk about never accepting anything from a stranger, never go with a stranger even to look for a lost puppy, and never talk with strangers if I am not with them. The reason I give is that some people will hurt children.
My granddaughter was 3 or 4 when she left the daycare building. She was bored with her mother talking. I live near by and she wanted to walk to my house. She went the opposite direction. Her mother told her that she was worried because she said sometimes bad people kidnap little children. My granddaughter, 8, has just recently stopped talking about kidnappers.
I'm not sure that telling her about kidnappers was helpful. She was interested in kidnappers but that didn't stop her from wandering. She didn't like kidnappers but didn't seem afraid. When I scolded her about getting out of my site she'd ask, "did you think a kidnapper got me?" I'd say that was a concern but mostly I was afraid I'd lose her in this big store and then both of would be scared.
Even tho I have faith in most people I want my grandchildren close to me. It's Ok to talk with strangers if I'm with them.