Overly Friendly 2-Year-old

Updated on June 04, 2012
A.G. asks from Bucyrus, OH
9 answers

My two-year-old daughter is too friendly toward strangers. Adults and hildren alike. My parents had a garage sale that I helped out at and my daughter greeted everyone and even hugged their legs, etc. What was worse, she walked up to someone's car (left their door open) and tried to climb inside! Scareed me to death!!! And another time, she ran up to someone's car who had a small dog she wanted to pet! My question is has anyone had a child who behave like this and what did you try that worked to "curb" this behavior? While I want her to be friendly, how do I teach her about boundaries and stranger danger? Is she too young? I am terrified that some creep would have no problem taking her! Help!!!

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So What Happened?

You know, I was under the assumption that this site was to get advice and support from moms. Thank you DUSKA F for your supportive comment slamming my parenting skills. Very helpful! I hope when you post questions that you receive the same helpful advice.
That aside, thank you for the helpful ideas from everyone else. I used the phrase "stranger danger" for lack of better terms. Again, thank you! Some the advice is very helpful. I want her to be her friendly self, but in a safe way. Obviously I always keep an eye on my daughter.

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J.K.

answers from Kalamazoo on

Show her the movie Tangled, lol. They show the old witch kidnapping baby Rapunzel, my daughter is the same age and just as friendly. When we are out in public, I tell her to stay near me because not all strangers are friendly and someone may take her like the witch in the movie took Rapunzel. She still waves and says hello to everyone but stays a little closer to me... Repair or installation guys that come to the house are another story- shes on them like white on rice nothing I say will make her stop. Last time she stuck her foot down the back of one guys pants and the other guy she grabbed around the legs and practically rammed her head up his butt, when I caught her the poor guy was jumping on one leg trying to shake her off, lol.

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

As long as you are always with her, there is no stranger danger.

Whatever you do, do not let your anxiety and fear inhibit her from being outgoing. She will draw back naturally as she gets older.

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J.L.

answers from St. Cloud on

She obviously has a very friendly, outgoing personality which is great. Try teaching her some alternatives to being friendly without crossing boundaries. I'd try to teach her how to shake hands. People will think it's cute I'm sure and shaking hands is normal to do with a stranger. Then just start talking to her about strangers. Understandably it'll have to be at her level of understanding. She'll get it better as she gets older, but for now you'll just have to be that much more vigilant in public settings.

There are these kids temporary tattoos that you can personalize. I think it's close to a dollar a tattoo, but worth it when you have a friendly or fearless child...especially for days at the zoo.

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

Dana's right: Young kids cannot yet connect their actions with possible consequences such as "someone bad might take me." Your daughter, at 2, just is not developmentally able to do that, and won't be able to for a while yet. She might say to you, "OK, mommy, no cars," when you tell her not to get into cars -- but kids this age will say anything to please their favorite adult. That doesn't mean she truly connects her action -- which hasn't happened yet -- with the possible consequence -- which hasn't happened yet, and which she can't understand because no adult has ever harmed her.

So for this age, the only real solution is a lot of very vigilant supervision, coupled with consistent but not scary repetition of: "We never ever get into a car without mommy or daddy holding our hand while we get in!" and so on. Trying to do much "stranger danger" with this age could result in her becoming so scared she goes in the opposite direction and is terrified of everyone, and you don't want that either. Emphasize a lot that "we don't do X without mommy or daddy."

When she is a little older there are videos called "The Safe Side" that do a good job of teaching kids stranger danger --though the approach is much better than mere "all strangers are bad!" which is simply not true. These videos talk about "green light, yellow light and red light" people the child encounters -- with green light being adults they always know are always safe to go with, down to red light people being ones they don't know at all. It's a good series. Look at it yourself now (many libraries carry it) and get some ideas for a sensible, non-frightening approach to start teaching this. But remember that for quite some time to come, she is going ot naturally be outgoing and curious -- and those are not things to quash in a small child. Be sure you have age-appropriate expectations for what she can and can't absorb about this topic, and most of all be super vigilant because you have such a social kid.

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M.K.

answers from Columbus on

Your little girl sounds adorable!! And her friendly approach to life definitely is a result of your GOOD parenting skills!!!! But, I can totally relate to your concern of her being too friendly in this crazy world. My kids would sometimes do this also and I would explain, the best I could in age-appropriate ways, that not everyone likes being hugged, etc. As for the doggy I would explain that they might bite and it would be a big ouchy if that happened. As for climbing in the car: I would come up with some story about how they might take her for a ride and get lost and Mommy would be very sad. Something to that effect.

I would always tell my kids (when they were big enough to understand) that if someone offered them candy, a puppy, ANYTHING, to scream and come running back to me and I would give them double or even TRIPLE whatever that person was offering. Thank God it never happened!!! Even tho they're teenagers now, I still tell them that!! There are creepy people everywhere!!

I know you don't want to scare her and make her un-friendly so I would just try to explain things in as simplest of terms as possible.

Good luck!!!

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

I hate the term "stranger danger"! Keep an eye on her until she is old enough to understand, then teach her how to talk to strangers, how to ask a stranger for help, and never to go anywhere with anyone without your permission! No one should be taught to fear strangers. We all have to deal with strangers everyday, and it is very important that we learn to do this without fear. Children who are taught to fear are the ones that become victims. In the meantime, teach her how to shake hands with someone new as opposed to leg hugging. Let her know that this is how grown-ups introduce themselves. She's social, so she might go for it.

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D.H.

answers from Canton on

Try reading your daughter 'Safe at Home with Pooh' It's one of the picture books in the My Very First Winnie the Pooh series. In it, Christopher Robin teaches Pooh and Piglet his stay safe rules. Simple rules children your daughters age can remember. It's a good way to introduce the topic of strangers to her, without scaring her. Best of luck.

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D.T.

answers from Muncie on

When you find out, let me know. My daughter is 5 and I'm still trying to get it through to her that not everyone who smiles at her is her best friend forever, nor do they want to come home with her. I love how she's so outgoing and I don't want to terrify her. She just doesn't understand the "it could happen" concept of things.

Me: "Don't climb on the book shelf you could knock it over and get hurt."
Her: "But it didn't fall down"
Me: "This time, but it could have and its not safe."
Her: *silence and wanders off to do something else*

Oy! Good luck.

I even tried the hide when they wander tactic...she wandered for a good 30 mins before she noticed I wasn't there and I looked like some sort of creep hiding behind shelves.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Check out your local library. And teach her to trust her gut - strangers are not the danger percentage-wise. The creep that messes with kids is usually someone the child knows, not some stranger. I know this from personal experience during my tween years.

It's better she has the confidence to say no, scream, and trust her feelings if something seems "off" with someone, and that she has built a relationship with her parents where she knows she can tell them if something is "off", and be believed.

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