What Is Appropriate

I'm pretty open and trusting but this seems wrong even to me. If they had been good friends in high school and hadn't kept in touch I'd probably be ok with it as long as my husband had showed it to me and everything appeared to be out in the open. Since they had no past relationship it seems weird that she would try to start one now.

Good luck,
K.

I would feel the same way as you. I think this is inappropriate and wouldn't like my husband being friends with her. My hubby would feel the same way.

Yep, it's inappropriate, but temper your anger. No need for it and it won't help resolve this. So she approached him. Not cool. But more important and the only thing that really is important is what he does with it. - So why don't you ask him? But get calm first so you aren't coming from a reactive place. He may have absolutely no interest and if that's the case - then it may already be resolved. - His best response to her could well be no response.

I would say her behavior IS inappropriate; however, what's more important is how your husband deals with it. As long as he doesn't respond in kind or give her the time of day she can try as hard as she wants.

A few years ago I went to a wedding with my husband and his ex-girlfriend from high school was there. Oh, what a mess she was, drinking too much, attempting to talk to my husband through slurred speech (while her own husband was standing right there). Then she asked to take a picture of us together which I just found really odd (I almost wonder if she printed it so she could gouge my eyes out!). Recently we went to another event that she was at and she asked AGAIN to take a picture of us, saying that we're proof that true love still exists (which had to be a slap in the face to her own husband). The thing is that my husband laughs at her, shoos her away and holds me closer so I really don't have to worry about her. Your husband should be doing the same!

Did your husband show it to you? If he did, he probably sees it as you do. If he were interested he would hide it. Did he delete it? Laugh about it? I would ask him to delete it and ignore it. Even responding to tell her it was inappropriate would encourage a woman like that!

Hell no......she is a pig face for doing that!!! ( I am so mature1) I would wright her back and tell her not to EVER try to get in touch with my husband again!

it personally wouldnt bother me that she did that,. what would bother me is if he choose to try and go see her alone. that isnt ok for me. the best possible way to handle it is to talk with your husband and set some agreeable ground rules. if he wants to catch up with her then you should be asked to come along. or her come to your place.

Although I believe if everything's on the table men & women can be friends--this smacks of sneakiness. I think it's inappropriate. But I guess the bigger question is what does your husband think?

One year my husband and I went to a summer garden wedding and several women not only flirted with him but flashed their tits in his face. He found it disgusting.

SO I would say it depends on your husband's reaction. However, that woman is no friend of wives. She wants to be one but how a relationship begins is how it ends. If she wants to lose her next man to a younger more vibrant woman she is starting out just right.

Unless they were very close before, there is no reason for this. I would not trust her. I would ask husband to have no contact with her at all. If they were not even really friends in high school, than this is the same as a stranger giving her number to him, which means she is looking for something. I think this kind of thing started when many woman just got selfish and self involved, and forgot that others deserve respect. It is one symptom of a much bigger problem that is occurring in our society today.

This is a conversation that starts with you and your husband. Getting furious only confuses the situation and uses your energy up.

Let your husband know that you don't like this because she is clearly flirty and since she is single there is a chance that she has "other" interest in him. then use this as an opportunity to affirm your own interest in him. We all like to feel wanted and almost all of us feel neglected after 20 years.

Ask him to let her know that he is married and that he does not want to have private messages passing between them.

Since we don't know the history or status of your relationship, I am starting with the assumption that your marriage was not in immediate troubles prior to this event.

This is an easy fix. Your husband can let her know that he is not interested. Of course people are attracted to each other all the time, so her being attracted is not an issue, her taking actions that seem to open the door for an act that is not part of your agreement with your husband is, the ball is in his court and I suspect that if you keep a clear head and don't go into an emotionally reactive state this can be ironed out easily. You can use it as a reminder about what is appealing about your husband and appreciate that you are still together rather than a reason to take ownership of him. Men hate that ownership thing, and it makes us look foolish.

Nope- she is in the wrong, completely! If it were me, I would just email her back and say that YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND enjoyed seeing her at the event as well, but you are so busy lately that you just will not have time to get together.

She should totally get that hint. If she contacts your husband again after that, the two of you need to speak to her again and let her know her attention isn't welcome.

I am assuming your husband DOESN'T want to hang out with her- that would be a whole other problem!!!

Dear Cee Cee,

Her response is inappropriate. Your husband needs to step in and tell her so. My advice to you is to Calmly tell your husband your feelings on this. You are correct to think this is not cool of her. Also, do your relationship a big favor and express your love for him not with anger, but with concern for an exclusive marriage. Enjoy each others company. Let him know you're satisfied with him as your marriage partner. If he knows this, chances are good he won't seek elsewhere for what needs to be only in marriage fulfillment.

This of course does not mean you cannot have other married friends and he and you certainly need your own friends of the same sex.

This single woman giving your husband her personal e-mail sounds like she's on the prowl to me.

Also, as a woman with a good 36 year marriage, we have been through this one ourselves a few times. He needs to put a stop to it now, before it becomes something more. What my husband and I have done is to politely, but firmly tell the person that the two of you are not comfortable with her personal e-mails coming to him. Her response will be revealing. The best to you and your husband.

J.S.

It really depends on what her intenrion is with providing the information. From the information you've provided it sounds like your hubby isn't hiding anything which shows his intentions are good. Since they weren't friends before it seems a bit fishy she'd want to contact him now. If he isn't giving you any reason to worry I wouldn't make too much of it.

Totally inappropriate, but you shouldn't get all worked up about it. I mean, as long as your husband doesn't act on it, it's kind of funny, right? Also kind of makes the other woman look desperate. Sounds like she is pretty unhappy to be going after a man she knows is married and who she hasn't seen in years.

.

You're right. Absolutely inappropriate. But I'm so glad your husband was upfront with you about it. That's great. I wonder, did he feel it was innapropriate too? Only she knows her intentions, but I bet he got a pretty good indication of whether she was being shady or not. It's great yall have that trust and respect. Really Cool.

You aren't being dumb but, and I say this without having any more information than what you presented the readers with, it is a bit presumptive to think that just because she's a single woman she's out to ruin your marriage and snag your husband. If you trust your husband, there's no reason they couldn't be friends. But your reaction to a simple email with contact info seems a bit extreme to me. It seems reasonable that she would send an individual email out if it had all of her contact info in it. That's not something you typically send out to a large bunch of people. How do you know she wasn't merely hoping your husband would have some great single friends to hook her up with? I guess I'm writing all this to say that while I appreciate the hesitation you might have with a flirty woman talking to your husband, unless you have more to go on it's a bit paranoid to think the worst of both her and your husband.

yeah, i dont think so, she is up to no good.

I don't think its okay for them to start being friends now. Why would they? It doesn't sound like he started it, you didn't mention that he flirted back. Is it your home email or his private email account? If it is your home email, I would reply to her myself, mentioning that you enjoyed meeting her at the reunion and leave it at that. You didn't mention what HIS response was. Does he want to be friends with her? Did he email her back privately, or did he attempt to ignore it?

I hate feeling jealous and usually end up building things in my head that are not there. My husband usually is completely clueless about when a woman is flirting with him. In his mind he is married with children so why would anyone flirt with him? I would ask him point blank what he thinks of the situation, and ask him clearly not to respond and begin a friendship with her. It just seems silly to me that she would do that. Some people, men and women, just get desperate. Ugh. Good luck!

Clearly you are very uncomfortable with this woman's behavior and it would not be appropriate for you to give your number or email address to a married man. I like to think of not so much what happens but how I handle situations. Did your husband respond? If not you have lots of bragging rights to how great your husband is and how great your marriage is. You can focus on that and give your husband lots of kudos for his behavior. That will build your relationship to a point that even if they became friends, he would be less likely to stray outside the boundaries of the relationship.

This is not okay behavior for this woman. What does your husband say and you can always call her on it and tell her you don't think it was appropriate for her to do that or better yet have your husband do it with you on the phone with him and she knows it.

N.

I think that her behavior is pretty transparent, but I would not be furious if I were you. If your husband is going to stray, he could do that at any moment and an email with the offer of information is only a threat to you if he decides to use it for no good. If your husband does not see this for what it is, or tries to convince you that she has honorable intentions, then i would be furious with him if he actually had a private (read, kept from you) friendship, on any level with her. As long as you know it is going on, and you trust him (and he realizes what her real intent was and does not act on it) I would simply pat him on the back for being such a great catch, tell hime what that email meant in "woman" speak, and then give him a kiss, because he is your catch...be receptive to what ever he wants to do after that, because it could turn out to be a huge lift for his ego, if you can then parlay that into a better and deeper conection between the two of you (and a few giggles) all the better!

M.

She was out of line, but his response is much more important than her action.

totally inappropriate. I pray your husband doesnt want anything to do with her!

Your instincts are correct. It is NOT appropriate. Watch out for her and for your marriage. She is potential trouble.

Since they were not friends during H.S I don't see the point. But it's your hubs decision. Did he say anything about wanting to be her friend? About a month ago a 24 yr old started chatting up my hubs on the bus. He initially thought he knew her locally, like works in a restaurant we frequent. They were chatting about basic stuff so hubs thought nothing of it. As they got closer to his stop he said nice chatting with you and was getting up to go. She said wait can I give you my number? Hubs got all flustered and said I'm sorry if you misinterpreted my friendliness, but no I don't want your number I am married. She said "I know". So to answer your question, yes a lot of single women have no problem persuing married men. How I found out about what happened with my hubs is he told me. He couldn't believe that she would give him her number knowing he was married.

How did you find out about the private message? Just curious if your husband shared this with you. What was his comment?

Of course I agree in the simple logic that she is not behaving in a proper manner. It would never be appropriate to do this, for any reason.

Two choices: 1. ignore the email and hope she goes away, 2. Have your husband email her back to state he is a happily married man and would not like to remain in contact.

Good luck!

What does your husband think about it? Does he want to be in contact with her? If so, I would strongly advise against it. There is no problem going out in a group of friends with her included. But what she did was completely inappropriate. I would be upset too! Its your hubby's job to set the standard and lay down the boundary. He needs to be the one to tell her to back off if she contacts him privately anymore.

She sent her info, so she shouldn't have anything else she needs to discuss with him etc. Take a step back and see how he deals with it.

Good luck,

Molly

It seems shady. I'd ask my husband to not have any contact with her and express my concerns.

So not appropriate and I would be upset too. Hopefully your husband either won't respond or respond and tell her flat out - this isn't appropriate....or better yet, maybe he'll let you respond!

Not appropriate. Really all she is trying to do is re-live highschool. I would keep an eye on it, sorry I would, but let him handle it. He will most likley ignore it especially if this is someone who he didn't hang out with.