What to Say to Rude Comments?

Hi B.,

I'd send e-mails or have copies ready to hand out about what hypermesis is and what the symptoms are. Where are true friends when you need them?

V.

People can be so mean and inconsiderate!! I don't know what kind of person you are but I tell them to f*** off!!!! I just do not deal well with people like that. My husband can be inconsiderate at times and I put him in his place!
People have to know it's not okay to say those things to you! Let them have it!!!!

Hi,
I suffered from Hyperemesis during my pregnancy and I used to get a lot of the same comments especially at work and especially from people who had never been pregnant. I just ignored them. I know that's not the advice you're looking for but aside from constantly throwing up in their vicinity there's not much you can do to make believers out of them. It's a rough time for you. There were some days where I could hardly drink water much less eat. My husband and family were pretty supportive so that made it easier. Hang in there!!

Hi B.,

I have a friend who has this exact same problem. She was severly ill with her son and she is now preggers with her third and is severly ill again. I understand morning sickness, but I realize that this is completely different than your "average" morning sickness. I could not imagine the difficulty of carrying a child and constantly throwing up. I am sorry that your friends are not supporting you during this exciting and often nauseaous time. Good luck with the hypermesis and ask your dr about meds that you could take.

E.

As someone who had hyperemisis with my first pregnancy, I can assure you, it is VERY real. I lost 30 lbs and couldn't eat - not even water- until I was 6 months pregnant. I was hospitalized 7 times!!! Its not fun, it's exhausting and I felt like I was dying! I seriously thought I was going to miscarry. So, I completely sympatize with you.
As far as what to say to these people, don't say anything. You go about your day the best you can. Let them talk. they are going to think what they want anyways. No need to give yourself the added stress. Take care of you and get much needed rest. Good luck. My second pregnacy was no where near as bad as the first so I hope you have the same experiance too.

Okay, without trying to sound totally harsh, which I probably will anyway, anybody who makes those comments to you, is not your friend. They clearly are not hearing you and only want to see what they want, which is a glowing happy mommmy who isn't dealing what is sometimes a dark side of being pregnant. I had hyperemesis with both of my pregnancies and lost 45 pounds with my first, 30 pounds with my second. It is not fun or easy and it is not all in your head. I am glad you are getting medical care and being monitored. Don't worry about what people say, and as far as responding to these rude comments, if you cannot politely terminate the conversation or if they persist, I think you would be perfectly justified in saying, "perhaps I should spend some time at your home and you can help me clean up the vomit." and then smile sweetly. Seriously!

errrr not in ur head, obviously.

I have 3 boys. First two pregnancies I never got sick, felt great. Third one I was sick as can be for first 3 months, threw up almost anything. If it were in my head I wouldn't have gotten sick cuz I NEVER had before.......

Hi B.,

I'm so sorry to read this. You must be feeling pretty bad and hearing those comments must make you feel even worse. I am a women's health nurse practitioner and have taken care of a lot of women with hyperemesis. It sounds like your friends feel helpless and don't know what to say, so they say dumb things and are almost "blaming the victim." My advice is to say something like this:

I wish that my nausea and vomiting just go away too, but my body reacts to hormones more severely than most women. This is really difficult for me, and I need all the support I can get right now, if I could wish this away, I would.

Good luck and try to stay as hydrated as possible. Any liquids help, popsicles, small sips of water mixed with juice. Ask your doctor or midwife about Zofran, I prescribe it for my most severe cases.

Good luck,

Barb

Dear B.,

I know just how you feel, it happened to me, I miscarried five babies and got all kinds of really terrible comments. I never did find the right thing to say back to them. Nowadays - I am much older - and I just keep my mouth shut. But that took a lot of pain and practice. So - Just think about saying something like "I know that you mean well, but it is not that easy when it is happening to you personally". Through the years I have decided that the reason that we feel so deeply about our babies is that God has given us that deep committment to them so that we will take the best care of them - for Him - because they are His children too, and we are here to care for His children. We hurt because it is our job to care this deeply. I say that I am so proud to be my son's mother and it is a privilege to feel pain for his loss. It has been three years now, and the pain is duller, but still there in my body.
Good Luck, C. N.

I am pregnant with my second and had hyperemesis both times. You tell your friends that they should imagine what it is like to have the stomach flu for 3 months! None of this is in your head. I was given Zofran and, when that did not work, two antihistimines called Reglan and Vistaril that did work. Perhaps if they see that your doctor takes this seriously, they will, too. I explained that I was taking meds they give to chemo patients adn that usually made people stop. You can end up in the hospital with this condition. You might also want to use the term hyperemesis gravidarum so they know it is an ACTUAL condition. If all else fails (and believe me, I had my share of dumb questions like, "have you tried crackers and 7-Up") just avoid those people til the illness passes.

Hi B.,
I am SHOCKED that people would actually think or say that to anyone who is pregnant. They obviously have never been pregnant. I have never thrown up with my 3 kids. My body just doesn't do that. But, with my middle kid I had really bad diarrhea. That is just what my body does. I would talk to your friends and ask them how can they think Throwing up is in your head. Of course you think about it all the time. You're doing it all the time. Also, ask them that if it was in your head do ya think the Dr. would've put you in the hospital. If these people keep making rude comments, then DUMP them while your pregnant. You don't need that kind of negative energy.
GOOD LUCK!
K.

Wow - I cannot believe your "friends" would say stuff like that. They don't sound like very good friends. Tell them that one day when they're pregnant they'll see what it is like. Or tell them that you don't want to spend time with them because a true friend would ask you what they can do to help you feel better or help around your house or bring you a meal, instead of questioning you and making you sound like a liar.

I am sorry to hear that. I hope that you get to feeling better soon. I know I was really nausea (among other issues) for a good portion of my pregnancy.

good luck and I will be praying for you!

By the way, what is hypermesis?

Sincerely,
B.

Ask them if they have ever woke up out of a SOUND SLEEP at 3am to puke their guts out.

If it's all in your head, then I must DREAM it too.

You could also invite them to dinner and spike their food with syrup of ipecap? Afterall, if they like to toss out such antiquated cliches as "it's all in your head", you can give them some "misery loves company" and "revenge is a dish best served cold."

Punching them in the nose works too. Sure, its not "productive" but it will probably make you feel a LITTLE better.

Meh... maybe I'm just bitter because I was a puke-o-matic too.

1st of all I wouldn't consider these "your friends" - friends are considerate and supportive not negative and insensitive and judgemental.
Frankly, you need to concentrate on your health and that of your baby and not waste time on people that are not supportive and this would be my response:
"I'm sorry you feel that way, but if you cannot see a way to be supportive instead of critical and judgemental, than I don't think I need you right now".
Sorry, but my patience is very short with rude and immature adults that don't know how to filter what comes out of their mouthes - they are old enough to know better.
S.

Wow. I'm so sorry to hear that your friends aren't being supportive, although I'm not all that surprised. I'm 8.5 months pregnant and I've discovered that "moms" are the most judgemental people on the planet. Many women think they are "experts" because they've been pregnant and therefore they think they know everything there is to know about it.
I had the same severe sickness you talk of for the first five months of my pregnancy and nobody believed it was as bad as it was, everyone just seemed to think I was being lazy or whiney or overexaggerating for attention. It's a really hard thing when nobody can understand or empathize with your situation.
There's really nothing to say to them because if a woman hasn't been through it they can't possibly understand. I hope that you have a wonderful husband to lean on as I did. He was the only one that truly believed that I was extremely sick and wasn't milking anything for attention. Just hang in there!
I have so much respect for you for being brave enough to have another! I'm so afraid to, I worry about how I will possibly care for my first if I'm that sick again with my second....BEST OF LUCK TO YOU and there are those people out there that understand, I hope support via this website is alittle helpful for you.

Do they have kids? I had very dear friends that did not have kids and would say things very similar. It wasn't that they were trying to be mean it's just they didn't know better. Honestly, how many of us knew before having kids and being pregnant how demanding it is mentally and physically. I did not have hypermesis but I was so sick for the first five months it was hard to get out of bed with both of my kids chronically throwing up and feeling like I was going to die everyday. It's annoying when people don't get it but I remember thinking to my friends without kids- SOMEDAY YOU WILL KNOW MY PAIN. And you know what my one friend does and surprisingly I am very supportive and sympathetic. It would've been nice if she was but what can you do, I had kids first. IF they have kids in the future, they will understand someday.

On the other hand, if your friends simply didn't get morning sickness or hypermesis but have kids. They are so lucky and I hate them-haha. I heard this a lot too. Oh, I never had morning sickness- grrrr.

I hope you feel better soon. I know there is nothing to say but I hope it goes by fast for you.

Best
H.

How Rude!! I say these people are not worth the effort to come up w/a response to their heartless comments. Obviously not a real friend, either! If you wanna offer a response, then, like the other moms, I say, tell them your dr., w/the med degree, thinks it's a problem. If you wanna be really nasty, "Oh, I didn't realize you had an MD? When & where did you get this degree?"

Good luck & congrats on the pregnancy!

My doctor never mentioned hypermesis, but I was ill 7 months of my 2nd pregnancy, plus I had migraines. It was miserable. I felt I could not care for my son who was 2. I went to stay with my in laws so they could help me for 2 months. They made me more miserable. My FIL who obviously has never been preggo told me a couple of times when I did not finish my meal, how could I ask my son to finish his meal if I would not clean my own plate. I just said well I would never ask my son to clean his plate if he was just gonna turn around and throw it up afterwards, lol.

It is ok to ignore them, but if they are close to you it may clear your mind to bring it up to them. I would say something like, it is not in your head. Tell them they can google it. Let them know how it makes you feel when they try to minimize how much you are suffering. Let them know how much you need their support.

Good luck!

T.

Obviously if you're being hospitalized your doctor knows there is something wrong so any "friend" who suggests otherwise clearly isn't being helpful.
I was very ill with my daughter and had to be hospitalized and they couldn't figure out what was wrong - I would just pass out if I stood or sat up for more than 10 minutes (didn't have that problem with my son). I had all kinds of unsolicited suggestions, one nurse who didn't believe me or my SO left me in a waiting room without finding me a place to lay down despite my explanations and begging and when she came back 30+ minutes later I had vomited all over the bathroom and passed out on the floor. Needless to say there was a lot of apologizing and they always made sure I had somewhere to lie down when I came in for future visits. My boss at the time (since I couldn't work) was very upset about it so I had to have multiple doctor's notes to prove I was really sick. In that case just have a detailed note and offer to give your boss your doctor's phone number if needed.
For the casual commenter- some people are just that way- they don't get that there are people who can get sick and can be even mean if you insist otherwise. I have found it best to either say "well my doctor considers it a little more serious than that" and if they persist "well when I'm not taking care of my 2 year old, cleaning, cooking, (fill in whatever you do during the day) I spend my 'spare' time sleeping so I really don't have time to think about it too much."
*hugs*
Hope you get better soon.