Whats a Proper Gift to Give Someone Who Lost a Baby?

When I miscarried several years ago, one of the most meaningful things was for friends to bring me food. My husband was out of town, so it helped a lot. One client (I was a nanny for her family) dropped off a couple quarts of soup from the deli and a tree peony to plant. She knows I love to garden, so that was appropriate for us.

Food is a wonderful thing to give. After a loss, I find it very hard to be out in public, shopping, so even a meal with some non-perishables to go with it (things they might need if they presently do have kids) will also be very helpful. Shopping and being out among others when one is grieving is extremely difficult for some.

Oh my goodness how tragic!
It hardly seems like a gift giving occasion, usually gifts are given to celebrate something. I would send a sympathy card, maybe flowers, and bring some food and leave it at the front door as they may not feel like seeing or talking to anyone. I would also offer to help out with their other children, if they have any, like getting them to and from school and/or activities.

I agree with the moms who say friendship - and offering to help with kids or dropping off a meal ... without expecting to stay.

When we've grieved the loss of a family member in our family, we're not always up for visitors but to know we can reach out, or call someone, that they'd be there to listen - invaluable.

If you mean they miscarried, I would send a card. Also, see if you can help mom in anyway (pick up kids, groceries, etc), since she might not be feeling well.

If you mean they lost an infant, I would get a small gift...maybe something with the child's name. We had friends lose a 10 week old infant boy to a complex congenital heart defect. I found a Willow Tree sculpture of a boy holding a golden heart. I sent it after his funeral.

Listen. Let them talk about the baby, the loss the sadness.
I had a miscarriage 22 years ago. Sometimes I wonder what would he/she have been like.. What would he/she have looked like etc.
Sometimes I miss this child I never met.
Having someone willing to listen is the best gift.

I don't think this is an event that you want to give a gift for. Talk to them, see what they need, more than likely it is support

Friendship. Follow their lead. My friend lost her baby in utero and was just devastated. I took her lead and called her and talked her - about anything else at first because it was all too raw. I also sent her a card near her would-be due date just to say I was thinking of her. If they have other kids and you could give them some time alone or to make funeral arrangements, you could offer that. Or dinner. Or just whatever. Friendship.

as a W. who has had three miscarriages - I didn't want a gift - I wanted my baby back.

I didn't want flowers - because flowers will die. Yet another reminder of what happened.

You want to help these women? You tell them (and mean it) you are there for them. Take them to lunch or for coffee and let them cry, yell, scream - whatever it is they need to do. If you can't be there - don't tell them.

The worst miscarriage for me was at 22 weeks. We had her named already. I felt her moving and kicking. The other two were 12 and 16 weeks. Yes, just as painful. Two of them were in the same year.

Be there for your friends. That's really all you can do.

Now if you mean they HAD the baby and the baby died?? I would still be there for them. However, I would ask if they are doing any services and attend those. I had a girlfriend who lost 3 babies at birth - yes - she was having triplets - they delivered very early (26 weeks) and didn't make it. They had a service that was VERY SMALL - and a head stone made. We contributed to the headstone and was there for the service.

you really don't give a GIFT to someone who has lost a baby. Not in my book. Just be there. Do NOT send flowers. Maybe a plant. But DEFINITELY NOT flowers.

Buy them a book on losing a child. I now buy books for anyone close to me that has lost a child, sibling, parent, spouse etc. The feedback I have received is that it was the most thoughtful gift and that these books are often read many times over and passed around to others in the family that suffered the same loss.

You could also get a gift certificate to a local restaurant. After my son passed away we ate out for about a year. Cooking dinner was just too overwhelming.

A card. I know it might not seem like much, but to have it acknowledged is more than most people offer. If you are close enough, offer to listen, but also realize that some people don't want to talk about it so don't push it.

Geez. How horrible. If they have other kids, can you help somehow with them? Taking them to practices, movie night at your place this weekend, cooking for them? So sorry. Tragic.

Cook for them. Or better yet, organize several friends to cook for them for a few days running. (Do ask before doing this if they would find it helpful, and also ask about food allergies.) They probably would appreciate not needing to think about getting meals on the table for a few days. If they already have other children in the house, offer to take the kids for an afternoon so that the parents can have some alone time.

As someone who has been through this, you don't want or expect gifts. What you really need is someone that will show up and let you talk or not, cry or not, eat or not... Just offer to be there. Tell them you can come over, you can take them out, you can clean their house, bring them food, etc. If you are especially close to them and they have already set up a nursery, you can offer to help pack away those things. If you really want to give a gift, maybe some nice, monogrammed stationary. It's something they can use now or later and won't be a direct reminder of their child. A monetary donation to the March of Dimes is also nice.

I wouldn't send anything now and certainly, nothing tangible is expected. Food, a card, and your time, if they want to see people, are probably most welcome.

That said, a friend and colleague had three lost pregnancies several years ago. The worst was at 22 weeks and was due to trisomy 18, a genetic disorder that is incompatible with life. We sent over some food from our team at work (a package of soup and simple meals so that she didn't have to think about what to give her young daughter for dinner). For this, I later did find a lovely vase from a website called The Comfort Company that had an appropriate saying on it and had that sent to her. She still tells me every now and again how it's one of her favorite things and reminds her that we didn't forget and that she had love and support in her darkest hours. if you feel compelled to give something tangible, you may find something appropriate on that website. I think it depends on how well you know your friends though and whether or not they are memento people. Someone sent me a beautiful little Willow Tree angel after my brother died that I treasure, but I could easily see one of my siblings not appreciating something like that so it varies from person to person.

I have done different things for different people. IF for example, an active Christian in that they like going to church, I will often buy those people a mass in the name of their child. For others, I usually send cards, one each month for the first year, this way, even after many of other people have moved on, they still know that I am thinking of them. In some cases, and depending on how well I know the person, Harry and David's has these pints of ice cream that say things like tub if Hugs, scoops of support, pint of compassion.. this is something I send for someone I know really well.. I usually send it later on.. especially IF I know they are people who enjoy sweets.. it's just a nice and comforting way to say, thinking of you...
I also send flowers, but find so many do that that I like to keep it more original.. there's a site on ESTY, a woman who does paper flowers, her site is called more paper than shoes.. thing is, she does mostly weddings, but will also arrange a centerpiece or bouquet for other things.. if you check it out, her flowers look so life-like, and although paper, you d never know at first.. I like these because real flowers die and these will keep.. it's an expensive site, but really gorgeous..
these are just unique things I like to do.. but even a card is always welcomed... blessings to you and your friends..

I would offer to come over and help with chores and cooking, and of course, offer a shoulder to cry on and an ear. They probably want someone to listen to their feelings and give them support through this difficult time.