When Someone Asks to Bring a Sibling to a Party

Sorry, I know my answer is kind of late. I would just be honest and say the party is geared more toward the older child and the mother and her younger child are welcome to come to the party to observe but not participate. It is a difficult thing to do, but just remember it is the other mother that put both of you in the difficult position.

Oh my gosh! All this lady did is simply ask if she can bring along her other child. What is wrong with asking that?? (by the way, I'm not responding this way to you, I am just shocked by some of the other responses you got) She isn't being rude. All I would do is tell her that she is welcome to bring her other child along and if they want to participate then if she could just cover the extra $$. That's all. No one is being rude and no one should feel bad. Good luck!!

I think you should just be honest w/ the mom, especially if you consider her a friend. Tell her your situation. Tell her that it's an extra $11 per child and you can't afford anymore than you've spent (if that is the case), she will either offer to pay that for her child or may not show up with either child at all. It's always best to be honest to avoid any hurt feelings. Or you could tell her that the sibling can come but not participate unless there is a no-show.

On a personal note, we have 4 kids (10, 8, 5, and 2 1/2) and we RARELY go to parties that exclude any of our children. We typically only go to parties that the whole family can attend. We don't do "drop-off" parties either. We plan our kids birthday parties w/ their friends at home and invite the entire family of the people/person we would like to come. The majority of our friends have parties that everyone is invited to b/c the birthday child is friends w/ all of our kids and the family as well (and vice versa). Just as a matter of personal belief, we believe birthday parties are a family affair and families, not just kids, should attend. Not only is everyone included, but it also gives us (and the other parents) better opportunities to get to know our childrens friends parents.

Personally, I think that when you invite guests to a child's party, or any party, you open yourself up for a few others to tag along. How is this mother supposed to tell one child it can go and make the other stay home? Just cover the cost of the extra kid yourself and hope they bring a nice gift or two for your child as a thank you for being so accomidating.

I would just say, "sure, you can bring the sibling, but I have strecthed my budget on the other invited guests, so if you want the sibling to bowl also, you will have to cover her costs".

The mother should understand, and if she pulls this often, then the other mother's will probably be glad you said something.

My sister and I are 18 months apart, and unless we were both invited by a mutual friend, my mom never tagged the other along to another's birthday outing, and we as children never expected it either.

Geez... this happened to me before... but worse. The parents just dropped off both children, without asking if it was ok! When I asked if both children were staying, she looked at me shocked and said, "Oh, I didn't even read the invitation, I just assumed it was for both."

I don't think it's rude to ask her to pay; what's rude is her assuming the sibling will be allowed to attend no problem, and that you'll be responsible for them. Sounds like she's looking for a way to unload her kids so she can have some free time. (Why not pay you to babysit them then?) Perhaps you could answer something like... "Unfortunately we only budgeted for the children we've invited, but you are more than welcome to see if the bowling alley has a lane available for you to stay with so-n-so and bowl as well." That way it puts it back on her to look into it and decide what she wants to do, and you've kept your boundaries of what you want to do for your son's party. Happy Birthday to him! =)

Honesty is the best policy. I would gently tell her this is a 6 yr old party. You have arranged for this amount to budget what you can afford. She can come watch. You can not keep her from that but that child will not be participating in the party. G. W

I have not been in your situation, but I have a friend with children ages 2 & 3 where one child has been invited and the other not. Her problem is that she has to pay for a babysitter if one of the children does not come. (Which is probably going to be more than the $11 for the duration of the party.) I don't know if that is your friend's situation or not. I would imagine this must be a fairly close friend since it is a small party. Could you gently explain that you are limited in cost, and see if the problem is the expense of a sitter for the other child? If that is the case, perhaps this particular parent could drop her invited child off at the party and come and pick the child up at the end, so she can stay home with the other child? I would encourage you to try to see it from her perspective rather than assume she is being rude. She may be in a tight spot too and have no other choice than to bring both children or not participate in the party at all. If you work together, maybe you can find a solution that will work out for both of you? Since it is a small party, I am sure it is important to your child that this friend get to come to the party.
A.

Hello E.,

It is totally rude of her to even ask especially if you specifically invited only that 1 child. You can always say, they are welcomed at your own expense. Thank you and leave it at that. It is far more rude of her than it is of you. Tell her you have a maximum amount of kids that you can invite and if you exceed that amount you are charged extra. The place makes the rules, put it on them, not on you.

I hate this too and will be facing it this Saturday, but most people know how I am, so, I do hope it all turns out well for you.

I am now calling folks for their RSVP's even after emailing them, you just gotta remember, so folks are just totally rude or they have forgotten.

Good Luck!

G. B.

I agree with the others. It is not rude for you to ask the parent to pay for the sibling they are brining along. Just let her know it is fine if she needs to bring the child, but it will be $11 for her to participate.

Sometimes people have no other options but to bring the sibling and it is not rude for you to tell her to pay or not participate, after all she did ask. She knows that it is not acceptable to just show up with the extra kid or else she wouldn't be asking.
I don't think it is rude. She never said can she come and you pay for it all while I get a free day to myself. Just assuming that the mother is trying to get somthing for nothing is what is rude!
I am a single mother of a 2 and 3 year old. When I say single I mean single. No daddy and no family at all to help.
Just like the other mother said if they both can't come then neither of them could come. Which is fine with me one less present to buy and a lot less hassle dragging 2 kids out. Finding a sitter is expensive and even more of a hassle. Some parties are designed for siblings to come and some not. Just let her know that this one is not.
E. I am not sure how you feel but you have 2 kids and I am sure you have been through this before.

I don't think it's rude to say... that you're stretched your birthday budget and it's fine if she comes but was she planning on participating or was she jsut asking if the sibling could come b/c she perhaps didn't have a sitter? Like, when I take my older one to parties, I always ask if it's okay if my younger one IS THERE.... but not to participate... just share airspace... so I'd just clarify what that meant first... what would be RUDE were for her to just ASSUME that you'd foot the bill for another kiddo... I mean, realistically,what if they ALL wanted to bring their siblings... that just is unthinkable... SO... unless it's a CLOSE personal friend of YOURS... I'd say that sure she can come...but you weren't planning on her being part of the party right because you really don't have the budget to accommodate any siblings...

I would wait to see what happens..more than likely she is just asking if it is ok to bring the toddler along (not for you to pay for that child)..and then if that is the case, and you get there and she is expecting to pay..tell her..you only budgeted for the children invited. And maybe this will teach her a lesson not to do this in the future. It is rude to think that you would pay, it is not rude if she doesn't have a sitter and just wants to bring the child along. GOod luck :)

This is a hard one either way. With young children, generally mothers are expected to stay at birthday parties and help supervise their children. This brings up the obvious question of siblings...many families can't afford to hire a babysitter to watch one child just so the mom can attend a birthday party with the other child. Frankly, in my experience with parties we've given, it's been harder when moms just dropped their kids off and left to go shopping or something than when they've brought a sibling. And I've been the one in the position before where I've had to RSVP in a qualified manner: my son would love to come, but I will have my daughter with me at that time too, so it may not be possible unless I can bring her or unless I don't need to be there. Then I've tried to leave it up to the mom whether I drop my son off or stay and bring my daughter.

I have also observed that it is often possible to bring a sibling into one of these parties without the hostess having to pay, so long as the second child does not participate in the key activity (for example, bowling, if that's where they do the headcount, or sitting down to eat, if that's where they do the headcount). I've done that with my daughter a lot with parties where my son is the invited guest. She just stays with me and isn't counted.

So, on the one hand, your guest may not have been the most tactful in HOW she asked the question, but the good side is that she probably takes her responsibility to stay and help seriously and that's probably why she asked. Does that answer what you do in the situation? No...there are a lot of variables to consider. But perhaps the above will help you open a discussion with her about options if the cost is an unavoidable issue.

B.

I have been a sole parent since my kids were 2 mom and 16 mom (now 14 and 15). My kids would have never been able to attend anything if I could not have brought the other one and now I am in need of one of them to get my wheelchair out for me. I have never had anyone object. That said, if the invited child is not a close friend I would not worry about it but the mom may not can afford a gift and her other child to participate.......but saying the child is welcome but cannot participate should be enough without going into the 'she can pay'.....the yourng one can have plenty of fun watching......then you are not discussing your finances or her's....good luck and happy birthday to your child!

She may not know that it will cost you more money to bring someone else. But whether or not she knows, I would tell her that she is welcome to bring her, as long as she pays for anything extra that it will cost, since you are having to pay for so much already. (With a smile!)

That's just my two cents of advice!

I have an 8-year-old boy and a 4-year-old girl and this has happened to me several times!!! I think it is rude for people to not RSVP and then show up AND it is even worse when someone shows up with multiple siblings!!

Here is what I said:

"(Your child's name) has already invited 10 (or whatever the limit is)friends which is what the limit is for (location) and my budget (be sure you smile woefully here). We would love to have (siblings name) join us after all it is only $11 more. Would you like to pay me the $11 or give it to (party planner's name)?"

I also nipped this in the bud by putting this on all the invitations that I send out now.

"Siblings are welcome to join us. The activity will cost $$ per child. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have questions."

I know you say it is rude to ask the mom to pay for her other child. I feel she should cause you are already paying for the child you invited. If I have to bring my kids cause their dad is out of town I usually call and explain the situation and I tell the parent that I will pay for my other kids. I also bring my kid that was invited and do something else in the building with the other kids.
I think you should be straight forward and honest with the mother.

I think it is rude if they expect you to pay for the sibling but I don't really see it to be to much of a problem if they pay for the sibling.

Hope you have a great time.
M.

I would tell her that her other child is more than welcome but you are on a budget. I would just let her know if the child plans on participating it would be her responsibility financially.

Hi E.,

If anything, it's rude to ask to bring a sibling without offering to pay when the party is obviously going to cost money per participant. In this instance, I would not feel bad asking her to pay for the sibling's participation.

Good luck! C.

I am throwing a party for my daughter at the Little Gym, which allows up to 16 kids without charging extra. Since my soon to be two year old doesn't have that many friends, I put on the invitations "siblings welcome". Maybe the mom didn't think there was a limit of kids, or even still, maybe the mom doesn't intent for the child to participate. I would say that siblings who do not participate are free but additional participants are extra. She should understand. If not, it's not your problem...

I know I have certainly asked to bring the sibling, however I have offered to pay any kind of additional costs for the extra child. The times I have invited the sibling has been because if I do not bring the sibling the other child can not come to the party b/c I do not have anyone to keep the other one for that time. If you have not already responded to the mother I would just say, 'Well it costs me per child....and see if she offers to pay, I think it is RUDE of her not to offer to pay for the one she invited. Good Luck.

Because it is two kid in one house most partants don't want to bring one and not the other. When I had this problem I planed for extra kids to show up, meaning I sent out 25 invits and paid for 15 extras which worked out just fine because, but if you fill you can't pay for any extra kid just let the parents know.