Where Did My Sweet Little Girl Go? - Coppell,TX

Welcome to the terrible horrible threes...they are so much worse than the twos. They will pass...just be consistent...and hang in there. My daughter is 3, but this is my second go round.

HUGS!

3s are hellacious.
There is no doubt.
You've got to set rules and consequences and follow through. If you don't like her tone of voice, call her on it. If she runs from you when it's time to get dressed, send her to school in her pajamas! She's testing boundaries... Decide which battles to pick, but if you pick one, you've got to follow through even if you are exhausted.
YMMV
LBC

Welcome to the terrible threes. Keep doing what you're doing. Ride it out. Assuming you have some disciplinary measures in place as long as you're consistent, she'll come out fine on the other end.

As for recommended reading, I suggest a cocktail cookbook : )

The terrible twos are preparation for the terrifying threes. Just hang in there and show her what that kind of behavior gets her. She'll learn. Of course later on down the road she'll try it again.....and again.....and again.
Parenthood isn't easy, and it never gets easier. The challenges change some, then come back again. Why do you think it takes so long to raise them?

I am with the other mom's... no one told us that three's were worse then two's!! It does get better... and then they become teenagers...lol! Hope i made you at least smile....

I have always thought that the 2's were WAY easier than the 3's!!! Good luck!! She is just learning about how you work, what works, what she can get away with...Also, if you are frustrated when she is doing something, like running away from getting dressed, just stop for a few min. and let her run off for a few min and just try again..For me, I learned that choosing our battles wisely will help me to not be so mad.

Yep, I've warned my friends...the terrible Two's are nothing compared to the torturous Three's! They are realizing they have some independance now. They can move around well, they can talk, they want to be big kids.

Do you already have some discipline measures in place? time out, take away a certain toy? if not...you'll need to start. Talking back to Mommy is not allowed. she should be following directions for a 3 year old...helping put toys away, etc. otherwise there are consequences. You'll get through it. Fours are better:)

Then come the sixes!!!!

I really like the Love and Logic book series. My son does these things too, even though he is also very sweet.
http://www.loveandlogic.com

All you ever hear about is Terrible Two's and even the poor lady that introduced that term never meant it to go the way it has. What they don't tell you is that 3 is worse, I'll tell you WAY worse and my son was like your daughter. We hit 3 and he was exactly that, a defiant little toot. They're learning to assert their independence and expand their vocabulary (great fun lol!). I really like the book Positive Discipline, The First Three Years, just be warned they cover the first two years as well and she's probably beyond some of that. Other than that, try to stick to routine as much as possible but come up with some new activities.

I guess no one told you that 3 can be much worse than 2. She is testing her limits with you. Be consistent, fair and calm at all times(impossible sometimes!!!). I don't think it is the "bad" kid as much as it is her age. Good luck!

Threes are different and can be tough. It is almost like a switch is flipped. My oldest took about 4 months to go through it. Now she is sweet again and I know I did not mess her up; she just had to work through the stage. I also love the Love and Logic materials (Magic of Early Childhood is great with real age appropriate examples). I also leaned on Happiest Toddler on the Block quite a bit. Watch the DVD; much easier to get and quicker too. Hang in there.....

I always found that empathizing with a child's desires and frustrations is very powerful (and not only children, but for just about everyone of any age). Being a kid is often incredibly frustrating. You can't have so many fun and tempting things, you can't do all the interesting things the big people and older children do, you get taken away abruptly from fun things you're already engaged in, and adults just don't understand.

Children are amazingly resilient to survive all that – many adults would crack. And all this happens before their impulse control had developed, and so they shout, tantrum, resist, withdraw; whatever behavior lets out some of the pressure, or (they hope) will make additional frustration stop. Because this age needs endless repetition, they make the same behavioral mistakes over and over before they learn they just don't work. It's just what kids do. BUT…

There's a superb book that describes exactly how to be compassionate and respectful of the child while being clear about your own expectations and need for cooperation and respect. It gives examples for just about any parenting situation you'll find yourself facing. Parenting experts Faber and Mazlish will show you How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, in a clear, easy-to-read cartoon format. I think you'll be glad – calmer, happier, and more delighted with your child – if you try this approach!

There have recently been a handful of posts about 3 year old behavior . . . I recommend you look them up . . . you will be relieved to know that your daughter's behavior is actually normal for her age. I have a 3 year old daughter who, at this moment, is backtalking because I want her to use a tissue for her nose rather than her finger (I DON'T WANT a tissue!) and because I want her to put her shorts on and stop running around in her undies (I DON'T WANT to put my shorts on!). And my daughter hasn't been around any disrespectful-behaving children! She is my third child and my belief is that the "terrible two's" are way overblown . . . 3 is definitely a more challenging age!

Hahaha! I'm SOOOO in your boat right now! My delightful (mostly) two year old has recently turned into the monster three year old, and her birthday isn't for another month and a half. I have heard from many people that three is much worse than two. You just have to be consistent with the limits, and she'll calm down in no time. She's just going to have to learn that independence Mom and Dad's way is more enjoyable than her way. That's what we're doing, anyway, and we're praying a lot too! lol

Edit:
I am also a fan of the Love and Logic books. We've got the regular one, but we've also got the Magic for Early Childhood one, and it's chock full of great ways to handle three year old moments. It works wonders in our house!

Good luck! And you're not alone!

My best advice is to remember that you can NOT reason (in other words, argue) with a 2-3 year old. With small and daily chores (like getting dressed) turn it in to her helping you make a choice. The only time YOU have to make a decision is when safety is involved (by the stove, in the bath, in the parking lot, hitting = she goes to "time out" until she will say "I'm sorry" and give a kiss). It takes a few extra moments to do this, but it's far better than a struggle that ends in a meltdown.

We always tell our daughter to do something as a command first. Then when she is resistant, we turn it in to a choice for her. She is going to need to be able to make choice (and good ones) her entire life, so why not start developing it now? Plus, she is a little being who can think for herself. For example, if she does not want to get dressed, then we open the shirt drawer and show her all the choices, and she then gets "hooked" and wants to pick one. If she's not interested, then we tell her that we are going in the car and that she has to choose one. I have also shut the door, with she and I in the room together, to distract her from what's going on in the rest of the house. Once the door is shut, she knows shes not leaving until Mama's happy!

One time, she would not take off her school animal t-shirt they gave her the day before. So, she wore it to bed, and to school the next day (since dad couldn't get it off her). The next night, I told her it was dirty and that we should wash it. And she was, I guess, ready to take it off by then?

It sounds like your daughter is cuddly like mine, maybe that means they both have a real sensitive streak inside? Mine feels bad when I feel bad. She hugs me, kisses me, and asks if I'm OK. Try sharing your feelings (happy and sad) with your daughter, so that she can make the connection that her behaviour affects you.

And, try and remember (in the heat of the moment) that she does not mean to drive you nuts! She is just going through the process of learning how to voice her opinion. She also has to learn by "trail and error". And, it's be the same when she hits middle school, with all those hormones. I can say that, since I have taugh MS for years now. :)

I often reward myself with coffee or another little treat... for making it through a rough moment!

I noticed you are in Coppell. We should get together sometime. My daughter is almost 3.

No books will do this: Be very clear about consequences and make sure your punishments fit the crime. For example do not tell her she will not go to Disneyworld in three years if she doesn't eat her peas. She might not know what Disneyworld is and why would that affect her behavior. You get the idea...

These books are good:
"How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk."
"Have a new kid by Friday."

It offers good non-punitive suggestions. It is even good for difficult adults. :)

next, 3 years old is more difficult than 2. They are changing monumentally and their 'emotions' are not even fully developed yet, NOR their recognition of feelings nor coping-skills nor expressing themselves. They do NOT know how to do those things yet.

I would work on helping her with these things and teaching her how to articulate herself and express feelings even if grumpy. Not even adults are "cheerful" all the time. But so she knows that you are a soft place to fall and that she can express herself with your help, in more palatable ways.

The book "Your 3 Year Old" from Amazon, is also real good. It is a series of books on each age juncture, easy to read and explains what each age goes through. I really recommend it. Although written years ago, it is still very pertinent.

Next, whenever a child is on the cusp of becoming another age... it tweaks them. It is 'growing pains' for the child, emotionally AND cognitively. Remember, they do not know how, automatically, how to manage themselves nor their feelings nor their responses nor their coping skills. They are not able to self-lead.

Next, have a regular daily "routine" with her/for her... so that she can "transition" better between change of pace or activities and know what to expect. Some kids, NEED regularity and routines... daily, and it helps them to gain a sense of rootedness.

all the best,
Susan

Children are going through a major growth spurt at this time (I know, when do they not, eh?) and that growth is far more than just physical. She is going to start wanting more independance, she will continue to assess her bounderies and your limits. Hang in there. She is still the same little girl. One of the most challenging aspects of parenting is learning to adapt to life changes quickly and smoothly as the needs of your family change.
Best of luck to you. It just a few twists and bends in the road, you come back to a strait away in a few miles.