Help with Terrible Twos? - Oroville,CA

I didn't know where to start and asked for more info. Then I saw many good answers. I still wonder what specific help you're wanting.

I second looking into sign language. A lot (not all!) of "terrible two" behavior is more "frustrated two" behavior because she can't make mommy understand what she wants.

1. Consistency is key. The exact same reaction every time a child does a behavior. Sometimes that's REALLY hard when you are tired, or in a store with a full cart of groceries, or in a restaurant and the food hasn't arrived yet, etc. But it will be worth it in the long run, and the terrible twos will be shorter if you react the same way every time.

2. Never threaten a punishment that you aren't willing to carry out. If you do, you have undermined your own credibility. (eg, "if you don't do X right now, I'll never give you ice cream again." Everyone knows that at some point, he's going to have ice cream again some day, so don't even bother saying that. Find a reasonable, relevant consequence.)

3. Pick your battles, and give choices when you can.

Never attempt any sort of outing if they are tired or hungry.
Bring snacks - always.
If a tantrum happens, just stop what ever you are doing and go home.
If it happens at home, haul him/her off to her room for some rocky baby time (our son loved my lap and the rocking chair).
When they go down for a nap - consider everybody taking a nap too.
We did some family nap times especially on weekends - it made everybody feel better.
Ear plugs and an occasional glass of wine to calm your nerves will come in handy!
Terrible twos often become terrible threes - but FOUR is SO MUCH better!

My best suggestion is to have a routine they can depend on. Also, we were out all morning so the nap time went smoothly, they were OUT.

Sometimes you just have to remember that you're the adult and they're the child. Then pick them up and put them in their room with the door shut, of course the room is completely child proof, right?

Sometimes you have to look at them and remember some time that you were pissed off, hormonal, and ready to tear the world a new one. Then just walk away and let them go at it.

Sometimes you need time away too. You can use a Mother's Day Out program that are usually found in nearby Methodist churches. They charge by the day and are only open a few days per week. You can sign them up for 1 day per week or all the day's they're open.

Mom's need adult time and it's not a "better" mom that says her kids are too special to have child care of any sort. I planned my doc appointments according to my free days, I took naps on my free days sometimes, went to lunch with my friends at places without playrooms attached, and other times I deep cleaned. Point is that we are adults and we don't have to sit at home day after day with only a child for companionship.

Love and Logic is amazing too. If you start being factual and putting it all together now where it works for you then your child will grow up with those expectations.

For instance. One time when my granddaughter was 2 or 3 she'd take her shoes off and toss them every time we got in the van. I'd have to climb over seats and under seats to find them. I had become very tired of this game.

Each time I reminded her that she needed to keep her shoes on so that she wouldn't get hot feet/cold feet (seasonal) and her shoes would keep her feet safe.

We took our first Love and Logic class sessions. I decided to test it out. Snow day. Yard was about 6 inches of snow. I took her out of the van and plopped her down on the snow in her bare feet and she started screaming for me to pick her up. I walked to the door and went in. She quickly followed, screaming all the way.

But she never took her shoes off in the van again. Did she get sick? No. Did she have any lasting damage to her toes or skin? No. It wasn't that sort of situation. It was a situation where she had to walk/run a few feet to the door then come in.

She learned that if she didn't keep her shoes on her feet wouldn't like it when it was time to get out. Natural consequences. Spanking her wouldn't have made the point. Grounding her wouldn't have made the point. The fact that she experienced what happens and it didn't feel great taught her more in those few moments than what I'd been doing for a year or so.

Love and Logic. It works.

Alcohol lol!!!! Choose your battles and let him have choices. Pick one out of two. Blue shorts, red shorts etc.

If your kiddo isn't talking much yet, that's a huge part of it - communication struggles. Library or google Baby Sign Language.

Love and Logic - choices. Let go of pretty much everything that really doesn't matter and give your kid the choices (clothing, etc.). Always pick 2 things YOU'RE ok with, but let your kiddo make the "final" choice. It also teaches decision-making skills.

Maintain your calm. Kids pick up and reflect tension.

Make "I'm sorry, I don't understand whining." part of your vocabulary. What Margie G said.

I think the terrible twos is a misnomer///For me it was the thunderous threes....

And I agree, nap when they nap,and be consistent...and learn to pick your battles...and never leave the house w/o snacks...and alot is about frustration that they cannot quite communicate what they want or are feeling...Some sign language helped mine at that age .(he had s speech delay "not elsewhere classified")

Good luck ....and enjoy -- they do grow up way too fast

You got some great responses. I will just say, 3's are worse. Be consistent, say what you mean and mean what you say.

It would have been nice if you had talked about specific problems you are having with your child...

For instance, say your child fights about clothes (I had a friend whose toddler was already a clothes horse - astonishing!) She would fight about what to wear every morning and make my friend late for work. I wasn't a mother yet back then, and all I could think is why she didn't just put her kid in the carseat in her pjs and take her to daycare so that she wouldn't chance getting fired...

Now having been there, done that, I would tell her to box up all the clothes except for a week's worth. Each week, switch out the clothes without letting the child see. Put out the choices, and put NOTHING out that you aren't willing to let the child wear. If the child doesn't choose before time to get in the car, pjs it is.

Don't give too many choices. Try not to say the word no too much. Don't say long sentences. When they are upset, don't try to reason. A pack and play is a good place to put a tantruming child when you're home. A carseat is a good place to put them if they are having a tantrum when you're out. Never give a child what they want if they start having a tantrum - you teach them that this is how they get what they want, if you do. Leave the store, cart and all. Stand outside of the car and "read your phone" and act like you don't care. Once in a while, open the car door and say "Are you done?"

You have to be the parent. Children need limits. They actually want limits. But you need to always keep in mind how to give them some successes. Taking them out when they are fed and rested first helps give them more of a chance to be successful. So, think smart and don't overdo. And never give in to a tantrum.

One of the best things I did was take some early childhood education classes at the community college. I never would have thought to do this, but I went back to school when my son was 18 months old and it was a requirement for him to be enrolled there at the onsite daycare. It was one of the best things I ever did, it made me such a more educated, patient and effective parent. I also spent quite a bit of time talking with my kids' preschool teachers, because THEY were professionals after all, and I learned so much from them as well.

Try reading Parenting with Love and Logic. It's a lifesaver. and try to enjoy this phase....as challenging as it can be, you only travel this with them once. oh, and lots of hugs and kisses!!!!!!!! :-) S.

The two's go away? And here I thought it was just different challenges and no one came up with a cute name for a pre-teen with a mouth :).

For me, it was more threes I think.

But I think a lot of it is toddlers are testing their limits. Seeing what they can get away with. They are testing their independence.

I had one really who would tantrum - and it was partly because he couldn't hear. So if he was enjoying himself and it was time to go, he used to just be horrible - I remember he`d go limp so I couldn't even pick him up.

Or he`d howl. I just avoided going in public (malls, etc. )for a while.

Distraction, making sure he was well fed, not tired, keeping visits or trips out short so he didn't get antsy or tired out, and nipping tantrums in the bud worked best.

If he was howling just for the sake of it, I`d say `When you can be quiet and listen you can come join us`and I`d move to the next room. Still visible, but I just wouldn't even try reasoning with him. What`s the point right - they aren't listening. So I remember my husband picking him off the floor at the mall, throwing him over his shoulder, and we left.

He quickly learned that if he carried on, he wouldn't get to do fun stuff or go places.

Consistency.

And it's hard when they go down in naps - because it's an adjustment. So expect some crankiness - that's to be expected. Good luck :) It doesn't last

Mama2KCK, they are called threenagers.
Honestly, I feel like it does not end it just changes. And, whatever you do now sets the whole tone for the years to come. We have been at this for three years and I am just starting to see the fruits of my labor. Don't get me wrong, she still acts like a baby-- crying, screaming, whining-- but, is starting to understand consequences. Be patient, creative, firm, and consistent, even now. Know that this will pass eventually. Also, be prepared for it to constantly change. What worked wonders for weeks probably won't work the next. Don't beat yourself up too much over it. Older generations remark their children never acted that way, however I think they were blessed with lack of memory.

adding details to your question will get better answers...
when my kids were two they were pretty easy going. i gave them choices for everything like the previous poster suggests. and rarely had them acting terrible. i think that 3, 4 and 5 have been a bit worse in my house... they learned to lie, back talk and deliberatly disobey just for fun so its been more challenging.

I loved the terrible twos...b/c they really aren't that terrible in the grand scheme of things. Just try to remember they are not being difficult they are only trying to assert their opinions. So my advice, give the two year old 2 choices in everything that you possible can, makes them feel good and like they are gaining some control over their little lives, as they should.

So I don't know what your main issue is, but if it's b/c they are not liking lunch, or getting dressed, or or or...would you like cereal or pancakes for breakfast? Your red shoes or your white shoes? Would you like to help buckle the car seat or can I do it for you? After lunch you can read a book or play cars before nap time, which one sounds fun today?
That kind of stuff.