Who Gets up with the Baby in the Middle of the Night?

My kids are older, but now they always call for Daddy. Suits me : )

Seriously though, he should help with the nighttime stuff.

Nearly everyone I know (and related to) will agree 990ish% of the time it seems like us moms are the ones to get up in the middle of the night. Honestly I agree that there's no need for both of us to get us and I was such a light sleeper that I would have woke up and been hearing every sound even if hubby was up with baby. I could always get the baby taken care of more quickly than him and after those middle of the night feedings are over and you are able to get more rest, you will look back on them and be glad you had the extra time to hold the bundle of joy. I don't know how many of us function with the lack of sleep but we do make it happen. Actually, I think diet Mt. Dew had a HUGE impact on me getting through those 1st few months!

Ive been on mat leave for a year, DD is 10 months, but in th early days, we both got up, regardless that he was up at 4 30 am, because its just not possible with a fussy baby to ever get sleep, and I needed help. (plus c section was a miserable exp. for me) he changed diapers, helped me get settled for a feed, & did the burps & helped settle baby. He still helps get her down at night, but i do the night wakeups, except for 1 weekend day that he takes over so I can try and sleep through the night.The last ten months feel like a big fog... we both have huge bags under our eyes, and dream of sleep.

When I was nursing my hubby got up changed our son, then brought him to me to nurse then after nursing I went back to sleep while he burped him and put him back to bed. We felt that it was a team effort to make the baby and it should be a team effort to care for the baby. Now that I am not nursing any more hubby does everything at night while I get my sleep since I am a bear when I am tired. He decided it was easier for him to get up instead of him having to deal with a grouchy wife. I feel that the daddy should also get up with mom even if mom is nursing.

Edit: Hubby shouldn't be angry at all, this is his baby too!

My husband gets up when we think our daughter is awake but NOT hungry. If she wakes at the usual time she gets hungry, I go to her within a couple of minutes of hearing her so that it doesn't wake him up.

You might consider NOT pumping in the middle of the night if you don't need that milk. When you pump, you're sending the message to your boobs to produce more milk, which further contributes to your engorgement. My boobs didn't get "sophisticated" enough to not be engorged between feedings until my daughter was probably 4 months or so. I know it's uncomfortable when you're engorged but, really, you will continue to overproduce if you continue pumping in the middle of the night.

Good luck!

DH and I made sure that only 1 of us got up with the kids. There was simply no reason for both of us to be awake, especially in the early weeks when sleep is in 2-4 hr segments.

We both work, and I'm the early bird. So the breakout has traditionally been he handles any wakeups until 2am, and I take any wakeups after that. I'm usually up to workout around 4:30am anyway, so that's not a huge stretch for me.

But shared duties from the very beginning, absolutely. In fact, that was the #1 reason I chose not to nurse, and used bottles. I didn't feel like I should be the only one doing overnights!

And honestly, you get used to being tired. Once I came off of maternity leave, both kids were usually only getting up 1-2x/night. Me only having to take one of those, typically. So it's not that bad. And by 5mos, both kids slept through the night.

I so often find that if I cannot easily answer the question, maybe I'm asking the wrong question. :)

In so many cultures around the world the solution to getting enough sleep with an infant in the home is quite simple, but in the US there are professionals who, unfortunately, raise what I feel are unreasonable fears about it. Most mothers around the world sleep with the baby during the period of nursing. I did this and never lost a wink of sleep. When my son got hungry, he was able to find his own groceries and put himself back to sleep. He was content. I was content. And, because he was in our bed, he got a lot more snuggle time with Dad and Dad did not have to be kept up for it. When he weaned, we had a double bed mattress in his room instead of a small bed. I simply laid with him until he fell asleep until he got used to sleeping entirely on his own. It was all so natural and simple. He is a remarkably healthy and happy 24 year old today.

I always wondered why so many parents in the US feel they are bound to the rituals that do not allow them to sleep at night. I just don't feel this is how we were designed to function. In fact, from what I have learned about brain development, the more time an infant is physically close to the person they are most attached to, the better the chances for healthy brain development. This appears to be especially true for the healthy development of the subconscious functions of the limbic system. When that part of the brain, which processes our survival instincts, does not develop properly, the child is far more likely to exhibit the out-of-control and over-reactive behaviors. From what I have studied, my theory is that when the infant is physically close to the parent, they sense the survival responses of the parents. They feel safe and their own survival mechanisms are allowed to develop naturally and gradually. I feel this is also why mothers traditionally strapped the baby to their body while working. Today, infants spend an extraordinary amount of time without physical contact with a main caretaker. The extraordinary rise in behavioral and learning disorders may be influenced by certain chemicals, but we should not too easily dismiss the effect that too much separation and independence during the first 1 to 3 years of life. Of course, much more research needs to be done and so many mothers have no choice about needing to go to work without their infant. But, what is stopping us from letting our infants sleep next to us? In most cases this is not only doable, it will allow you all to get some much needed sleep!

The warnings some doctors give about parents rolling over and suffocating a baby just are not supported by research. I remember learning of one incident of a mother who was passed-out-drunk who did this. If Dad has some sort of sleeping disorder you might not want the baby to sleep next to Dad. But, as long as you are not using drugs, drinking alcohol, or have a sleeping disorder, an uncomfortable baby should be able to wake you up.

In one book I read on the subject, the researcher pointed out that the overwhelming tendency around the world seems to prove that nations that do not allow the infant to sleep with at least one parent tend to be warring nations, while the nations that habitually allow the infant to sleep with at least one parent are peaceful nations.

So, I would suggest that you at least give it some thought. Good luck!

While I didnt' nurse, DH helped out. If you can get your baby to take a bottle I would certainly pump and get a break every once in a while. Because I work fulltime and had to get up in the a.m. as well I did not cut hubby any slack. 50/50 teamwork otherwise I wouldn't have been able to survive. If you are exclusively nursing then try to get to bed earlier while hubby keeps baby occupied or getting baby back to sleep so you can get a break. If you were a SAHM then of course the majority of the night feedings would fall on the Mom!

We split it 50:50. At the very beginning he got the first waking (I am miserable if I have to get up at 1 am), we alternated the middle one and I got the early morning one (he is miserable if he has to wake up at 5 am). After that we just alternated. Now (5 years later) if DS wakes up in the middle of the night and needs something, I am most likely to sleep through it. If DH has already checked on him, he will wake me up to go look at DS (fair enough).

Hi S.! Your husband should definitely get up to help. My husband always did at least a couple times per night. Our daughter got up 8-12 times per night for a year! It was awful.
You get used to it after awhile. Your husband will get used to it too. He's still a daddy in the middle of the night too!

Both of my kids have type 1 diabetes and we still get up at least once a night to check on them. Sometimes more. So, we went from getting up with a baby to getting up with our kids for other reasons. Your body adjusts after awhile. We are going on 4 years of sleepless nights. Sometimes it's hard but it's easier because my husband and I are a TEAM and help each other out.

Tell him that you need him to help because you are exhausted. You are absolutely right.....he can do those other things while you are pumping and you will not be so exhausted during the day!

Hugs!!! I hope things start getting better for you!

certainly if you are working your husband MUST help out. i did most of it (while i was nursing i did almost all of it, would occasionally pump a bottle so my husband could) because i was working less than he was. but my husband loved tending to his babies and didn't feel put upon by getting up with them when i needed a break.
khairete
S.

Hello. I've got a newborn one too and will be returning to work full time shortly and still exclusively BFing. It is hard to get up all night, but I did it with my first and will with my second because I don't see why we should both be tired all the time. That being said, my hubby does bedtime most nights for our 2-yr old and cooks and cleans at least as much as I do, so I try to give him his sleep (especially since he just doesn't function without it).

BUT, if you are really exhausted, you should try feeding baby and then handing him over to dad to put to bed. It's good not to always nurse baby
to sleep anyway as baby will better learn to settle again after waking up without always needing to nurse. And on weekends, see if dad cand get up for the early morning hours after you nurse so you can squeeze in a couple more hours. I know dads don't wake up as easily, so you'll just have to wake him up! I agree that he should be willing to help when you need it. If you are exhausted and baby super fussy, he should be willing to get up and burp & rock baby so you can get back to sleep more quickly.

Robyn is right--you need to stop pumping in the middle of the night. You are overproducing because you r telling your body you need more milk every time you pump. You should only pump whenever you miss a reg feeding, nit just when you feel full. It won't be comfy for a couple days, but you can wear a supportive bra while your milk regulates.

Good luck--it does get better. :)

How old is your baby? I just looked forward to six months old when we would wean the nighttime feed. Always me, even now. Moms do the worst of the work but get the best of the love.

Yes, it was always me who got up with baby. Hubby NEVER did. At first it made me upset, but then I realized that's just the way it is. For most people, not just me. I did breastfeed so that had a lot to do with it.
I started bringing baby into our bed so I could nurse him and go back to sleep. It worked very well! He would latch on and I would doze off. When he was done he's go back to sleep to. That way neither one of us was too sleep deprived.

In 8.5 years, with 3 kids now, I could probably count on ONE hand the number of times my hubby got up in the middle of the night to soothe a crying baby/upset child. Sigh. It's just the way it is...

Our first son was sleeping 10 pm to 5 am at 3 months and up to that point I was strictly nursing and on maternity leave so I was the one up. On the rare occasion he would wake up (once I went back to work) we pretty much split the nighttime duty. We also had a weekend schedule. Friday night he would get up with baby and I got to sleep all night and sleep in on saturday morning. Then Sat night and Sunday am I would get up and he got to sleep.
With our second my hubby was working graveyard so it was always me and he didn't start sleeping through the night until he was a year old!

With both my children (and probably this one too), I was the one who got up during the nights. As most have said, this had more to do with the fact that I was BFing exclusively and that even if Hubby gave the baby a bottle, I would still need to pump to maintain my supply. Having Baby do the work was way easier (IMO), then having to set up the pump.

We kept the baby in the bedroom the first 6 weeks or so and then transitioned to the crib in the nursery. At that point, I tried to make it a point to nurse in that room so as not to disturb Hubby and to keep things low-key for the Baby. This is not to say that there weren't nights where I just could not will myself to move (from exhaustion) and Hubby would go get Baby and we would nurse in bed and all fall asleep together.

My suggestion is just to keep things low-key. Use soft plug-in styled night lights to line the hallway and even the nursery. Find a CD that everyone likes and can fall asleep to and turn it on (even at 2AM) if needed. Create a nice warm snuggly nursing area in the nursery for yourself so you don't get "shocked" awake by the cold. Don't be afraid to bring baby into your bed if you really need to.

I found that by the time I returned to work from leave (around 3 months), we had gotten to a "schedule" that allowed me to support my work needs - 8pm, midnight, 4AM-ish and then 8AM (prior to leaving for work). The thing is, I needed to be as disciplined as the baby and make sure I was sleeping in between - so, yes, I went to bed at 8PM!!

I would like to note that in my case, Hubby would have been more than willing to get up and help if he could have. (Heating a BM bottle is just as time consuming as pumping, IMO and defeats the whole keeping it low-key attitude as baby needs attention right then and there; not four or five minutes later when the BM bottle is finally warmed up...)

~C.

My husband doesn't hear her, and when he did try a few times, after I pushed him out of bed, the baby was having none of it, and would scream until I came and got her, then promptly settle down and went to sleep. I found I was awake anyway because of the screaming, might as well spend the time to just put her down so we are not both tired and cranky.

The one thing that helped was that he would put her to bed at night so I could lay down for a few hours and get some sleep. He never has mastered the art of the nose sucker and just can't seem to do it. She isn't exactly cooperative either, so I don't blame him on that.

Well as of now Im a sahm and my hubby is laid off for the winter, so we don't really have to get up early for work. But I wake up with our DD every time. SHe is only 6 weeks though. I nurse her exclusively, so my DH doesn't need to wake up to feed her, and he sleeps thru anything. But she does have a colostomy bag and changing her diapers suck becuase at each change I have to empty the bag and make sure it isnt leaking but DH doesnt bother to help with that. If your making too much milk, quit pumping. That increases your supply. Be engorged and let baby regulate you. Then the engorgement will go away. My DD was in the hospital for the first 4 weeks of her life and I wasnt allowed to bf so I had to pump and my supply was all out of whack. But in the 2 weeks that she has been home from the hospital, I have not once pumped, and my supply is very good. I do get a little engorged though when she goes 5-6 hours thru the night without eating.

My husband and I split the night wakings. We started our schedule with our first son. We used formula so we did not have to deal with me doing all the feeding. Both of our sons go/went down at 10 pm and woke up at 7am. If they woke up before 2:30, I got up with them. If they woke up after 2:30, my husband got up. That way we each got at least 4 1/2 hours of uniterrupted sleep. It worked for both of our boys.