Why Am I Thinking About Doing Bad Things to My Baby?

From all your posts, you seem quite overwhelmed by this baby. You have exclusively breastfed for a long time, and that takes a toll on any woman, even if she's philosophically in favor of it. Weaning is hard, and so is having an underweight baby (as you discussed in prior posts). It's normal to just be so totally sick of the crying. And it doesn't mean you don't love your baby - it means there are stresses and strains of raising a child. There are times when we are so sick of our kids, and that can happen at 2 weeks, 12 months, and 12 years.

The issue for me is that you want to hurt him, or just let him do his thing without intervening if he's upset. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with making a child this age wait a few minutes until you are free, or letting him try to settle himself down without racing to his side with every peep or crying jag.

But that is not what you are talking about. You are more than tired, overwhelmed or depressed. It's time for intervention. Please do at least one of the following tomorrow: call your baby's pediatrician, your primary care doctor, or your obstetrician/gynecologist, and say very simply: "I need help. I often think about hurting my baby. I need to see someone immediately." Whoever you get through to first should be able to help you. You must act immediately - wanting to hurt your child is something that can and must be treated. You are not alone, but you cannot manage this alone either.

Hey Mama,
You are experiencing a serious medical condition that can be very dangerous if left untreated. Pregnancy changes a mother's brain chemistry. Sometimes the shift can result in psychosis. The good news is that it is extremely treatable. It is so good that you reached out!! You are going through hell. It takes guts to admit to yourself let alone others that you are having thoughts of hurting your baby. Please see your gynecologist or the pediatrician today. If you can't get in today to see them, drive to the emergency room and let them know you are having thoughts of hurting your baby. These thoughts don't make you a bad person. You are having clinical levels of postpartum. You need medication and therapy to shift your brain chemistry. If you are worried about the cost of getting help or worried about people's judgement, push those worries aside. The first priority is to get you and your baby safe. We are with you!! Sending prayers and hugs your way!! Please keep us posted!

It's one thing to have the blues, postpartum, and to be stressed - however wanting to harm your baby is a red flag to get in touch ASAP with a crisis line or a health care provider (you can call your dr's office and speak to the nurse).

A few times when my first had colic, I just didn't know what to do and I'd have rocked him for hours and I would need a break. I had to let him cry for a few minutes until I collected myself. That is different I believe from what you are describing. What you are describing suggests you need help pronto.

No judgement here - just make sure you get help. It will make the world of difference to you and your baby. Keep us posted.

please call a crisis hotline to get help.

ask your pediatrician for help.

ETA: your posts are confusing - you state you're a single working parent in one post - now you're claiming to be a stay at home mom in this post.

There is something very disconnected in these posts.
Please Google a crisis helpline in your community and call asap.
You will never forgive yourself if your child is harmed or neglected.
He's an innocent baby.

Please listen to the advice in these posts. You need help. You need to go to your gynecologist and get some help. AND you need help with the baby.

Updated

Please listen to the advice in these posts. You need help. You need to go to your gynecologist and get some help. AND you need help with the baby.

You need to get help ASAP. You may have post-partum depression or post-partum psychosis.

I understand. Do yourself and your baby a favor. And talk to your doctor. It doesn't have to be a psych doc, it can be a nurse, an primary care, her pediatrician... they will all point you the right way. It is normal to have hormonal fluctuations, and if you take meds of any kind, it can mess with you.

I am positive you love your baby, and you wouldn't do anything to harm him. It's just the mind is a fickle thing.

Get help.

You need a break. All moms do at times. This is why Mother's Day Out is so successful. Look for a nearby Methodist church and find out if they have a Mother's Day Out program. If they do then enroll your little one at least one day per week.

Please find some friends that you can talk to and go do things with. Being home all day with a little one isn't always joy and sunshine and roses. For me it's extremely tedious and stressful. I need to be out of the house and around people. I am an extrovert and thrive in situations where I'm around a lot of people.

I can't cope with being home all day and doing baby stuff.