Why Is It So Hard to Use My Gift Cards and Money on Me??

I hear you. I need clothes so badly. I noticed I had totally worn out a pair of shoes and I do not know how long they had been that way!

I put on a vest and realized it was all pilled up.. My favorite jeans have paint stains and my tshirt tops are all faded.. And yet, today as UI sat down to look for a pair of walking boots, I marked about 5 things for my daughter and still do not have the nerve to order the boots that I need and are on sale! BTW.. my daughter is 20 and has tons of money from Christmas!

My husband was so excited when I showed him the boots in the catalog, he also thought all of the marked pages were for me and said go for it.. Then I told him the clothes were for daughter and he just rolled his eyes.. LOL..

I AM going to finally buy boots, some tops and at least 1 new pair of jeans.. I am going to tell my daughter to force me to just do it.. she is even bossier than me..

I'm sitting here laughing at this, I was given some cash for christmas. And told to spend it on myself. So just last night I go to the mall with my 13 yr. old daughter. And what did I get 2 pair of sweats and some jeggings for daughter. LOL oh well, I just told myself I really don't want any new clothes until I lose more weight. (My way of justifying it)

I do the same thing. My in-laws gave me a gift card to Kohls, and I was told that I would be in very big trouble if I spent it on anything other than something I wanted for ME. lol. So I bought 3 pairs of pants... which is more than I have bought for myself in the last 3 years. (although they had an awesome after-Christmas sale going, so I was able to slip in 3 books for my DD. (; lol)

Yes, mother's are driven to take care of their families!!! What we forget sometimes is that we ARE one of the members of that family that we take care of and we are soooo guilty of neglect when it comes to taking care of that member!!!

I always find great comfort and mental balance in remembering the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." So, I think to myself, "If I were my husband, how would I want my wife to take care of herself? If I were my children, how would I want my mother to dress? If I gave my daughter/daughter-in-law a gift card, how would I hope she would use it?"

Honestly, would you want to grow up remembering your mothers underwear in the laundry basket full of holes? Would you feel honored and respected if you gave a gift certificate to someone and they spent it on others?

Just imagine neglecting your husband or one of your children to the extent that you neglect yourself. If guilt is going to be your motivation, at least turn that guilt around so that you would feel guilty to not spend every penny on the person for whom the gift was intended. Honor your family by given them a well cared for mother!!!

So, get your attitude straightened out, stop taking all the fun out of it by giving it way to much serious thought, and let the shopping begin!

I know, right? A couple of years ago, immediate family started drawing names- instead of struggling to think of small gifts and spreading $ around on everyone, we draw one name, and there is a $100 limit. It is so fun for us all to get that one gift that was on our 'list'! Anyhow, all I wanted this year was to shop- for myself! I need clothes and shoes for work, and I spend any disposable income on school clothes (for my 5 yr old!!) This year I asked for a giftcard to the mall, and my card specifically read "For *yourself* No diapers, waffels, toilet paper, water bills, or kid's clothes may be purchased with this giftcard!" It's HARD, but rules are rules!!

I do the same thing!

My MIL gets me a $200 gift card to my favorite store (Target, of course) every Christmas and I Love it and Look forward to it all year....but I never come home with anything for myself!

~This year I am gonna try to just splurge on ME! I desperately need to bras and panties and haven't bought myself any new ones in years! :)

I'm the same way BUT I am getting better. My husband likes me to dress nice and gives me a hard time if I continually wear worn out clothes. So that encourages me to actually buy myself something. =) But I'm the exact same way. I think it's a mom thing. You are probably constantly thinking of things to get for your family so when you get a gift card, you naturally think of things for them.

Yep, I do this too.

We have to be careful or our kids & spouses will see this as an invitation to always put us second, because that's what WE do.

It took me a long time to figure this out. I sometimes stil spend the cards on the kids, but mine are too little to understand that. I NEVER spend it on DH anymore!

It's just how most Moms are. There was a HUGE worldwide study - and the results were: Give a Mother money and the family will prosper or get a higher standard of living. Give it to the Father, and the Father gets something for himself.

Biology designed most of us Moms to be the ultimate protector and caregiver. Knowing this - TRY to spend something on yourself.

because you are mom, we never buy anything for ourselves

Nope. No problem here. If it was given TO you, use if FOR you!

That's what happens when you're a Mom :)

Same here! But, this year my husband and family got me gift certificates to a specialty store that ONLY I can shop at. It's for women...no kids, no husbands! They all know it's hard for me to shop for myself, especially when I start thinking about bills to be paid, grocery shopping that needs to be done, ect. But if I can ONLY spend the money at that one spot, then I guess I'll have to buy myself something!! lol
About a year ago I started losing a significant amount of weight and it became fun for me to get my hair done, buy new clothes, get new shoes...ect! I really started to feel great about myself and appreciate ME! It is not selfish to take care of us first sometimes!
L.

um....I feel guilty if I buy myself new underwear (!) so yeah, I definitely have this same problem. Luckily my husband tries to encourage me to treat myself every now and again, so I'm getting better.

yes, i am the same way, though with my recent experience I may have hit a breaking point. I think the whole martyrdom thing is fine but not in excess. I am learning to back away from doing everything for everyone all the time and putting myself in a backburner. I know it will be hard but do go spend that gift card on yourself. Kids probably got plenty for christmas. get something for yourself now.

I feel this way sometimes too although I went to the store today and bought Christmas stuff that was on clearance and some pieces for my village that were marked down.

My hubbytold me last nite on our way home all the $$$ I received is for me not the kids not on diapers just on my needs

I am the same way, always have been and always will. My daughter is #1!!! But if the gifts were for you, try to treat yourself!! I know its hard, but you got to take care of yourself!!

Keep practicing, it'll get easier (LOL!) - we like to take care of others. Maybe if you make a deal with yourself to just spend a portion on "them" so you can feel good about spending the rest on you :)

There comes a time in life when you have to become selfish and use what is given to you for you otherwise you won't have anything and everybody else will have it all. So take that money and go to a spa or have a nice hot coffee at Starbucks and enjoy being a woman again without the kids around. You will appreciate the kids more when you get home. Basically take a break and be your old self.

The other S.

PS Since you are on a budget this will not go against what you have this is separate.

I'm like this too now but if I don't feel resentful or like I need something, why fight it? I figure there will be years again for me to focus on buying what I want. Some friends who still don't have kids were giving me a hard time about my wardrobe a year or two ago and while they have a point and I did buy a few new things because we can afford it, I also felt like "I have more important things to worry about!" If I don't care (and my husband), that's all that matters. I do treat myself to things like a movie, pedicure etc. That is what I want now more than "things". And as my kids are getting older, I'm starting to care a bit more about my clothes and stuff so I think it all comes back to us later. In the meantime, why waste the money? I'd do something fun or save it for when I really want something.

Oh man. I am struggling with that too, right now! The thing is, my husband gave me a gift certificate (my request) and I know he would feel bad if I didn't spend it on myself. He will probably shop with me to make sure I don't buy stuff for the kids.

Time to bite the bullet and let yourself be appreciated by whomever gave you the gift! :)

Hahaha I feel your pain! Every year I ask for gift cards to places that benefit the whole family (grocery store, Target, Walmart, etc.). My BIL finally told me he wanted to get something for ME this year...it took every ounce of my strength to give him a store I like to shop at and not my "normal". I say, use at least half of the gift card on yourself (so you get something for you), and save the rest to use at a later time either on you or your kids. I think most moms have the same problem! Good luck!

I'm pretty bad about this, but not to a fault. My hubby found a way around it this year (kind of). I just took up sewing recently, so he got me a gift card to Joann's fabric store. That way, I would use it on myself. I briefly considered buying some fabric to make the kids something, but didn't. I bought a mat and rotary cutter that I wanted instead. I think about all that the kids got this year for Christmas and my daughter's birthday is tomorrow, so they have PLENTY! You have to let yourself have something every once in awhile and you might as well do it when it doesn't impact your own budget. Use it and ENJOY it!

It happens to me all the time I do the same with my kids or I think about what my husband may want or need. I think as women and mom's it is natural to put others before ourselfs. I try and do something with those things that I would not normall, go get a manicure or pedi, as my kids would say "SPA DAY" for mom :O). Go get the CD you want or new book or even a new pair of shoes even if it is practical.

I try to think of them as a coupon.

Yep, I've been guilty of that, too. BUT, this year, we each got money from one of our relatives, and I pooled it to buy 2011 Season Tickets to a water park!!! It's something we can all enjoy, and the gift keeps on giving all summer. I'm really excited about it and so are the kids! Maybe you could do something like that if you can't think of something else that you want. Enjoy it no matter how you choose to spend it!

I'm the same way! And every year that I get clothes from someone, I make up an excuse as to why it doesn't fit, ask for a gift receipt to exchange and then get something for one or all of my girls. It must be a requirement as a mom to be this way :)

Ha! I asked my husband the same thing the other day. I got gifts cards for Christmas and my birthday and they are still in my wallet. I went out shopping twice to different stores and can't find anything I want! You're not alone.

i am the same way! i hold on to them until there is something i really like but cant justify spending money on it.

When we get a good sized one we usually try to split it for everyone. Like if I'd like some clothes I'll maybe use the Old Navy $5, 10, 15 section and buy for all of us.

Sometimes my wonderful husband just pitches a fit and follows me around a particular store (that he insists I choose) and pulls anything back out of the cart that's not just for me...

It's ridiculous, isn't it?

Ha. sounds just like me! Went to Target today and wanted to get my nephew a shirt, my son this, my neice that. I think it's because I like to buy gifts. We are also on a tight budget, so I don't always get to buy a lot of bday and christmas gifts. Luckily I did have some items in mind. Got me some things, plus a couple for my son. Next holiday, ask for Gift Cards that only you will enjoy - a massage, pedicure, etc. Either way - as long as you are happy and don't feel deprived, then spend your cards on whatever you want. (another idea - don't spend all of your card in one shop. Then you'll get home and a week later think "Oh I want that!" and hopefully you'll have the right giftcard so you can buy that item for yourself).

I used to be the same way when my kids were still home. Now I do better but its still the same mind set. I think it because we put our children before our selves all the time it's natural and when your on a budget it makes it really hard. But it's your gift money you should spend it how you want, I have spent my share of Christmas money on gas and groceries because it's what I needed at the time.

Not UHHHH, that is MINE! I have a rule about this, if it is given to YOU, YOU USE IT! Heck, I made a list of things that I would purchase for myself should my family to the gift card route so I had NO HESITATION ... Granted they found wonderful gifts and I went out and got the needs from my list and as I have the alloted funds will get the other items I would like. My hunny and I have a monthly allowance of 50 bucks, yes even when money is tight, that is for usto spend on US. No household items/kid items/toys/etc it is used for us alone. That is what I use to get makeup or my nails done each month. So, I have no problem spending the money on me... it's ok to be selfish sometimes, just as long as you are not cruel about it.

It's not unusual among mothers. We have a lot of responsibility, and it means we have a lot of necessary self-sacrifice.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes, but I found for myself when my children were small that this self-sacrifice became almost a prideful thing - "Look what a good mother I am, never thinking of myself!"

It's easier to do that than to find the good balance between taking care of oneself and taking care of others.

You might think of it this way: your being able to consider yourself and living a balanced life is a way to model to your children how they need to be when they grow up - not selfish, and not prideful.

I don't know what kind of gift cards you have, but perhaps they can go toward a monthly budget item for haircuts, or manicures. Or can you use some of your gifts to join a local gym or the Y? You don't have to blow it for designer clothes and you don't have to buy diamond jewelry. Keep being a good budgeter and squeezing the pennies until Mr. Lincoln says, "Ouch!" But this can be a special challenge. You can do something that benefits you and makes you feel good but isn't totally frivolous.

S., You are out of practice, you need a plan. I had the same mind set, during my child raising years.

Periodically, I was invited to a luncheon, a funeral home visitation, bridal & baby showers, night out in the city with old friends, invited to a play, a concert, dinner at a "non fast food" restaurant.

I recall frantically trying to pull an outfit together, so I could look presentable. My closet had a hodge podge of clothes that didn't fit, were out of style, stained or worn out.

I realized I needed Outfit #1
A casual polished look.
1 pair of dark jeans and 1 pair of dress pants or kahki's.
A blazer or a cardigan or vest
A belt
A blouse or top (v-neck, turtle neck etc... ) or sweater
A scarf or and a necklace,earrings, bracelet
A pair of shoes, hosiery or socks
Well fitting bra or undergarments.

Outfit #2
Casual Sweats
Suitable to be worn to the grocery store, kids ball game, a casual party at home where you feel "pulled together." but not over dressed.
Start with a zip front hoodie and a pant that matches.

Seek out Athletic Wear versus "sweats, they make all the difference between baggy and an outfit that skims the body.
You'll need
Zip front hoodie and coordinating pants.
2 long or short sleeve t-shirts or v-neck shirts or turtle necks to coordinate.
Include a streamlined "puma" style tennis athletic shoe.
2 pair of coordinating socks.
Possibly a sports bra.

I hope this will help jump start your gifts to yourself.
A.

LOL - you are definitely NOT alone with this. I do it - all the time!! But I really need to remember I need something new too - not all the time, but it's good for us. Just physically doing it - spending it on ourselves is the hard part. I have to force myself sometimes too. :P

so true! maybe you can start keeping a wish list?