Why Won't My Baby Play by Herself

I think that it's crazy to say they can't play by themselves at this age. But I suppose you have to define by themselves.

First I should say that I've cared for at least 300 children in almost 21 years plus my own I've raised.

Most 1 year old kids want to be within an arms distance from their moms or their caregivers. That means they can be taught to carry their toys around the house and play near mom in whatever room mom is in. If you give frequent hugs and talk to them while you work, then they will learn to play mostly on their own. But, you can't expect them to play by themselves if you just stop what you are doing every few minutes and sit down and play with them. Being able to entertain oneself is a learned habit that is born of necessity. All kids at this age want an active audience and cheering section. But if you back off and stop giving in every time they whine or cry you will develop a self-sufficient child. You have to strike the balance.

I believe all children should be taught to self-entertain. Even if a parent is a stay at home parent now, they could be forced to go back to work if something happens like their spouse leaves them or gets sick or something else happens to force the issue. It's very hard on caregivers to get this child into care that is used to being the center of attention all the time. It's very hard on the child to go into a group of children too and suddenly find themselves waiting in line or having to share toys.

I'm not advocating a totally hands off approach. But I do believe that a child needs to learn how to do things for themselves before they go to daycare or school, unless ofcourse they are already in daycare. Then this just isn't an issue. I know that no matter how much I might have liked to have spoiled my own daughters, I never could. They had to share me with several other children. Any mom of multiples knows what I'm talking about.

The bottom line is, we just don't do our kids any favors by running to their side every time they wimper a little bit.

Suzi

My nearly 15 month old was the same way until very recently. All of a sudden, this past week, he has started shutting himself in his room to play alone. Everything comes with time, so try to be patient. Before you know it, she'll be so independent, you'll long for the clingy days!

Hi A.,

From my experience your daughter is NOT to young to play by herself. I have 4 children myself and the youngest is going to be one in a week and a half. My daughter will go off and play by herself and at the sametime she will cry at my feet.

So here is what I do
1) if you are fixing dinner and she is at your feet she may be wanting something to eat so I would put her in her high chair and give her a cracker or some fruit puffs to tie her over until snack time.

If you are not fixing dinner or anything like this then give her something to play with like a glad bowl and a wooden spoon or something like this. Event he fruit puffy container they like because it makes noise.

One other thing that I do if I want my daughter to eat dinner and I really don't want to give her a snack before dinner is give her a little juice and water in a sippy cup. This usually does the trick also.

1 other thing is by her a couple new small toys, only pull these toys out when you are fixing dinner or doing dishes, a specific time when you are not able to sit down and play with her.
I totally feel your pain and understand. After I give my daughter a cup or a cracker or something like this she will usually go off and play by herself or sit down and play with whatever I have given her.

Hope this helps you, W.
P.S. let me know if you need a few more ideas.

Your daughter is totally normal she is a little young to play by herself if she does it will be for very short periods of time. I would try putting her in her crib or a playpen at different times during the day when she is not tired and give her a few toys to play with but we are talking maybe 15 minutes at a time. If I was going to be in the kitchen for any amount of time I would put the playpen in the kitchen with me and talk to my kids and tell them what I was doing but not play with them. If I was folding clothes I would give my kids the basket to keep them self busy while I folded. You are her playmate right now but it will pass so enjoy the time you have with her.

She's only 12 months - YOU are her biggest and BEST plaything. When you disappear from the room, you have disappeared from her sight, and in her 12 month old mind, you're GONE...and since you're her best toy, she will whine and cry. I think too many parents expect too much from a 12 month old.

You have not spoiled her.

She is too young to play by herself for extended periods of time....I would think at 12 months old 5 minutes would be ideal. Children at that age learn through play and they need you there with them to show them how to play nicely and share. They learn SO much through play, it's endless to type it all out. Her needing your guidance through play is not "being spoiled" and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

All kids are different, but some just want you more than others. I would just keep encouraging her to play alone as much as possible. If she starts to play with something, don't interrupt her. That will allow her attention span to grow naturally. New toys are a good idea, although it never worked with my son. I do not think it is realistic to expect her to be okay with you leaving the room.

I think a 12 month-old really is pretty young to be expected to play by herself. Children vary by age, but my 2 1/2 year old is just now able to do some. Try letting her get involved in something and then just observing and praising her for independent play- but she'll only be able to do a couple minutes at first- she'll become more independent as she gets older.

Hi A.,

I just read your request. And I really would like to respond. Every Child is different. My son, was content to sit and play by himself when he was young, and he still does that. But a good helpful hint I can give you, get your child into a daycare, or a babysitter that watches other children. Not just every now and then, you want to take her to a daycare for at least two weeks, drop her off and let her be there without you there. She will learn to play with other children. Right now she may think that the only other child to play with is you. NOT ALL CHILDREN LIKE TO PLAY BY THEMSELVES. Intorduce her to other children. Perhaps, volunteer to babysit a friends child close to her age at your house, and then let the 2 play together. My son was an only child. I introduced him to other children, because he started carrying on conversations with adults instead of playing with other children. perhaps get a part time job, or something where you can have your child around other children, without you there.
Hope this helps. Take care.