WOAH Just Got an Interesting Text!!

Do what you want, but I have a hard time understanding why anyone would send a text and not come to say it in person. Sounds cowardly and frankly non-committal to do it so impersonally. Do you want him back?

you are 16. I'm assuming the baby's father is also, or at least, around that age. It is good that he wants to be in the baby's life. Not knowing the situation, I would say that working on the relationship is good, but dont just jump into anything and dont let him try to guilt you out of things like paying child support. It's especially good that family is supportive, especially at you guys' age.

Your profile says you are 16 and pregnant.
Your bff is prego also.
You were "engaged" before but no man will love you as long as a child will, as you see it.

Men are way too stressful?
If your profile is true, men are not your problem. I'm hoping the father of your child is not a "man".

I think you should get some counselling and some good solid advice from people close to you about how to deal with parenthood while still juggling being a child yourself so that you can be the best mother you can be for your baby.
You like another boy, your baby's father texted you this....this isn't a game.
I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or insult you by any means. I have a daughter and all I can do is really pray that you have people around you to help you make mature decisions from here on out.

There's nothing wrong with you, but I think you should get some counselling, you and the father both, so that this isn't just relationship drama with a baby caught in the middle.

Best wishes.

Why did you break up to begin with? Unless it was a violent situation or he treated you disrepectfully, go ahead and work on a relationship. Even if it doesn't end up being a love match, you and your baby will benefit from a peaceful relationship.

Ignore texts. If people really want to talk, they TALK. It amazes me today how much angst and fighting goes on over text messages. If he wants to talk, he should do that -- talk. But you have enough going on in your life right now -- a young boy's texts aren't going to help. Ignore -- delete.

Stephaniee, is your ex also 16? You are both so young and emotions are running high as well as your hormones now that you are pregnant. Do you want him in your life? He can still be a daddy and not your BF. What does your family think? Take it step by step you don't need to go in "all or nothing" right now. Stay healthy and take your prenatal viatmins and everything will turn out as it should.

Oh, I think he's done enough already. Just ignore him.

Be careful with him. From the way you described him earlier you do not want get hurt or strung along at such a difficult time for you.

It is great if he will be a positive and beneficial support for you. However despite your understandable want to be with the father of your child and need to share this with him do not get stuck.

Keep going with your plans for school and make sure you and your daughter are taken care of. Even if he wants to he might not be ready for this role yet.

Get your life together and eventually when the time is right the right man that you deserve will come along to complete your little family...whether it is this guy or not time will tell.

I think that having a baby and a relationship are very premature at your ages. I would consider adoption and concemtrate on your education and getting a career, so that you can lead an independent and productive life. Babies should come later in life when we are more prepared mentally financially and in the context of a relationship. Have you watched the MTV series 16 and pregnant? I think Katelyn was the most wise of them all. Chances are, her child will grow up happier and provided for in a much better manner. The other girls are always stressed!
Good luck.

Think about what YOU want. Think about why you broke up in the first place. Is that something you can both work through? Do you want to make it work?

If YOU do want to, then I'd suggest you two start over. Start out with dating. Don't be in a rush to get married or anything - there's plenty of time for that! Take it slow & see where it goes.

My husband and I got pregnant very early in our relationship. It was rough, but our first priority was taking care of our daughter. We didn't get married until our daughter was 2 years old. She's now 4 1/2 and we are still happily married & have been together for about 5 1/2 years :)

Ignore him. He made his decision earlier and bailed, am I right? Stick to your gut. No one can really tell you what to do. I'd suggest finding out if you can somehow get child support from him. And go to a counselor. Anyone. You are going to be going through a lot (I know, i'm a single mom too) trying to figure out what you want exactly from him. If you need to talk you can personal message me!

Ignore it!

Take some time to determine what type of relationship you want to have with the father of your child. He is right about one thing, he will be in your child's life. Why did you break up? Ask yourself, can you get past that.

DON'T jump back into a romantic relationship with him. Take it slow. Start by talking to each other in person. NO texting, that's not how to build a relationship.

Hi Stephaniee
There are two aspects to this-1.deciding if you want to have a relationship with your baby's father. 2.If not how much input and access does the Dad have with the baby when he/she arrives.
Trust your instincts. Will having him in your life as a partner make your life happier or more stressful?. Do you love him and does he love you?.Make the decision that is best for you and the baby.
You know the answer already,just be honest with yourself.You have the right to be happy,always remember that.
Best of luck
B.

I think you need to focus on him having a relationship with your child before he has a relationship with you. I'm not quite sure the whole history, but it seems that he hasn't been supportive and has all of a sudden decided to be after 4 months of pregnancy? He has to want to be in ya'lls lives, not just making an effort because people told him to. I would say allow him to be part of the pregnancy, but don't be with him in a relationship. Tell him when important doctor's visits are and such, but leave it to talking about ya'lls child. Also, take some time to grow and care for yourself so you can be the best mother possible to this child. I know now that I am starting to really come along in my own pregnancy, I have found my child becoming a first priority with everything. I am still with the father (we're not married or engaged though), but even he has said that it seems like this baby is the most important thing right now. Your still pretty young (although definitely old enough to make rational decisions) so I would try to explore yourself. Someone else I think suggested Counseling, which I think is a great idea. I personally am a counselor, and I've done counseling myself just to deal with issues (even therapists need therapy). They are a good resource to help you get some of your own insight into your feelings and reason through difficult decisions. Don't get back together with him though just because of a text. Have him prove that he can and will be a father to this child, work on finding what you truly and deeply want, and explore all of your options. Don't just jump on the idea of being with him though cause he's willing now. If he really wants to be with you and be a family, he will be willing to support you while you take the time you need.

Do you have an older person in your life you can talk to about this, S.? An aunt, a school counselor? (You would almost certainly be allowed to chat with the counselor at your last school, even if you are not enrolled this year, so that he/she could turn you on to other resources.)

You sound like an independent-minded young woman, and that can be a very good thing. But it can also limit your options to try to figure it all out alone. Adults, no matter how worried you are about them not understanding what you need, have been around and had some experiences and training that could be helpful to you. Especially since you have considered going into counseling yourself (according to your profile), you might get a chance to ask questions.

You haven't given us much information, so it's going to be pretty hard for any of us moms out here to give you much useful advice. I'd say, proceed with caution. If your ex is under 20, neither one of you has much idea yet what a challenging ride parenting is, much less sticking it out as a couple. Both take a great deal of commitment. And both can be amazingly satisfying IF you both make a total commitment.

What is your heart telling you?
I would be concerned he may think long and hard and decide he changed his mind again. I would take it slow. Being in your life does not mean you have to be together as a couple. It could mean being good friends who jointly raise the child so don't assume anything - TALK in person -- too hard to read someone over the phone or in a text.
Best wishes

He TEXTED YOU?!?! Sounds to me like he needs to grow up still:( If you're interested, get counseling with him before you agree to see him. If you're not interested, tell him now that he's welcome to be in your son/daughter's life, but you won't be involved romantically.

My first question is how and/or why did it end? Was it mutual or a nasty break up. Did he treat you well while you were together? You need to do what feels right in your heart! If you think you want to make it work, take it slow. Ive always believed they are an ex is an ex for a reason. Good luck! C.

While I agree that texting can be cowardly....I believe he did it because he was afraid of rejection from you if he said it to your face and you rejected him...he'd be scared and embarassed etc. Sometimes people do take a break from a situation and then later realize what it is they really want and what they are missing out on. Nobody is perfect, and life is not perfect...take it slow and see where it goes if you want him back as well.

It's best for your baby to have a real family. You guys are REALLY young, but sometimes young people actually get married and make it work.

It's hard to give a simple response to teenagers with babies..

S.,
Think about it, do what you want, as the dad, he is entitled to be in your child's life as actively as possible, unless there's a court order, or arrangement.
As for you guys going back together, well, that's rice for another enchilada plate. Why did you guys break up? It's ok if you don't wanna go back with him, you're not harming your baby, quite the contrary, he won't be happy anyway if you guys get back together and are totally unhappy.
He might think he made a mistake, but it just sounds to me like he doesn't know what he wants yet, and will bail on you the first chance he gets. I would say, if you really REALLY want to, go very VERY slowly, with very limited time and benefits, see if he won't get all overwhelmed and leave again.
Good luck, hope you find this helpful.
Good Luck!!

It's worth it to try to work things out with him because you have a kid. I am a very hopeful person and I do believe that people can grow, mature, and change.

You clearly need to sit down and talk about this and TAKE IT SLOWLY so that you make SURE he's serious. You'll be able to figure it out by his consistency and priority (or lack of it).

Sometimes, these things DO help people to grow up. If he's willing to step up and man up, then you'd be foolish - for your sake as well as you child's - NOT to give him the chance.

You need to determine expectations, boundaries, talk about child rearing - make sure you're on the same page, talk about what things you're willing to compromise and what you're not. What things will you share? How do you feel about teaching, pre-school, spriritual things, etc.? LOTS to talk about. This is how you TRUELY get to know someone, too. Don't know how well you knew him before all this, but if you handle it right, it might be the best thing you've ever done - for you AND your child.

There isn't much that I can say that others have not said already, but you need to think long and hard and realize that once you have this baby, if you decide to keep it vs. giving it up for adoption, your life will never be the same. Babies and children are a blessing to be sure, but being a young mother while trying to complete school, go to college, etc. (and good for you for still having goals and wanting to finish them!) makes everything 10 times harder. I am not trying to discourage you, but you are very young (don't know how old the father of your baby is) and you may find that having a baby is way harder than you can imagine and not everything is going to turn out the way you are expecting it to. As for the text, I would agree that the mature thing for him to have done would be to talk to you in person. Is there a trusted adult in your life that you can talk to who can give you some guidance?

I am not judging this woman in any way, but this was her post from a few days ago, and I think it's a good example of what can happen when you keep getting pregnant and having kids without getting an education. Read it over more than once:

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/18236443788451119105

Good luck to you

This is what I tell my husband when we have had some over-the-top fights: you need to want to be with me, because you want to be with me....not because we have kids together. Our relationship has to be solid in order for everything else to work well. Our kids will see if we are unhappy and they will be unhappy. We are the example for them of what a relationship needs to be: 2 parents who love each other and commit to each other everyday. I would just make sure his reasons for coming back are not just for your child, but for you as well :) Good luck!

I just wanted to say to all the other people who asked why he texted, I think it's because they are 16 years old! S., what is your parents' involvement? What about his? I am glad you want to stay in school and go to college, but you can't do it all alone. Your friends may or may not stand by you. Seek your family's suport and assistance. If you think your family will kick you out when they find out you are pregnant, do some research on where else you can go. A shelter will have social workers and other support staff who can help you through everything. Have you been to see your doctor yet? It's really important, for your baby's health as well as yours.
Anyway, back to your question: Sit down and talk with your ex in person. Maybe with each of your parents if they are supportive. If it were me, I wouldn't worry about whether we were together or not. I would want a plan for taking care of the child. As you work together on the most important collaboration you'll ever share with someone, see if you still enjoy each other's company. You can share responsibilities and custody, whether or not you are boyfriend and girlfriend. You shouldn't feel obligated to be his girlfriend just because he wants to be involved with his baby.
You said you want to be a therapist, have you seen one yourself? Maybe someone to talk to would be a good thing for you right now.
Good luck!