Would You Call This Controling???

You need to respect his wishes and not spend any more time than necessary talking to your ex. Also-turn the tables and think just how you would feel if he was on the phone yukking it up with his ex and texting her all the time?? I am betting you would not like it at all. I am not a jealous person whatsoever but I would definitely be bothered by it. And he can probably hear you and realizes that it is not always about the children.

He pretty much told you that you are not spending enough time with him. This is one of those times, as a wife, that you need to HEAR what he's saying. If he is feeling secure he wont bug you about talking to your ex about the kiddos. If he's feeling neglected then you will have a problem. I know texting can take up a lot of time. I have friends that are texting me right now while me and hub are watching football games. He'll throw a little jab at me now and then like "Howcome you have so much to say to them but you arent talking to me?".... and I get that, and then I rub his feet or cut his toenails, or give him a facial or some other kooky thing to make him know he's still number one in my book.
I really dont know many husbands that would take kindly to their wife talking a lot to the ex.... that's a pretty touchy thing. I'm sure you wouldnt really like him talking to an ex either. There should be a set time that you discuss things with your ex that does not infiltrate your current marriage and time spent with your husband, seriously.

Do yourself and your marriage a favor and pick up a copy of "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." It will give you a good insight as to his way of thinking.

I am somewhat going to side with your husbamd on this one. thought you may be friendly with your ex husband you have a husband right in your face. true you have to deal with each other because you have children together but i think that's a bit disrespectful to your current husband. if you guys are such great friends then why are you divorced. my boyfriends childrens mother get on my last nerves calling and texting just because. so i know just how your husband feels. and though he knows you love him there is no reason for you to be galavanting with the ex unless it concerns the children. it does not look good and it made me suspicious of him and the ex's, so in all honesty i think you might need to calm what you are doing down. so i don't think your husband is being controlling, it's just not a good look for someone that is married or supposed to be in a commited relationship. and you already stated that all you conversations( talking and texting) are not about the children and you have so much work to do around the house how are you finding time to talk to an ex and not your husband? good luck
s/n put yourself in his shoes, would you likeif he was always texting and talking to his ex's?

Nope wouldn't call this controlling unless there is a lot more to this situation then you have mentioned. I'm glad to hear that your ex and you have been able to be nice to each other but texting him a lot but to busy with "chores" to spend time with your husband doesn't make much since. Send nice text's to your hubby instead.
I would think it would be very hard to be friends with your ex and not have your husband be a little jealous. I assume you were once in love with your ex and now to still care enough about your ex to still be friends that talk a lot may be very difficult for your hubby to understand. Good luck with the situation. \
Glad you have a husband that expresses to you his need to be with you more, he must really love you.

My advise would be to be honest with yourself and how would you feel if the situation was reversed and thats your answer.
As I said be honest with yourself,if you feel your husband is being too controlling then talk to him and let him know that you will not accept this ,that you are a grown adult and can make your own choices etc.
If he has a point be nice and try to make changes,
All the best
B.

Sounds like your current husband lacks security in your relationship and has self-esteem issues. Let him know how you feel while allowing him to express himself as well. Put it all out on the table...communication is the key! If he doesn't have any children of his own it may be difficult for him to understand why you talk to your ex so much or text. Reassure your love for him and your relationship and I hope everything irons itself out!

I would agree with others on here and question how much time you spend texting your ex and what specifically you are texting about. I would consider having an actual conversation with your ex over the phone with your husband present so he knows you are not talking or texting about anything inappropriate. You need to communicate with your ex about matters related only to your children and save your friendship for your husband. Otherwise you might be looking at divorce #2.

I think I would consider it a compliment that he wants to spend more time with you. I think I would be a little upset if my husband was on the phone a lot with an ex. Sometimes you need to reverse roles and see how you would feel in his shoes. If he feels like you are busy with the domestic chores then maybe he can help you and afterwards you can spend more quality time together. I know that when my ex wants to get back together he can think of a lot more things that are urgent and he needs to talk to me about.

Updated

I think I would consider it a compliment that he wants to spend more time with you. I think I would be a little upset if my husband was on the phone a lot with an ex. Sometimes you need to reverse roles and see how you would feel in his shoes. If he feels like you are busy with the domestic chores then maybe he can help you and afterwards you can spend more quality time together. I know that when my ex wants to get back together he can think of a lot more things that are urgent and he needs to talk to me about.

Usually, when women speak of their husbands on this site as controlling, they mean something other than this.

I don't know if your current husband has an ex-wife or not, but let's suppose he does. If he spent a considerable (that's an important qualification) amount of time talking to his ex-wife, and they texted back and forth, would you possibly begin to wonder why on earth he divorced her and married you? Suppose he spent a considerable (!) amount of time on the phone with his friends instead of being with you; how would you feel about that after a while?

In maintaining that you don't spend much time with him, your husband is trying to tell you that he wonders if your homemaker work AND your communication with your ex are more important to you than he is. Is that so?

It can be amazingly hard to read signals (I say this from experience!), but please call a sitter to care for your children, and take your husband out on a date as soon as you can! Let him know how special he is to you. You've been actually married only four months; that means you're still newlyweds!

The laundry will wait, and so will the cleaning. Love won't (not in this case).

Also, try something secretly. Keep a little notebook with you, and jot down every day how many times you communicate with your ex. Journal how many minutes each day that involves, and make a note of what you talked about. Then try to cut that time in half.

JcC, it sounds like you are too close to your ex. I'm sorry - it's not what you want to hear. But you married someone else. If you wanted to still be close to your ex, you shouldn't have gotten married. I don't mean that to sound harsh, or like a cut down, but it's true.

What you are doing is giving your ex part of your heart. Your new husband deserves it instead. You really should just be talking about the kids with the ex, for the most part, and maybe a little chit-chat. But nothing about your new marriage or when you two used to be married. Being close to your ex just takes you away from bonding with your husband. You have a new family now and need to look forward to that instead of living in the past.

I know it's easier said than done. But you really should tell your ex that for the health of your marriage, you have to limit your communication with him. If you don't, you may find that your new marriage is kaput. Your husband isn't so much trying to control you as he is trying to save his marriage.

Dawn

This is all just a communication issue between you and your husband that I believe can be worked out. I think 2nd marriages with exes and kids could use counseling sometimes to work through these issues. I don't think that either you or your husband are in the wrong, I think you just want different things and need to work it out together by talking more without being emotional about it.

even if it's not necessarily mean what he's doing, i'm sure in a way it makes you feel uncomfortable, or else you wouldn't have posted on here. in answer to your primary question, yes, in my opinion only, he is being controlling. (i hate controlling men, i swear!) :)
now as far as spending time w/him, idk what to say about that, but i would definitely explain to him about why/how you talk to your ex, re-assure him you love him & him only, but you're not gonna tolertate (say it sweetly if you must!) him acting as if you're doing something wrong & telling you what you can/can't do. if you care enough, i guess go ahead and ask him what makes him so mad about you talking to your ex, then that'll give you a chance to explain. :)
idk girl, good luck sweetie.... :)

I agree with some of the other posters that you should, in your mind and reverse the situation. Is it "so" much time that you'd feel snubbed?
Are they all your kids?
Is he a father? If so, what kind of a relationship does he have with his ex?
Overall though, I really don't like the idea of a man telling a woman what she "can" and "cannot" do...that's not how it operates at my house (both ways). If there is love, stability and security there, then he's acting like baby.

Controlling? Maybe, maybe not.

One of the things that drove a major wedge between my husband and myself is that he has ALL the time in the world for other people, but when rarely any time for ME.

Seriously, he'd spend an hour on the phone with a friend, but then be too busy for a 10 minute conversation with me. He'd drop money going out the with boys but if I wanted to go out, "we don't have the money for that". He could spend HOURS with other people, but was too busy for me. And to top it all off, when he WAS with me he felt no compunction whatsoever to be phoning/texting other people. It was just very very apparent that I wasn't worth his time.

Now I'm about as uncontrolling as you get. I WANT my H to have friends and spend time with people... but I also want him to WANT to spend time with me.

I feeling a similar situation. You have the time to phone and txt your ex, but the housework takes precedence over your husband. It's a hard position to be in when you are something like 5th or 10th on their list of what is important. ESP when someone else, or several someones, gets their full attention.

Glad that you were able to talk and work things out. Blessings!

take a long hard, honest look at your relationship with your ex. Even if you have children together that is no reason to text or talk to him on a daily basis. It sounds like your husband is jealous and I am not sure you are doing anything to ease his mind. You may or may not be putting him first, I only have your side of the story. Whether you have children with someone else or not your husband should come first. Good luck, one marriage is hard enough to maintain, it sounds like you are trying to maintain two.