Vacationing with His Ex Wife?

Regardless of the impact on his kids, or the "normalcy" of this kind of relationship with his ex, I'd never stay in a relationship with a man who treated me this way. period.

Jeez, what a slap in the face to YOU! From what I understand about divorced families that are civil and make it work, they include everyone in the mix, and that should be you, too. No way no how would I be comfortable with this and I would definitely see this as the end of the relationship if it were me. And what a ninny to send you a text message! I mean, really!

Well you knew going into the relationship he had children. Children from divorced have it tough..if the parents get along its better for everyone especially the children.
Thats not fair to make him choice. His kids already lost their dad not living with them. Its not a tug of war.
My friends brother is divorced and they frequently go on vacation with his ex and there children they had togehter.

Since they have been divorced for 3 years a family vacation should involve you. They broke their union, he shouldn't think a "family" vacation should exclude his S.O (you). I agree with the other posters I am more upset that he kept all planning and decisions away from you and drops a txt, saying they are going. And it's text book 101 that he would react by saying "he doesn't think he can trust you....", that's a defensive mechanisim to try to turn the tables and make you at fault to distract the fact he did something wrong. He is giving you BIG red flags here when it comes to your future and how he doesn't think you are important enough to include in on important decisions. Keep your eyes open and look after yourself!

I also have no experience with divorce, but from an outside view, it seems wonderful that they can be open and friendly enough to do this with the boys - they are still a family (a broken one), but to the boys it would be great to have mom and dad in their childhood memories.

I would personally be more concerned with the secrecy, the lack of communication, the text message, etc in your own relationship. Also, the thing about not trusting you is odd, and I'd worry about it being a deflection because he thinks he shouldn't be trusted?

I would talk to him about it, but only in the context of your relationship. Everything having to do with his other family are decisions left up to him and his ex-wife.

Perhaps the hope this would create in his boys isn't really false? I'm sorry, I know that isn't what you want to hear. But obviously he still prefers his wife, I mean ex wife over you. He wants the fun memories of a family vacation with his wife and kids. Which is perfectly understandable, but does show you where you stand. You have a right to be angry, just turn that anger into action and find a man who's affection is available for you. With this one his ex wife and kids come first, don't expect that to change. It won't.

Hmmmm.
A couple of things....
I know quite a few people who are very chummy with their exes. One set of friends get along way better since their divorce than they ever did when they were married. They both moved on to other marriages, and dad moved out of town because of his job, but for things like birthday parties, graduations and other family events, dad travels here and stays with his ex wife, her husband, and the kids. I personally think it's kind of weird, but it works for them and then I had another set of friends who divorced and they do the same thing. Include each other in everything like they are one big happy family. They go camping together, Disneyland, stay at each other's houses.
(After my divorce, we tried sharing holidays and things and it just didn't work out. My ex is crazy. We can't even be at the same birthday party together. It ruins it for the kids. They are better off with us as far away from each other as possible).
Anyway, the ex wife going camping might not be so bad if you were going along too. IF you were at that point in your relationship. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like that's the case. Especially since he decided this 3 weeks ago and informed you by text.
I'll tell you WHY he waited to tell you and WHY he informed you by text....
He knew you weren't going to like it. He saved himself 3 weeks of "drama" and spared himself from seeing the look on your face and having to deal with your reaction.
If I were you, and I'm not, I would assume that I am NOT in a committed relationship with this man. After a year and a half, him making plans like this without discussing it with you just proves that what you think or how you feel about it doesn't matter. He planned this behind your back and now he's not sure he trusts you anymore? Classic deflection.
Like I said, it might be different if you were all going. A group of people going camping to have fun. It might be awkward, but I know people who do it and get along just fine.
Honey, I would find the nearest emergency exit. I really would.
It's not like one of the kids is getting his tonsils out and of course both parents want to be there to comfort and everything....this is camping. Something they have clearly planned as a family.
Something you have been clearly left out of.

You are educated and intelligent. I would find someone with a little less baggage and a little more respect for your feelings.

I've been divorced and single for 14 years. Plenty of men have been interested in me, but 90% of them are divorced or going through one, broke because they're paying support for 2, 3, 4 kids...
Why would I bring that into my life?
Um, I wouldn't.
I went through my own divorce and dealt with a horrible ex wife in that marriage. I'm not suffering the consequences of someone else's divorce ever again.
That's just my opinion. I have chosen to spare myself that grief.
It really can work out great when everyone gets along and is on the same page, but I don't think you're in that type of situation.

Tell him to go. Tell him to have fun.
Start packing while he's gone. Either your stuff or his.
Whichever.

I wish you the best.

you're thinking about his boys and not yourself?
let's be truthful here...this is a low blow to you, not to his boys.
regardless of the text (which would have for sure been my breaking point to tell him to get the heck out of my life), the fact that he has not bothered to invite you to go along is another thing that would be a breaking point.
so, let him worry about his boys. their mom too will worry about their boys. you worry about yourself.
if i were you, i'd send a text back and say: have fun, and no i won't be here when you get back.
that is all i have to say.

I have no experience with divorce, or dating someone who is divorced so this is just my completely inexperienced opinion based on what you wrote.

Yes, I think you do "sit by and keep your mouth shut when you feel he's making a terrible decision that will impact his boys in a wildly negative manner". They are his kids (and his ex-wifes) so whatever decision they make for their boys is theirs to make.

Now, as far as how YOU feel about him spending time with his ex-wife and how the two of you communicate about these things is something that is worth you talking to him about and getting to the bottom of. My opinion is that if he truly felt that his going on this trip with his ex was completely innocent he would have told you in the begining because there was nothing to hide. He knew that it was a potential problem and that's why he avoided telling you.

Talk to him about how his decision and the way he went about it effected you and your relationship with him but don't try to make this about the boys and your concern for them. It's not your place in this family and I don't really believe that your feelings are out of concern for the boys as much as it is just concern for your relationship.

Good luck,
K.

I think the biggest issue for you, is that he waited so long to tell you. He obviously knew you were NOT going to be ok with this. From the fact that he told you in text message and not face to face you can tell he is pretty immature and cowardly. I would dump him and move on to someone more mature and able to communicate.

Well I would stay out of it regarding the boys, he is their father and that is his call. But the fact that he will be going with his ex and in a current relationship with you is your real issue. I think you have to ask yourself if he is wanting to reconcile bc going away on a family vacation is significant. If he is on the fence about who he wants to be with, you should probably high tail it out of there, I am assuming that you two aren't married of course. I think you have to ask yourself if you became his comfort to weather his divorce, or if there is more substance to what you two have. I had a relationship end after almost three years bc I was actually more his counselor than his woman. Think of what you need in a relationship and make your decisions based on that. Good luck!!

Whoa! All I can say is maybe your question to your husband should be "Two tents, or one?" Dude has got problems. This is not cool.

For many, many, many reasons (the disrespect, the hurt, the question of fidelity & loyalty, ulterior motives, etc) on this sliding scale, I would take this as you cue to move on from your relationship with him.

If I were you, I would return the message via the same mode (a text); wish him well, have a good time, but you will not be here when he returns. The end.

(PS - Hopefully you and he don't have too much baggage together (ie - kids, a house, etc), and you can make a clean break. Cut your losses and move on.)

Good luck to you!

While you mention how confusing this will be for his children, I think what you really are feeling is your own betrayal. Book logic, that you have, from being educated says this is terrible for the children. But you are not recognizing your own gut instincts: this man is a very bad communicator and a bit of a cad and on the road to becoming a monster. He is not being fair at all. No, not to anyone, except who perhaps his ex wife. Seriously, you really need to open your eyes and see what they are doing. They are going away TOGETHER. Period. Which means in all likelihood a reunion of sorts. It is not a good idea and it is not necessary for you to prod him about it. What is necessary is for you to turn your own phone off, and find a human being that deserves the wonderfuly beautiful intelligent, educated person that you are and let him go poop in the woods. He is not behaving like a grown up sending a text. If you really think there is any help (seriously) then you tell him under no uncertain conditions would you accept that sort of thing and that he has his little family and now you are going to find yours. Better yet, but people think they have to talk all of this through all the time, but I say while he is gone you find yourself an absolutely wonderful new boyfriend and let this man go. He is not really your boyfriend anyway, he never gave up his wife I am sorry to say.

You asked so I'm going to tell you my gut feelings.

I think you are in denial.

I see your concern as a counselor for the boys, however, there also has to be concern for your relationship. This isn't just about him making a bad decision in regard to the welfare of his children. This is about your relationship with him. You have to be asking yourself.....Are he and his wife bonding too?

Alarms go off in my head......HE TEXTED YOU. He delayed telling you.....secretive. He is sharing more with his ex than with you. A text has to mean he was afraid to tell you. I am very suspicious as to what the relationship between he and his wife really is.

You also have to know when he says he isn't sure he trusts YOU anymore that this is suspicious. He is turning this on you. That is often the sign of a cheater.

Of course I don't know whether he is cheating, but the alarms are going off for you too or your wouldn't have put this on mamapedia. Of course you are not supposed to sit and smile while your ex goes camping with his "family." You discuss your concerns with him like an adult, weigh what truly sounds reasonable, and act for your best interest.

He's not sure he trust you anymore?? What in the world does trusting you have to do with him camping with his ex? Sorry but he has some issues and I'm inclined to believe he is doing something not to trustworthy to even bring the question of trust to the topic.

Why don't you go too? Bring two tents- one for the ladies, one for the gentlemen, and have a good time together. If you're a good sport and make the camping trip more fun by your presence (everyone loves the one who provides the s'mores!) you can be a hero here and develop better relationships with his sons and their mother.

You can't control his behavior, only your own.

Obviously he doesn't see you as 'his woman', or as his future wife and the woman he will grow old with. If he did, first of all, he would be making memories with YOU, and having fun and giving YOU opportunities to bond with the kids. He would NOT be making his ex-wife a priority over you. He would treat you with respect and have open communication with you and include you in his life, because he would WANT to. This one instance speaks volumes about how he sees a future, or should I say, a lack of future with you.

I agree with JoAnn C. I think this shows that they do still love each other, and want to be with each other and their excuse is that it "would be good for the boys". So, in fact it is not a false hope for the kids. He didn't tell you right away, and he told you in a text, because he knows what a big deal it is. The text also proves that to him, there is still something between him and his ex and it has a much greater meaning than just a camping trip.

Move on, move on, move on.... before you waste more of your life with this man.

Hmmmm....he loves the kids, she loves the kids, they have a civil relationship with open communication and they're taking them camping together. My advice to you, if you're insecure about the relationship they have that works well for them and their kids then get out now.
Not everything/relationship/situation in the world is textbook black & white and this seems to work for them. You are a girlfriend. If you're "livid" you won't be a good fit for this family--and you are entering a family--with many tentacles and long history. Don't confuse the kids further by sticking around--especially if you live together.

I have the same thoughts as Jen B. It sounds like he still has feelings for his ex wife. Before you get yourself any further...maybe you should ask him to be honest. It is not that far fetched... they did love each other at one point. As a woman, i would love to have my ex on a family vacation. I would think of it as a chance to rekindle something. My husband and i joke...we tell each other we better not get divorced... we will always want to sneak back to each other!

Please be careful and don't let yourself get hurt.

If it were me I would stay out of what he does with his kids - no matter whom it involves (including his ex).

You can't control him but you CAN control YOU. Be grateful that you have had some early insight into his character. Whether you want to ignore, accept, try to change it, or walk away is up to YOU. That's your only power in the situation.

Good luck.

Um...NO. He says he's not sure he trusts you anymore? That is manipulation.

Tara,
Hello. I can speak from personal experience because I am an ex-wife who vacations with her ex-husband and our children and have for many years now. First, I can say with absolute certainty that there are no feelings between myself and my ex-husband. We simply choose to set aside our differences and vacation with our children for three reasons and these three reasons only. The first reason is we BOTH want to see our children experience the new and fun things that a vacation typically has to offer. That means we both have to be there when it is happening. The second reason is we don't feel we have the right to take away their right to happy childhood memories of vacationing together as a family. We feel we have already taken away their right to a two parent household, if at all possible we should make every effort to give them memories of vacations as a two parent family. In that light, we also celebrate all holidays and birthdays as a two parent family as well. The third reason for doing all of this is our desire to model good behavior for our children. By that I mean, we want them to see that even though their parents can't live together because we don't get along, we can still be cordial, kind, respectful and gracious toward each other. It has nothing to do with still having feelings for the other parent. Also, my ex-husband has a girlfriend of three years and she is invited to all of our vacations, holidays, and birthday parties as well. I get along with her very well and appreciate all that she does for my children when they are with their father and her.
As far as confusing the children goes, I have to say we have been very clear about our situation with them. I can only hope your significant other is this clear with his children as well. Since we are clear about this, the children do not hold out false hope of us re-uniting simply because we spend a week or two together once or twice a year. We make sure to have separate sleep accomodations and split the cost of the trip equally. This helps make sure the children understand we are not getting back together. I cannot help but to think that this is in fact healthy for our children and a good way to role model being respectful and kind to others.
I suspect you feel left out of this decision making process and are angered by this. I don't have an answer for you on that one. If he has been vacationing all along with the mother of his children then I can see why he is surprised this is a big deal to you. All I can say is, this really does happen between people who really aren't trying to get back together and it really isn't about you at this point. It is about a father wanting to vacation with his children for all of the reasons I have listed above. If is about more than that I would get out now. If not, you have one hell of a tolerant, patient and kind family man on your hands that will likely be just as good to you and your future offspring as he has demonstrated he is to the ones that are already in this world. In answer to one of your questions, yes, you really should smile and tell him to have fun!

I agreee with Christine. The better the parents get along the better it is for the kids. I came from divorced parents and they always smiled through get togethers for the sake of us kids. My mom had a significant other as well as my dad and we as kids new mom and dad were not getting back together, but it was still nice to be able to share special moments with both our parents there. I think it is worse when they do not and always have to do things seperately.

I personally think that you should not create an issue with a camping trip. It is just a fun get together.

Hope all things work out for you guys! Best of luck.

I think the fact that they have a great relationship and go on a vacation together is great. As long as they are not acting as a couple while doing it, I think it should be fine and not give too much false hope (even when not getting along children on some level hope thier parents get back together). Whether or not it is good for the boys is really up to the parents to make that call (and all you can do is express your concern and/or facts) but it is their call.

Since he is your significant other, he should have at least talked about it with you before now...even if just to ask how you feel but tell you he was doing it for his kids and maybe even ask you to come along. Very childish to send in a text. That said, are you concerned there is more going on with them? If so, you two need to discuss that with him.

I agree with Sara.

Obviously, you are a third wheel in this relationship. You will never be his number one priority. If you are single and have no kids, why would you want to be with someone like this anyways? Find a guy who is going to be totally devoted to you. He's having his cake and eating it too. Consider yourself lucky that he let actually informed you of this trip. God only knows what else has been going on that you may not be privy to. Whatever the psychology is behind this drama, I think you should dump this guy. Surround yourself with the support of your family friends, and us moms here. When I was single, I went on match.com and found my husband. There are so many great online dating sites available and millions of wonderful guys out there who deserve a bright, intelligent woman like you...give them a chance:) Try one of these online dating sites for at least one year. You deserve better than the guy you are currently with.

Good Luck,

M.

We have a lot of similarities- I am also with a man that has Two boys and is divorced.. i am divorced myself with two children... My other half's ex wife cheated on him as well and He left her-- and their communication is strictly for the boys.. when teh spend the weeks at our home or at hers or if she needs him to pick them up because she's caught up at work (A LOT).. He doesnt like her at all-- the cheating makes her look like a slut in his eyes and he never got over the betrayal so the conversations are just that - about the boys. She is very friendly but he is to the point and goodbye..
I would Not at all, under Any circumstances allow him to go on a family vacation with her and the boys-- never, wouldnt happen ever.. unless he goes as a single man. He sucks it up to go to graduations and such with her there- she doesnt even go inside of our home- she waits for her kids in the driveway. There is a line that has to be set in order to avoid confusion or distrust. You sound like a Great and super supportive girlfriend. IF she left him and she cheated on him- he may still love her- after all they were married with children. Nothing has really changed except for another lady in the picture- but it seems like their routine stayed the same. He is divorced~ Period. he needs to act like it. I would say at this point you should go with them as well- that way you can bond with the boys and with your man.
Best of Luck- A LOT of Luck and I commend you for being so optimistic about it all !

It is completely inappropriate and you have a right to be upset.

I personally do not think it is inappropriate for them to go on a family vacation. They are wanting to share experiences with the boys. My parents are the same way. I do however think it was ridiculous of him to not tell you until they were practically leaving, and doing it through a text message. It seems as though he were trying to hide more than just a camping trip from you. I hope it isn't, but he had ample time to tell you and CHOSE not to. Think about it, hard! If it was because of his ex why they split up, HE may still be in love with her. I hope everything was legitimate for your sake. Good luck!

Are you serious? Do you even hear yourself? He is trying to be a good dad to his kids and you are throwing a fit about it? He should be with his x wife and trying to make a family out of it. His kids need him. They come FIRST you come SECOND. You are just the girlfriend. His kids will be his kids FOREVER, you might not be around forever. You only get 1 chance to be a good dad and those kids won't be little forever. Those kids need him MUCH more than you do. You are being very selfish.

I just have to give my opinion on this because I'm the ex who has gotten back together with my ex husband. We were married for 17 years and we got divorced (due to cheating.....which I believe many people do and many keep it very well hidden) we both lived seperate lives for awhile, of course he was even living his gf....after we got to be friends again...what we lost in our marriage...those old feelings came back and he moved out of his gf's house, got an apt near me and we are dating again. If you want to save your situation, either put your foot down and say no they are not going together, you insist on going as well....or just walk away from the situation because that's not healthy and it's not right and my gut is they will either hook up or get back together. If not back together, I guarantee they will hook up. I have a friend who has no idea her husband still sleeps with his ex. Be careful and trust your gut, not his words!!

I just went camping with ny son, his dad, and other son. It was planned, my idea. Neither of us r in another relationship....but he was "talking" to someone, so he says. She was not welcome to come and didn't. We haven't been a couple for 7 years.....camping was fun and all but I won't lie, it was just as much as spending time with the nous as it was to try to work something out with him. It was not strictly plytonic. Run and run fast.

Hi Tara,
Please keep in mind, research is about groups of people, not individual situations. It's not likely to change his mind, just quoting the research to him.

t

Tell him you're going with him. If it's not a big deal, there's nothing going on. If he makes excuses, kick him out, they are having an affair.

Wow. I think more than anything, this is probably more detrimental to the health of your marriage to this man, not the well-being of those kids.

There are a lot of red flags you seem to be missing here. One, your husband has never completely ended his relationship with his ex-wife.

Two, because he's still very much involved with her (whether it's friends or not) he's allowed her to have way to much say in his relationship with you. In short, there is a serious balance of power problem here. She is still calling the shots in his life in such a way he has not been able to put your needs as his wife first.

Three, he has clearly been dishonest with you about his dealings with his ex-wife. To me, this point and point number two are strong indicators that he's still emotionally involved with her. They may not be physically intimate yet, but they're certainly still very much involved emotionally.

Four, I think if he goes on this camping trip with her, there is a very good chance you're marriage is in serious trouble. If it isn't too late already, you had better put your foot down and make him fess up. Counseling may be in order.

Divorced couples can and do get back together. It isn't unheard of. As for the health of the kids... they really have nothing to lose emotionally in this situation. Maybe false hope, but not likely. They've already been through the worst...a divorce. Anything from this point on (from their perspective) would either be positive (that is if they want their parents back together) or a continuation of the drama they've already seen and experienced before. If their parents don't get together after the camping trip, they might be disappointed, and harbor negative feelings about their parents...but as I said before, it probably isn't new territory, just more of the same drama...good or bad.

So to answer your question...if you're wearing his ring, no, you are not supposed to just sit there and smile and tell him to have fun. You need to get him to have an honest discussion with you about how this crosses the line and he needs to respect that.

If he can't respect that, he has probably never been totally faithful to you (emotionally speaking) since day one and now you have some serious decisions to make regarding your future with this man. Afterall, this may be a personality flaw with him and now you're finally seeing it. Why did he and his ex divorce in the first place? Sometimes history repeats itself.

***UPDATE*** I see she left him....well then there's your answer. He probably never wanted the marriage to end and has unresolved feelings about her. No matter what, he's not right in this, and she's probably a manipulator to be watched and wary of...especially from your husband's point of view.

I'm sorry this is happening, and I'm sorry my suggestions are bleak. But I really don't see this as a concern about the children. I think you need to be concerned about yourself and where you fit in your husband's life and what your future with him will be.

Ok, I had to jump in..........I get along with my X too.......would we go on vacation together, or did we when the boys were little, NO.....and if we had, it would have been ALL of us......my husband and his wife........

Leave the guy......you are asking for more hurt if you stay. You don't say if his X is married, but I'm guessing NOT........

I would talk to him first, but I think there is more going on here than you want to know about..........and I know for a fact, that anytime the boys and my X was with us, one of them wanted us to get back together.........and divorce who we were with......so he is doing bad to the boys as well.........

Find someone who will include you in their life and their decisions. Someone who wants to be with you and his kids or your kids......

You deserve to be loved and included......find that someone.....take care, good luck and hang in there.

Why would he say he doesn't trust YOU any more? That was totally putting the blame on you when he know he was out of line. That he sent a text and took so long to tell you also shows he know he was out of line. I agree with the person who suggested you should go too next time. Two parents and the boys WILL give the boys false hope. But you need to look out for yourself... but you knew that.

If you do not want drama do not date a divorced man,especially with kids...There are plenty good single man with out bull sh...

Hi Tara,

I see your response already. I just wanted to add a couple things. Please make sure that your "head over heals" status isn't blinding you from the reality of him or your relationship. I'm glad you said you took some time to pray about it because that will help. Ask God to guide you and know that you are making a good choice here. If you are supposed to be with this man, He will tell you if you genuinely want to know His will. If you aren't, pray for the courage to leave. If you are, pray for the courage to stand up for yourself and ask him to do the same. One final thing. You said you pray, so it is obvious that you are a God-loving woman. Please, please make sure that this man is as well. If he is not, you aren't on the same plane. You aren't on the same playing field.

Many blessings for love and truth.

That is not OK at all. It is OK that a divorced (or separated) man or woman keep each other slightly in touch for kids' events and not necessary all of them (B-days, graduations, accidents or major events) No vacations under any excuse or circumstance.

The fact that he kept this camping trip with his ex a secret from you for a few weeks before telling you says he is probably keeping more secrets from you then you realize. If he didn't think it was a big deal, then he would have discussed it with you in person from the very beginning when the topic of going camping arose. Furthermore, he should have discussed it before making any decisions especially since you two have been together for a while now. I think you should be clear to him that you don't like secrets and lies and receiving a text message on something like this is uncalled for and completely disrespectful. No, you should not sit back and smile and wish them a good trip. You should discuss this rationally with him not via text but in person. Not only is this unhealthy for their children (if they aren't planning on getting back together), it is also unhealthy for your relationship with your significant other in my opinion.

You have got to be kidding me. I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with this person. Let's be real it's not really about the boy's you are all worried about. You are pissed for him not respecting your feelings first of all and second the ex wife...really... come on... you are not really gonna believe that it is all for the boys are you. That is great that they get along well but if he really wanted to be with you then he would have included you too. Since they get along well and all, it should be no threat to the ex if you came. Get rid of the loser that is not respecting you and find someone to date that is worthy of you. If you make a stink of it he probably will just turn it around on you and blame you for not understanding. Get rid of him...

He texted you this?! That sounds very weird to me. It does sound like they still have feelings and if you feel like a third wheel I would not blame you. I can tell you I agree with you about the boys. My hubby tried doing some things with his ex (not trips though), and each time his girls ended up getting extremely upset because they thought their parents were getting back together too. It was so devastating for them to have that little taste of family life again, only to go back to the separate lives. So, hubby and his ex do not do things "together" anymore, but of course both will be in attendance at things for the kids.

i am sorry you had to find out in a text message and you need to have a discussion why he didn't want to talk about it in person. If they have been divorced for 3 years, the boys already understand that their parents are divorced, but that each parent will always be there for them. If it had been a short time since the divorce, it might confuse the kids about if mom and dad were getting back together. As far as the camping trip--even with lots of scouting experience, I don't think i could give my boys a cool camping experience by myself. So having dad provide an extra leadership role for the boys is a good idea. It will give him an opportunity to teach his sons some good lessons. (mom might not be good at building fires, pitching tents, casting fishing rods, etc)
If this is the only "bump" in the relationship with your significant other, I think I would be gracious and let him go without whining. Spend some time with your other friends so you are not sitting home yourself. If you have lots of issues, then you might want to rethink your relationship.

dump him. If he doesnt' respect you enough to tell you about this in person, or even listen when you tell him your thoughts and feelings about it, he isn't worth it. He doesn't trust you because you dislike him camping with his former family? If he and his ex get along so well as to go camping etc, I'd be questioning why they just didnt stay married. Marriage is hard and it takes a lot of work. If you split and still get along well, I'd be questioning if you should have split in the first place or just worked through the differences. Find someone else. good luck

Well, if you were calling into Dr L., she would say not to get involved with a guy with young kids. Whether he gets along with his ex or not. But the kids wil always come first and its probably a losing battle bc that will be his choice. And you are challenging his parenting skills. That being said, no I would not put up with him vacationing with his ex.

First and foremost, it IS important that the parents get along. Secondly, BEFORE they go, they need to sit down and have a chat w/ them to explain WHY they are doing this, NOT that it means they are getting back together, etc, but rather that they can still be civil to one another and show that they can still act like a family regarless of the seperate paths they have chosen. They need to make SURE the kids understand this. Give them opportunity to ask questions, too.

Not sure if youre asking about emotional, relational and mental health or physical or all of the above.

I DO understand his view on trust. He thinks that by reacting like this, you don't trust him. Keep focusing on the boys, but also ask him to put himself in your shoes and ask how he would react or feel.

Lastly, the texting thing is a coward's way of handling this. If he's that "SIGNIFICANT" then he should show enough respect to tell you in person. Obviously, there are some communication gaps as well as a lack of respect.

I get along really well with my ex husband. We attend activities for the kids together all the time, talk, sit together, my older son (from a dif. relationship) is still invited to family birthday parties of cousins on that side ect. and his nieces still call me their aunt when we see each other, even though we were married for only a short time and the kids are all still young and can't possibly actually remember me in that role. I have to say though, that while we have discussed spending holidays or birthdays together and such, it's not comfortable, and my husband is always with me. Even before I remarried I would NEVER consider spending a weekend with my ex husband and our kids. It is very weird and IMO (which doesn't mean much, i do have a psych degree though) it is a great way to completely confuse kids that could be very well adjusted. "playing house" with anyone and involving your children is only going to confuse them.

Maybe you should suggest that you should go as well. You are a part of his children's lives and they need to understand that. I would never let my husband go on vacation with his ex. He would never want to but that is just crazy and probably confuses the children.