Working Moms - Lake in the Hills,IL

Can totally relate, but fast forward a few years. I did that and now it's over. I don't like it. My kids are gone and it makes me sad. I know how tired I was all the time, I know how frustrated I was, I did go to school at nights, too, and missed them even while I was at home studying. My husband worked hard, we stayed in a lot, we were tired, exhausted. We did everything we could with them. And now, I still work, I still feel tired and there are no kids in the house. Who would have ever prepared me for this? So many people make comments about how much I must love the empty nest and I say a resounding NO, I don't. Somehow even though it was tiring it was the best time of my life. If I could have won the lottery that would have perhaps given me more free time, but that part is gone out of my life so yes, I feel for you, I understand it, but as the saying goes, so go away cobwebs, don't bother me dust, for I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep. This too will pass. I don't know who wrote that, but I want you to know that all the times I fretted about a dirty house and no sleep don't really make a difference now.

That sounds like a typical day for a working mom! As they get older it will get easier. I also poop out on Friday nights by about 8:30 or 9:00. It sounds like you have a fairly good routine - keep it up. My kids are now 10 & 13 and the schedule is soooo much easier. I would say once they both had started school is when I noticed a better routine come into play. Once you are done w/ the diaper bag, snack bags and drinks and the baby toys aren't lying around anymore you will not feel as overwhelmed but will still be busy.

I can totally relate! It is good to know there are others out there like me! I am in a constant state of exhaustation with a 4 yr old and a 10 month old. By the time the kids are fed, cleaned, in bed, dishes are done, stuff prepared for the next day I am totally exhausted. Not to mention, the house always looks like a mess, even when I literally finish cleaning it. With both my hubby and I exhausted, forget about some quality time with each other!

So glad you did this post! I'm a sahm, and I honestly don't know how the working Mom's do it. After my now 3 y/o daughter was born, I tried to go back to work. I could not find adequate daycare for her, she was sick constantly, we commuted 2 hrs. daily. It was HELL for her & our family. I decided to stay home at that point, and give up some luxuries we had by me working. So kudo's to the Mama's that get up at the crack of dawn, struggle with kids to get out the door, commute to a job, work ALL day, get kids picked up, meals cooked, kids bathed, and finally pass out just to do it all over again! You ALL deserve a vacation on a beach somewhere sipping margarita's, I could seriously never do it with young kids. It also makes me count my blessings, which I haven't been doing lately. Hang in there, it WILL get easier!! :-)

I can definitely relate. I have a 4 year old and am a single mother, and that is in the truest sense, with no help or involvement in any way from the donor in the entire 4 years. Currently I am working 2 jobs (1 full-time as a teacher and 1 part-time for the state), and going to school full-time. I commute at least 2.5 hours a day, there are days I don't even get home until 7pm or even 9pm due to work meetings, workshops etc. It is really difficult to have to pick up my kid from school and then an hour later take her to childcare for the rest of the night. I go through the same difficulties as you during transitioning from school to home, bath-time, etc. I am co-sleeping again with my daughter because she misses me so much, although I just had a conversation with her today about transitioning back to her bed. I think it is okay to let your kid come into the bed, these years go by so fast....and in my opinion it is actually building up her confidence and self-esteem to let her know you will be there for her fears. I just finished taking my finals this week as well...and I am mentally and physically exhausted. Even though I have a week off from school and a short break from work, I know I need to catch up on housekeeping and yard work, and I am having family visit for 5 days of the week off as well. But, sometimes when I think I have reached my breaking point...I think about those in the world that are REALLY having a bad time, like those in Japan right now. (not trying to discount your feeling at all, just trying to express how I deal with similar feelings) I think for me, the hardest part is the irony that my job is to educate and play with other children all day, while I miss my own child....and I know that it is hard on her too.
Well, thanks for letting me commiserate...I have been in a funk about things the past few months, and it was nice to let some of it out. But I am trying my best to see all my blessings, and to know that my life is full of opportunity that I am taking advantage of the best way I can. I wish you the best in seeing the same in your life.

I'm a SAHM but I have to say I don't know how working Moms do it, much like people say they don't know how SAHM's do it. I often think it would be much harder to get up, get everyone out of the house, go to work, then WORK, get home, do dinner, baths, bedtime,etc. I think it'd be so stressful and admire working Mom's immensely. I can usually (not always, but usually) find some time during the day to relax and maybe even catch a whole 10 minute power nap! But don't worry about co-sleeping. My kids end up in our bed from time to time, we do what we have to in order to get some sleep! As far as the messy house goes, I'm learning more and more that the messy house just comes with the territory of having kids. I'm learning to accept that if I get time to clean- great, and if I don't--who cares. It's just a house.

Hang in there! The kids won't always be this little and will soon be lazy teenagers who want to sleep constantly--I'm convinced I'll catch up on my rest then?? :-)

Yep you pretty much described my life. We're all in the same boat for a while. Things get better as the kids get a little older, but then you have to deal with school and activities, so it's just a different kind of hectic and you adapt! My house is always a mess too. I have used flylady.net for the past few years and it really does help with prioritizing and knowing what I can get done when I have a few minutes. Cut yourself a lot of slack and be very patient with yourself, your husband and your kids. No one has it together everyday. Even the ones who seem to have it together really don't, it just looks like they do and they have the same insecurities and guilt that you do.

I would say that the one thing that kept me from reaching a breaking point when I had my fourth was the ability to work from home a few days a week. If at all possible, see what you can do about building in some flex time so that you're not running as tightly against the clock day in and day out with no end in sight. Even going in late or leaving early once every couple of weeks can be a huge sanity saver, even if you end up working from home to make up the extra time.

Finally, I would not have survived my children's babyhood without co-sleeping. It is, IMO, a working mommy must and nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. We all do what we need to do, so whatever works, do it!

And...subscribe to Working Mother magazine. Full of all kinds of tips and articles that are just a nice read. No guilt or angst, just solutions that are geared towards those of us who hold down a full-time job outside of the home in addition to all the work of being a mom. And it's very very short - you can read it cover to cover in a half hour!

My hats are off to all you ladies who balance your families and homes with working outside the house too. I got laid off a year ago this week and now have a 1 month old baby. I don't know how I ever would have balanced working outside the home with being a wife and mother too.

You ladies may not feel like it, but you are rock stars to me! I don't work outside the house and my house is still always a mess. Instead of sleeping when the baby sleeps when I'm completely exhausted from 2 and 4 a.m. feedings, I go into cleaning mode and use nap time for chores to try and stay on course with laundry and dishes. And my daughter ends up in my bed a lot at night too because she goes to sleep quicker than rocking her and putting her in her crib.

Even without a job, I can still relate to the hecticness that your life holds. I wish you the best!

As Sheila S said when, in the future, you look back at these years, you wont care how your house looked, how tired you were or how little time you had for fun and relaxation with hubby. You'll forget dirty diapers and potty training. You'll miss little children on your lap, little hands in yours, and being the most important thing in their lives. We get so bogged down in the day to day that it's exhausting. When my first two were little I was very overwhelmed, I was a single mom for some of the time and my DH was working long hours when I remarried. but with my third I knew that they grow up so quickly -my older ones were late teens -and I rocked in the middle of the night when he wanted it thinking I'm soo tired, sleep would be sooo nice, but this little guy on my lap will be too big soon and I'll just treasure each second and I'll sleep when I'm old.

Yes I agree we pretty much all feel like this. I only have one child but am the primary breadwinner so have to put in a fair number of hours, plus the commute, but the good thing is I have some flexibility with my time as far as my schedule. It's a lifesaver, but I still feel like I am just treading water, not actually making any progress. And my husband doesn't help much at home so it's all on me. I pretty much feel like I can never do everything I need to at work, I can never do everything I need to around the house and I can never spend as much time with my daughter as I'd like....pulled in way too many directions.

The most important thing I took from your post is that you are taking care of yourself by getting your sleep and going to bed at a reasonable time. Sleep is hugely important and bringing her into bed a perfectly reasonable solution so don't feel bad about it.

Keep your head up!!

Yep, I can completely relate! We have 2.5 year old twin boys and baby #3 due in July. My husband and I work opposite shifts. So, I teach all day, come home as quickly as possible at 3:45, kiss my husband goodbye, then he heads off to work and comes home around 10:15. We are both DONE by Friday night! But, you do what you need to do for your family, and your kids love you.

I can totally relate. All you can do is hang in there, clean when you can and don't worry about it when you can't, take care of yourself (eat well etc), and stay focused on your kids, which it seems you're doing. Hang in there. It will get easier as they get older.

YES,YES,YES!!!!!! I have a 4yo daughter and a 4 month old boy and leave my house at 5:50 every morning and get home from work at 5:30pm M-F. My husband takes the kids to daycare and picks them up but usually once or twice a week I have to. Then when I get home I sometimes have to make dinner, clean up the dishes (or try to), feed dog, do laundry etc. It seems to never end - and the house is always a mess - I cant stand it sometimes but there is just not enough time in the day to get everything done. I also am in bed at 830-9 every night (even on friday and saturday!!). Either the baby then wakes me up at 430 or my daughter will wake me up 2-3 times a night to let me know she is going to the bathroom!!! I"m usually so spent and exhuasted I just cant wait to get in my jammies every night and go to bed. Your not alone!! In fact hubby is away for the next 4 days and I have to somehow manage the kids by myself - needless to say I walked into work this morning unshowered - oh well what can u do?????

I think the whole world is tired! My kids are grown and now I'm a Grandma and I help watch the grandkids. I had to work when my kids were growing up so I am thankful I am able to help my kids out and I get my special time with my grandkids. Do you have any Grandmas or Grandpas around to help out? I'm sure they would LOVE to help. Don't be afraid to ask them for a few hours here and there or a weekend so you and hubby can just relax. I know how hard it is to work and raise your family, that's why I offer to help whenever I can. Like one Mom said, you can make a game out of cleaning up too. Race to see who can get all the shoes in the basket or see who can get all the laundry to the washer the fastest. We all need to learn these home tasks so they need to see that they need to be done, but making it fun for everyone makes it get done quicker. Kids love to clean and help, so let them! Don't worry if they don't do it perfectly, just thank them for helping the family : )) Best of luck and enjoy your precious children!

Yes, I can relate. My daughter was in daycare from infancy until she was 7, she's almost 9 now. When we finally decided to make the switch to me staying at home. It is hard to work and have your babies in daycare. I will say its also hard on our finances with me not working. Being a parent is tough!!! I will say though that it sounds like ya'll run a pretty scheduled household which to me is wonderful! Kids need stability and structure and while you work and come home and thinks seem hectic, your children know what to expect.

It sounds to me like you and your husband might need a weekend a way every so often just to unwind and rest & recharge. Don't let your relationship with your husband go b/c of hectic lives. Your children are going to be fine as long as mom and dad stay together.

Oh goodness we have the same lives except I have two girls - ages 5 and 2. I feel as if I am constantly running, never stopping to take a breather even. My house is a wreck about 50% of the time - it helps that the older daughter is good at clean up and helps. My husband and I came up with a plan to help keep the house clean. We rated each room of the house of how often they should be cleaned - mostly spotless that is. For instance - the kitchen should be cleaned daily while the playroom can be cleaned once a week. Then we picked a day of the week to clean the rooms. For instance the kitchen, bathrooms, and playroom get cleaned one day and the dining room, living room and bedrooms on different days. So by the end of the week every room of the house has been cleaned and I don't feel like nothing got accomplished. I usually do this as soon as we get home and actually make a game out of it with the girls and it also becomes a bonding tool - my oldest daughter loves Mary Poppins so she gets it. I will then sing songs with them while I cook dinner and they color at the table. After dinner it is straight to the bath and after they are down for the night I exercise before bed. I limit myself to 10 minutes of reading to settle down before I drift off to sleep and I am up ready to go out the door by 6:00 am. I too find that by the end of the week I am exhausted but I do pick one night a week to leave bathtime and bedtime to my hubby and hit the sack early. It's the only way to stay on top of my rest. It's exhausting being a working mom that for sure.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like that. I only have one two year old daughter and still feel overwhelm all the time. I agree with jennifer cut yourself some slack. I don't worry about the cleaning much anymore and still do cosleeping. I just try to concentrate on spending time with dh and dd and try so the rest of the stuff doesn't get to me. Good luck and stay strong you are not alone in this!

Sending a great, big, strong hug to you M.! I can relate, different circumstances but 2 little kids and days feeling like I am losing my mind! I'm told it will get better and I am sure it will. Try and carve out a little time for yourself if even to go for a walk around the block now that the weather is getting better.

Aww, you certainly sound like you have your hands full! I'm right there with you, & it seems like such a lonely place to be, but there are a surprising number of women in your shoes. That's why sites like these are so great for support. :)

I have 2 kids - a daughter who's almost 5 & quite spirited, & a 2-year-old son, both with significant speech delays. Until a few months ago, my husband worked retail, so he was gone nights & weekends, & since I work full time during the day, it was just me & the kids in every moment of free time. All meals, shopping, baths, & bedtime were left to me. And I'm also going to school, so that's been really rough. I've spent the last few years feeling SO overwhelmed, SO stressed out, & just irritated at everyone around me, because they all seem like they have it so much "easier" than I do. But I've really come around since. For starters, my husband got a new job, so he's home nights & weekends with us, which has made a HUGE difference, both in my workload & in our marrriage. I cut back on the baths - my kids get 2 baths a week, unless they're visibly dirty. I clean while I'm hanging out with them, singing songs or letting them color. Even better, I'm teaching them to clean and do laundry WITH me. :) We moved into an apartment with carpeting, which is WAY easier to clean than hardwood floors. Also, the ages that they're at now make things much easier, because they play together and don't need me as much. And in my constant comparisons with other families who have more money and more help, I've noticed that they're not as happy as we are, & the marriages aren't as loving. So, that's given me a lot of perspective too. And lastly? Never feel bad about snuggling with your babes at night. That's by far one of my favorite things in the world, getting to nestle next to my kids at night and breathe them in, when I don't get to see them for so many hours out of the week. They always go to bed in their own room, but my 2-year-old ends up in our bed 3 times a week or so, & my daughter only once or twice. We cherish that snuggle time. It also helps to have a king-size bed though! LOL

I hope this helps a little, & keep your head up. Like everyone said, they're only this young for a little bit, so don't worry about doing everything perfectly, just enjoy them and don't be so hard on yourself!

~A.

Yes I'm totally understanding your situation. I'm up at 6:30 a.m. and drops my son off to school by 7:45 then I have to be at work at 8:15 a.m. My husband picks him up when he gets off and we are all at home around 3:30 to 5:00 p.m. It depends on if you have to make a run to the grocery store, help out another elderly family member, etc. Then I cook dinner, we go over homework, we read a book, I read something for myself, we take baths and I seldomly get a chance to watch my dvr recorded shows. Now that is Saturday, I'm beat. I'm still lying in the bed because I deserve the rest after the hustle and bustle. I still have to take my child to music lessons on Saturday as well. We try to keep at least the living room clean throughout the week. I usually clean on weekends at night. It's very challenging for working moms, but I do take at least one off day to do something for myself. I usually relax or read. Sometimes I go to the mall and hang out with a friend/family. You have to find time for yourself and that's the key! There I've vented... LOL

I noticed you said you had a nightly bathtime for the kids. You could skip it every other night, or just do twice a week and then have more time in the evening for a walk outside or playing in the yard. Or just sit on the floor and lean on the couch and let the kids come to you for some tickle-wrestling.
Just an idea to help you kind of break out of the down-to-the-minute scheduling you must go through every night.

Totally relate but know it does get better... And as someone else said, I'd skip the nightly bath. Every other night is more than my kids get! The wet disposable wipes are so good now that they don't seem dirty and I don't want to dry out their skin and hair by bathing all the time. At least cut out one night like Wednesdays. btw - just as things got better, I went and got a dog so now I spend 45 min a day walking him. That's out of the one free hour a day I have. Don't do that! :)

My boys are 8 an 12 now and I worked part time until my youngest was 17 months. The rest of the time I worked full time. I did change my work schedule by shift half of my teaching load to online (I teach at a community college) and that was a huge help with somethings, but not the sleep deprivation. I just wanted to let you know that it does get better, but my house never stays clean. As a family we do the big cleaning on Sat. but as the week goes on it does get a bit crazy.

I can totally relate to you. Thanks for your post. I am a mother for the second time around I had my 4 year old at 40. i sometime wonder what i was thinking. I am just exhausted. I don't have the energy I used to have in my 20's. I also work fulltime and do a lot of the same routines you do. My husband is not much of a helper sometimes, which can really br stressful!! I think once the kids get older you can then take a breath and look back and say " how did i do it?" Good luck!!

I can definately relate! Except, without the husband and an extra kid.

I have a almost 2 year old, I work 50+ hours a week (lately monday thru saturday) and on 2nd shift (2:30pm til 10:42pm) My house is a disaster, clothes need to be washed. I feel like I have absolutely no time to spend with my daughter. It sucks, cuz I feel drained ALL the time!

well i am a SAHM but I can relate. My kids are older than yours but it seems like I was where you were just yesterday. We have 3 kids. I had 3 kids in 6yrs. My husband normallly gets home late. Currently its his busy season so he most nights gets home around 11-12 pm then Sat-Sun he gets home usually around 7-8. My parents both work full time and live 80 miles away.
My two younger kids for yrs have respiratory issues ( myself also) so many nights I have to give them the nebulizer treatment usually in the middle of the night. My house although I think its clean ...its not up to my parents standards..ugh.
Now my kids are almost 5 yrs, 7 yrs and my oldest recently turned 11yrs. As long as you can say you are honestly doing your best that is all you can hope for.
It gets easier. Hang in there.

I work part time and I feel like this a lot of the time - especially on weeks when I have to work more. You might consider running some numbers to see if you could reduce your expenses and quit your job to stay home. But I'll warn you that staying home isn't exactly a picnic either, though it has to be a little easier than what you're doing now. By the time you take childcare out of the mix it usually isn't too much more that you need to reduce in your spending to make up the difference of leaving your job - cancel cable and internet, go down to one car, commit to eating all meals at home and no restaurants or take-out. You can even consider downsizing your house - rent yours out and rent another one is an easy way out if you can't sell yours in this market. Could make life a lot simpler and happier for everyone.

i am a stay at home mom and i am exhausted. you working moms are really amazing! if its any consolation they are only little for a little part of your life so this too shall pass...