Working Too Much? Need Your Opinion

J.,

There's something wrong if he doesn't want to spend time with his family. The business might be an excuse or cover for something deeper. Not saying an affair, necessesarily, but he prefers to be elsewhere for some reason.

On the other hand, if he is giving you a few hours on Sat and Sun, then I don't see that he is shutting you out. Lots of husbands/fathers only spend a few hours on the weekend with their families. If he's in his twenties or thirties, he's probably got lots of ambition and motivation and wants to do it now while he can.

The fact that he NEVER gives you ANY evenings is a big red flag!

J.,

What concerns me with your post is the wording "He wants what he wants and doesn't care about the effect it has on the family".

Okay, so it's fine to want things. It's fine to try and achieve things.

But you are a person with wants as well. And while I'm at it, so is your daughter.

Is this what you signed up for, to be a single parent? Are you getting anything in your life to fill you up emotionally and spiritually the same way he is? If not, why is your husband not taking these things into consideration? I thought marriages were supposed to be a team effort. And the same for raising a child.

The fact that your husband has given you no wiggle room to even talk about it makes me concerned. You've got to be able to voice your opinion without being labeled a nag. Because that's what a partnership is about. Give and take.

Please talk to him again and let him know how detrimental his actions are having on you and your daughter.

I wouldn't want to live that way. My children wouldn't either.

Good luck to you,
J.

I understand your dilemma. We've tried business opportunities as well. He's hoping to help his family out financially and be able to afford some things he might want, but can't justify the expense with a single income...and probably figures that some time away from the family now is a small price to pay for future potential incomes that the business opportunity will hopefully provide.

What we found was that you can "work the business" and spend time with your family if you add a little perspective, plan your time wisely, and use that time effectively. Most business op's require time to make calls and have meetings. He could set up 2 nights to make calls, 2 nights to have meetings, and one night mid-week for either "family night" or to give you a "mom's night out".

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. We both work, so our time with our kids after work and before bed is precious. Even though the business opportunity we worked at was "before kids", if we were to "work it" now with kids, 5-8 is "kid time" and after bedtime is "business opportunity time". To make calls, 7-9pm is a good time. Nights he'd schedule meetings, you might be on your own, but it likely wouldn't be every night, at least at first.

He doesn't have to come home at 5, wolf down dinner, then "work the business" until bedtime. If he can prioritize his time and workload, then he can spend time "doing the business" and with the family.

Further, is this business something you can help him with?

(I think if I had been in your shoes, I would have told him, "Okay, you can work the business in the evenings, but I work all week too as a SAHM (which many experts say is equivalent to working 2 full-time jobs). I get Wednesday night off for 'Mommy's night out'.")

For what it's worth, and good luck!!

Is there some way you could help him with his business?
You say you don't need the extra money but sometimes it is about more than money for a man. Men are very wrapped up in their work.
My husband has to work in other states and is only home one weekend a month. I would be glad for a job that got him home every night just to sleep in our home and gave him time with the family every weekend.
I would be glad to have been able to be a stay at home mom too, I have worked all the time since we married, except for a month after each kid arrived.
I don't mean to preach but it sounds like your husband is giving you a lot, so maybe he wants to get ahead in his own way.
Take some time this next weekend to see what he wants from you and talk things out. Let him know how you feel, but take into account the future. It seems like he is looking down the road.
Best of luck,
L.