Would You Say Something?

No, I would NOT talk to Karly's M.. I found out that a M., not her daughter, was trying to get her child to compete with mine. If you knew my child, you would be as confused as me about why she chose my girl to do this to.
What helped was getting away from the girl and her M.. I would stop having them get together outside of school, I would ask the principal to switch classes, and I would not explain it other than "I thought my child's needs would be better met in the other class." Then I would make sure they are not in the same class next year and the year after.

Nope - don't say anything to Karly's mom. As much as it seems like the mom might be able to help, what can she really do? She could tell her daughter to stop being so mean to your daughter... but she might also be offended or embarrassed, and that will change your relationship to that entire family.

How about talking to the teacher instead? Tell the teacher that you're worried about the relationship between Karly and your daughter and you're worried that they're competing for friends. The teacher can put them in different groups, direct them to different activities, and just generally help your daughter find her own path at the new school.

We had something similar happen with our daughter in 3rd grade, last year. Karly sounds very much like our daughter's former friend. Her parents are completely under this girl's thumb, to the point where it's hard to watch. (She's not an only child but she DOES rule the roost.) My daughter's teacher ended up getting involved (the teacher's choice as the behavior was showing up in school). The two girls were sent to separate classrooms this year. Since they have been spending much less time together, the "bullying" behavior has lessened, and my daughter spends more time with other friends.

If there's any way to reduce the time these two girls are spending together, I would. I would look for a different before and after school arrangement. This sounds like it will only get worse from here.

I guess it depends on how you think Karly's mom will receive it. Some of that of course will depend on how it is delivered but some parents just seem to have a huge blind spot when it comes to their kids' behavior and not-so-good traits, and tend to get very defensive of their kids. If you think she will be open to what you have to say and appreciate it, then you could try saying something, because this is starting to turn into a bullying situation already and I would hate to see it escalate, so it would be nice if it could be nipped in the bud now. However, this is not going to teach your daughter how to handle bullies or how to stand up for herself. Because there will always be bullies, this girl may not change, and it will continue to be an issue for your daughter if she continues to allow it. She might need you to start telling her what a good friend truly is, and a good friend does not try to keep you from being friends with others. Karly sounds like she is insecure and feels the need to manipulate others into being her friend rather than just being a good friend herself. Your daughter would be better off breaking away from her for a while and finding other kids to be friends with that Karly can't get to. And getting enrolled in karate.

If I noticed a friend of one of my children acted they way Karly acts, I would help create some space between them. Your poor DD has no choice but to go to Karly's house before school every day and after school 3 days/week. Karly knows this, and obviously feels quite comfortable that she can bully her and still get to have her company all the time. Your DD probably doesn't want to have Karly mad at her so she puts up with her little mean comments. Why don't you ask your DD how she feels about the things Karly says and does? Does she really want to spend as much time with Karly outside of school? Would she rather plan some playdates and get togethers with other girls? Forget about talking to Karly's mom about her behavior. You really aren't going to change Karly. I would focus on empowering your DD to make other choices in her company and widen her circle of friends.

This happens with friends x 2 (when it starts off with kids being friends and parents being friends).

Either the kids start hating each other (too much time together with someone you only kinda like blossoms into out and out playmates -> frenemies -> enemies.

((Either you cut out the kids and spend grownup time, or the adults end up losing their friends because it's too hard not to get emotionally involved in kid fights))

OR

The kids are great and the adults start hating each other.

((And the kids lose their friends, because the adults can't stand each other. No fix there, unless they go to school together))

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These girls spend a LOT of time together (every morning and 2 days a week, in addition to whatever time you spend together as families). Even if they were besties that would start to put a strain on the relationship. And they're NOT besties. It's starting, instead, to put a strain on your relationship with your friends.
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Nope. I wouldn't say anything to the mom, because this is a simple case of the girls not being friends, and still spending a lot of time together. Natural frictions are developing in regards to their different personalities. TOTALLY to be expected, and I'm sure there's "blame" on both sides / aka no blame really, just 2 very different girls whose parents keep putting them together.

Leave it alone, this is normal kid stuff and the girls will work it out.

Blessings....

I was in the same situation here, but with older girls. It eventually turned into bullying on the part of the other girl, also tortured plenty of other kids. Now she tries to be friends with mine but my daughter will rarely play with her. She gave it a bunch of chances and the girl just kept up with the power plays, lying, etc. I think my daughter just has very, very little patients with it any more. I did talk to the mom about some specific incidents that happened (3rd grade and she is trying to convince my daughter she is fat, etc). The worse part is we live on small city lots and they are right next door. I can't go out my back door without practically being in their driveway. Anyway, we have really started putting up some bounderies (they were ignored for a while but she seems to be getting it more). I would recommend you just encourage other friendships and role play with your daughter on how to deal with her. As in "What did she say?", "What did you say?", "Why do you think she said that?", "How did it make you feel?". Maybe you could say this instead. "I am going to play with my new friend now. See you later". Just some thoughts.

I taught my only daughter to be kind, a very good friend and to do the "right" thing early on. I will never forget her sticking up for a new girl (Angela) that was from Mexico and missed her mom. The other kids were teasing her and my daughter (in second grade) said "hey, there is nothing wrong with missing your mom".

Karly's mom is creating a monster but she would do this with five kids! This is not an only child thing by a long shot. What are you going to say?? Work with your daughter to be strong and minimize the time they spend together.

It sounds like Karly is focusing on quantity in life instead of quality. Like the people on facebook that have 500+ friends just to say that they have 500+ friends. I think that there are other people that like your daughter, and Karly is jealous of that so Karly is trying to claim all of the friends for herself.

I tell my son that he doesn't have to be friends with everyone, he should try to make friends with at least 2 people and say hi to someone new each day.

I probably wouldn't say anything. Its really she said, she said. Kids will tell you what you want to hear, not what is happening when you aren't there. Try and visit at lunch a day or two and see for yourself. There are kids at my son's school that won't sit near him normally, but when I visit are fighting to sit around him. Its weird and funny at the same time.

I had a friend that was having this same type of problem--almost a "mean girl stalker" thing....telling her who she could and could not be friends with, etc. My friend knew the other mom well enough to know she wouldn't be offended and they handled it together. Would that work in your case?

Continue to teach your daughter how to express her likes and dislikes and opinions! Encourage her to SPEAK UP when this ridiculousness begins. Ask her how she feels about Karly and when Karly tries to boss her.

Why would you "see her do mean things" to your youngest and "get away with it"? Why didn't you say something??

And please, speaking as a mom of an only child, don't make this an "only child" issue....just so stereotypical!

I think its totally normal for girls to compete with each other socially. However it is distasteful to see your daughter hurt this way. I'm curious what types of things she's saying back to Karly. It can be easy to assume that your child it totally victimized and the other girl a total brat. I'm guessing with all the time they spend together that its pretty easy for your daughter to be the target... However she probably isn't going to admit to you if she's said mean things to Karly. Most kids are unaware of their issues, but can see everyone else's magnified. If I were you, I'd assume that your daughter is contributing to this, at least a little bit. I don't know any children who would sit there and take mean things said to them constantly and not retaliate in some way. Especially as she's totally comfortable hanging out with Karly one on one.

I'd talk to her mom. I wouldn't say, hey your daughter's being a jerk to my daughter. I'd just say. "I'm noticing social rivalry between our girls and I wanted to make you aware of it. I'm talking to my daughter about saying kind things, not leaving others out or competing for friends." Be sure you don't pass all the blame on her daughter or she'll totally ignore everything else you say - and then you'll have just made it worse. Don't make it a big deal, but emphasize how you're dealing with it. Ask her to join you since you value your two girls relationship and want it to stay healthy.

If nothing changes, then teach your daughter how to ignore this. If Karly wants to be friends with one girl, go pick someone else. Look for girls who are lonely to be friends with, etc... That's the best you can do. Hopefully Karly's mom will be onboard!

Best wishes!

I think you summed it up in your last paragraph. I would include that being in a new school, fear of being an outcast can trickle into a kids psyche too. Karly is very possibly afraid she won't make new friends if the old stand by is around or that the new friend will like your daughter more.

Suggest your daughter just find others to hang out with, away from Karly. Then they can later talk about their new friends and ultimately either share them or gravitate into new social circles.

Why is it your daughter has to go to Karly's house? I think if there's unacceptible behavior going on with Karly, it's time to make other arrangements. When your friend asks, just say it seems they aren't getting along very well. Maybe the teacher will get through. But it's true that some parents just don't think their little bubela could ever do anything wrong. So the teacher may explain there have been some occasions Karly acts out against your daughter and it was decided to separate them and you decided to continue it outside the classroom. Time will tell Karly's not the darling mummy thinks.