11-Month-old Falls Asleep Nursing, Won't Fall Asleep in Her Crib

K.,
I also did the same thing. I have been pondering if it's wrong or not. I've come to the conclusion we just have to do what feels right for our child. I can't leave my son in the crib when he wants me. I feed him to go to sleep and then lay him down. Lately he has been waking up when I lay him down and he will stay in the crib and hold my hand and put himself to sleep. This started just this week. I'm thinking we might be in the right direction. I think they do things in the time they need. I guess I'm not any help but wanted to let you know I'm doing the same. I still nurse my 9 month old when he wakes up and wants me. It's inconvenient for me but I don't think it is bad for him. He wouldn't eat if he wasn't hungry. Good Luck!

Hi K., I think you need to keep nursing her. As she gets older and is more active during the day she will go to sleep easier. I agree with not letting her cry too long or at all. If you find a day or night when she seems tired you may try to put her in the crib. New habits are not learned overnight. Grandma Mary

A. Do what works for you and what feels right. No baby is the same.
B. Once she likes her sippy cup she wont nurse as much and eventually it will be done with.
C. I put my daughter in a twin bed with a rail at 19 months, sad on the trundle with her and had a music light show on the ceiling which later replaced me.

And now, when all of her friends are waking in the night she is a sound, sound and happy sleeper. So do your own thing, they are all different. Remember she is only 11 months old. She has a long life ahead of her to fall asleep on her own.

My 14 month old daughter is pretty much the same.. I nurse her to sleep and for naps... and I've thought so many times "is this what I should be doing?" but it feels right, so for now I am just accepting it.. That is what she needs right now... It is hard sometimes - part of me does want to wean her, but I'm just trying to listen to my gut and take things one day at a time...
I spent so much time in the first few months trying to read books and do the "right thing".. but really you do know what is best for you and your baby.. and realize you are not the only one who breastfeeds your baby to sleep! I think there are alot of us out there and I think they will learn to sleep on their own in their own time (my daughter goes down for my husband without a problem if she has to). I really don't think it will damage her - I think she will know she is loved and can be comforted.
Good luck!

Hi K.,

Is there a reason why you want her to fall asleep in her crib? I have found that children grow up too fast and I treasure those moments when they are sleeping in my lap. My kids have usually nursed to sleep & then I set them down in the bed. I have also gone to bed at the same time as them & then get up before them to do chores around the house. Good luck with whatever you decide. Just remember it is your family & lifestyle not your doctor's so do what you feel is best for you & her.

so... here is what you do:
put her down awake or slightly awake most of the time - all of the time if you can. let her cry. after 10 mins minimum (you can go longer if you are comfortable with it) go in and pat her chest or rub her tummy. do not make eye contact or talk with her and absolutely do not pick her up. you can make shhh noises, or hum quietly. if she has a crib toy that plays soft music, you can turn that on too. once she calms leave her room quickly and quietly. if she doesn't calm down you will have to eventually leave with her still crying. but because you went in she knows you care and are there for her, but by not picking her up you are removing yourself as her comfort object which is big at this age. she needs to find comfort in something else. i use a small burp cloth for my 10 month old. i make sure it is by his hand.
if she keeps crying, double the time you waited last time. so, if you waited 10 mins, wait 20. do the same things again. if she keeps crying, keep doing the same thing and doubling the time each time.
use an overnight daiper so you don't have to change her unless she pooped and try to change her in the crib so you aren't picking her up if you have to.
if this is during the day and she is in for her nap, after an hour let her get up and she will just miss that nap and do the rest of her schedule the same. don't give up on her naps though. just because she skips it one day, she needs them so keep trying.
if it is at night, there is nothing wrong with reaching a point where you have tried to comfort her for a very long time and are losing it, to just turn off the monitor and let her cry as long as she needs to. she will eventually fall asleep. she might not get much of any sleep for a few days but eventually she will learn that she needs to comfort herself. i know you are worried about her having a negative view of her crib and room, but more importantly she needs to learn to sleep on her own or else she will develop sleep issues and a lack of autonomy. it's not about being mean, it's about being a parent. the responsible thing to do is sometimes the hardest. you will find that tough love is valid when it comes to little ones. before reasoning developes, you sometimes have no other choice. it's truly harder on us than them. our guilt lingers more than their displeasure. just remember anything you do that you think is tough, has been done millions of times by millions of moms whos children have turned out ok. good luck!

I nursed both my kids to sleep and worried about it like you because everything you read said to absolutely not do that. And you know what? They eventually learned to sleep on their own. When they fell asleep while nursing, I just thought it would be the dumbest thing ever to wake up an already sleeping baby. I can't remember when they started going to sleep on their own, but I did nurse both until about age two. I don't remember having any problems making the transition. Good luck!

I will second what TSW said...just keep nursing her to sleep. Really, what is the harm? There is no harm in latteing your child fall asleep where she feels the most comfortable and loved. If anything, it is BETTER for her. She gets in every last drop of milk and she probably sleeps better.

Please, please, please do not subscribe to the cry it out nonsense. You can research it for yourself...it is a fact that crying it out allows too much of the stress hormone cortisol to build up and that interferes with brain development. The "sleep" achieved by CIO is not in fact restful sleep but a child's response to extreme stress...hence withdrawl into a quiet state.

And as others have said, this time is going to fly by and there will come a point when you WISH they would cuddle up and sleep with you but they won't want to. Sleeping with your child is just another form of parenting...enjoy it!

This might seem wrong to some parents but my kids doc told me to get kids to sleep in their own room is to put them in they're beds and walk away... let them cry for about 30 mins... then if they are still crying go in check on them and do not pick them up... let them know it's ok and maybe sing them a song... and try it again... but never let them cry for more then 30 mins at a time...
it worked for both my boys... i hope it works for you...

You did nothing wrong. You may want to read other books though; ones that are more in line with your instinctual way of parenting. I recommend The Baby Sleep Book by Dr. Sears. I found it to be very helpful.

I agree with Kelly B, that is what I did with my 1st son, with my 2nd we didn't really have a problem with him going to bed. My husband and I had read the book *Loving Discipline*. it talked about the method where you let them cry it out -- I highly recommend it. I am also reading through SuperNanny and she addresses it similarly. I would nurse in the baby room by the crib and stop before he was asleep and placed him in the bed. We explained it to him probably too much and after about a week he finally went to sleep on his own and has always since, both of them share a room and around 7:30 it is bedtime, we just say time for bed, they get in their beds and shut eye!! Now nap time is another story for me that I need to seek advice.. Again do what you feel is best, if you want to nurse your baby to sleep then go for it!

I have 2 girls who still give us a hard time about sleep - one is almost 11 & the youngest 5. Our oldest had colic that lasted thru her 10th month, then dbl ear infections, tubes, stomach problems, u name it - she had it! When our youngest was born she was perfect w/sleep - would sleep thru the night from 3 mos on 8pm-5am - but then when we moved she wanted nothing to do w/her crib. It's hard to let them cry it out & all, but to be completely honest - I dread the fact that we ever gave in. True we only gave in to our older daughter b/c we were going on about an hour of sleep per night, but honestly try anything you can to get her to sleep w/out all of the stuff you have to go thru. Maybe a soft stuffed animal or something to comfort her. I hate to see anyone have to go thru this. We went as far as buying our daughter (at the time 5 yrs old) a full size futon w/bunk so we could sleep w/her. Crazy! Anyways, good luck!

Been there, DONE THAT!!! It is hard to break this habit, especially when you've let it go this long(like I did). It sounds cruel, but sometimes you have to just put her in bed say goodnight, give her a kiss and leave the room. She will cry, and you just have to let her. What I did with my daughter was to set up a 'new' bedtime, or naptime routine. We would go into her room and I'd put her in her crib. I would get out a story book and read her a story or two then lay her down and say goodnight and leave. You may try giving her a bottle as she listens to the story to soothe her. By letting her nurse to go to sleep, the nursing has become a "comfort item" and suddenly not having it is upsetting. She will cry, and it's hard to listen to them cry. If my daughter cried for more than 30 minutes, I would go back in and hold her or rock her for a few minutes, but always tried to put her back in the crib just before she fell asleep, but sometimes that just aggrivates the problem. It will depend on how your own daughter reacts to the changes. You will probably have several days of her crying herself to sleep, but once she gets into the new routine it will be better for everbody. It will take some time so be patient, and most important STICK to the new routine! It's a hard break this habit, and you HAVE to be consistent. You can also try playing calm soothing instramental music quietly while she goes to sleep. It'll break your heart to listen to her cry herself to sleep, but she needs to get used to going to sleep without you present. The older they get, the harder it is for them and for you. My little girl was a stubborn one about trying to stay awake, she would fight sleep, but she did get into the new routine and since then bed time has become a good experience as we read togther. She is now 4 1/2 and she loves her betime routine. It was a difficult adjustment at first, but it worked out. Just stick to your guns :)

Does she nap without nursing? Try putting her down for naps first with a few toys, books, etc. Then do it at night. Our daughter (16 months) goes to sleep with these items in her crib. Hey, I like to read before bed; I think it's okay for a baby to wind down, too, don't you? Good luck!!

Carefully allowing your child to learn to soothe herself to sleep will not hurt her. In fact, the ability to soothe herself will be a tremendous gift throughout her life! If you carefully watch your child for cues, and make good choices about when to soothe (when sick, teething, screeching vs. fussing, etc.), then your child will not feel abandoned or extremely stressed.

I think it is highly stressful for a baby to NOT know how to go to (or back to) sleep on their own! Imagine if you needed help to go to sleep, every time you woke up in the middle of the night? If you HAD to have your back rubbed, or be given a drink, until you fell back asleep. How incredibly upsetting!

If you adore your child, and give her a ton of attention, carry her a lot, interact with her, kiss and cuddle her all the time, etc.....then your child will be a happy, grounded, loving, affectionate little girl (and then woman). Allowing her to fuss herself to sleep won't change this, and it is a temporary measure. After a short while, she'll figure it out. My son is almost 13 months, and we have used careful, sensitive cry-it-out methods (check out Weissbluth) since he was about 5 months old. He is completely attached to me, with no abandonment issues. He sleeps in his crib, and LOVES it there! (And he used to sleep in bed with me, so we made the switch successfully!) He gets 12 hours of sleep per night, and 2 naps a day of 2 hours each. And he's done this for ages!

Lots of sleep = happy and healthy baby. Honestly, read Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby." It's based on good, sound research. It's all about restful sleep, and he knows his stuff!

Good luck! You've given your daughter such wonderful comfort (and nutrition!) these past 11 months. It's ok to let her take the next step and fall asleep on her own. She's older, and smarter, so she'll kick up a storm for a while. But give it a couple of weeks, and you'll be so surprised with how well she does!

Here is a suggestion...keep doing what you're doing! Nurse her to sleep if thats what she wants, wear her in a sling, rock her, comfort her! She obviously isnt ready. And stop reading books from so-called experts and listening to doctor's. They arent experts on sleep! Just medicine! You know whats best for her, what works and how to soothe her. Trust yourself and go with that! Gosh, if more Moms were able to trust their instincts and stop second guessing themselves due to experts and books, there would be a lot less boards like this! I guess thats in our nature though...we compare our babies to others, what others say should be done etc... When really, WE know best and so do our babies. My son needed to be nursed to sleep until around 14 months. After that, he began showing signs of being ready...he didnt want to nurse, he'd flop around in my arms or on the couch, looking like he was trying to get comfy. I tried to lay him in his crib, and that was that. He fell right asleep, didnt cry, didint stand up or fuss. It was amazing! Following his lead through parenting has been my lifesaver. I have less stress, he has less stress and everything falls into place. Of course thats all anectodal. If you are really dead set on teaching her to fall asleep without nursing (which really isnt necessary yet IMO) you can look into the no cry sleep solution or one od Dr. Sears nighttime parenting or baby sleep book. Good luck, you're doing the right thing!

I'm sure this is not a new suggestion, but has worked for me with both of my babies. After they were done nursing, I'd give them a pacifier and put them in their crib. ( I only ever allowed them in the crib, so that they're a cue that it's time to settle down and go to sleep. Both of my babies used them like this for a few months and then didn't want them anymore at all.) Do you have a bedtime routine other than nursing? If not, start one. Bath, jammies, nurse, story, sleep (or whatever works for you). After she nurses, give her a pacifier and read a story or just put her in her crib. She might just want to keep sucking to settle down.
One more thought....I know this is really hard right now and if you're comfortable nursing her to sleep, then don't stress about it.... but if you want to stop nursing her to sleep, then you're better off doing it now. Toddlers are creatures of habit and it may be harder to break this habit as she gets older.