12 Yr Old Has No Interest in Friends

As a mom and teacher, I definitely don't think he has a personality disorder. But I do agree it would be a good idea to encourage outside interests. As for encouraging friendships, how about asking him to invite a friend to join the family at home (for dinner and a game?) or on a night out (to mini golf or the arcade?). That way, you could act as an example and facilitator of your son's relationship with another kid his age ... that may be hard for him and may explain why he avoids those situations. Eventually, I think he would get more comfortable with the friends who routinely accompany the family and that may spread to relationships with other kids.

My daughter has no interest in others and would prefer computer and TV 24/7. When my husband and I go on date nights, we require her to have a friend over so she's not alone. That's what we tell her. The real reason is that we want her to spend time with other girls her age. Any little step will help toward the ultimate goal of having her not be lonely when she's grown.

L.,

What type of things interest your son? Perhaps he really enjoys the company of being home. Some kids are just homebodies.

But I would suggest, the whole family getting out and doing things together- either walks to going to the park to get outside- riding bikes or taking him to a skateboarding park- or painting or skating rinks. Perhaps if everyone just sits at home all the time- he doesn't really know what he would like to do.

As for starting fights with his sister, you may need to begin taking away privileges such as no tv in his room or no game system or he has to do an extra chore for each time he picks on her.

Have fun and enjoy.
D.

Sounds like he is a little insecure, and maybe even about his place in the family. Just try to encourage him in different things, and espically in feeling part of the family, any maybe then he will want to go do things with friends if he doesn't feel he isn't included in something fun while he is gone to their home or something.

First of all, most 12 yr olds are NOT good influences. I would encourage relationships with ALL ages. I would encourage more outside play and less computer/TV time, but would also encourage family time. Maybe something in particular that he can teach the 4 yr old and things that the whole family can do together.
I would encourage friends that you know something about, but not spending night.
Self-esteem is a def. issue at this age as well.

I second Masami's advice. It may be something he grows out of, but this is typically the age they start becoming more involved with friends and wanting to be away from home more. I would talk to his teachers and see if they have any concerns about his peer interactions. He might need to see a counselor to work through self-esteem and/or depression issues that might be causing his anxiety. I would also limit his tv and computer time as it will keep him isolated and not working with others. He may be an introvert, but even introverts often have at least one good friend they get along well with. Yes, siblings do fight, but I wouldn't think 12 years olds should be fighting so much with a 4 year old. I wouldn't just ignore the behavior- he may need some help with a therapist. Good luck!

Re-read what you wrote, your answer is right there,
and he told you "what" he is afraid of.
He needs MORE one on one time and "family" time and not feeling like the red headed step child. Forgive the crude analogy. I love red hair and I am a stepchild but never was introduced or not treated as a whole member of the family and, not implying that.
Maybe if there is a set "family night/nights" he won't feel as if he is missing anything. I'm thinking of a commercial I saw the other day where everyone kept saying, "It's Wednesday night!" It was family night. watch tv together, play a game, go for a family walk! Playing games will also help him learn to deal with winning and losing and interacting with others. When he feels more secure at home, he will venture out. Children also learn their behaviors by what they see.
Children also will bicker at anything, perfectly normal, it again goes to trying to feel more special so to speak, or needs things that are truly "his".

Hi L.,
I wouldn't worry if I were you. First of all, be glad that he rather be home than away with you not know ing what he is getting himself into, specially spending the night.
On the other hand, I think he might have a lot of insecurities and might not feel like he fits int and stuff and that is why he rather stay home thank being picked on.
I would work as a family to ground him and strenghthen his personality and perception of himself so he then is confident enough to socialize.
Don't make it a big deal, but do work on it with your husband.
He'll come around and the thay will come when you won't even the the dust behind him!!!

Hi L.,
It sounds like he may have some insecurities from the divorce of his parents. And picking fights with your 4 year old may stem from jealousy.
Just my first impression,
R. B.

I read a few of the responses to this and all I can say is be thankful. I don't think there is anything wrong with him at all. I have a 12 year old stepson and he wants to go hang out with his girlfriend 24/7 and do things that I as a 12 year old didn't know a thing about.
Maybe like someone said he does feel like he's not part of the family. My step-son does do the same thing to us. He is so afraid he is going to miss out on something that we are doing, that I catch him telling us he doesn't have homework just to sit on the couch with us and watch tv.
As far as fighting with his 4 year old sister; I have a 2 year old son and him and my stepson fight constantly. I think it might be a bit of a power struggle. My stepson is expected to act like he's 12 and be more responsible vs. my 2 year old. As much as you try you can't treat them evenly because they are 2 different ages. Attention they both get equally I feel.
I wouldn't be too concerned, maybe just some reaasurrance that his as much a part of the family as his sister and slowly encourage him to hang with friends.
Just be thankful he's not trying to go run the streets and act like an 18 year old.
Good Luck!

L.,

My hubby had a friend like this when he was growing up and he ended up very badly. It is definitely a personality disorder that he has and I would try to find him a therapist first, and perhaps medication later if that fails. If you speak to a psychologist, he/she will likely tell you the problem is way deeper than just being a recluse or an internal and not outgoing person. The fighting with other kids, etc..and I would try to limit the tv and computer time. Let him find other things to do to occupy his time. But I think finding a therapist would be a good idea. Hopefully within a short time you will have success and he can go in the right direction. Not to try to scare you or be rude, but if you look at the kids that commit crimes like school shootings, etc...this is the type of behavior they typically see in the years leading up to the crimes and the parents just ignored it. Again, I hope that is not rude, but will help you to push for therapy and extra attention. Good luck!!!

I would'nt worry at all. Be glad he would rather be at home with family. Maybe he knows the other kids his age are doing things that would be a bad thing and he just does'nt want any part of it. As for little sister. It's all normal for them to always pick on eah other and fight. 4 year old little girls can get on your nerves at times. thats just their age. Find something that he can teach her to do. But they will still fight. Thats brother and sister love. Don't play favorite over the other. In my family we NEVER use the word step hild or parent. A step is something you go up and down on.Not people. He is at the age from being a young boy to becoming a teen-ager. Scarey thing there. Go do things as a family, pinics, visit a museum, walk the mall. Try getting him to learn to cook. He might love it, to make a meal or dessert all by his-self. Good luck.. W. Hamilton

L.,
I have not been in your situation, but my first thoughts after reading your post was "get some professional help". As the other post said "I am not trying to be rude"... I just know if I was in your situation that's what I would do.. simply because I wouldn't know what else to do and would be afraid if I ignored it as a possible problem or cry for help that that's just what it would turn out to be and I alone would have missed it! He may be more willing to "talk" to a therapist and even if it's just "stuff" at least he had someone to talk to and get it all off his chest. I'm thinking right now he is maybe taking it out on his sister! Some bickering/fighting is normal but it sounds like it's an ongoing thing with these two. I hope and pray that this is just a phase for him and nothing more serious. I will keep your family in my prayers. K.

Hi L., I was kind of like that when I was young. Junior High is a really crappy age or it was for me. I would go play with friends some, but I liked them to come to my house and spend the night with me. Could he be a little depressed? I don't really think there's cause for concern, but that's my opinion. Hope things get better soon!