21 Mo. Frequently Bitten at Daycare

No, I don't think you're overracting. I had the same problem with my daughter a few months ago, that's why I removed my daughter from there. The daycare provider hit with me the same responses that were given to you. I asked my daughter to point out the child that was being not nice to her and she did. I immediately went to that child's parent and advised her that her child was doing this. I got the same response from the parent, however, when she banged my daughter's head on the concrete floor and my child had to go the ER, that's when I had enough, and I pulled her out since the daycare provider took the other child's side over mine.

I don't know about how daycare may be different in policy from a preschool situation, but our preschool (and others I've heard of) had a policy that if a child was a repeat biter, that child's parents were asked - really, told-- to remove the child from the preschool. The belief, I think, was that a child who lacked the ability to express himself or herself to the point he or she bit others frequently was a child who was not yet ready to be around other children all day, every day. I would question whether your current day care has other ways in which it is putting getting paid for one kid ahead of other children's safety. I'd find another day care provider and be very clear with the current one about the reason why. Your child is obviously not "getting over" these incidents if they're stressing him to the point of nightmares.

Ask for a meeting with his head teacher and the head of the school. Say that you understand these things occasionally happen, but you have seen no evidence that the problem is resolving and you are not reassured. The school should have a plan and they should have a way of coping. My oldest was a day care baby, and she was bit several tiems by one child. I found out WHO by accident, but they did tell me the circumstances in that one child targeted my daughter more than others, although she also bit other kids. It was becasue they were friends and always next to each other (at lunch, lining up to go outside, etc.). When this one child felt he needed attention, my daughter was an easy target. They had no problem explining that to me without telling me the child's name or even gender. I think you are entitled to know the CIRCUMSTANCES so that you can work with your child and can work with the school to address it.

I have attached below a response I sent to another mom who was the parent of the biter. Basically, many kids do try this, and I think it's normal, but that doesn't mean it can't be resolved. TO be honest, it is one of several reasons I left day care - It was difficult to see my child hurt and no I had no power in the situation.

Your child should not be continuoously assaulted. And if he is, then the school needs to move the aggressor or dismiss him/her. That was our school's policy. It took a couple of weeks, but the issue with my child resolved and the biting stopped So I say, give it time, but don't ignore it either. They need to prove to you tha they are being respnsive. Additionally, take this as a learnign opportunity to teach your shilcd to say no to innappopriate touching. I would point at my daughter's bruise and tell her "No one sould hurt you" and "It's your body" and "Say NO-NO!"

Older response: Work with the daycare provider to come up with a consistent action plan. My daughter was on the receiving end of this a few times - and no, I didn't feel real happy wiht the other family, even though I know this is a stage for some kids :) And you would feel the same way if you son came home with black and blue teethmarks, wich he may sometime in his daycare career. Here is what my daughter's day care did.

They "assigned" a teacher or aide to be with "the biter" or watch him during times where there was likely to be stress or frustration and the biting occurred. This was usually getting the kids ready for naps or lining up for the playground.

When he bit, they said in no uncertain terms "No biting!" No extra words or discussion. No yelling. Just calmness and quick reaction. He was quickly and unceremoniously removed to the side of the class to sit quietly with no playing. It helped that my dughter learned to say, with my instruction, "NO! HURTS!"

.

We had that same problem at our son's first daycare. If you aren't getting answers to your questions, then it is time to consider moving him to another school. They should be able to tell you what happened without giving you the other child's name.

I agree that the school should be able to provide you with more information than they are, shy of identifying the child. You as a paying customer and concerned parent have that right.

However, please keep in mind that this is a normal phase, and some children bite more than others.

My son was bit several times while he was in his all day center. I too had to take my own precautions. The child was seated at the same child as my son. After the third incident, I, had to ask that my child be moved to another table, which blew my mind. That should be their first response. Then it happened again during nap time. Turns out that the kid had the nap-spot next to my son. 'What about keeping them seperated as much as possible don't you get?' So then I had to ask that my son be moved to a new nap spot.

Another thing I did was to send him to school in long sleeves and pants. Then if he was bit, it wasn't that bad.
As frustrating as it is, keep being a voice for your child. If you don't want to move your child to another school, then try to be patient when working with the school. Also, try to keep in mind how you would feel if it were your child doing the biting...

Good luck.
M.

i agree with the other poster....get him out! my daughter has been in day care/preschool since she was 8 weeks old and has only been bitten once in that amount of time.

I used to work as a daycare worker before my children where born. Which was about 4 years ago, not that long ago. I worked as the two year old teacher with one other teacher and 19-20 two year olds. I can tell you coming from a daycare worker, that it is uncalled for what is happening to your child. We did have a few children that would bite for whatever reason, but we would always record how many times these children where biting others and we would always talk to the parents if it happened over one or two times. It's very hard sometimes to keep up with that many children in a daycare setting, it's exhausting and it requires ten eyes.. but it is possible, and with good supervision he should not be coming home with bites every week!!! I would recommend talking to the daycare director, not the teachers. They should be concerned with what is going on. If they are not willing to either remove the frequent biter from the daycare or talk to the teachers to make sure they are watching the children then you should consider getting a private babysitter or one that has very few children. Your child does not deserve this!

I completely agree with the other response , you are not over reacting and you have every right to know what goes on when your child is being left at daycare , you are paying good money for him to be taken care of after all. The fact that he has nightmares about it aswell would ring alarm bells for me in just how often this is happening and just what else is going on? I am not sure if you have the same law here but in England you are allowed to request and view CCTV footage from a particular day so that you can see what your child has been doing during the day.

If I were you I would follow my gut instinct and start looking for alternative care.

Good luck

K.

As a mom of two kids in daycare I can tell you that you are not overreacting. If your child is being continually bitten and you are not receiving adequate answers or solutions as to how the daycare can keep him safe, then remove him from this daycare immediately.

M.,

As a mother of a 2 year old who has bitten and was bitten in daycare (when she was in the 18-24 month old room), our daycare always gave us an incident report and explained the situtation (if they saw it)-without ever revealing who actually did it. Such as my child was playing and the other child wanted the toy, so he bit her. The teachers then say they separate them and explain that biting is bad. I understand that at that age, children don't know how to express themselves. It is hard and I know my child also bit other children and we work very hard at home to tell her that is not nice. She still bites occasionally when she gets overly excited, but has definitely calmed down alot as she has gotten older and now knows how to express herself with words.

Your daycare provider should at least give you the circumstances (without releasing the child's name). And explain what is being done if it's the same child everytimes and if they're a big repeat biter.

Your poor baby! Get him out and find a new place.

You can search or post on DCUM - http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/forums/list.page - under the daycare forum for more information or leads since you're within the area.

sounds like its long past time to find another day care
provider, it also sounds like that "JAWS" might very well
be the owners child or nephew, something like that.next
thing to do is to hang around the day care and find out
just how "JAWS" is,now chances are good, the owner wont like it, but if you say the word LAWSUIT i am certain she will change her mind, once you find out how this biter is, the rest is easy, tell the little monster that if he bites your child one more time YOU will BITE HIm, no excuses, NO nothing and, if the owner does likeit, thats too bad because you have the right to defend your child. in the meantime, take your child to the doctor to document the bites and the resulting stress on the child. hand a copy
of the lab results to the sitter/owner and tell them that
your lawyer will be contacting them, then pull the child out of that day care and find another sitter
K. h.

My question is what is the day care doing to address the problem with the children who bite? Are they encouraging or discouraging the behavior and how? Also, other parents would like to know your experience with this day care. www.ChildCareCity.com