2Nd Shift Spouse

Maybe set a realistic weekly meal plan and shop on the weekend together so you are both on the same page. Then you'll know what meal is happening that day and you can gently remind him to cut up the veggies or little things like that. Sounds like there's a lot more sharing that needs to be done.

Crock pot recipes are a great solution. He preps and puts them in to cook till you get home. Or he grills two nights worth of meat. Or you both cook a week's worth of meals on the weekend like Rachel Ray's week in a Day.

Make a list of all that needs doing. He gets half, you get half.

Did it for 38 years with four kids, all a year apart in age and worked full time. Oh two dogs too. Not understanding fight over you did not get to two meals? When I cooked dinner I made enough for husband the next day for lunch. I usually made something for him to take to work. You will adjust, it is just new. When my husband retired from NYPD I did not know what to do with him at night. We were so used to him being gone. Had to find a balance. We did. Hang in.

It really seems doable, but both of you need to make some changes.

I don't see why your son has to get up and go to daycare first thing in the a.m. If hubby is home until 2:00 p.m. can he take your son to daycare a bit later in the mornings. That way you could have more time with your son in the evenings because he won't have to go to bed so early, and the house can be quieter for hubby to get some extra sleep in the mornings.

You can still have quality time with your son while you prep dinner. Get him in there to help or just watch while you chit chat. Some of my most favorite times with my grandchildren are when they are in the kitchen with me while I or we cook, as the case may be.

If you and hubby both simply pick up behind yourselves, the house should stay relatively neat and not really need much work during the week.

I don't have any idea what you mean about not getting to "two meals during the week." Does that mean you didn't feed the dogs? To be honest, it doesn't take much time or effort to feed dogs unless you are spoon feeding them. Seriously, how long does it take to throw some dog food in a bowl and set the bowl on the floor?

I really think the key here is to have hubby take your son to daycare later in the morning. That pretty much solves your issues.

I agree with a lot of the others, why on the world is your son sluffing off to daycare when dads gone til 2:00???
Can you get an at home sitter from 2-6 everyday?
It'll save you money plus your son will get more dad time.
We did this for about a year when my son wa about 3...I worked from 6-noon and my husband worked 1-10.
I dont remember having dinner issues, but I was usually home doing dinner. He'd take yesterday's leftovers for dinner at work, I think.
Good luck!

So hubby is up for 7 hours before he has to leave for work and you and son are only home for 1/2 hour of that time...the rest is his time to himself (except for physically getting ready for work). You have no time to yourself because you get up, get yourself and your child ready, go to work, come home and fix dinner and bath your son in the hour before his bedtime, and then try to get everything else done. Definately time for a chat with hubby.

Talk TO him and not AT him. Explain that with the new job (which you fully support) came a new family schedule. Remind him that your schedule and your son's didn't really change so when you get home at 6pm, you still have only an hour to deal w/ the dogs, fix and eat dinner, bath your son, and spend a little time with him. That's not a lot to do but it is a lot to do in an hour and after working all day. Tell him that while you are taking on more in the evenings (dogs, dinner, son alone), you still need some help from him. Redistribute the laundry duties and have him prep dinner (some times that could mean cooking for you to reheat, sometimes that means starting a nice crockpot meal so it's ready for everyone, and sometimes it might mean chopping, slicing, etc.). What would help is if you the two of you came up with menu ahead of time to keep the guesswork out of what to fix/what needs to be done).

You need to talk about this. You're not 100% responsible for dinners just because you happen to be female.

In my house, if we're too tired to cook, we make a sandwich or pour a bowl of cereal. No biggie. Everyone eats.

For the dinner battle, perhaps get friendly with your crock pot. Your husband can put a whole chicken or a roast in on low and it will be ready by dinnertime. Lots of good leftovers, and not much work.

Look for low tech dinners with few ingredients. A few casseroles in the freezer that can just be put in the oven.

Also, a few dinners that end up with a lot of leftovers are good. I browned 3lbs of of ground beef on Sunday night and used the meat for tacos, sloppy joes, and spaghetti.

Best of luck!

ETA: Oh yeah....grilling. Grill twice the amount of meat. Or grill chicken for one dinner and burger patties for another....and put the extra in the fridge to be microwaved. Instead of cooking one dinner at a time, cook two or three.

If he is up at 7, he can have breakfast with your son and get him ready for the day. They should be able to have some quality time together in the mornings. It also looks like you only need 4 hours a day of childcare - from 2 pm until 6 pm. So your son should be able to sleep a bit later and you can spend more time with him in the evening.

My husband has worked 2nd shift for the most part of the last 3 years. It's tough. We have two kids at home, 8 and 4 and a bunch animals. We worked a schedule out as to who could/needed to do what and wrote it out. My oldest had sports, cub scouts and the youngest had a music class. I felt like I was pulled in every direction possible.
You have to work together and communicate! Occasionally he would grill a main course and have it in the fridge so dinner was easy for me. But most of the time it was up to me so I found I needed to plan ahead. I had a menu for the week so he could take out and defrost something if needed or do some of the prep work.
I think our saving grace was that he had 2 days off mid-week so I did get a bit of a break.
I admit that most of the child and pet responsibilities fell on me b/c I was on the same schedule as the kids and animals. It was a difficult transition, but like everything else you get used to the new routine and continually find ways to make improvements. Good luck.

I only work part time in the mornings, my husband works 3:00pm to midnight and my kids are both in school full days.

I do most of the housework and my husband does most of the yard work.

I make my kids breakfast and pack their lunches for school. I make my own breakfast and lunch. My husband gets his own breakfast and lunch. I cook supper each night, and pack a portion for my husband, which is the supper he takes to work the following night.

The boys and I spend time with my husband on the weekend. My husband gets up in time to see them before they leave for school in the morning, and he phones home on his break to tell them good night.

I play smooth jazz quitely in my room when I go to sleep and only rarely do I wake up when I hear my husband come home, although I am often still awake.

I like my husband working this shift. He is home for most of the day in case the kids have appointments or are sick he can take care of them. It did take some getting used to not having him home for dinner, but it's not too bad. I just make sure weekend dinners are extra special. I will leave him notes if there are things I need him to do before he leaves for work. I especially love having the bed all to myself when I go to bed at night!

The only real drawback I find is that I have to take the kids everywhere with me on weekday evenings. They come to committee meetings, I bring them to work with me (1 work one evening shift a week), I take them with me when I take classes etc.

You plan carefully and take advantage of weekends. Do lunch together whenever you can. Formalized responsibilities (whose job is whose) and take time to be together. Be creative, write him notes before you leave in the morning letting him know how much you love him. Be flexible, you are going to drop the ball sometimes and so is he; forgive, adapt, and move on. Ear plugs for him or at least a white noise machine, lack of sleep will make anyone grouchy.

And keep an eye on the future when you will no longer be on opposite schedules.

Google how others handle this kind of thing. There may be blogs out there with helpful info.

Brainstorm individually what you did before, and how the schedule is affecting those tasks now. Brainstorm together to see what might work better. It sounds like it's a new situation so you may both have to be gentle with each other as you adjust.

For food - perhaps find a new way to prep - like weekend meal prep, maybe - cook and freeze? I know there are website about this kind of thing.

Re seeing more of each other - if he gets up the same time as you, can he take over the drop-off of your son? That way, they get time together every day, even if it's just a few minutes. If there is a way for him to meet you for lunch before he goes to work, that could be fun - even if it's just once or twice a week.

Men also don't generally communicate their emotions as well. He is probably missing the heck out of both of you and doesn't know how to articulate that - it just shows up as frustration.

My hubby works third shift, so I understand odd hours. Have him walk the dogs when he gets home so they will let you sleep a little longer in the morning. Also,can he help with dinner before he leaves-prep it and put it in the refridgerator so all you have to do is throw it in the oven? I understand why yo take your son to daycare- if hubby gets home after midnight, he probably doesn't wind down and go to bed for a few more hours, so he needs to sleep later.

since his schedule isnt flexible is yours? can you arrange your schedule to go in earlier since he doesnt leave until 2 and then he can do the morning routine, you'd get home by 4ish and have more time to do all of the other stuff?
I dont get much time with my daughter because of work either so in the spring I have charcoal in the trunk and picnic essentials (plastic utensils, paper plates cups) and often times will stop home quick and grab burgers or hot dogs and sides, drinks and grab her from aftercare at 6pm and then we'll go to the river and grill out and have fun for 2 hours, she'll fall asleep on the way home so shes still in bed on time and theres no clean up=)
you should do crock pot meals or do them on the weekend and reheat. do easy stuff salads, sandwiches, grill out.

Just tell him, he needs to help with the food prep. Now.
Your schedules are different.
Men can't read our minds.
They don't think 15 steps ahead like women do.

You both sit down, and make a LIST of what each does, and hang it up on the WALL.

And the 3 dogs, are like having 3 other children. So actually, you have 4... "kids."
Or, hire a dog walker etc.

Ultimately, you are like a Single Parent. Now.
Who is doing everything.
Except, the Husband who you never really see, is... home from 7:00am until say 1:30pm, when he has to get to work to get there by 2:00pm. PLUS, even before he goes to work, he must need about say, 1/2 hour, prior to actually leaving for work, to get ready... for work before he actually leaves the house. So all of that timing, needs to be factored into... the day.

Anyway, just you both sit down... and you tell him calmly what you told us, here.
And yes, "Men" get irked when their meals are not done and ready... like "usual." But too bad. The household now has a different schedule. BUT A MAN CAN COOK HIMSELF... even if it just for himself and you are already sleeping.

Again, men do not think 15 steps ahead... like women do.
They do not realize, it.
So you need to... tell him.
AND... have a "To Do List" on the wall... in plain sight... so that... you all know, what to do. And when. Put the times on it TOO, at which it needs to be done.
Everyone, needs to be scheduled.

And, what exactly is your Husband doing... from 7:00am until he has to go to work???

And, it seems that since this schedule happened and work schedules changed, you both never even talked about it or the delineation of duties/chores/responsibilities. So of course, it is not fair or organized.
So you both need to talk about it, and plan it.
Because, you are tired and frustrated with the new schedule.
And I am sure your Husband is tired and frustrated with it too.
And you all are, transitioning and adjusting.
But it will not go smoothly, UNLESS you both... KNOW what each is supposed to do, at what time/when, and list it down and put it on a poster.

I think you just need to sit down and talk. There have been plenty of times I have been overstressed and mad at my husband and he seriously doesn't even know what's wrong until I am about to explode.
He may be feeling that dinner isn't his responsibility since he's not home to eat it and also not realize just how much you have to do between your son, the dogs and other responsibilities at night. You might also not be aware of just how much he is doing during the day to make him feel justified that dinner should be your responsibility.
As for dinner, maybe switch things up from your normal routine? Try quick and easy meals. We do frozen pizza and bagged salad one night a week and pick up dinner another just to get a break. I also separate and prep all my meat when I go grocery shopping before I freeze it.
The weekend is coming up so hopefully you will all have some time you can spend together and work this out.Good luck!

This is a major change. I suggest you plan a time when you're both reasonably rested and have a discussion on how to reorganize your lives. Building a new routine won't just happen. Talk about it. Both of you have a say and also listen. Brainstorm together to form a plan and then together fine tune it as you go along.

Hopefully you have at least one day off the same. If not then you'll have to plan a time to talk. One of you will have to manage with less sleep for one night. Perhaps both of you write down some ideas to discuss at a later time. Many families are helped by keeping a notebook in which both parents made notes daily.

Try to put yourself in your husband's place so that you can be more sympathetic. He's feeling just as tired and out of sorts as you are. Start a discussion with a hug and words of sympathy. The two of you can work this out.

I have been there with two little ones and two big dogs. is there anyway you can bring your spouse dinner at work with your son? When my DS was working 2nd shift it helped everyone out a bit, he got to spend time with us, got a home cooked meal (or sometimes fast food or a pizza), kids got to see where daddy worked. It was kind of a pain to do, but we tried to do it a couple times a month and it was nice. Also, even though we work the same shift now, all food prep and shopping still falls on me. The crock pot is my friend. Also, I prep ground beef and cooked chicken on the weekends, for easy taco night, spaghetti etc.
Also, having someone come in 2x a month and clean the house has lifted a huge burden off of me. It is worth me having $100 less for clothes, entertainment etc. IT gives me peace of my mind, and i am able to maintain the cleanliness.

we have a similar situation i leave the house at 630am and get home at 4 right in time to pick up the kids from school. My husband works from 1-11pm so he does the morning stuff which is only an hour before the kids are off to school so he has the easier schedule as I get home, do dinner, get 2 kids off to practice, do homework, showers and bed. I know that he has from 9-12 to himself which he will do what he wants to do, not what needs to be done. I cannot offer much advice but you are not alone.

Even as a full time SAHM there are nights when I don't cook, because there are leftovers, or I am at some kind of event with one of the kids (or I just have something for me, like my book club, or a date with a friend.) My husband was living on his own before he met me so he is perfectly capable of feeding himself when need be. I am wondering why yours has an issue? If he expects you to work full time AND feed him full time, well I'm sorry, but that's a problem, and I hope it's something you can talk about and work out. Is he cranky from a lack of intimacy and/or sex?
ETA: and yes, I agree with the others, why the need to send your son to daycare so early? Seems like dad should be in charge for at least a few hours in the morning. You said he's up at 7, can't your son go to daycare closer to 9?

My big question is: Have you brought this up with him? It does sound like you have an exhausting, frustrating schedule (and a looong workday, what's up with that?), but even if it seems obvious to you, it may not have occurred to him that this is what you expect. If it's your first time talking about it, don't go into the conversation mad, just say matter-of-factly, "We have a problem, and I really need your help." No one -- man or woman -- likes being in the doghouse; everyone likes stepping in to save the day. So set it up like that at first; save the doghouse for if he doesn't comply.

I don't have your second-shift issues at all, but here's my situation. My husband has some chronic health issues, which have unexpectedly become increasingly severe over the past two years. I work full time (8:30-5). I am also in school 13 hrs a week -- in part because I will need a more lucrative job if my husband is rendered unable to work. So, I'm busy. My husband works full-time, but 90% of it is from home, which is great. Because of my husband's health issues, I do 100% of the childcare unless I'm in an evening or weekend class. I do 100% of the housecleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping, and yardwork. My husband handles 100% of the finances. I asked him to do this because it's work he can do lying down, from his computer, so he could feel good about contributing something important. I'm also REALLY relived not to have to deal with it. If my husband didn't have such a good excuse, I'd honestly be livid about the division of labor, but as it is, I just don't think about it -- I just do my thing, and I'm glad I'm strong and healthy. I don't take that for granted anymore.

Anyway, what I wanted to say (sorry to ramble) is that I never, ever cook one night's worth of anything. If I have time to make one meal's worth, I have time to make 5 or 10. So when I get home, I literally go to the freezer, figure out what might make a reasonable dinner, and defrost a few things. I'll sometimes steam some fresh veggies or make pasta or a salad, but I only do real cooking about 2 nights a week. It's not always perfect -- I don't plan ahead well enough to always have the right mix of main dishes and veggies -- but it basically works.

So, sorry to ramble forever; I'm tired. The freezer is your friend ;)

Sometimes we have to take a step back & realize that this is just temporary, from what you said this will allow bigger & better opportunities for your husband, which in turn will impact your family, I'm sure. My dh has been working at our Sheriff's dept after being laid off from a plush VP job of 23 years for a few years making 1/3 of the pay & doing a 3 week rotating schedule. We have 2 girls (9 &13) and it gets hard only really having him around that maybe 1 wk a month that they can have dinner w/him & such, but so be it. This too shall pass. On top of that he has been working @ our local PD dispatching the past 16 yrs so he's there maybe an overnight or two a week or on a day off plus the SD has him going to school for a position they are prepping him for. Although we only have a little dog, there is still alot to be done in our home. Somehow, someway it does get done. Last May I was in a car accident a few weeks after knee surgery & reinjured my knee so I have learned to tolerate a lot more then I could when he was home to bring the laundry up & down the basement stairs. Sometimes it's hard, lonely, frustrating & a number of other things, but then I realize all of the sacrifices that we have made throught our marriage and know that there are many others to be made together. Best of luck to you.

The fact is life has changed. Your child is 4 years old so he doesn't have to go to bed so early, that's an early bedtime for any child, he doesn't need 12 hours of sleep at night plus nap time at child care.

When does he get time to play outside in his yard, play with his toys, or spend time with you? It's like he gets out of child care, comes home, eats a bite then has to go to bed. That's not a great life for him. He needs to have some time with you, dad is gone and you're sending him to bed as soon as he eats dinner. That's not good for him.

You get off work and home around 6pm. Don't worry about fixing large meals that require a lot of prep time. Fix stuff on the weekends that can be frozen or reheated in the microwave. You can heat up what you and kiddo want then hubby can fix his when he gets home.

Do frozen entrees, pick up a pizza on the way home, do some other stuff. Hubby isn't there to cook anymore so you have to think outside of the box. You DON'T have to cook a full meal yourself each and every night.

He needs to know he has chores to do when he's home during the day. He needs to have things that have no time limit on them, like he can't really fix dinner because it would be early way too early but he could sweep and mop the hard floors in the house or run the vacuum. He could take out the trash or run the dishwasher. But if these are things you already did then you should rethink what it is you're trying to make him do. He has chores that he is doing, wood, yard, etc....he's just not doing every other evening bedtime or cooking dinner each day.

I imagine trying to start working that into your evening schedule is what is really throwing you off track. YOU can do this, you CAN stop by the deli and buy something already made, you CAN stop at Walmart and buy a rotisserie chicken and some sides, you CAN put a crock pot meal in the fridge all ready to go in or to be plugged in then hubby can combine it and plug it in.

You can do this and NOT miss out on your regular stuff. Put some cotton in your ears or ear plugs then don't get woke up when hubby comes home he won't wake you up. Ask him to try to be quieter if possible, if you're staying up a bit later then you'll sleep harder and he might not be able to wake you up if he shakes you....lol.

This will take time to adjust and you can do it if you just rethink things. Sit down with hubby and work out a reasonable schedule of chores and free time for each of you. He needs to sit down, eat dinner, watch some TV, read a book, get on the computer, all sorts of stuff when he comes home from work, then head to bed. Just like everyone else. Because you need some time to do the same things too.