3 1/2 Year Olds Temper

Ignore, ignore, ignore...did I say ignore...pretend not to see her or hear her. She has to learn that no means NO and they no matter how long or horribly she cries it will not change to yes.

Walk away from her, step over her, put her in her room..but do not give in...and you can explain, but sometimes the reason just doesn't matter in the end they will need to cry until they realize the "act" and it is an act will not work.

My daughter is also 3 and she loves to be a drama queen and throw the most spectacular tantrums. We have started doing time outs. When she throws a fit we send her to time out (she has to sit in a chair in her room while she throws her fit and she cannot leave the chair until she is done. Sometimes this requires us placing her on the chair several times until she will actually sit.) After she is done with time out we explain to her why she was in time out. We do not yell or nag we just calmly explain why she had to be in the chair. Now when she throws a fit we quietly ask "would you like to go to time out or stop throwing a tantrum" and she will usually stop but if she does not stop she goes to time out. It is hard to implement because I feel like just cuddling with her and curing everything on my own, but I have realized that she needs time to cool off. Good luck.

Don't give in, send her to her room and tell her when she is done crying she can come back out, thats how one of my daycare moms cured her daughter now 4 of that very same behavior. J.

J.,
Sounds like your little girl has your number and takes advantage of it. I learned when my daughter was this age to tell her what to expect at home when were were going shopping. At home I would tell my daughter the plans of the day. Mom has to start some laundry and load the diishwasher this moirning then I can play, that is my job for this morning.. Then ask her to help you put the white clothes in a pile and the darks in another pile. Get her involved in helping you do you do simple chores as much as you can at this age, she is old enough to help and will find it fun. It will build her confidence too , be sure to praise often when she helps . When leaviing the house I often made a list of what we needed if shopping is planned. At home in advance I would tell her we are going to the drycleaners to take in our clothes then Walmart to get.... and list the things,show her the paper then come home. Tell her since you are big nowI will need your helping finding the things we need at the store and putting them in the cart. At Walmart ask her to help you you find the things on your list. When my child got to the toy or candy aisle and she would see a toy or candy she wanted, I would say "Toys are not on our list today, I'm sorry" but we can look at them today we just we can't buy them. Even at age 3 my daughter learned she could not always get what she wanted places after a few tries with this new method. If she pitched a fit we would leave the store immediatley. At home when she has drama and cries you need to tell her, "When you are ready to stop crying and calm down" please come and get me in the other room and we will read a book you pick out or play with your legos" etc. Be sure you are calm and nice when you tell her this but follow thru and leave the room eac time. SInce there is no one there to provide and audience too you will soon see the drama stop. It may take a few tries but should work in most cases. just don't give in Mom. SHe needs to know who is in charge and it's not her. Just a thought, have you considered preschool for her in the fall? Some structure with rules out of the home and socialization with others her age would be good for he , even if its just 2-3 half days a week. Keep me posted on if this works for you and Dad.
Good luck.

Talk to her about your expectations in simple terms. Stick by them.
My daughter won't usually do the "gimme tears", but she has on occasion.
She has had zero success with that ploy with me, so I at least have that small blessing in my corner. When my daughter does the crocodile tears on occasion, I get down to her level- eye level- and mimick her (not mock), and when she silences I will acknowledge her frustration at being told no (usually in a tone reflecting her tone) and explain to her (in my normal neutral tone) my expectations again, and why I said no- then I redirect her. I'll send her to play with a toy, or ask her to help mommy do something important.

Good luck-

Don't make her stop crying.
Kids, WILL deflate on their own and peter out.
Just state your stance, calmly... then walk away. Or sit down on a chair and read a magazine. Really. And tune her out.
Tell her "Mommy is reading... let me know when you are done crying/screaming..."

Then, she will tantrum. Until she stops. Don't engage or lecture her or nag her... just let her deflate. A kid will. If you don't interfere.
You can do this, when at home.
A kid, cannot be rationalized with, when they are in the throes of a tantrum or scream fest.
So, wait. Until she stops. On her own.
THEN... talk with her. Calmly. But firmly. And 'compliment' her on stopping crying on her own.... too.

The book "Have A New Kid By Friday" has some real good tips and problem solving solutions. It is non-punitive and not harsh. But practical. An easy read.

Also, teach her HOW to express herself, the names for feelings... and that she can tell you how she feels, good or bad. And that you are a TEAM... etc. A child this age has to learn how to express themselves and the names of feelings (good or bad) and that they can say it. But you have to teach her the way to say it.... my son, is 3 almost 4... and he will actually tell me "I'm grumpy... I want to be left alone...." or "I'm mad... because... " and he will tell me why. I compliment him on that... because he CAN express his feelings and say it and articulate it. That is what I taught him. I tell him he can be 'mad'... but not to yell, for example. But he can 'say' it.... that Mommy gets grumpy too... but we are "family" and we "try our best" to say things in a sentence nicely etc.

all the best,
Susan

J., just let her cry, it won't hurt her...it'll probably hurt your nerves (who likes to hear their own child crying?) BUT while crying she'll work out her frustration and when she'll be more ready, you can just go back, give her a hig and explain her AGAIN why she couldn't do x, y,z etc.. my son used yo do it all the time at her age and I adopted this system that worked really well...sometimes when I went back to pick him up and console him he would not accept me, but after crying some more he would be happy to be cuddled and consoled by mommy's hugs...you could tell how, in time, his crying would get shorter and shorter...he's 4 now and he got the message: go ahead and cry if you want, I still love you but this or that is a no-no! Good luck.

Calmly put her in her room to cry. Tell her she can come out when she's done crying. Lather, rinse, repeat - as often as necessary. Stay cool and be consistent.

Hi J.: Have been through this with my daughter who is very strong willed - most important thing is to not let her know she is upsetting you - let her see you going about your business and that she's not effecting you - even if she is. And I agree with the poster re: putting her in her room and saying she can come out when she stops crying. Best of luck to you - being a mom is the hardest job in the world.

Be consistent. It is no fun. I have been there. I also talked a lot after the tanturm about verbalizing emotions instead of screaming, crying, etc....to help him learn how to be upset without all the drama. I would tell stories about fictional kids who had a tantrum over the same thing my son just had one and then tell of another kid who was angry but did x...like walked away to calm down and then told him mom why he was upset. Then the mom could help him do whatever it was or the mom would tell him why they couldn't buy x. It helped my son learn how to defuse his strong emotions and verbalize his needs without screaming. That is what being 3 is all about.

Also, it is normal for kids up to 4 years old to have tantrums. They get better after 4 (if not sooner). If they get worse after 4 then you should be concerned but not before 4.