3 Or 4? - Spring Green,WI

I had three c sections, first two were 17 months apart, third was 4 years later. Back then (in the 80's) they said not to have more then 3 so we didn't. Now days they don't have problems having more, I am sure I wouldn't have either since they did the hysterectomy in the same place as the c sections, 12 years later. If you want more children, I am sure all will be fine.

As you are the breadwinner, and the college student, and would carry the baby, this is mainly your decision. No one else's experience will be like yours. You can not predict the risks, statistics mean nothing, only your own situtaion matters, but will hear a lot about risks and statistics from the medical community.

What do you envision your life to be like in two, five and ten years from now? Do you intend to still be the main breadwinner? What type of parent do you want to be? What does your professional work life look like day-to-day? What do you want your marriage to look like? There is no "right" number of children, and you have the ability to design your life.

I kind of know how you feel, except I already have 3 and are wondering about 4. I had a miscarriage this month. Wasn't planned and we were very surprised.
My experience with three could not be more positive. We had two boys and then got a girl. I love having three. They all play really well together. They are 4 1/2,3 1/2 and 16 months. My boys were great with her from day one. It slightly more of a challenge getting in and out of the car. Shopping is hard in winter because of all of the jackets. My cart is full of coats and not much room for groceries. The carts with seats really help keep everyone together and busy. we have all three in the back of a toyota camry. At first I thought we had to get a bigger vehicle. Now, I am thankful they are all close together. I can reach them and it has been really nice. They are also all in one bedroom. They all go to bed at the same time, awake. It took us a little while to get to that point, but now they are very good at it.
I know your hesitation. I am only going to be 30, but my husband wants another. I do somedays, but than others I think do I really want to start all over again? I am leaning to be content with the three. I wish my daughter had a sister. If I knew we could get a sister, I would probably do it no questions asked. Things don't work that way.
If you feel it in your heart that you really want to have another one, go for it. It will all work itself out for you. Maybe just think about one more instead of two? You will get into a schedule with three and you won't remember what it was like to have two.
Best of luck to you!
K.

Hi M. -
I haven't read your other responses so this may be redundant but I've also had 2 c-sections and they never said I couldn't have more. I believe there are a few issues that they look into - how much scar tissue and how thin the lining of your uterus is (I think). I know the dr did say that she thought 3 or 4 would be my limit but we haven't yet decided if we should try for number 3. I, too, worry about fatigue and nearing 35 I know that there are more birth defect risks after 35. It's such a hard decision isn't it??? My husband travels quite a bit so, that is my main reason why I'm struggling with the decision. As far as c-sections - Most likely the drs would not recommend VBAC because it is more of a threat for your uterus to rupture if you choose to do that. Sometimes having kids too close together is more of a concern. However, I don't think that you would have as much of a risk since it's been 2 years. Best of luck to you as you make your decision.

I only have 1 so far and I had a C-sec, so I can't give much personal advice. I would probably talk to your doctor as far as the risk. Although, 39 years young & 2 c-sec, that doesn't always mean it is a health risk, if you are healthy. The doc may just want to run more test during your pregnancy as a precaution. At least you will have all the facts and can make a better decision for you and your family.

I cannot tell you how beyond elated I would be if my husband would say that to me. He is happily "done" with the two we have. I love my kids dearly and have resolved myself to being done, but I would absolutely love to have one more. I say, go for it. Of course it's easier said than done, it would be kind of scary to start over with diapers and sleepless nights and all. But I think all the rewards of those wonderful little milestones and cute baby faces is so worth it all.
Best of luck!

My advice to you is to go for it! I have been struggling over 5 years to have my second and it just hasn't worked - even with help from doctors. My older sister who is 42 had her 3rd child at 40. To say the least, Sophia is a blessing sent directly from heaven! She is SO loved by her big brother (6) and big sister (8). I would do anything for even 1 more! Also, my sister had a C-section with all 3 of her children. I had one with my son. Depending on the type/reason of your c-section, I would say it should not stop you from having another. No matter what anyone else's experiences are, you have to decide what feels most right! You can handle 3 - 4 or how many. You just have to decide that it will work! Everyone struggles to some extent in life - with or without children. Children are a blessing and I wish you the best of luck!

How exciting! I can't tell you first hand what it's like to have more than one (yet), but I know of a midwife who delivers for women who are already in their 40's and have had multiple c-sections. (She delivers them naturally.) So, how cool would it be to just go for a VBAC when you're 39 AND 41 (or so) and then go ahead to live a healthy, fulfilling life and watch your future grandchildren grow! :) It can be done! All the best to you in 2009!

I just had our fourth child, but he's 14 years younger than his closest sibling so it's not really the same situation at all. It hasn't been a breeze because I'm juggling a full time career and a baby (and don't believe in day care so he's home all day while I'm working) but having older children does help with a little one. So probably not a lot of help there for you except in the sense that you mention you're the bread winner and have professional aspirations. It won't be easy, unless you're willing to compromise a lot; especially on how much time you get to spend with the baby.

My sister has three children under the age of 4 and has said emphatically that's it. No more. Going from 2 to 3 was difficult in juggling them all at once, though she's getting a handle on it now. Because you've got one that's 7 it will be easier, I think, because the seven year old is more self-sufficient than very young ones and can actually be a help to you with a baby.

On the c-section front. Both my natural born children were c-section births: one in 1987, one this year. The risks are the same as you get older, but the older you are the more risk that your uterus will rupture because it's naturally getting weaker *and* it's been cut twice now. There's an increased risk of scar tissue and problems that result from that (endometriosis can be a result of c-sections as I learned 21 years ago) and there's the wear and tear on your body from yet another c-section (it's unlikely they'll let you deliver naturally after 2 c-sections) and of course the typical risks associated with anesthesia/spinals/epidurals.

There is also the increasing risk of Downs and other genetic problems with the baby due to your age and the general strain on your body from pregnancy because of age. The risk of miscarriage is much higher as well.

I would never trade my surprise 4th child, but I would not have chosen to have a child at nearly 40 years old. It's more dangerous to the mother and the child.

L.

Hello M.! First of all, I love your name...one of my daughter's name is M.! :)

With that said, I can tell you that from my experience, going from two to three children, which I just did 6 weeks ago, has been a breeze thus far...hardly noticeable! I will admit that going from 1 to 2 kids nearly killed me...and my husband...and us. But 2 to 3 has been really good for everyone...including our two older children who are just shy of 5 and 2 and a half. It's nice because they can play and entertain each other while I feed the baby and need a bit of down time. Neither of them take naps and neither of them are in preschool (I'm starting to homeschool my son who will be 5 in February), and I write a parenting blog from home so it's a full, busy day, but not any more difficult than with 2.

I don't know anything about C-Sections so I'm sorry I can't help you there, but I'm sure you'll receive wonderful advise from other mothers on here.

I wish you the best and trust you will make the best decision for yourself and your family! Who knows what 2009 will bring!

How exciting for you! I say go for it since you feel you have more babies to have. My husband and I got started late having children. We didn't meet until I was 32 and he was 36, so we didn't have much of a choice, but to get started soon after we married. I have a 13 month old son and am currently expecting a daughter on May 2nd. My number was always 3, maybe even 4, but I had terrible morning sickness for 5 months with this pregnancy! Luckily, meds controlled it pretty well, but it was awful. Also some of my test results came back with an elevated risk of Down's Syndrome (1 in 80 chances) I will be 38 on January 13.
Since we found out we will have both a boy and a girl, we are choosing to stop with 2 kids. I figure I would have to get pregnant pretty quickly again and I feel like I have been pregnant forever!Plus the Down's Syndrome issue worries me a bit. However, if we were blessed with a surprise I would definitely be excited all over again!

HTH,
A.

I am just about to turn 41 and am pregnant. Medically this baby is very well watched. I haven't noticed that this baby is that much harder to carry than the others. I will be having my fourth c-section. One point of advice I would give you about having a child when you are older is to find an OB that will be willing to test your hormone levels going into the pregnancy. Sometimes when your older your hormones just aren't what they were when your were younger. I have low progesterone and have to supplement. It's just a simple blood draw. Make sure your are eating well and taking good care of yourself.

Thinking back to when we went from having two to having three, it really wasn't hard. The third baby ended up being much easier than the older two. I really noticed that we have become better parents with each child. We really spoiled our first one. Our second was more laid back and we were better at parenting. Our third one has taught us how to enjoy parenting so much more. We noticed that the best gift we have given each of our children are their siblings. This baby will make our sixth. We lost two. Our living children then wanted one more baby more than ever. I have noticed that the more kids we have the more opportunities they get to become better people. They have had to learn to share more, help each other out more, and play with children of different ages. They are compassionate towards little kids and volunteer to help with other peoples kids. They really enjoy others. I don't see that with their cousins who only have one or two kids in the family. Our kids don't get as much as they would if they only had one sibling, but in the end I see where they are better off without the material things.

One final thought. I never have ever heard someone tell me they wished that they had less kids. I do hear people say I wish we would have had more.

I have never had anyone say, I wish I wouldn't have had more...I have heard plenty of I wish I would have had more...more isn't necessarily, harder, just more work. the older ones help out and your hubby sounds supportive. the houseful is fun, but crazy sometimes. (mother of 4) good luck with your decision.

Is that you M. S on Cincinnati St?
Anyway, wow!!!!!! 3 or 4 huh?
1st of all, I think you and Mr. S seem to have infinite patience and I am completely confident you can do it and that 3 will be not much more of a stretch.
As far as the medical standpoint, your pregnancy would be considered higher risk, but certainly not unheard of. You may need to take it easier (slow down a bit) than in previous pregnancies due to increased risks.
Have you ever thought of adopting?
Exciting!!