My son is 3yrs old and was going to daycare prior to this new school yr. Daycare was great, but during the summer he was placed in a classroom with slightly older children much more advanced in their speech and one in particular with some vocabulary/behavioral issues. Well, lo and behold, my son picked up on two words in particular "stupid and B**ch." I knew which boy because as soon as I would drop of my son, the little boy would call him ugly stupid and of course I would bring it to the caretakers attention of what was happenning. This little boy, I would also find roughing up other kids including my son on a few occassions when I would go pick up my son. Because they are young children, how much could they possibly do? I don't know. From what I understand he would be placed in the office and his mother would be informed. This child was no older than 4yrs old.
Herein lies my problem now, my son is so aggressive and knows when to use the words he has learned. He recites them when he is angry and to anyone and anywhere, in public or at home when he is angry or doesn't get his way. I have tried timeouts, explaining those are not nice words, spanking, soap in the mouth, a dab of hot sauce, ignoring him when he says them while he is sitting in time out so as he knows he is not continuing to get a rise out of me by continuing to scream them at the top of his lungs, he yells in my face, spits, at whom ever is repremending him, or even on himself. I have tried redirection when he is upset, I have tried explaining to him it is ok to be upset but not ok to say those words or punch, hit, spit, yell. When he wants something, he demands it, he doesn't ask he tells you, in a loud pissed off tone, if he has to tell you more than once. I have sent him to the room and asked him to remain there until he can behave, or act nicely, or cabspeak nicely, calm down, whatever is his issue at the time. he kicks my doors walls, he swats things off my tables dresser, whatever is near him, he throwas on the floor with agression.
I love my son, I pray over him while he sleeps, I cry to myself when he falls asleep after his fits( which he gets so worked up he starts to gag and vomit foamy saliva sometimes). I am at my wits end, I don't know what I am doing wrong. This is totally embarrassing, I cannot go anywhere without him having one of his episodes. I remain calm and speak to him in a low tone, but how much can you do when your son's only response is B**ch....repeatedly. Please, I need advise if anyone has this simmilar problem or any ideas would be greatly appreciated...I love my son I just don't know what to do anymore.
Melissa ~ I don't know what to tell you about your situation, but I think Child Protective Services should be contacted regarding the other child. This child is learning this behavior, including the aggression, from someone else. Please consider contacting CPS as you may just be saving that child's life. You CAN remain anonymous ~ just give them any info you have.
M.:
I wish I had an answer for you but I don't. I prayed for you instead for peace, patience and guidance.
I know a Christian counselor that might be able to help you. Email me directly if you want her contact information. She has helped some older children but might be able to direct you to someone that deals with younger ones if that's not her specialty.
There are many good parenting books out there. I like the Love and Logic book on parenting. I would really recommend reading Greene's The Explosive Child also. I think it would be of particular use considering your child's aggression.
Real quickly, I know what it is to have an overly aggressive child. I've been all through the hitting, spitting, and putting holes in the wall, all by age 5. I found a very good child psychologist, and his office was a godsend. I don't know how else we would have made it. My son was dxed with adhd, and extreme anger. He did not recommend meds first, but wanted to give therapy a try. The therapy over the years has really helped, and my son is now in middle school, never medicated, and pretty much in control of himself. You need someone though who is an expert in children that young, not someone who just goes through the motions, gives you a dx, and that's it.
My son also has Sensory Processing Disorder. You may want to google and read about it. Children with SPD often have meltdowns due to their senses becoming overloaded. Their sensory system can be very sensitive and things that you may not even notice, such as the buzzing of overhead lights, can irritate them to the point of anger.
Or, perhaps your son is just imitating the bad behavior he saw in daycare. Was he like this before daycare? And, can you get a handle on it. If you feel completely overwhelmed, that's when I would recommend a psychologist.
There is a condition or syndrome called oppositional defiant disorder. It needs professional counseling. There is life with this disorder and it can be good and the kids can have a normal life BUT it does take professional help.
I didn't have a child with this but I know some friends who do.
It sounds as if you have tried everything and that it hasn't worked. Now it may be time to let professionals help you both deal with this problem.
