4 1/2 Year Old Prefers Mom over Dad

OK, now this is what we did. I have three boys and were totally mommized. But....here is what my dh and I have done. We set days of the week aside for the BOYZ day. JUST THE GUYS. No girls allowed. The guys did things like go to the comic book shop, go and build a bird house for mommy. Go to the grocery store, yada yada. Maybe it will help.

I am so glad you posted this. My son will be 4 in November. He's always favored me, and my daughter favors my husband. Right now my son in this "I Pick YOU mommy!" stage. Every time he does it I feel bad for my husband.

What we have done is schedule a Daddy-Son day every month on a Sunday. This has really helped.

Ages are different, but we have the same situation. My nearly 4 year old son is Mommy's shadow (to the point of telling Daddy to go away or "I don't want YOU!"), and our 18 month old daughter has definite preferences for Daddy, although she tends to want Mommy over Daddy once in awhile (however I'm still "Dada" even though she know perfectly well that I'm "Momma". I think the other poster's are on to some good ideas - special 1:1 time. Fun stuff is even better then the chores (although at least with chores they get the concept that life is not all playtime). I never really minded the attention (except when going to the bathroom, which I still rarely get to do alone), because I know when they get older the will not want either of us. Since my son understands the concept of "alone" time (he often asks for it for himself), when I've had enough of my shadow, I just tell him that Mommy needs some alone time. Just my 2 cents...

Why would this cause a problem in your family? What you should do is do things as a family and have seperate times with the kids. Some kids perfer a parent and there is nothing wrong with this. Daddy's little girl and mommy's little boy. I know its hard to get things done but you need to be stern and let your son know you have things to do and he needs to go by daddy. Have your husband take him places like the park and you don't go.Get your son involved with your husband and make a huge deal and possitive remarks to your son. Kids don't want to hurt their parents feelings so if you and your husband argue about it don't do it when the kids are around at all because they listen.

Don't stress so much over this. Don't let it be a huge problem in your family. If this is the only problem with your son then this is not a bad thing.

I agree with the other moms who have posted so far...

Have your son and husband spend lots of one on one time together. Maybe they can schedule a time every saturday or sunday tha they can go to something together - just the boys. it can be something simple like going for a walk (through a forest preserve can make it seem more special) or to the park, raking leaves (its almost that time!), or making breakfast in the morning (on a weekend) for the family. Maybe they could go for a bike ride together or go feed the ducks at a local pond.

You could also try making one part of the everyday routine something that dad "owns", like another mom suggested. It should definitely be a fun part of the day.

Building a strong relationship will take time and may seem like its not working.... just keep trying at it and eventually you will notice the changes. Everything will work out if you give it a little more time :)

I think if I was still the less-preferred parent after 4 years, my feelings would be hurt too. Luckily our kids have gone back and forth with their favorites, or at least aren't terribly obvious about it.

I liked the idea of the "boys day" or something like that. Also, we try to come up with as many opportunities as we can for each kid to get some one-on-one time with each parent. It doesn't have to be anything exciting, maybe something like a walk to the corner store with dad. It also might help if dad gets to be in charge of some especially fun part of the day, like bath time or before-bedtime wrestling or storytelling. He definitely needs to have something that he "owns," so he's not the second-best parent at it. Good luck!

I agree with the other mom's, one on one time. My husband takes our oldest son, 5 yrs, to the Home Depot on the first Saturday of every month. They have a workshop for kids where you build something from wood. He has made a bird house, race car, plastic bag dispenser, flower pot holder and many other things. He looks forward to this every month and the best part is that it is free! The Home Depot is his favorite store now, even if we just go to pick up some odds and ends. There are also plenty of classes they can take with the park district. Good luck.

T. = Although I have a 3yr old daughter not son, I have the same problem. She only wants me and not my husband. Sometimes she even gets mean by saying "dont touch me or dont talk to me" if my husband trys to play with her when Im around. Of course we try to correct her behavior but none the less she still only wants me when im around. I have found that my husbands relationship has grown since I started making them do a daddy/daughter day. I either leave for the day/evening, usually twice a week, or he takes her out. This allows them one on one time. Although it hasnt completely corrected the problem it appears to be helping. On another note make sure those times they spend away are not with the daughter too. Give them one on one time. In fact set up a separate day for the daughter that way she doesnt start to feel left out and then the son will start to look forward to 'his turn'. Just an idea that has seemed to help us. Good Luck