Okay, my 4 year girl wants my attention all the time good or bad, I spend time playing with her but I have to house things and need a little me time like drink my coffee in the morning, she does little things like take her sister fork and hides it, she will move my chair while I'm sitting in it. I need help. I have explained to her that there is just somethings I want to do by my self, I have incorporated her into heloing me clean, cook ect, I've even gotten her set up to drink tea while I drink coffee but you know how short their attention span it.
I'm so aggervated with her and her action I don't know what I'm going to do all summer long. Any suggestions?
Try a daycare twice a week so she can play with other kids her age and give you a break. The other thing is one day she won't want to spend every moment with you, so grab a hold of this time, cause once it's gone you cant get it back. J.
Plan time with your daughter first thing in the morning so she gets her quota of mommy. Tell her when the clock says (whatever time you want) then it will be individual work time until (another time). For example, play together from 8-9, then from 9 - 10 it's individual work time. She can play while you do house things. But by giving her attention before leaving her alone, she's already gotten some mommy time.
And when she does things to get your attention and it's individual work time, ignore her. Don't explain. Don't react. Just gently redirect her back to whatever she's playing with.
Eek! I'm in the same boat with my 4yo son! He is my little shadow. It is a phase and I know it will end so I am trying to see the sweet side of it. But my house is a wreck because as soon as I try to sweep the floor he is doing something naughty to get my attention. It doesn't matter if I spend the entire morning playing games with him, reading, etc. he wants my attention 100% of the time. I know why he's doing it so I do try to focus him as you do yours on other tasks so I can get something done. And I do know it is temporary and one day he will be a teenager that grunts at me when he walks in the room instead of climbing in my lap. Hang in there mama, this too shall pass.
You have to be patient and specific. You can enforce this and it will pass, but realize she is being totally normal. My 1st is now 5, but the entire time she was 4 it was "work" for me to get her to occupy herself for any amount of time. I did force her to, because like anything else, its good training, and good for her to learn self control and self entertainment, but PHEW it wasn't easy.
If I needed to work or paint in my studio, I would schedule out the day allowing for the windows of time I needed. Before hand, I would do certain activities WITH HER, and make sure she was fed etc, and then specified the amount of time she needed to occupy herself, and then I would do 45 minute spans of time where she had a specific activity set up to do herself while I worked. If she dropped it and came to start "bugging" me, I'd give her one warning that she was to go back for our specified time, or there would be a consequence, an I had to follow through. After 45 minutes I would take a break, re-fuel her with some attention, a puzzle together, a snack, whatever, and then a new warning for another amount of time.
She did learn to honor my "work time" and keep herself occupied. Some days I'd even put her in front of a long luxurious movie if I had a lot to do. As her little brother got older, it got easier because they would play together more.
Just set the rules, and stick to your guns and realize it's natural for it to be hard. Now I'm teaching her 3 year old brother to occupy himself quietly while she and I practice her piano and do school work. There is nothing wrong with creating phrases that expedite the process. In our house I'll say, "ELBOW ROOM!" or "SCRAM!" if I want them to back off immediately. It's a funny joke for us now that doesn't need enforcing, but it's also real (and used to need enforcing) and has been a life saver. In our house, our kitchen is really small, so if kids and toys are in there while I'm cooking (yuck) or doing dishes (yuck), I'm super annoyed, so I just made it a rule to "Get out of the kitchen" unless I have asked for help. Whatever you need, just do it, and continue your "together times" for there rest of the day. Maybe your "coffee time" could be her "scram time" and you do something with her before or after, etc.
Be sure to ADDRESS it firmly when she is disobeying and popping right over after you have set her up to occupy herself. If she's anything like mine, tuning her out or ignoring it will only make her try harder to get your attention. You can't allow it.
Also, when she IS occupying herself, be sure to go over and praise her and spend a couple of minutes with her and thank her for being good. This will usually keep her feeling fine for a little extra time.
She wants your attention and she's getting it by misbehaving. Even negative attention is attention in her eyes.
Stop explaining - she already knows how you feel. Do not respond when she does these things, other than to give the other child a new fork. Put her in her room, devoid of your attention, until she can behave. Ignore her.
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Incorporated into????? Let her help. Trust me on this one- allowing her to help now will pay off later when you don't have to nag her to help- she wants to contribute, acknowledge her help.
YokaReeder helped me soooo much.
Best, k
