Hi! My 5 1/2 year-old daughter is having a hard time adjusting to her new school (daycare). We transitioned from another school that both of my daughters have been attending since they were infants. We made the hard decision to change schools in June after some issues that came up in my younger daughter's classroom (she is 3 1/2). We held-out for a year as everyone in my older daughter's class "graduated" and going to either 1st grade or kindergarten in the Fall. So we thought it would be good timing for my older daughter even though it meant going to a new daycare over the summer. My younger daughter is thriving in the new school, which is great; however, our older daughter cries every morning the minute she wakes up and continues when I drop her off. I know she is not in danger; however, I hurt that she is so sad. She misses her friends, old school, old routine and teacher. I keep telling her that everyone graduated anyway and everyone will be starting a new school in the Fall. This will be her third week and things seem to be getting worse; not better. I know we made the right decision, but it doesn't make it easy when you see your daughter so sad. Has anyone gone through this with their child? And is there anything that I can do to make it better/easier or will it just take more time? Thanks!
Thank you for all of the replies. I bought a calendar today to count down to the weekend and "big school". She is a visual person; so she really liked that. She thanked me quite a few times. I am also going to plan a playdate with her friends from her old school. She has narrowed down what she does not like which is the lunch and nap time. I knew she would have a hard time since she gets so attached to things and always has had a hard time with transition. However, it was so great to hear from other moms and get some ideas on how to make the transition better for her.
Since you say lunch and naptime are part of the issue, is it possible for you to go and eat lunch with her? I have been lucky in that my kid's daycare and school are close to my work and so I go and eat lunch with them occassionally. They love that!
Good luck,
L.
Time for a lot of empathy and less explaining.
Instead of telling your daughter not to be upset, just listen. She *is* sad. Her friends are off on different adventures. Did she have some beloved playmates at her last school? Do try to schedule playdates on the weekends to give her some consistency.
I'll share with you my experience as a nanny-- the summer after preschool graduation, before kindergarten, can be very tough. They aren't in their familiar place and yet they are anticipating another huge change down the line and may be very unsure of what to expect. I've had plenty of kids who really didn't want to go forward into new experiences the summer before kindergarten--- too much unknown and too many variables. Home is their 'safe place' because graduating meant losing their other safe place. Some very big, 'unexplainable' meltdowns ensued, even about doing very mundane things they usually enjoyed like going to the park. Be prepared for this.
Knowing that this is very common, and that kids just don't process this transition in the way we might (with our big, experienced adult brains) expect... go forward gently this summer. Try to keep things as consistent and stable for her as you can. Listen to her fears and give empathetic consolation. 'Yes, you really miss your friends, you loved them very much'. Trying to change their perception may not work, nor will negating their feelings. It only frustrates them and makes them feel even more insecure because our little ones do need to know their feelings *are realistic and understandable*. If we as parents cannot relate to our child, who do they have to turn to with their fears?
My guess is that like many children, she'll enjoy kindergarten AFTER she actually gets a chance to do it. Once she's bonded with the teacher, learned the routine and had a couple weeks to find some new friends with common interests, you'll likely see her relax a bit more.
And FYI--maybe the week before kindergarten, use the YouTube "Mr. Rogers Goes to Kindergarten" as a tool. (Don't use it beforehand-- let her stay as present as possible this summer.) I found this video very grounded and comforting for some children and gives them somewhat of a 'virtual' tour before you go visit the new classroom, so she has a small idea of what to expect. Good luck!
Have you tried calling 5, 10 or 20 mins after leaving to see how she is after you leave? My daughter started a new daycare about three weeks ago and cries when she thinks about going and during drop off. But 2 mins after we leave, she's totally fine!! I think it's just the sadness of them knowing they will be without mom/dad all day. When I pick my daughter up, she tells me how much fun she had and how it was so great. But the next time, she doesn't want to go back! LOL So callign to see how she is after you leave may be some relief for YOU!
As far as for her - ask her why she cries. Ask her specifics about her teachers, the other kids, her favorite thing to do there, etc. Make a calendar so she can cross off each day she goes so she sees how close to the weekend she is getting. Plan something special for any days she doesn't cry or cries less than the previous.
I know it's hard M. but it will get easier!
Is your daughter the "new kid" at this new school? That is, have the other kids been there for a while longer? If so, she could be having a hard time breaking into a social group. Why not give her a chance to invite the other girls in her class to a special "girls day out" -- they can make jewelry with little beads or something. Or set up a playdate with just one or two other little girls.
At this age, it's amazing what some playtime outside school can do in terms of cementing a friendship.
Best wishes,
Mira
I remember I had the same issue back when I was a little dude. I'm sure that it'll get better with time. She just needs to find new friends.
Yes. I moved my daughter in January from her old school, which she loved but which I did not love and which frankly did not treat her with love. I did transition her with a few 1/2 days at each school before making the total break. Then, for the first few weeks, she did cry about the new school and wanting to go back to the old school with her friends. Does your daughter cry all day or is this primarily for your benefit and stops once your'e gone? What helped with my daughter was some playdates with friends from her old school so that she realized they were all still there and still friends. It also helped a lot to go to that first birthday party at her new school where she started to feel more bonded with friends. When your daughter gets invited to anything with the new school, take her even if you don't know the other kids well. It helps. It also helped to connect her with a buddy there and to talk positively about activities and fun at the new school. To be honest, I finally also told her that I was unhappy with some of the teachers at her old school because they were not being nice. It was the truth, and I was just plain tired of sugar-coating it...and it actually helped the transition. A friend of mine also suggested asking the school if she could take a special snack for the class one day, which makes her feel like she's doing special and gives a sense of belonging (I didn't do this, but thought it was a good idea). I feel your pain....been there, and it's so hard when they cry about the new school even though you know it's the best place for them. Good luck.
Update: Also, the other issue may be that there are different routines and rules at her new school than in the old one. She has to learn all those new rules, which may be throwing her off too. For the routine, as much as possible, try to help her by reminding her what the routine is at school that day ("oh, you have music class before lunch today! That sure sounds like fun to me") to help her know what to expect.
My daughter had difficulty making friends, as she has mild Aspergers. I would do a monthly Girls Night Out. I kept it simple, popcorn and a movie, little craft. Became so popular the moms started taking turns!
I've been through this because we have moved so many times. My daughter completely shut down in the first grade. After a few weeks, she was back to normal. My husband and I reassured her that we were here to stay, and K perked right back up, made good friends and good grades.
