50 50 Custody Arragements Not Being Followed

Legally, whatever is the court ordered arrangement is what has to be followed. She can't decide that it isn't working for her and change it without going back to court.

I think using the daughter as a weapon her until the mom pciks her up doesnt show your daughter anything good. It seems petty. Also, schedules do have to change sometimes because of work. If they were together they would adjust pick ups and drop offs if ones work schedule changed so the same thing has to happen when apart.

What does the parenting plan say about transportation? Who is responsible for what?

In ours it states 'The receiving parent is responsible for transportation'....if your says something along those same lines, meaning it states that whoever is getting the child is responsible for picking them up, then I say legally you can keep her until the Mother can come get her!

She can NOT just decide uni-latteraly that she wants things done a different way...it SO does NOT work that way!!

Neither of the parents can arbitrarily change the orders without the consent of the other parent. In other words as long as both of the parents agree to a change any change can take place but need to be documented with the courts even if amicable.

It may be time to go back into the court to determine what new custody arrangement can be made to accomodate both parents schedule.

I wouldn't recommend keeping the kid instead of taking her back to her mom without legal advice from an attorney specializing in family practice. These matters can get tricky and you could run the risk of loosing the 50% custody you have.

Try talking it out with the mom and perhaps she may be able to meet you halfway. If not get prepared to slept back before a mediator or the court itself to resolve this matter with the understanding that no one may be satisfied with the outcome.

When in doubt, do what is best for the kid. That is where the courts will rule in most cases along the lines of what is best for the kid.

It depends - does the court order address transportation?

Either way, I think you risk a visit from the police if you do not return her. For me, it's not worth a visit from the police. I'd take her home.

Most decrees state that the person ending custody must bring the child to the other. That way the burden doesn't fall on one person. Ya may want to make sure whether that is in your agreement.

It sounds like during the school year you took her to school on Wednesday and she picked her up. That does not by proxy equal she picks her up from your place when school is out. In other words make sure she wasn't doing you a favor by picking her up at noon when she wasn't working.

It really does sound like your plan was created around her not working and now the plan isn't working.

So far as modifications go, sit down and talk. It is always cheaper to file a new plan than get attorneys involved.

If she does not follow the court order all you have to do is call the police and show them the custody papers and they should be required to make her surrender her daughter.

I would try to avoid this though for a couple of reasons, she is working and trying to be self sufficient, that is good for anyone to be doing. She is also trying to let you know that it's time to revisit the decree.

I think that for summer you should try to accommodate her by offering to take the girl more. Perhaps for a couple of weeks. Maybe the 2nd 2 weeks of June and July, then she'd be back home the first of august to get ready for school to start.

If you live in the same neighborhood as the girl then this schedule works okay, but seriously, she is getting older and needs more stability than being her 2 days then your house then home for 2 days then your house for the weekend.

It sounds like you guys all need to sit down and come up with a better plan. Until she is old enough to go home after school and stay there by herself until someone gets home she will have to go to child care.

The fact is that a child care center will make her pay for the entire week even if you have this child on Wednesdays. That is so unfair so a person who is working and trying to make some money to provide for a child.

She needs to be home during the week or you guys help pay for the child care, or again, offer to take her more so she doesn't have to pay a sitter/child care. That would be nice in my book.

She can work and still have her daughter close to visit with and spend time with.

Compromise. If it can't be worked out and a good solution reached and filed in the courts then hiring an attorney and waiting for a court date is a lot more expensive and time consuming.

Sounds like you need to go back to the mediator and work this out for everyone's benefit.

If you've done the same thing for 5 years, you all are pretty lucky. Now it's time for a change. Petition the court for mediation and work it out. If she has a job now (or a different job), then accommodations are not out of line.

Instead of bending over backwards to help her, make it work for you all too, this time around.

Good luck,
Dawn

There is an order in place. That is what I would follow. She can't just decide "oh, this doesn't work for ME so changing it". It doesn't work like that. If she wants to change it, she needs to go back to court. I would have your husband e-mail her letting her know that he will continue with the current order and that she is to make his daughter available during that time. If she doesn't, then I would contact the police. Alot of drama, but she also needs to understand the proper way to do this.

Good luck!!! Its going to be a bumpy summer!

Legally,depending on the court order, you are probably correct. Many ugly scenes would tell you to go that route. But is fighting her on this really going to benefit the child? I would take her home and ask if there is time you all can discuss arrangements and whether or it needs to be ammended by the courts.

If they don't start figuring this out soon it will never stop, because life keeps changing and you can spend the child entire life wrapped up in court hearings and arrangments.

follow the court order to a tee...and if she doesnt stick to it file a contempt of court order paperwork or show cause as to why shes not following it. and just tell her, we will be keeping with the court order, thanks.

I think if it's written into the agreement that the ex-wife comes to pick her up & chooses not to, but rather demands all of a sudden that you essentially deliver her to the doorstep, then yes, you should legally be able to keep her. Call the mediator/lawyer up, let them know you need to make adjustments & also what the current situation is. Obiously everyone will need to make adjustments sometimes so the fact that your husband has done so over the years makes sense & now the ex-wife may have to make some adjustments herself to fit in with everything.

Depends on how the order is worded. If she is supposed to pick her up and doesn't, it's on her. If she is demanding you bring her because you are supposed to transport, you have to do that (when it is the stated day/time). If she doesn't return her to you (or let you pick her up) when scheduled, you can contact the police to have them help enforce it but have the order in hand.

Custody schedules are not meant to be followed in perpetuity. A five year old's needs and schedule are very different than that of a 10 year old, and that of a 10 year old will be different than when she's 13, 15, 17 years old. Also, things do change in the lives of families and at times this can present reasons to review the custody schedule to make sure it's still working for everyone. Week on, week off is a pretty common 50/50 arrangement. It sounds like it's time to review and probably make some changes.

That said, until the court orders a new schedule, the current one should be followed. Does the court order say who is responsible for picking up and dropping off?

Time to go back to the mediator and reasses. If she is not following court ordered arrangements, contact the court and ask them the appropriate course of action. Keep records. Just because she is "ordering" something does not mean it should be done. But of course, don't do something just because it would piss her off.

Do not bend over backwards for the MOM, the job of the parents is to do right by the child, which is what the mediator will probably focus on. Accommodations should be made since she has a new job, but you all need to have the mediator work things out so that it's the best solution for all. Best of luck.

* I am not a lawyer *

Does she normally come and pick her up? Does he drive somewhere or to the exes house to drop her off? If you attempt to meet up and she isn't there or doesn't show up, then I would notify your lawyer. Keep your daughter of course, but notify the lawyer. You will need to officially document it so that the exe can't turn the tables on your family and say that it is YOU that is not following the order.

With that said, a court order is a court order. She cannot just decide to change the arrangement. It has to be officially changed through the court or lawyers or mediators for it to be a permanent (not just a 'something came up' reason) adjustment.

What does the daughter want?

Yes I believe you can....However, you should notify the court that her mother has failed to pick the child up at the desiginated time. The parent who VIOLATES the existing order, is the one who will most likely lose a requested AMENDMENT to said order, UNLESS the judge rules that the childs best interest or safety was in jeapordy.

I would suggest now is the time for the childs father to request and amendment that he feels is best for the child.

If you all have this set up legally with the courts then you can keep her until the time comes for Mom to pick her up. If you don't follow your rules then she or the courts can call you guys at fault as much as her, whether she agrees to it or not. I would stick to the agreement through the courts and if she wants or needs things changed then she needs to set up an appointment with the courts to get them changed, with your husband's approval. If it's ok with your husband to accommodate her when he's able to then ok, but depending on the judge it could bite him in the butt later.

I'm wondering why one parent doesn't have most of the custody so the child would have one main home for stability and for school. I know every situation is different and if split custody works then keep doing it.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets