8 Year Old Attitude Problem - Springfield,MO

I think kids should be monitored as to what they watch on TV. I work with BD kids, and if you let this continue I might see her at my school! She should not be allowed to be disrespectful to adults or their siblings. B.

Hi B.! I have two boys, 8 and 10. They show these behaviors as well. Some of it is just the age that they are at and testing their boundaries. We tell them that their behavior is not acceptable and if they continue they will lose privileges. My boys also watch these shows, I even find them fun, but if you see something on the show that you think is a little off, take the opportunity to discuss it with her.

Hi B.,

Well I am going to be the odd man out on this one. You see I believe in blaming a show for a way a child acts. I blame the parents, including myself. If I don't want my 4 children to act a certain way then it is up to me to correct the behavior however I must do it.
I don't hide anything from my kids, they are allowed to watch Hannah Montanna, Family Guy, Sponge Bob, Drake and Josh, all of them. They are also allowed to play whatever video games they chose regardless of the rating.
They ar also allowed to pick the music they like to listen to.

I have a 16 year old son and he like older 70's, classic rock. I have a 6 yr old son and he likes country along with older classic rock and the hair bands. My 3 year old likes any music, doesn't matter what it is.

I don't hide one thing from my kids and when I see something I don't like I explain to them that is not the correct way to conduct yourself and it is not respectful to other people or to yourself.

I let them know my disapproval of whatever it might be and then let them think for themselves about what I am saying. I am the parent and like I said before it is up to me.

My husband listens to some of the worst music out there (as far as content) and he isn't going around stealing cars or murdering people. It goes for the same with your daughter if you don't want her acting a certain way then you need to let her know. A child no matter what child will give you an attitude but it is up to us the parent to keep them in check. My kids want to get a smart mouth with me too and all I have to do is give them the "look" and they are changing their tune real quick. They know the rules in our house and not because I did or didn't let them watch a certain tv show or because I did and the same to conduct themselves.

Just my thought and the way I raise my kids, doesn't mean it's right or wrong, just my opinion, W.

I've been going through this with my 9 yr old son. He has started to be disrespectful (rolling his eyes, ignoring me, etc.) and the only thing that works for him is to make him do something that he doesn't want to do...like writing sentences that say "I will be nice" and doing extra chores. We've tried taking away games, friend time, toys; but taking away things does nothing, he seems like he's not even phased. I am blessed that he does not seem to interested in tv, for him it's video games, so I'm trying to monitor what's in his games too. I also had the teacher move him to another seat in the class because I thought it might help as far as the kids he hangs out with....anyway, GOOD LUCK; I understand your frustrations!

I have 9yr old boy and have 2 boys younger. I want to say first I know there is a diff between boys and girls. I am from a family of 8 (6boys and 2girls) my husband and I have been married for 11yrs. I speak for myself however very much sympathize with you. My nine year old too has been expressing himself with tantrums and eye rolling and stomping of feet. I do see his younger siblings watch him and sometimes do what he is doing. So I have had several closed door conversations about his behavior. I try not to get too upset and I do choose my battles with my children. I know he is trying to find himself and he too watches alot of the same shows you are talking about. I tell him that his younger siblings are watching him and he needs to set a better example for them. Again we have discussed this several times. I began to look at things he has that he treasures, eg:tv time, video games, getting on the internet playing on webkinz website. I took this to the next level and let him know that his behavior is unacceptable and if he did not begin to shape up we would revoke these activities. He thought oh yea right. Well he was wrong we began to take things from him. At first he would do something nice for his brothers or talk to us in a diff. tone. Then would follow up with so can I have this back. My response was no. I will not give you a time line when you will get it back. You will get it back when I see your behavior change. It took a couple of weeks but he has begun to turn around. We are still developing this behavior change. I think they are trying to identify with someone other than in the household and this is healthy to a point. I am not a push over by any means but again choose what battles to deal with everyday. I am reading wonderful book call "Mama Mantras" Affirmations and Insights to Keep you from losing your mind. By B. E Casarjian, phd and Diane H Dillon phd I have been recommending this book to all my friends and family. I know that the Wichita library doesnt have it nor do Barnes and Noble or Borders carries it but you can have them order it to the store for no extra cost. This book so far has really helped me I have felt like these two ladies must be standing in the room with me and my children watching us and giving me coping skills to handle situations.

Well I hope things go well. Good luck.

B.,
I am the mom of an 11 year old and let me tell you this is the tip of the ice berg. I had the sweetest little girl and I am not sure what is inhabiting her body but it is not my child. Everyone tells me it lasts until about 17(God grant me patience), the consequence box sounds like a great idea I think I will be trying that. Good Luck!!! As for the Hannah Montana, yes I am sure they see it on there but all the little ones at school do it too. And if you did not roll your own eyes at your husband once in a while you would be my hero!!! J.

I have four kids and when they were a little smaller than 8, my boy loved power rangers and got to watch until he started kicking everyone in the family, often hurting them. We tried many things until we finally took away the tv program. What's more important, their happiness (to watch what they want) or their character (respectfulness, kindness and manners)? When you look at the bigger picture, she needs to know you are more interested in her personal character than her comfort, and that rudeness will not be tolerated. Missing a few episodes may do the trick or maybe more drastic measures regarding tv. She is just beginning to test and see what you are willing to do. Pick your battles wisely, but in the long run this is one I would suggest you tackle hard as it will set the tone for future teen communication and challenges. Something as simple as telling her that 'When you roll your eyes you are being disrespectful. That is not proper behavior and ___are the consequences.' God bless.

I have found, working with young people, that staying calm in most of these situations is the best reaction because your daughter is not getting the "rise" out of you that she is hoping. Also, depending on the situation, you can have selective hearing on certain requests of your daughter when she has behaved that way...and then suggest to her, "I would be happy to help you when you can speak to me with a nice/pleasant/calm (etc) voice and eyes looking forward." (Cue, rolling eyes the first time, but she'll eventually get it.)

The fact is that children are constantly influenced by outside sources and that will be the case for the rest of their life. As parents, it is our responsibility to establish and influence the acceptable behaviors and value systems that give our chilren the tools to make the right decisions later in life.

Good luck...you are just getting started!

Hi B.,

I am 28yrs. old and I have an 11yr old and a 3 year old. I think I can offer some helpful advice on this one. My daughter has always had a bit of an attitude on her shoulders. She got it honestly but I found very quickly there was not room for two of me in my house! : ) I also found out very quickly, that I had to change a lot of things if I wanted her to be more respectful, starting with myself. So, I worked on me but I also worked on her. If her eyes would roll as she was walking away I would make her walk back and try it again without rolling her eyes, stomping her feet, or doing anything that was disrespectful. I tell you, you time she had to do this about 100 times at one time before she walked away the "correct way." I have learned to address it immediately and be consistant. I used the corner with her, I have taken things out of her room (one time, I took everything out except the bed and dresser), I have made her right sentences, pick up an extra chore for a week, take away any priveledges that she may have, being reasonable of course. What I tell me daughter is very simple, things in life are earned and not by rolling our eyes and being hateful. I compare what would happen if I did that to a boss at work. Oh, one thing we did was put a "buck system" into place. SHe waould earn bucks (construction paper cut into squares) through good positive behavior BUT she could also get them taken away. With the bucks, she can "buy" priveledges or turn them in for money (4 bucks= $1) but of course the money is optional. SHe came up with this idea when she was about 9 and we have been doing it for two years. It works great. Now she turns them in movie night, sleepovers, whatever. I am firm with my children but they know I love them too. My daughter is doing great and I have had more people compliment me on my "well behaved and mannered children" more in the last year than ever.

Hope this helps. Let us all know! Good luck.
EMMM

I agree with your husband. Hannah is very popular these days and all these little girls want to be JUST like her. She does have a wholesomeness about her that hollywood can't understand but kids will copy what they see. Watch the show with her and tell her what you agrees with on the show and make sure she knows what behavior on the show is unacceptable in your home. That's what I do. The topics on thses shows are not so good for the kids either.I would limit her TV time and get her hooked on books and playing with her friends!

I have a 7 year old boy and just went to school conferences with his teachers. He does basically the same thing. They said it's all in the maturity level and just spending more time with him would help.

Jennifer

B., I know it is hard Stop it and stop it now. It only gets way worse with girls. From years of experience with nieces and working with girls. They go through their little hormone smarty pants stage several times before 18. Do whatever it takes now. Every time she does a eyeroll or smart, take her privilages. Stick to it. it will be very hard to enforce but take the time now, rather than 10 years of it. She will get the point. believe me she is learning from everywhere. This is one thing little girls have done since I DID. Boy was i a dosie. Make it stick. Take one serious one on on ,when you have time and without any one else around. Tell her how unattractive she looks when her pretty face does that, how she hurts herself. how it would make her feel if one of her friends did this to her. You have to get on their level and stick with your punishment. She may and will say I hate you, just say well I love you, but i don't like this you. Good luck, God bless. I will say a prayer girls are hard. I have seen the results if you don't stop it now. Most of all let her know she is loved but she can't behave in ugly ways. ask her how she woulf feel if a friend or better a teacher did this to her and there was nothing she could do. Let her know also this will happen to her , and you are the one who is going to be there to hug here and be one her side. Ten to one she gets it at school., J. jean

I think it absolutely makes a difference. I have noticed my 8 1/2 year old daughter seems to get an attitude after watching these teen shows, and I no longer allow her to watch them. I realize the teen attitude may be inevitable, but I want to delay it for as long as possible!

B. - I agree with what everyone else is saying. I also suggest getting the book "Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World". Good luck! Sounds like you know where this is coming from.

Are you the one in peck ks ?

My 9 year old daughter started doing the same thing last year and she was a Hannah Montana and That's So Raven fan. We grounded her from watching those shows and started a consequence box (icky chores each written on a slip of paper folded and put in a box with a lid). When she is rude and demonstrates her "Johnson County Princess" attitude, we send her to the kitchen to get the consequence box off the counter and bring it back. She then has to draw a consequence and do the chore right then. It's worked wonders and we don't have to constantly correct her and get our blood pressure up! It's a way to make her see the consequences of her own behavior...i.e., cause and effect.

Among the chores are scrubbing woodwork, picking up sticks in the yard, carrying the trash to our outside bins, scooping the cat litter boxes, scrubbing the bathrooms, etc. It was really great for us when we first started the consequence box because we didn't have nearly as many chores for awhile! :-) She's learned quickly not to sas or roll her eyes! One of the worst was picking up sticks at 8:00 in the evening with a flashlight last fall!

I would start by not letting her watch those shows. Then just ignore her. It will go away. She's just looking for a reaction. Annoying, I know.

I have a eight year old daughter and she can sometimes act that way. I don't blame the t.v. shows. Sometimes it just an expression of what she see at home. I know sometimes I will roll my eyes at what my s.o. says. Do you think maybe she might be learning these actions at school or home. I watch both of those shows with my daughter and I don't see where they hate each other as you explained Kids will be kids sometimes you have to correct them. Explained to her that her behavior is not acceptable. I am not sure if that what you wanted to hear. but that is my comment on the subject