A Boy Died at My Son's Football Game Tonight

Usually when something like this happens, the school will have counselors on hand the following school day. If this doesn't happen, I would suggest finding one for him to talk to. In the mean time, speak with him and let him know that whatever he feels is ok.

This is tough but it happens. In my experience, when children die, schools will have counselors available to counsel the other students.

As a parent, all you can do is be there for them and let them know they can talk about how they are feeling and it is normal to have those feelings.

How horrible. I too have a son in high school.
My thoughts go out to the family of the boy who passed away.
Such a shock.

I will bet you that the school will have grief counselors available to any and all students as of Monday, if not sooner.

This just happened. Hours ago. Your son can't process any of it. It's such an unexpected and sad thing. If he can't really talk about it, don't push because he hasn't had time to even let any of it soak in.
I am not an expert, but I have dealt with a great deal of loss with kids, including myself. Don't take being quiet for tonight or tomorrow as "internalizing".
We would feel better if our kids were more verbal so we could talk things through or at least be saying something. It's okay for your son not to know what to say or be able to say it.
Just let him know that you love him, that you are there for him, and he can share any feelings he has with you any time. If he needs to cry, by all means let him know it's all right to do so. BUT, don't be surprised if he doesn't.
At least not yet.
I know from experience that kids often feel guilty because they CAN'T cry. They want to. They feel like they should. The tears just don't come.
Sometimes it takes a while.
Give your son a little space for tonight. Ask him if he needs anything.
Whether he asks for it or not, give him a kiss on the forehead and tell him you treasure him more than anything.

Since they already had a Pastor/counselor meet with the kids, I am positive that they will have this available for quite a while as kids need it.

God bless all of you.

I would speak to the guidance office or to the pastor that was there to see what they may have in place for students in the coming weeks.

And maybe say just that to your son - "I don't know what to say because I know nothing can truly make it all better, but I am here for you and love you."

I also feel it is beneficial for kids to get closure - participate in a memorial, donate to a charity in his name, attend the funeral, etc.

I'm so sorry for all involved. How tragic!

This happened my junior year of high school, I was also in the band and watching from the stands. The boy that died was our quarterback, and deeply loved by everyone, not because he was the star, but because he was a genuinely good person.
The next day and for weeks after his name was on posters all over the place where students were invited to write notes to his parents and siblings, or just thoughts about him. There was a memorial service on the football field and the whole town was invited to his burial.
Later in the year, his football number was retired and his co-captains and two best friends were at the forefront of the ceremony. His dad continued to be active with the football program and was a great help to the coach, and his parents organized a yearly luau (the are Samoan) in his name that still happens each spring on the football field to honor his short life (this is going on 17 years now!).
Some of these ideas are really up to the child's parents and how they want to remember their son, or grieve, or honor him, and when they feel they are ready. But you may be able to contact your son's school and see if they plan on memorializing the boy who died, and how, and if you can help in any way.
Probably encouraging your son to keep in contact with his friends will help him, he may be able to talk to his buddies easier than he can talk to his mom. This is one of those moments that seems to hit home for teenagers, that even if you aren't out drunk driving or any of the other dangerous behaviors warned about in life, that you still aren't invincible, and that is sad and scary.

These are the things in life that we can not shield our children from. It's so incredibly sad.

I just read the story, I am so sorry.

The school will hopefully have grief counselors on campus this week for the students or be able to refer them to counseling if needed. This will be hard for all of them to deal with. The school will also more than likely have an assembly of some sort to allow the students to say good-bye.

Be there for your son to listen if he needs to talk and answer questions he may have. Ask a grief counselor this week what you should be looking for in your son to know if he's handling it OK or needs help.

Just be there for him and tell him you love him.
God bless.

You can tell him these things happen. No one knows why. Do you know any stories about other familiy's that this happened to. When my nephew 18 years of age died a relative called me to say he lived a full life...for someone his age. Which was true. While we would never see a book he published, or a play he produced he had lived a full and exemplary life.
The same is true of this HS student we know he was capable of being a team player who'd made the team. He was a guy who would step up to the plate and do his best.
Go with your son to the funeral home. If he wants to be with his friends okay after you and he have spoken to the family to express your deep sorrow at their loss. Your son can tell his father and mother what he appreciated about the player or do write them a short note about their son.

My son is sensitive too, and I tried to put myself in your shoes. I would explain to him that these types of things are extremely rare and he probably had an underlying health condition. His parents may not have been aware of or maybe they were and playing football was his passion and a risk he was willing to take. He sure will be missed...how are you feeling about it, let me know if you need a hug or reassurance...I love you!

Sigh, these stories break my heart right up! Prayers to his family...

I have no idea beyond asking if he wants to talk about it. The school may bring in crisis counselors. Encourage him to talk with someone if they do.

How awful. Wow his poor parents. And the coach. Wow just terrible.

I'm so sorry to hear that happened to such a young child. I think for now just being there for your son is best. Lots of love and hugs. He'll open up when he's ready to open up. Don't make him do it cause he'll bury it even deeper. Again I'm sorry to hear that this has happened.

All good advice. The best is to tell him you love him and if he ever wants to talk about this, you will be there to listen, any time.

If your son actually knew the young man and wants to share his feeling with the family, he could write them a note.

If he did not know the young man, he could send a condolence card and participate in any memorial that is organized.

I know at our daughters HS a few students died or were killed in accidents and trees were planted on campus. The Entire Band actually performed at one memorial service. (very touching)

This is a time to talk about how things happen for no reason. But we learn from this. We learn to be our best, to always work towards our goals. To follow our passions, just like this young man was doing.

Just be there to listen, but do not go on and on about this. He will let you know when he is ready to talk about it. He may want to be with classmates or band mates and that is natural and yes, I am sure Counselors will be up at the school to help.

I am sorry for your community and the young mans family.

I would say there will probably, most likely grief councelors at school Monday- sometime next week for the students. Encourage him to go and speak with them.
Watching someone die is very tramatic...been there, just as unexpected as this was. He probably feels very helpless, wonders if there was something else that could have been done.

They will have greif cousliers (sp) there come monday for a while incase someone wants to talk, more than likely anyways. there is also a chance they will hold a vigial and have a game in his memory as well

I'm sorry this happened...seeing someone die is never easy and for a child - even a teenager - it is a life altering moment...as you already know.

The school SHOULD have crisis counselors there to help the students deal with situation.

While you are right - nothing can make it better - counselors SHOULD be around to help them deal with it. As a mother? You can tell him that you are here for him and will be no matter what the time to talk. If he knew the boy and the family - maybe he would like to stop by and give his condolences to the family. If they don't have counselors in school next week - I would find one for him, especially if he internalizes things!

God Bless the family in the their time of grieving...

.

Hi L.,

I am so sorry for your son's loss. Its something that effects everyone. The best advice I can give you is to just really be there emotionally and physically for your son. Be there to listen. However he feels, let him. If he doesn't want to talk about it--dont make him. Let him grieve in his own way. Let him know you are there and available but don't push. Most likely Monday there will be counselors available for the students to talk to---Best wishes and hang in there.

M

When I was in high school a friend of mine was in a car accident and he pased away and he was very popular and had lots of friends so mostly the whole school was grieving this loss so they said that next school those who weren't well enough to continue class to go to the library there the counselor had set up some sort of memorial. We looked at pictures shared stories about him and just remember him
I'm sorry you are in this position hopefully your son can feel better and I'm sure your doin the best you can to show him you are there for him. And seeking help as to how to help him
GL
E.<3

I feel for you and your family. I think the school should have stopped the game, in honor of the boy. The schools don't always do what is best for the child.
My brother was 13 and died as a result of an injury which occurred at school. The school ignored the fact, actually kind of hid his death, it was kind of like they didn't want his death broadcast or associated with his school. It is very sad.
All of the students are impacted and the school should not ignore the boy's death. His death shouldn't be ignored.
I'm glad they had a pastor and counselors for the students.
I think if you continue talking about the boys life it is helpful.
I don't like it when people just pretend nothing happened and ignore the whole situation.
Also, use this time to let your son know how much you love him.
If you go to church plan a meeting with your pastor.
If you don't attend a church it is a good time to find one. Speak with a pastor.
It is a good time to help your family get closer to God.
Also, remind your son every day how much you love him.
Tell him you don't want a morning to go by that you don't say you love him.
Appreciate every moment you have together.

When the young girl from the Middle School was killed a few weeks ago the Sun Herald quoted the local schools as saying they would have grief couselors in place to help the students and that they were very pro-active in these situations. Your son may not feel comfortable going to a counselor (many in my family are introverted and never would ask for help), but maybe you could call the school and see if you could talk to a counselor to ask for advice on the best way to support your son at this time. I'm sure they would be more than happy to help you in any way possible. That's one of the things I love most about the Coast -- how we'll all come together to help each other when needed. Hugs to you and your son!

A.

The best thing for you to do is be there for him. Right now the whole school is going through the loss and they will probably bring in counselors.

My son had this happen when we were in Germany in fact twice in two weeks by car accident. The first one the whole school went to the furneral and the minister explained things to them during the service.

It is part of life but it just came a little sooner than most of them expected.
You will be in my thoughts will be with you both.

The other S.