A Second Chance or Not

I would not try working with her. I am a stepmom to a 7 year old as well. My fiance has sole physical legal custody and it is his decision of he sees her or not. Any ways we have always been nice to eachother eventhough I cannot stand her. We had one argument and she tried to use it against me in court to get the custody reversed and it failed. I would be very careful and not initate anything. She may just be nice because she is looking for something to use. I would be respectful and that is it. Offer no information that is not needed!

Turst your gut. If it's telling you not to get involved with her then DON'T! People do change and it's sometimes good to give someone the benefit of the doubt. But when people change they usually don't do it over night and they usually tell you why and apologize for past behavior. I'm a step-mother too and I know that my daughter's mother can play whatever part she thinks she needs to in order to control things. Be warey of her. Let her change and you stay the same.

Oh my. Yes, in my opinion, you need to be respective to her and very kind as you would to any other person. She is still the mother of your stepson and the last thing you would want to do is create disruption with your stepson who is just a child. This can work out very well for all involved. Try to be "in her shoes". Regardless of what your hubby has said about his divorce, there are always two sides. Imagine having to pack up your little one and turning her over a week at a time to some "new woman" in your "ex husbands" life. That is not an easy thing to do. However, you have the actual advantage to everyone as you can be the intermediary to help keep peace and civility for everyone and I can assure you in the end your husband will love you even more..........as will his son :)

Sadly enough my daughter's father is flighty like that. He flip flops constantly - one day he's nice as pie, next day he's a mean something or other...

So here's my two cents to add...

I'd wait it out. If she's really going to be nice, give her time to prove it. In my mind, if she was so angry and mean before, it might be just a ploy - for what reason, who knows, but regardless, time will show her true colors. THEN you can see how you should proceed.

tread lightly.. she may be doing this to take you back to court again at some point and so then you have nothing to say about her actions. Just talk to her when you have to - I wouldn't make any extra attempts with her.. be cautious...

Hi Aliza,
My first thought when I read this was that poor boy and how it must affect him to have his mother set such a horrible example. I am sorry you are faced with such a challenge. My recommendation would be to continue to be the better person. If she is "making nice", accept it. If/when she relapses to her selfishness, be the role model for your stepson. This will take some serious restraint, I am sure, but remember that he is what is important to you and your husband...not anything that the ex thinks. And your stepson might be too young to put it all together yet, but in the long run it will be YOU that gains his respect and YOU that he will hopefully model after. And remember that he doesn't have to choose between you to love you. Good luck!