About to Process a Divorce

first talk to a lawyer.
have a plan.
where are you gonna live
who's gonna leave the house.
how are you gonna pay for it.
do not have the same lawyer just to same money
if there is any chance for violence, be safe.
protect yourself financially.

it took me a year to finally leave. and we didn't have kids.(my first husband).
he got even more nasty after i moved out. that's when i knew i needed to file.

not that you probably haven't thought it thru. but, think it thru. for your kids sake, make sure it's what needs to be done.
my first husband and i had a year and a half of marriage counseling.
is that a possibility?
could work for you..

good luck.
i always hate to see people divorce.. especially when kids are invovled. but i also believe it's best for the kids to see two happy/safe parents apart than two unhealthy emotionally parents together.
T.

I've never been through a divorce, but one of my dearest friends is going through one right now.

First of all, make sure it's what you want to do. If you know that counseling won't save it, that there's not even a shred of love that could be renewed, then find a good lawyer.

If you are in Omaha, Barb Kuny(sp?) would be a good one to try. She's been an amazing advocate for another one of my good friends who has been divorced for a few years now, but often has to return to court for custody issues.

Make sure that you or he will be able to move out. My friend and her husband (soon-to-be ex) are still living together and it's miserable for both of them and miserable for their two children - and I personally can't believe that they're doing it. If you know he can't or won't (as it is in the case of my friend) move out - then find a place for you and your kids to go.

If you think he'll be violent when he finds out - make sure you and your kids aren't there when he does get the news. Involve the authorities at even the slightest inclination of violence.

Be ready for a long haul.

You'll still have to have a relationship with this guy forever because you share children. (IT doesn't end at 18-19 - there will be weddings, birthday parties, grandchildren, etc.) So - be as nice as you can without becoming a doormat. Stand up for yourself - but try not to say things that you will later regret. If you do say things you regret, it's not the end of the world - but it will be in your kids' best interest to make nice - and make-up.

Good luck to you and God bless.

-J.

S.,
I'm so sorry you are going though this. Since you are with the Military there is a lot of resources you can use. I have never been though a divorce so I dont feel I can offer advice but check out this website you will find articles, check lists, and even lawyers FREE OF CHARGE. Www.militaryonesource.com I am thinking of you and wish you the best.
A.

Good advice from Amber.. Sorry you have to face this. I'd like to say keep in mind you may want an attorney who is familiar with Military benefits. Depending on how long you have been married, there are certain entitlements you don't want to let slip by. I am recently divorced from a military man myself. Some benefits to look into to is entitlement to part of his retirement, healthcare for you as well as your children, alimony and child support. I wish you luck... and if you need a "friend to talk with you", I'm here.
A.