Adults Only, Well, Sort Of...

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i think they should understand, I would. I have been to weddings just like that, I had to leave my daughter at home, but there were a few children there from the couple's immediate family and it was perfectly understandable to me. If other people do not understand, I would consider that self centered.

I like the idea of children by invitaion only. My sister's wedding reception was "adults only" so that meant my children - her flower girls- were not invited! this was becasue of limited seating.. however it meant that i had to hire a sitter in a place that I didn't know anyone.. She helped me find a sitter but I did feel a little put out to be honest especially b/c sitter "service" charged $25/hr needless to say i did not stay at reception that long ( I was also 8 mo prego) ..

That's a tough one.

We just got an invitation that said 'adults only' and I was SOOOO HAPPY! I really didn't want to bring my son especially since I don't know the bride yet my husband is the best man. I didn't want to have to wrangle the four year old all alone during dinner.

There may be some hurt feelings but most NORMAL thinking people should put two and two together. Nothing worse than a cramped wedding reception.

Proper ettiquette says to list the individuals that are invited on the inner envelope by name....so if the kids are invited, they are listed there and if not, not. IF you get response cards that indicate children will be coming that aren't invited, you then need to call them and gracefully tell them that you just don't have room and they weren't listed on the invitation....it stinks but is less offensive than ADULTS ONLY and then having some kiddos there. The people who would likely be most offended are the other family with kids that aren't invited and other close friends with kids....especially since you are inviting a few non-family kids as is. We had 8 kids at our wedding reception (all nephews and nieces) but got a call from our MIL that 2 second cousins were sad they couldn't come....we ended up including them to keep the peace (and they weren't really KIDS but young adults/teens with adult priced meals). It happens.

I had "adult reception" on my invites as well. Personally I think it's torture to kids to have to be in a place where they can't play for that long of a time . I do like the wording "2 seats have been reserved in your honor"! Just figure when people notice others have brought their kids they will most likely assume those people didn't abide by the invitation.
To Amanda W- you must realize that it's okay for mommy and daddy to have an evening out by themselves! Some people call it "date night". I'm all for family time but there are exceptions.

We did the same thing at our wedding - we had children, so we invited the children of family members but not friends. You simply list who you are inviting on the outer and inner envelopes. So for a couple, you would put "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" on the outer envelope and the inner envelope would read "John and Jane" or "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." If you are inviting a family, write "The Smith Family" on the outer envelope and "John, Mary, Susie and Bobby" on the inner envelope. That should really solve your problem.

Pay attention to the RSVPs - if someone RSVPs for more than the adults and you did not specify the children's names on the envelope, call the person and let him or her know that their children were not invited.

I think you are definitely within your rights to invite adults only, no matter what. I do think that if you are going to have some children there, you need to clarify that children are by "invitation only" as one other person suggested and maybe even clarify "children by invitation only due to space limitations." There may be people who would be greatly offended if they get there and see children when they were under the impression that NO children were invited. It should be pretty obvious why children of immediate family are there, and if not, oh well. If people are upset because they aren't able to bring there precious bundles, they can decline the invitation.

I think it would be friendship suicide to put "Adults Only" on the invitation and then have your friends show up and see other children there. Since you've kind of painted yourself into a corner with too small of a venue, I think you're going to have to get creative with the "2 seats have been reserved" but be prepared for some to ignore that. So that being said...you're really going to have to be creative on this one. Is 90 really maximizing the space and/or occupancy limit?

I think that it is totally reasonable to expect that family kids will be the exception to the adults only rule. I always look at the envelope an invitation came in-if it says family on it then I bring kids. If not, then just the two of us go.

Additionally, I would not expect my kids to be invited to a friend's wedding-only family.

I wouldn't specify "adults only" and then have children there other than your own. When we got married, we put "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" on the outter envelop and then "John and Mary Smith" on the inner envolep to indicate that their kids weren't included! It's an evening wedding, so most people will get "the hint".

Just FYI- some people will bring their kids regardless and you won't know about it until they get there!

We've received many invites that stipulated adults only. To be honest...I much prefer to leave my young sons at home. Gives me and hubby some time alone together to enjoy the night without chasing our kids around or eating one handed, etc. The family invites that included our kids....these people are are a part of our kids lives already. They know them and are prepared to deal with the antics of kids from the families. Others not related to my kids shouldn't be forced to accept them and accomodate them.

Word your invitations Adults only and call as you suggested. If they get there and feel put off that THEIR kids weren't included....well, the door will work for you whether you're going in or going out.

I suppose you could say 'children by invitation only'.
The children that would be there are by invitation and the rest are not invited.

I think it's going to depend on the parents what their specific reaction will be.
I'm all in favor of "adult reception following...." etc. BUT I'm sure there are going to be parents who will be a little ticked to see other kids there, while their kids are at home. (Personally, I enjoy a night out without the kid!) BUT I don't really see any other way to do it, so I guess you're going to have to do something like "Adult reception..." and put specifically the names of those invited on the inner envelope.
I don't like the idea of "children by invitation only" because that might cause more confusion and--possibly--resentment.
I'd do "adult reception" and CALL the families of the kids that will be there.

IMO - if I was invited to a wedding that said "Adults Only" , I wouldn't go. I don't leave my kids with a sitter unless something necessary like a med appt or something. We are a family and do things as a family.

For our wedding the RSVP card said Adult Reception to follow ceremony. Yes I had some kids there, from the wedding party, and guests who were coming from out of town were also welcome to bring their kids.
No one said a word to me, it's your wedding. People have to understand that due to space and finances its not always possible for kids to be included!

LOTS of people don't invite everyone's kids to their weddings. Most people I know actually didn't... If someone doesn't understand that there are a few exceptions to the 'no kids' format, they've either forgotten how much a wedding costs, their own wedding which likely didn't have kids, or they're rather selfish. Just address the invitation to the parents.

This would be a difficult one for me because back in home town people use to invite everybody, even the cat, lol
No kidding, I many times knew of families that where kind of struggle but some how they made the biggest, loud, parties, haha. Never understand how but I for sure was scare to make parties, lol.
But in here I think is very common and reasonable. I may wouldn't have go because we don't feel ready to leave the toddler for long time or go just for 2 hours, but I wouldn't be mad at all.
I would assume that the kids in the party are family kids and won't bother me, but if I see kids from mutual friends then I probably would wonder why not mine, but I wouldn't say nothing.

we didn't say adults only but we did address the invites to the specific adults.. we didn't add so and so and "family" that gave MOST the hint that no kids.. except for one couple.. and we had to call them.. thing is... if you can't afford it, you can't afford it... most will understand... it IS reasonable... it's nothing personal and people ought to understand that.. if they don't, then it's their problem NOT yours. and don't make it yours.. their feelings aren't worth your getting into debt so that you can accommodate their kids.

CONGRATULATIONS!! I wish you many happy years together!!

Now, I've not read the other responses but I'm stuck between a rock and hard place here....on the one hand - I say you need a bigger hall....on the other hand - for the ones who have kids and you are saying "adults only" they show up and see kids - they are going to be upset that their kids weren't invited as well....or they may make a comment out loud that someone didn't know how to read the invite....I don't know. I personally wouldn't exclude anyone, I'd make sure that my venue had enough space for all family to be invited. but this is ME.

Ask yourself how you would feel if you received an invite with ADULTS ONLY on it? What makes the children that are invited so special? Are they participating in the wedding?

No, you cannot make everyone happy....this is YOUR wedding - but the problem you encounter is you are allowing SOME children - NOT ALL so some people may be hurt, upset, etc. especially if they are coming in from out of town and had to make arrangements for their kids.....

If you are worried about what people will think - you better get a tough skin!!! :) Stop worrying about what other people think and do what works for your wedding. It IS YOUR wedding....

all the best!!

Dude.

YOUR wedding.

You've obviously thought it through, and you have your reasons. Some people think the wedding is meant to be for the guests, I beg to differ. Weddings cost families a heck of a lot of money.

I am too young for my friends to have kids, so it was just my step-daughter and two nephews and their two cousins there. But I had SO much space (it was a cocktail style food serving thingy) and they ran amok and danced and screamed. It was great because they had so much fun.

I would suggest trying really hard to squeeze a kids table in, but if you just flat out can't then don't. How old are the kids that are in your wedding? If they are older then maybe you can get away with having them there and noone getting pissy? Quite frankly, who the hell is anyone to have the right to get pissy at you for saying people can't bring their twenty children (obvious exaggeration) and having your bridal party/friends of the family kiddies there. I mean seriously.
Promise me you won't spend too much energy on worrying about what other people are going to think and do what is best for you and the group as a whole :D

I think that the children who you have invited shouldn't be invited to the reception. Then you can say "adults only" and mean it. Now, if the kids are in the wedding or are traveling from out of town, the polite thing to do is arrange and pay for a sitter for them. That can either be in an out-of-the-way place at the reception itself (not sitting in an assigned seat) or off-site.

I think it's totally fine if you don't want kids at your wedding.

This is a toughie - because as a hostess, all of your guests are to be treated equally, and by making "very" close friends more special than anyone else, you make it clear to others that they are more special. I can see it twinging nerves. You absolutely can do whatever you'd like, as its your party and your budget. I just don't see a way around it without hurting someone's feelings. Could you possibly word the invitation "please join our families for a dinner reception", that might help avoid the sting as guests may assume that the children are part of the family? But then again, they may assume you mean that their family can join your family, lol.

We invited everyone, including kids (because we had the space, some of them were no charge and the rest were $6each) - and about 15% of the kids invited showed up, and that's because they traveled from out-of-state. Maybe you could take your chances with the invites that the RSVP's will end up exactly how you need them to?

Ugh! The wedding list part made me want to elope so badly! Good luck!

I personally refuse any invitation for a family event that does not allow me to bring my child(ren). If I were to have to find and pay for a sitter to go to a reception, then see children there - I would be so pissed... I'd take my gift and leave without a word.

Some parents would be happy to leave their children home with a sitter - others like me have a very well behaved child and l love to bring them along.

It is rude to allow some children and not others. BUT - it is your wedding.

Example:
My wedding I allowed all children to come. They were so busy playing with each other that eating wasn't really an issue. Many took a bite and went back to play - most didn't even need a chair of their own. I think we had 80 adults and 16 children - and what a blast it was.

my sisters wedding was adults only( accept for a few nieces and nephews) The invitations said Adults Only accept on ours where next to that she wrote- bring the boys please- she did the same on my sisters.

so for those that have the kids you want comming just write them in next to the Adults only. It might be a good idea to give them a heads up about it first

I think you should probably decide one way or the other whether or not kids are invited, you can't fairly allow some kids and not others. Personally, I tend to think that if they aren't close enough for you to consider their feelings in this matter, maybe they aren't close enough to invite to your wedding?

I vote you either, get (and pay for) a sitter for the kids who are in the wedding, and let the rest of the guests worry about their kids themselves OR find a way to make room and leave the decision of whether or not to bring kids up to the parents.

Hi, L.;
Do you think that is kind to have a double standard?
Get a larger place so the family can come.
A wedding is a milestone for all the generations to enjoy.
Just a thought.
D.