Adversity~ Question

There are times that I have felt this way, but not for awhile. A number of years back, I was so poor I ate out of dumpsters so I could afford rent - because it's HARD to get a job if you don't have a real address. Life got better, then worse, and I was briefly homeless.

These days, I have a good job, a nice home, a wonderful family. I support my family and do well, but anytime my husband mentions certain things, I FREAK out. I fear a return of those days - only now with 3 little kids. Some risks I will never EVER take...and that's just how it is.

Here is how I manage:
Hang onto what is working. Count real blessings (family, shelter, enough to eat...those kinds of things). Try fix the rest, if it's fixable, and work with it as well as I can, if it isn't.

I still struggle with some things - what is the next "right' step? My marriage could be better....but my life is pretty good now. I hope for better times for you too.

I don't think that praying, fasting, repenting, etc. does anything in terms of improving your life circumstances. Some of the greatest Christians lead the hardest lives and its not fair but thats life. Some people think that being a good person means you get a good life but unfortunately thats just not how it is. I personally am one of those individuals who have been knocked down time and time again by life (mom is schizo, sis has become nonfunctional ocd, i'm battling anxiety, grew up in poverty, etc.) and I have to say, it is HARD sometimes to keep your chin up. I also don't like to complain and am usually rather cheerful but there are some days when I really think I cannot smile if I stop and think about everything that is and could go wrong. I'm blessed these days to have a wonderful husband and healthy beautiful son and thats what I try to focus on but I have to admit, I'm scared that something bad will happen to them b/c life just always seems to find a way to take the wind out of my sails. I just read a short story of a mom whose 18 mo old toddler had a tumor growing on his spine and he had to be poked and prodded with needles until his veins collapsed, go through surgeries, be in a body cast when he loves being active, etc. and I was just so thankful for what I DO have (through petrified of what I could lose). Just try to remember your blessings. Wishing you health and strength,

I could have written your post. Life just sucks sometimes. I find that I feel better about things when I believe that things will get better. I only get depressed when I think that it won't and believe me an optimistic day is so much better than a depressing one. So every day when I wake up and think about my crappy job, I tell myself that it will get better and it won't always be like this, and I think about all of the people who don't have any job, and that makes me grateful to be working at all and that helps me to start the day on a positive note. I hope things get better for you, and for me, and for everyone else too!

hello

Oh everyone faces some type of adversity in life and thoughout.. it's just a matter of how you deal with such things. Prior to living in foster-care I lived with a mother who was a drunk and then on to foster parents who were quite abusive (both physically, sexually and emotionally) .. Oh it has had it effect on me at different points in my life and at other times not... I spent the first part of my life just trying to survive... trying to figure out all the whys in life.... I finally concluded.. there are no solid answers... or ways in which to feel... and while I do believe life is what you make it, that isn't to say... I still don't have a crappy day here and there and have a full on pity party :) (I am good at that those) but at the same time... I wake up each day (that I consider a good start to any day, you know, waking up :) hahah and too even on the most rotten days, I find a way to says thanks,... thanks god (or whatever works for you) thanks for the sunrise.. my family and the chill in the air.. I give thanks for the simple pleasures in life... as I have learned I enjoy those most..
I might suggest on those days when you are feeling down and out.... even if you can utter just one thank you... then it's a good start.. you d be surprise how in this subtle way it begins to change your mood.. I am not saying it's BAM.. you are cured or anything. I am just saying.. take note of your mood as it's happening and sneak in a little positive , kinda like a dash of salt...
eventually , it does build up..
I've been doing this experiment lately to see IF I can notice a difference in how people treat me... (As like you, I have some down days)
anyway.. On days I go out and smile more often and hold my head up high and walk with some pep in my step, I have noticed that people treat me better... they smile back and it's been amazing how the world becomes a warmed place... on the days where I have felt more glum and walk with my head down, on those days I have noticed that my world is not as open and inviting...
again, not saying I am doing cartwheels.. but I do think we do attract certain energy to us..
try my experience at least one day.. see how it goes..
walk out in the world with a bigger smile than usual.... some pep in your step and see if you get different reactions. I think you will and in turn, this may help your mood...
let us know how it goes..

Interesting question, K.. I agree with Amy, Lee and Michelle. As for me, personally, my mantra is "I have nothing to complain about." My mom was the single mom of 3 kids (I am the youngest), and we had very little. But my mom worked hard and sacrificed. When she retired from her housekeeping job with a large hospital, her highest salary was the same amount I started out with with my first full-time job. Yet she instilled a lot in us and we've all gone to college.

Over the years, the lot of us have had set backs and tribulation ranging from divorce, and imprisonment, bankruptcy from divorce, attempted suicide, cancer and other long term health conditions, a child with a debilitating disability, I've raised 2 kids with very little support from my ex, he just lost his job, his family has 14 year old who is under constant suicide watch, we live a hand-to-mouth existence but still, I look around at stuff happening to friends and others in the community, and I think, man! I'm blessed. We're blessed! Life is tough but if I measure it by our overall wellbeing, by all the forms in which abundance manifests itself in our lives, and by the fact that overall, my family is fairly happy and doing relatively okay, then I thank God that I have nothing to complain about.

The fact is that, as bad as I think all my problems are, there are others who don't know where they're sleeping tonight. There are women being stalked by crazy men - or women - there are families sleeping out in the cold and eating from some dumpster. I have nothing to complain about.

There's a school of thought that says the struggles you encounter are manifestations of life issues you come into the physical plane with. And then there's the whole karma and dharma thing. Some people might say that's all foolishness but as a Christian person, having done all the things that the Bible and the Church says to do and still can't catch a break, I think we have to wonder if some of that might not be true. Accept it, look past it, keep your chin up.

I definitely think some people's lives are much harder than others. Some people seem to move from one privileged scenario to another with only mild bumps in the road while others come form hard places and get knocked flat by massive adversity constantly. That said, I think the average is pretty darn difficult. Life is jam packed full of setbacks that seem really big, but until your health has been totally obliterated and your closest loved ones have died unexpectedly, etc, you have to think "It could always be worse" and keep on keepin' on. Good work not being selfish and try to keep the thankful spirit. There are always just as many blessings (or more) to count as bad things.

think footprints ... do you recognize you are being held more than you may realize? I find that when I am having a moment much like the one you are having realizing that I am being held makes it a lot easier and things tend to clear up.

Ex: when your child is upset or resistant to you holding them but you know you have to and once they realize "mommy has me and it's ok" they instantly calm down and often fall asleep ... it's kinda like that.

and we all have simmilar adversity it just comes at different times for others, right now is a fairly smooth patch for me, but not for my in-laws. But what I am calling a smooth patch for me others would not at all be able to handle AT ALL! It's just my everyday.

I am Christian as well. Adversity strengthen us, humbles us, keeps us reminded of the blessings we do have. Also, you pray, repent, fast, give... all of those things you do are wonderful! Many people think it shoudl absolve their problems, but in reality, maybe they are! Maybe you are being protected from other things in life that you have no idea about.

In any case, everyone has adversity. Some are able to bear more than others. I know one girl who was vaguely inappropriately touched as a child by another child and it has ruined her entire life. I know another who is depressed due to her own actions and can't stop making dumb mistakes. I know other people who have lost children and spouses from cancer and have sadness, but still can find joy and meaning in life.

Have you ever read the nienie dialouges? She is a young mother of 4 who was badly burned in a plane crash, and spends her life in grueling pain, but also enjoying the simple pleasures. I watched my own father die a slow and extremely painful death, but he was one of the most happiest and spiritual people I ever met, and after his death, so many people have told me how much he impacted their lives. So, it truly depends on your grace and perspective, and your ability to "endure to the end". Here is nienie's blog:
http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/

It's true, some people have very minor tragedies in life and some people have a life filled with constant heartbreak and difficulty. It isn't based on how good a person is, or how wonderful they are, it's just life. Like Job.

One thing I remind myself in the Bible is, that the Lord promised He would not give us trials that we could not handle. That He can help us, even in our darkest times. Perhaps he is helping you. Look for the blessings in life that you have. Sometimes it's hard, but getting that shift and taking a new route in spite of your hardships can be very rewarding indeed.

Unfortunately, it's pretty normal. Every time I turn around, something else happens. Sometimes I just have to trust that God has a plan for good.

I'm only answering bc you asked how others have fared. And I don't think you were looking for advice on how to handle things given you seem to be very self-aware etc. But from the other perspective, not everyone has these issues. Knock wood, I've been lucky and while I complain more than I should, know it and remind myself often. Reading the below posts are a very good reminder! So this is just one vote in the "not everyone has a lot of adversity" camp - though anything could happen tomorrow that we have to struggle with the rest of our lives. I will say that most of my friends are similarly lucky but the one thing that stands out are friends who overspend and are never prepared for a downturn. I am hyper conservative financially so while I know on one hand I've been incredibly lucky and fortunate, I also give myself a bit of credit for being such a saver that I never wasted money on credit card interest, luxuries (necessities according to some people) etc and that's why I have savings. I hope hearing others' stories makes you feel better though. Your health issues surely are not your fault but just bad luck.

Yes, some people do have things harder due to circumstances or the way they must live their lives. Then there are those that invite a harder life--spending way more then they make, causing debt to pile up; not paying bills, refusing to work, etc. When someone can prevent a problem but refuses to, then they invite it upon them selves. Unfortunately we cannot control everything around us or things impact us without our participation (like a job loss). Wouldn't to be great to control it all?! Whenever my husband and I pay off bills or are ahead enough to be able to do something extra, it seems something always happens to put us back. Something like a car breakdown or house issue etc. Last week my van would not start. Luckily the really cold weather did not hit yet since I had to walk home from the train. It was crisp but not too bad out--2 mile walk home. I almost got hit by 2 different cars though. But I would have beat down those obstacles. I figure if you get an obstacle, beat it down or get rid of it. When you let it block you, it is your won fault.