I am intrigued by your problem because I have had something similar and didn't identify it nearly as early as you. We just accepted our kid's advanced understanding in some areas and pitched things at that level instead of to the level she was at developmentally, and wound up with a kid who had some problems because of that. Part of the problem you describe can be that your super-bright kid is also, at least for now, an only child, and in our case that definitely compounded the problem, because in a three-person family it is much easier to see every family member as equal -- there is less of an obvious hierarchy between parents, who are in charge, and children, who are subordinate. And when a kid is really smart, that can make it psychologically easier to treat them as just another person in the family, and kind of fun to, also. We were definitely treating our daughter more like a peer than we should have from a young age. On some levels this is surely positive. She is confident, poised, and isn't afraid to speak up. But it is also very confusing and scary for a child (I learned) in the same way that a dog is messed up if you don't act like the pack leader -- it perceives a vaccuum and enters into a endless loop of challenging and testing to clarify who is in charge. At least, that definitely happened with our girl. The term that psychologists seem to use for kids to whom this happens is that they are "adultified." A cousin I adore who is a brilliant therapist confronted me about this, sharing how confusing it was for her to have her parents, enchanted by her brains and sophistication, respond to her as a peer and then become upset and confused when she "acted her age." With my kid, what has finally helped me to make sense of the situation is to realize that maturity has lots of parts. While she is ahead of the curve mentally and also physically, with excellent strength and coordination, emotionally and socially she is actually behind the curve and needs attention and support from us to grow. That support includes a routine, which is one very simple, powerful way in which adults are in charge of kids, lots of activities involving doing things with other kids, a dog we've recently gotten that she is helping to train, reading together, and lots of praise for every single thing I can find that she does right. The other thing that helped me was the idea of not talking to her so much, period. This has various pieces -- it means listening to her more and more carefully, trying to better understand how the world looks through her eyes, and it also just means more time spent together doing things that don't need words. Words are the way in which she is most advanced, so being with her quietly is a way of nurturing the other levels. I hope this helps -- a smart child is a wonderful gift, and I've found that a little rebalancing has helped my girl's precociousness not to get in the way of her blossoming at other levels. Good luck!
