Alaways First

I agree it's not an only child issue. I have an only child and know several others and none of them have had this issue, at any age. I like the idea of making him last for a week - sounds like a firm but loving way to make the point and keep him from alienating any more friends!

We have a neighbor and a coworker who both have only children, but you'd never know it.

The parents have been so diligent in overcoming stereotypes (including the coworker who is an only child herself) and have brought-up phenomenally well-rounded kids.

In this case, I think it's a combination of personality and parenting. He may have a strong personality, but it may be that you, as his parents, need to implement some more restrictions on him when he does act like this.

We all have birth order issues to overcome - we all know the stereotypes of only children, middle children, babies of the family. I'm the baby, but you'd never guess because my parents were actually stricter with me and expected more of me than my sisters. It likely made me an overachiever in an effort to garner their affirmation.

Perhaps you can sit down and think about the qualities you want to instill and practively work to make sure they're incorporated into your parenting approach with him while he's still young and impressionable.

You should be commended for recognizing it may be an issue and wanting to take steps to correct it.
Good luck!

No it is not be cause he is an only child, it is because he has not LEARNED to take turns. My sister used to be like this when she was young. Our daughter also had a very good friend (she has a brother)that was like this at this age.

I noticed my sister and this little girl are very competitive. Which is fine, but I think they need to be reminded that being in line is not a sport. Being first to get something or be somewhere is not a sport either.

My sister and this little girl tended to be self absorbed so maybe your son needs to know not everything is all about him.. Gosh knows my sister is still dealing with this and so is my daughters friend..

Model the acceptable behavior. When you all are out and about, allow others to take your place in a line. I do this at the grocery store. If I notice a mom with a child or children, or elderly person pull up behind me, I allow them to check out in front of me,if I have time to allow it. At a restaurant do the same.

If you are at an event, you and your son help serve to others (elderly, moms, young children) before you serve yourselves.

I always taught my daughter to ask a hostess if she could help pass cake slices, pour more iced tea.. We always "allowed ourselves" to go last. This way we had a chance to help our hostess. He will see that there is plenty to go around even if he is the last served.

Dear Jenn,
It may have something to do with being an only child if he is allowed to do everything first at home, but kids who have siblings can act this way too.
Taking turns, having patience and letting someone else go first are all learned behaviors so there is hope.
I really liked Laurie's suggestion of modelling the behavior you'd like to see in him like letting others go ahead of you in line, etc.
Take turns with things at home as well.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be first, but the fact is, we can't all be first all the time and pushing and shoving to be first is not acceptable or nice behavior at all.
I was recently invited to a very upscale restaurant for a business dinner and they kindly invited my son to go. He held the door open for the ladies in our party. His food was brought out first, but he didn't touch it until everyone at the table was served. They could not believe my son's manners.
He wasn't born that way. He was raised by me and his older sister and these were things we taught him at home and in every day life. I taught my kids that if they had a guest over, their guest got to be first. It's just the polite thing to do.
As far as the bus, if I was the bus driver, I'd make him wait for everyone else to get on and I'd make him sit on his fanny until everyone else got off.
Being second or third or even somewhere in the middle wouldn't seem so bad after a few days of that. You might talk to the driver about it and let them know that you'd like to give that tactic a try. That way, he'll realize what shoving to be first on the bus will get him. Dead last! .....until he decides to have a little patience and wait in line just like everybody else.
I'd do the same thing if I was the teacher and he pushed and shoved to be first at everything in class.
It will be things like that that will help him learn that being first all the time isn't the payoff he thinks it is.
He's already lost friends over it. I hate to say it, but one of these days, somebody is going to get fed up with him and shove right back.
He's 7 so this is a good time for him to get the picture before it goes any further.
There's a good and patient boy hiding somewhere in there.

I wish you the best.

Hi Jenn,

No it is not because he is an only child. . My son is also an only child. He never wants to be first..Your son is probably agressive in that way. However to get along socially in this world ,kids and adults as well do not like precocious children or someone that always has to prove they are better or smarter. There is such a thing as being humble at times. Or keeping our sucesses to the family not become a braggert.
You need to teach that kind of stuff to him.
I think it is great that your son is agressive and when used in the classroom or on a job or just helping someone out it will be great. But an overly competitive kid for basic stuff will find him very lonely/

IChildhood and teenage years can be difficult for some kids.

Good luck!

L.

I know numerous only children, and not one of them is pushy or wanting to be first in this wauy. In fact, the only children I know are quite kind. I do know children who are pushy and it's always about "me," and they have siblings. This is not a great way for a 7-year-old to be, of course, and it's only going to get harder for him socially if he does not learn to curtail this. I would seek intervention as soon as possible, though the school or privately. Good luck!

I only have one child, a son, but he's learned he can not always be first. I'm surprised he's not having more trouble at school if he's being so aggressive about being first all the time. Perhaps you can speak with his teacher about it. Tell him he has to take turns like everyone else. You and he can play a game where he holds a door for you so you can go first, and next time you hold a door for him to go first, and so forth. It's part of learning to be a good sport.

My 6 year old is years younger than his sibs, and almost like an only. He had to learn how to play with other kids, share his toys etc. I would work with his teacher too. They know a lot about how to get little ones to play nicely. I found that having his friends over, (and supervising them a little) helped him. You have to do it for him, otherwise it'll get worse and he'll become unpopular, which is heartbreaking for a parent.

Hi, Jenn:

Thanks for asking. There's a book called: :No Room for Bullies" edited by: Jose Bolton, Sr., Ph.D., L.P.C., & Stan Graeve, M.A.
Hope this helps. D.

don't know if it is an only child thing...don't know any only children. But this was happening with my friend's kid in my son's class and she told the teacher to make him LAST for the whole week. This totally put an end to the behavior. I would try it because the kids really do get annoyed when the other kids do this...that is one thing my normally tight-lipped sons will gripe about from school.

Have you talked to him about taking turns and waiting? I was on a tour in England with a bunch of little old ladies (including my grandmother) that did this, and traveling with my in-laws that also do this. It is very embarrassing. I don't think it has to do with only children, and none of these people were only children, but a character trait. My son is only 2, but I am very conscious of this behaviour, and encourage him to wait. I also never reflect this behaviour myself, either. I like the end of the line idea too.

Um, nope! LOL I have 5.5 year old triplets and one of the boys (2b, 1g) is the exact same way. I've been fighting with him to teach him patience and taking turns and so on to no avail. When mine does this I just put him to the back of the line, no matter where he's at. I truly think it's personality trait. I've seen it over the years with boys and girls, from different backgrounds, singleton and sibling situations. All you can do is keep telling them right and wrong and reminding them that you'll all get on the bus. Who cares who's first.

There's also the other extreme where a child will allow everyone else to go first because they don't speak up and are always last. My 14 year old was like that. He didn't want to rock the boat. I think both are equally bad.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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Okay...Here's the problem, He is an only child and when your hte only child it is You are so good at this and you are so good at that which is not bad but the problem comes in when her hears that only referring to himself. Do he have cousins? Or are the Grandparents adding to it too? The reason I say this is My Nephew was the only child for so long (not because lack of trying or not wanting another one) and we was not th e only grandchild but the only grandchild that lived close to the rest of the family. He was always #1 and first at everything. Dad or Mom needs to be first sometimes too and You and your husband need to telleachother how great each of you are in front of him so he does hear it about other people. Good thing now is my Nephew has grown out of it but he does have other sibbling now too. Good luck it is a good thing you tell him how great he is but remember, to much of anyting even a GOOD THING CAN BE A BAD THING!

Choose a number game, with others to learn to be fair with friends.