Almost 17 Month Old Starting to Bite Me When I Pick Him up While Disciplining

I am in no way condemning this or condoning it. I was fortunate that my children never had a biting problem.

There is something different for every child. While all the books give you ways to go about it without hitting, there is one technique that helped a mother I know after she tried EVERYTHING with no luck.

I mean she did everything, her son was biting everyone and everything, he had no emotional issues, she worked with therapists, he just realized thats a great way to get what he wants. He was kicked out of many daycares and even had a lawsui against her from another parent.

In her desperation, she listened to her month-in-law who told her to pop him on the mouth. Not hitting him, do it to yourself first, use your fingertips and pop your own lips sideways to see how it feels. You don't need much pressure at all, but you can feel how it stuns you a tad.

As soon as she tried this, he stopped almost immediately.

He doesn't see it as hitting, because it's not hitting, but a form of "training" (like you would tap a pup on it's snout) a consequence. He didn't want to get "popped" so he stopped biting.

Like I said I'm not saying this is the right method for your son, but I have seen firsthand how it worked. He is now 5 years old and a perfect intelligent little angel

Lots of times the "terrible 2's" start before 24 months old. He's developing cognitively and physically...they also develop more "emotions" at this age and onward.

This "biting" phase will pass. It will go away one day and then onto other phases.

what your son is doing is developmentally normal. You cannot expect him to "know" social skills yet, nor understanding it fully....they are learning. They are also learning "cause & effect" too. ALSO... children do NOT have "full" impulse control yet... FULL impulse control emerges by about 3 years old. Some kids even pinch and push and hit.

Yes, they get "dramatic" at this age, and will continue to do so as they get more into toddler-hood. Learning boundaries now and teaching him 'words" for his emotions is a good idea. "Reward" the positive behaviors instead of focusing all on the "negative" ones. Distraction and putting him in another area is good. Sure, they will get angry etc. At this age, they don't yet know how to do things that they might want to do in their heads. Ideas about things, and the actually doing it...are not coordinated yet...hence, frustration. Their fine and gross motor skills are still developing and getting more active too. ALL of these things are happening at the SAME time. It's a lot for a child to figure out. It's developmental based.

Any Parent, would know that this is what young children go through. Meltdowns cannot always be avoided...but, if a child is tired they get more fussy. If a child is hungry, they get more fussy. Make sure he gets his needed naps and sleep. Make sure he does not get "over-stimulated" either... over stimulated children get more fussy. Do not "push" him to act older than he is. This will only lead to frustration for him and you. All "corrections" of behavior should be age appropriate. At this age, redirection, distraction, is used. Also, when he does something offending... kneel down to his level, use your "voice" and tone... say gently and firmly (without yelling or shrieking) "no. no hitting", take his hand in yours... and take his hand away.

Kids learn by repetition as well. Some quicker than others. It may take 100's of times before you get a result. Do not expect him to "behave" in one warning. He is still just 17 months old. Certainly, don't swat him back. This will just get him angry. You don't want to nurture "anger" in a child.

Perhaps give him something to chew on.... or to "hit" when he is frustrated. REPLACE the object.

Your son seems very spirited. Boys are more kinesthetic...they learn differently from girls. Here are some links:
http://www.earlychildhoodnews.com/earlychildhood/article_...
Boys are more physical as well. There is also a book called "Raising Boys" and "Raising Cain". You can get it at www.Amazon.com

But your son is going through the normal developmental phases. There will be LOTS of other phases too, as he gets more in the 2's... also, the "terrible 2's" does not end at 2 years old... There are also the "terrible 3's and 4's" and then hopefully by 5 yrs. old it starts to wind down.

Everyday, and every week, there will be progress or not, because a child's behavior is not static, it changes all the time and learning "proper" behavior is ongoing. Any little thing can set them off.

"Knowing" what triggers your child to tantrum... will be great. Then you can help him to navigate through things or avoid the triggers.

As he gets more older, it's good to teach a child "problem solving" skills. They will also go through "control" phases where they tantrum because they are learning "self" and want to control things and be more independent. Your son is going through this now apparently. It's normal. He is also exploring the world... this is how they learn.

It's not easy, and it will be an ongoing thing. Head's up. Kids this age also do not know how to "play" properly sometimes... the will parallel play or interact with other kids in ways that are not to our liking.. hitting,pinching etc. Just keep reinforcing what is "no" and what is a "high five" behavior.

The tantrum phase and physicality of it all is just beginning.
All Mom's go through this. ANY parent would know this....so don't feel embarrassed if your child does this. All parents can relate.

Kids this age are just learning about socialization and "emotions." Teach him the words for it...teach him baby sign language... it helps them to "communicate." It's never too early to start. I did this with both my kids. By the time my girl was 2 years old.. she could say what emotion she was feeling. It helps to give them "tools" to communicate and how to manage things. Sometimes, what can deflate a tantrum is just giving them lots of hugs and love. When my kids melt-down.. I will just put them in my lap, hug & kiss them lots, and giggle with them and they quickly get distracted and it gets rid of their frustration.

Oh, sometimes, when they tantrum and/or flail themselves on the ground... no reaction is sometimes the best reaction. I don't mean "ignore" him...but show him that acting this way is not always going to get him "soothed." With some kids, the minute they have a tantrum, a treat or goody gets given to them... soon, this will become a "habit" and the child will come to "expect" this reaction. (ie: cause & effect). Thus, they may tantrum just to get their way to get a "treat" given to them and become upset when it does not happen. Instead, distract them with something else, or just a verbal reinforcement.

Well good luck and take care. Just sharing some ideas. Hope it helps,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

Hi,
Empathize with him "I know you are frustrated" "I know you would like to play in the drawers etc." and firmly say "Biting hurts and you may not bite me". Follow up with "What can we do to fix this?" then offer suggestions. Maybe give him a drawer or cupboard in the kitchen he can be in.
Often children bite or hit because they do not know what else to do. Offer suggestions and model words he can use.
Many times we get so busy keeping them safe by telling them what they can not do we forget to give them options for what they can do.
This will be a process do not grow weary and do not ever give in to the idea of biting him back. This sends a very mixed message with no good outcome.
There is hope my son went through the same thing.

What I had to do with our son was to bite him back. Of course not as hard or leaving marks but enough for him to understand that he was hurting me. He didn't understand that he was hurting me but acting out on his own frustrations and I had to do the same with hair pulling. At this young of an age they don't think beyond themselves or their own feelings so they don't realize that what they are doing effects others. In my experience it worked because he stopped and no matter how frustrated he gets he doesn't bite or pull hair anymore and verbalizes his frustration. All kids are different but I hope this helps.

what we did with my nephew who also did the biting thing at your sons age was we statred with the 2 finger pop in the mouth. once that started not to phase and he bit me again i would pop him in the mouth take his had and nip (not forcefully bite) his finger tip (lots of nerve ending and it hurts with very little effort) and i would tell him "see it hurts when you bite". i know that seems a little blunt and out there to do to your baby but it may work and it may not its up to you to try. i do respect the fact you are trying a gentiler way to manage your sn. good luck!

Hi D., Luckily I haven't really had the biting problem, yet anyway. My daughter did go through a phase where she was hitting me (out of frustration, like your son). Her pediatrcian told me when she hit me to get up and leave the room. Don't talk to her, reason with her, touch her, nothing..........get up and leave and close the door. Wait a couple of minutes (or until the child has stopped screaming if that happens) and then go back & say something like "you need to be nice to Mommy", hug him & move on. Obviously, you can't do this at the park but try it out and home & see if it works. The theory is that he should start to catch on that if he's not nice to you, you leave the room & he that is probably not the reaction that he wants. It has worked pretty darn good with my daughter with the temper tantrums and hitting. She rarely hits anymore & her tantrums are a lot less frequent than they were. Good luck

Hi D.! Looks like there's LOTS of different opinions on this! The pop in the mouth one will probably get the quickest results. At certain ages teaching or training kids are very much like training a pet. They understand instant results to their actions. As they get older, their reasoning becomes more sophisticated and other approaches can be effective.

My son was a BIG tantrum thrower too and the best advice I got was the thigh squeeze. Works GREAT when shopping and they're sitting in the cart. When Nate would start throwing one of his fits, I'd grab a handful of the back of his thigh and start to squeeze just until it got his attention and he stiffened up. His body instinctively understood that if I squeezed harder it was going to hurt. Then I'd lean in and tell him that I would let go when he stopped screaming. Once the deal was made - I let go and he was under control. It made being out in public SOOO much easier!!

At home when he'd throw his fit, I'd just put him in his room and tell him he could come out when he was done. I did this more for MY sanity than for his!

But the key to all of this is consistancy. Whichever approach you use - be consistant with it.

Good luck!
J. J