Am I a Bad Mom or Are My Kids' Normal, Healthy, Rambunctious Boys?

It's normal in the sense that all kids will act that way if they do it and don't get a consequence. While I understand sometimes you get them a snack or something to appease them doing this all the time gives them the impression that they can act anyway they want, and still be rewarded for it.

When they act up in a store, take them out IMMEDIATELY. And when they get home, punish them. It should not to be much to ask for them to behave in a store so that you can get something done. They have you wrapped and they know it.

Believe me, I know how hard it is, because my son at 3 years old is like this. But when he pulls stunts like that, he gets NOTHING. And when we get home, he gets a time out in his room. And to top it off, if he really ticked me off, he won't get anything for a few trips and I tell him why. "Only boys who listen to mommy and behave get treats" Yes I've dragged him out of the store screaming and kicking, but it's no less embarassing then him running around like a maniac!

I have two boys that are now 8 and 12. They are really well-behaved in stores and they always have been. Here is my secret. I have no idea!!!! It isn't like my boys are angels at home...but in a store, they behave. What I mean is that they have always been that way in public or at another person's house and I had very little to do with it.

You are not a bad mom. I have seen moms in stores doing their darndest to keep the kids in line and sometimes it is just impossible. I think some kids just go nuts in stores, especially when they are younger. My only suggestion is that you not give rewards before you visit the store but instead that you make them earn the rewards.

Good luck...and remember, you are not a bad mom.

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Well your boys would be shocked if I was their mom.. I never reward for good behavior when doing any shopping, because they should just behave on their own.

Always give them the heads up on what will be going on for the day. Next tell them exactly what you expect the behaviors to be.

"We always use inside voices." "We never wrestle inside." We never run inside." "We look with our eyes not with our hands." " We keep 1 hand on the cart." or "We stay 3 steps together."

I also made sure our daughter had her own snack and drink from home, because "we do not by treats or snacks when shopping".

Before you go shopping, if there is any way to let them run and play outside to let out some steam, it will help them not have so much of that extra energy.

In the car ask them, "how are you supposed to act in the store?"

Before you get out of the car once again remind them the rules of behavior when inside the store.

If they begin wrestling, you take both of them by the hand and leave. When you get home they go into time out. Afterwards have a discussion about how disappointed you were at the (specific) behaviors. Let them know this has caused you to have to go back to the store, which means instead for going swimming, bike riding (whatever they enjoy) you will all be going back to the store during their play time..

Be consistent in your expectations and they will learn you are not just threatening. Also do not be afraid to just take their hands and leave..

Sounds like they are waiting to be bribed to behave... running in and out of the watch store b/c you didn't give them gumball change? They haven't learned how to behave b/c it's right. Your expectations are spot on, they should be able to behave within reason. Figure out consequences for them. Like at target, etc there are carts. Before you go in the store tell the rules (in the car or whereever) no yelling, no running, whatever your rules are and tell them if they don't listen and misbehave they go in the cart on the 3rd count, and follow through.

You have to stop bribing them for good behavior. They should behave b/c that is the right thing to do. They sound like they aren't really held accountable. I know you said you have consequences, but it has to be every time and I think you should cold turkey the bribes and cut them off. Start with trips on less busy days to stores with carts (like target) where you won't be too embarrassed when they throw a tantrum. If they do tell them "you can calm down and breathe or we can go in the car until you calm down, you decide". Bring a snack and maybe a toy or two from home and that can be their entertainment. You aren't a bad mom by any means so don't beat yourself up.

Honestly, I see a few issues. #1. Your expectation of them in the store needs to be WAY higher. They are fully capable of going on a trip with you to a dept store, cosco, or another venue and acting polite and well-behaved.

2. You need to tell them what is expected of them and what will happen if they don't listen to you. (wrestling on the floor in the store is never ok-for even a min. it will escalate--it always does!)

3. Don't give them the treats before hand or the toys beforehand. Make them earn it by good behavior in the store.

Be firm and consistent and they will change. You are to nice about it---raise your expectations and don't let them act this way. They will get the picture that you are serious once you do the things above. GL

M

Sounds to me like you are a lenient mom. If my kids acted like that they probably wouldn't be able to walk the next day. But seriously, how would you like it if you went into a dept store by yourself, and another shoppers kids were acting like that at the jewelry counter where you were? My sister always treats her kids with donuts, Starbucks, Quicktrip, whatever. I think it breeds bad behavior to make sure your kid has a treat, or a dollar toy, in the middle of all of this. You are rewarding BAD BEHAVIOR too. Boys are rambunctious a lot of times, I have boys too, but I would never let them act like that in ANY store.

Please find a way to control your boys in a store. I work in the type of store you vist and we cringe when you come to our store . Running ,fighting, touching everything in sight is never acceptable behavior. You not only make our job harder.It makes the other customers shopping less pleasureable if they have to always be on the look out for a child on the floor or running or hiding in the clothes. It is good manners when in public you show consideration for the people around you and the employees of the store.( And you wonder why the sales person is less than friendly to you.)

I have four kids and they would never think to behave like this. Why? Because if they acted like in a store, I would have apologized to the person trying to help me, told them I'd be back tomorrow grabbed my kids by the wrist and hauled them out of the store. We would have gone straight home and they would have gone into time out. I'm also not above swatting their butts in a store if the behavior warrants it (which the wrestling in the store does).

I've encountered mothers like you in the store who had two kids who were wrestling on the floor and she was shopping like it wasn't a big deal. I've also been kicked by one of these kids...and the mother didn't do anything because she was shopping and at least her kid was out of her hair for the time being. The last time I got kicked and said something to the kid (just "Ouch! You kicked me!") and the mother didn't say anything, I got down on my knees to the kids eye level and said "It's not polite to wrestle in the store like that. You could hurt your brother or other people." Yeah, probably not the most popular thing, but sometimes it takes a village.

I agree with some of the others. Next time you go to the store, don't give them a reward. You reward outstanding things...not expected behavior. Your kids haven't earned toys, they certainly didn't earn the fries you gave them and you need to teach them that they are expected to behave in the store. If they don't, then they get in serious trouble. If they do, then they get to see the light of day tomorrow.

I'm sorry if this harsh, but I'm so sick of seeing kids running around in the store, acting like little brats and the mom acting like what can you do? I have four kids, and they wouldn't think to act like this.

I don't know what you all consider normal, but that would have made me crazy. I don't allow running or wrestling on shopping trips. I also would have been furious if they didn't listen to me or were running in and out of a store. Nobody earned any fries in my opinion. Next time tell them the behavior that you expect before interring the store and tell them what the consequence for misbehavior. I don't buy any toys for any trip. Toys are for Christmas and birthdays only. I don't bribe with food either. I do on occasion get them a treat but it is not on a regular basis. I expect my four to behave and if they don't I make sure they remember the next time. We also have practice sessions on expected behavior.

No sugar coating but that kind of behavior from kids makes me cringe and look at the mother like she has lost her mind. I'm the mom that when I get to the cashier tell him/her how sorry I am they have to deal with those kinds of kids. I can't stand when people let their kids behave like that then reward them with toys and treats. You have set the kids behavior yourself by letting them have treats and toys even when they act horrible.
Before you think I'm not a mom,I will tell you at any given moment I have 2 to 3 boys in tow. They are now 15,10 and 9. The youngest is my nephew that I watch. I would have never allowed that kind of behavior while out shopping even if I was out running errands for 3 or 4 hours. Not to brag but cashiers,other parents and so on have given my kids rewards for behaving in stores..even as young as 2 yrs old. You can have well behaved children and enjoy your errands if you work at it. Now I will say I have had a few errands cut very short due to bad behavior but once they realized I meant business that stopped.
You need to set the standard NOW!. If they are running in a store you stop them right there...leave the cart if you have to and take them to the car. You tell them you are going home and they will go to time out at home. No toys or treats. If they say they will behave then try going back in the store. If the behavior continues after that first trip to the car well go back to the car and go home and do the time out. Again no treats/toys. If that doesnt work for you then try this. If they are running in a store stop them right there and no one moves til they are behaving right. It will slow down your errand but eventually they will learn to behave the proper way. You can also make them each hang onto the cart and they aren't allowed to let go til you tell them too. One on each side so they can't run around or stir each other up. If they let go then they dont get any treats.

I have 3 kids and there are no bribes at the store, there is no McDonalds for good behavior. They are expected to behave and let me get my business done. If not then when we get home, since they wasted my time they will then have to help me make up that time with helping with more than their normal chores. I occasionally have problems with the sceaming, out of control shopping trip but not too often and most of the time I could have seen it coming. My parent would never have accepted us as children doing anything but solid behavior. It would be a rough changeover from how it is now but you would definitely make your point as long as you are consistent with your reactions or lack thereof for their behavior. Instead of trying to reign them in with stuff, try to reign them in with expectation and understood consequences. Good luck, it's hard work raising these little humans into functioning non-whining adults who are happy, self sufficient and greatful they had you as parents.

At one point I had a 6, 5, 3 and 1 year old in my house. I could take them anywhere and everywhere. I taught them to obey me in the house first. Before we go out I would let them know my expectations of them, the possible punishments and possible rewards. I shouldn't ever have to buy them anything when we go out to get them to behave. With that said, I also understand that boys are very different than girls and need opportunities to run and jump and play. So I would build that into our shopping experience. I would tell them they can run down the street but must stop at the garbage can or stop sign or light pole. This way they could get it out of their system before we get back into the store. I would also let them run back to the car if it was parked at the curb. I would praise them for doing well and discipline them immediately when they didn't get it right.

When my family size had increased to six kids 9 and under, I could take them every where and any where and they would always get such great compliments because they were always quiet and well behaved children but that took a lot of work at home. That home work for me just extended itself to the world around us at large.

Your expectations are not too high for your boys you may need to do some retraining of them to get your desired results. Talk to them and work with them. They are learning too and we all learn more from our mistakes verses our triumphs along the way.

It's not asking too much for kids to behave.
Even boys. Even at this age.
They acted up because they couldn't have gumballs but then you took them to McDonald's so you could go to a department store.
There is the flaw in your plan.

No gumballs. No McDonald's. No fries. No NOTHING until the errands are done and they have behaved the whole time. No wrestling on the floor, no running around like maniacs. No treats when they blow it, period.
Let's face it, if they are going to be rambunctious anyway and you are trying to stop that behavior, why would you even consider making a stop they want to make during the day or on the way home?
Naughty does not equal rewards and you can't reward a kid FIRST. It's not working.
It's not "I'll buy you something SO you will be quiet".
I spent the day in the ER waiting for hours and was right by two little girls who sat the whole time by their dad. They never once ran around or were at the drinking fountain or were fighting with each other.
I was very impressed.
There's nothing more boring that waiting a long time in the emergency room waiting area and they might have killed each other once they got home for all I know, but they sat so patiently.
Your boys will get the hang of it, but you have to be firm and let them know what type of behavior is expected of them in public. And, they also don't need a treat every time they behave.
If you have errands or business to take care of, there is nothing that says they have to have a treat for behaving as they should.
I'm a single mother, I couldn't afford to buy my kids something every time we had to go somewhere. You don't want to start that habit of expectation.
The expectation is they behave.
It's not expecting too much under normal everyday circumstances.

Just my opinion.

Best wishes.

This is totally normal. Not OK, but normal. I find that kids usually escalate things little by little from trip to trip until you're like WOAH WHAT??! I have always nipped the first signs of wrong behavior firmly (as best I can) on trips since toddlerhood since I take them everywhere while my husband travels A LOT for work, and my kids have always behaved well because of it, BUT there were times, when I was recovering from pregnancies and exhausted, and overspent for any number of reasons where I sort of "slacked", especially when they were good for long stretches, then I'd sort of "not notice" when things were getting shaky, it was taking me "more warnings" to be heard etc.

Finally one trip to the mall ended up with them running around a store completely not responding to me. I calmly dropped my place in line, took them out of the store, DISCIPLINED THEM FIRMLY and calmly in the little hallway outside the restroom with the explanation that it was because they were acting wrongly, running around, ignoring my warnings, etc ALL OF WHICH THEY KNEW. Then I said we were going BACK to the store to pay for my item. They could either A) stand quietly with me and we would go to Subway for a treat afterwords as agreed, or B) They could keep being banshees and we would be right back there for more stung butts, and then we'd try AGAIN. Needless to say, they opted to behave and stood in the line and we had a great time at Subway, and we haven't had anymore public incidents. That was over a year ago, and I still take them everywhere. But thereafter I nipped things as they STARTED, and they always believed the warnings. They're now 3 and 5.

For boys especially you need to come down like a ton of bricks calmly when behavior STARTS, or it will escalate. And it takes consistency. For me, when your boys started to progress to being more rambunctious and ATTEMPTED to run out of the store and ask for gumballs more than once, they would have gotten their last firm warning to pipe down or it would be bathroom city. Same at McDonalds, they were already warned not to run, and they would have gotten one quiet warning and either A)bathroom city and back again to behave or B) instant leaving and no McDonalds AND a consequence in the car for causing yo to leave, calmly administered, long before they tried to wrestle on the floor. This way the NEXT time you were out, warning them in advance would mean something.

It's really hard to drop everything right away and deliver a calm, FIRM consequence when they don't listen to your first warning, but once they know you absolutely will, you'll never have to. Now that my kids know the rules and act generally excellent, I can give a few more warnings before the "for real tone" and things don't get out of hand, but I had to be very firm when they were younger.

I know several friends who don't agree with being as firm as me, and they also don't take their kids many places because they're super hyper and out of control. But the firm moms I know can take their boys out, so you have to find what works and stick to it if you don't want to leave them home until they're older. But as for normal? Yup. You've got some little men with their testosterone firmly in tact.

No, my boys did not behave like that.
I told them the expectation before we went anywhere. Sometimes, I would tell them they would get a treat if they met the expectations, but not always. I think random reinforcement works best.
I even took them on some business appointments when they were your sons ages and they would stay in the doctor's waiting room. I would get compliments on their behavior. They were much more likely to misbehave at home.
You are not a bad mom! But you will be doing them ( and their teachers! ) favor to get control of this before they are in school.

I don't think you are a bad mom, I just think you need to structure your outings better. I wouldn't give them anything until all of the errands are completed, and they behaved well during the trip. Only then would I give them a treat. If not, no treat.

I also wouldn't let them run around, wrestle, or anything that would distrupt or make a scene at a store. If that happened, I would have immediately taken them home, and consequences would have been given.

If you set the way, things will change.

Just from what you said in your post (and there could be a zillion other things that might affect our responses, but we don't know them---you only really talked about this one trip)... it sounds like you don't exactly hold them responsible. I mean, yes, you put the older one in time out in the car seat, but then you drove through McDonald's for fries before going off to another store. From the start of your post, it sounds as if you bribe them to behave... dollar store toys and scones? I'm not totally against bribing kids. But if you do it too frequently, it becomes an expectation, not a bribe, and it works against you---like the gumball machine. You also said they basically never listen to you.. and went on to admit that you let them wrestle in the floor at the dept store so you could continue shopping the fashion jewelry. This after the running and out of the watch repair place. They know there are no real consequences....

I think you need to change your expectations for your boys, and inform them of it. I have always made it a point to tell my kids (sometimes before we left home,too), always in the car before getting out in the parking lot, exactly what behavior I expect of them and what I will NOT allow. When they were younger (like your 4 year old) I would get them a cookie at the deli/bakery at the grocery store to eat---if they had shown patience and good behavior--while waiting in the checkout line to pay for the groceries. But not until the END of the shopping... it was an incentive that was easily taken away.

In department stores, they had a difficult time not getting distracted by all the rounders of clothing that were ideal for hiding in, but a few swift corrections-reminding them that it was DANGEROUS-(some aren't stable, AND me not being able to find them) usually got them to straighten up. Then they would go back to their favorite past time--picking up all the stick/straight pins off the floor/carpeting and bringing them to me (we give them to the clerk at the end). If they were beyond doing this, we left.
I also learned, that I can't "shop" with the kids with me. I can buy things, yes. I cannot "browse/shop" anything. If they did not behave (in Target for example) they would have to sit inside the cart. Or I'd get the Kid Kart and make them sit strapped in. They didn't like it, but too bad. They'd get a warning, and then in they went. OR, I'd offer to let them sit in it from the get-go and buy a "kiddie" popcorn to share while I shopped. They had to be sitting and strapped to eat popcorn.

So, no, it is not too much to expect (if you mean to teach them to behave type of expectations, but it won't just magically happen), but you also need to use some reason. You can't do 20-30 minutes of shopping in one place, followed by 5 min in the car, french fries and then 20-30 minutes in another place, followed by ___ etc. And you can't let much of that 20-30 minutes involve you standing on one place--like browsing jewelry. You'll probably need to save those kinds of trips for when you are solo, or they are much older (maybe never, as even husbands get bored shopping clothes/jewelry with us gals). When you can, involve them in the shopping itself: explain how you are comparing prices/costs. Ask them if they remember what is on the aisle with the peanut butter, or who can spot the brand of ketchup you are looking for first. Have your older one carry your list and mark items off.
It also matters if they have had lunch or are overtired from anything (like picked up from school with a stop at the store on the way home).

And if you can go with just one child at a time, that can help a lot. You can establish your expectations and hold them accountable (or praise them for a job well done!!) to set a pattern of behavior for the next trip... Then as they learn exactly how to behave when it is just the two of you, it can carry over to other trips with both of them. You can even tell your 6 yr old how it helps you for him to model good behavior for his little brother! :)

I agree with the others who suggested that you cannot give them the treats first. You have to give them something to work towards.

When I need to go to the mall, I make it clear to my boys that I MUST get my shopping done first, and if they are good while I am getting the things I need to buy, we will go to the play area (or ride the little train, or whatever your particular mall has) so the can have their special "mall fun." If they do not behave as I have asked them to, without exception, we leave as soon as I finished my quest and go right home.

My boys are also very rambunctious, but I give them plenty of opportunities every day to use their energy, so I expect reasonably tame behavior when we have to get errands done.

Expectations
Discipline
Consequences

You boys are out of control - children of that age can behave in public if you teach them how to.

Stop the bribes - they are not working.
Start the discipline.

Good Luck
God Bless

There's a time and place for playing like that - a store or restaurant or parking lot are not the correct places.
I use to have to tell my son "This is a place of business - not a playground or Chuck E Cheese. Behave yourself and we'll visit the playground afterward. If you can't behave we'll go straight home.".
Once or twice of going straight home was enough to prove I was not kidding about the consequences I laid out.
The message I got across was 'Work with me and life can be sweet. Fight against me and life will be a lot less fun.'.
When they choose to listen to you, things can work out well - if they choose not to listen to you the consequences of that choice will not be pleasant.
You need to establish that you are the one in charge and you will not tolerate being ignored.
I'd put a stop to buying them a toy and/or food/snack every trip.
Where's the incentive to behave when they've already been rewarded?
Feed them before you go - no snacks during - MAYBE, once in a great while a small treat afterward if they behaved very well and then tell them how proud they made you feel.
Let them know it's possible to earn it, and also let them know immediately when they've lost it when they get out of line.
Don't continuously warn them over and over and over again.
You never beg them to behave - you demand it and settle for nothing less.
Warn them once, maybe twice - third time - that's it.
By teaching them how to behave and what to expect they'll be much better off in school and everywhere else and you'll feel good about being a great parent.
Allowing them to run wild, be rambunctious - when ever they want, where ever they are - is not doing them any favors.

You are bribing you kids to behave and when they don't get what they want they don't listen. Stop bribing them and punish them when they don't behave. My kids are not perfect and we operate under the policy of "Bad behavior gets punished and good behavior may be rewarded". I have girls, but I have family and friends with boys who are well behaved and don't run amuck in public. I also have family and friends with kids who are not well behaved and do run amuck, can't say that I enjoy spending time with them.

***I read your update and wanted to "Great job!". It sounds like you are on then right track.
And "NO" you expectations are not too high. You sound like a good mom and I'm sure you will find a solution that works, just be persistent.

Before we head out for ANYTHING with my 6 & 4 yr olds, we tell them "Make Mommy/Daddy proud". And when they do, we shower them with positive feedback and kisses.

Like any child who can understand directions - regardless of gender - they have the choice to listen or to not listen. As a parent you need to be more strict about when they make the choice NOT to listen. You bribe them for good behavior when they should be on good behavior simply because you told them that is what you expect from them. Has NOTHING to do with them being boys - unless you are saying/expecting boys are more stupid and incapable of listening and following directions than girls are...

You need to stop bribing them, be more clear in your expectations and have more harsh punishments when they choose the wrong choice.

Are they in school yet? Because when they are, then yes, they will be expected to sit still and pay attention and listen for more than 5 minutes. I don't think having them behave themselves for 20 to 30 minutes in a store is asking too much but it seems you still allow them to get away with too much running around rather than expecting them to stay by you. My stepsons were 5 and 6 when I met their dad and I can tell you, they would never behave in such a manner in a store. Neither their mom or dad would tolerate it. There is no reason for them to be "wrestling" on the floor in a store - they are not wild animals, they need to be able to control themselves. What if they were running around and knocked into someone or somebody got hurt because of their behavior? What if something got broken or knocked over? I think if you are going to be taking them shopping with you, you need to be very clear at the beginning how they are to behave - they are to stay by you, and keep their hands to themselves. No running, no wrestling, no horseplay. It might help if you can take them somewhere first where they can burn off some energy and get the ya-yas out, but after that they need to keep it in check. I don't think you are a "bad mom" but I do think, from the sounds of it, you are letting them get away with too much when it comes to their behavior in public.

But...there isn't consequences in the specific situations you're talking about. (And, NO...of course, you're not a bad mom!!) They get toys and treats, and don't get taken away from the store when they run around or misbehave. I think the appropriate thing to do, would to not give them things for no reason. (Or in an effort to get them to behave. They get things periodically FOR behaving, not so they will.) Also, if they act up...just leave. I know that sounds like a huge pain, but it works. I have done that with my 2 year old, and it only took a few times before he got it. And, when is it ever acceptable for children to wrestle on the floor of a place of business? I actually feel like you are letting them get away with quite a lot. I don't doubt that you discipline your children, as a general rule. However, they really aren't receiving any discipline or consequences while they are misbehaving in public. That's why they behave this way.

This is why I put my boys in a stroller when to I go places like to mall, they too are very rambunctious. My kids are about the same age, 5 and 3. The more you take them out and expose them to trips, the better they will learn to behave. Try and play little games, like eye spy when you are shopping, quiz them about numbers and the alphabet, keep their minds occupied. Give them an out, I usually take them ot a play aarea for a while to get their energy out for a bit. Sometimes it's a total nightmare, but you just have to keep on them and keep giving them options. Let them know before you get into the store what expectations you have and what is and is not appropriate. When they get out of line, ask them, "Do you remember the rules? What should you be doing instead?" Also, be sure to catch them being good and reward positive behavior, (not by bribes, but my statements such as, "You boys are behaving so well, that pleases me, thank you. We are going to have lot of fun if you keep this up.". It will surprise them and they will yearn to please.

It's natural for children that young to be a bit rambunctious, however, how the kids act outside of the home is still the responsibility of the parent... and, in my opinion, it's never acceptable for children to be sitting, laying or rolling/wrestling on the floor.

Plus, in my opinion, you are rewarding their behavior. Fries after the jewelry store and dollar toys... these are rewards. Sure you gave the oldest a time-out, but then you gave him fries thus saying "it doesn't matter how you act because even if I say I'm going to punish you I'm still going to give you something fun/yummy."

I have 3 kids, ages 8, 5 and 4... and before we go out I tell them my expectation of their behavior... I literally spell it out. "I expect you to walk with me across the parking lot, I expect you to walk in the store..." Then when we get there, I once again repeat my expectations... I also tell them that if they behave well then they can have a couple of cookies when we get home... no dollar toys, no stopping for fries... I don't want them to learn that I am going to buy them something each time we go out. Maybe it's not cookies, maybe we'll bake a cake, play the Kinect for 30 minutes, maybe I'll read a fun book or we'll do some scrapbooking... something that we don't normally do. I am very consistent with this... I do this every trip. Even quick trips. EVERY trip. Yeah, my 8YO rolls her eyes 'cause she's heard it far more than the 5YO and 4YO has, but she behaves.

And when we're in the store/place of business, I am not above swatting their little bahonkas once (and only once- this is, of course, my personal decision. I know there are many women/parents who choose not to swat)... and I've even had an almost full cart, take it to a store associate and apologize to them but explain I had to leave. Yes, I will stop and drop everything to take my kids home so they can sit in their rooms for X minutes... then not have certain privileges the remainder of the day. So not only is "If you don't stop we're going home" a threat, the kids know it WILL happen.

And I'm not saying that my kids DON'T run around a little bit, they're not perfect... But they generally know their limits.

My boys are also 6 & 4, and we successfully navigated a 1 1/2 hour shopping trip last week. My trick I admit is bribery, but the bribe comes AFTER they have behaved well during the shopping. For us, it was a trip to the dollar store after we shopped IF they behaved well. It works wonders if you put the reward after the good behavior. Also, in a jewelry store, I try to involve them in the shopping. "Show me what you like in the display cases...Pick your favorite ring, necklace, etc... Which one do you think Mommy should buy?"

If you make your expectations known, and follow through with consequences (whether good or bad), your boys should be able to do this. I will admit that there have been times when my boys were unable to handle shopping, and that is when I give up and go home (and no reward is given).

I carry healthy snacks in my purse to keep them busy, raisins cheerios, they do not expect to get a treat. so they do not freak out about not getting a treat. Shoping trips can be boring, how can we keep them entertained? carry a small notebook and put a check mark for every red item they see? carry a small electronic game? action figures? "walk man type music player?
If they are acting that badly in the store bend down and get in their faces one at a time and talk in a very quiet Very strict voice. If they have a tv in their room threaten to take it out. or Threaten to take the video console out of the living room. Then follow through if they do not shape up!! keep it out for two weeks.

It's because they expect something when you go shopping with them dollar toys, special food (bagels or scones) French fries, etc they didn't get a gum ball so they acted up. My kids know when we go shopping they aren't getting anything. They each get to pick out a fruit and a yogurt flavor. My kids would have to be having a really off day to act up like that. They hold hands and walk right next to me in the store, use their manners, and walk.

Practice makes perfect!! Try again and you try to be relaxed and in control they will feed off you!! Good luck and have fun!!! I love shopping with my kids, I have learned if Im relaxed and in a playful mood they are too!!! Ask them questions,play I spy, have a good time xoxo

Try telling them they'll get their "reward" AFTER you've (or half way) through your errands not before. And if they really behave badly stick to your guns and not get them anything. I still struggle w my boys 11,10 and a girl who thinks Shes a boy as well! Good luck!:-)

Sorry if I chuckle while reading your post.

You are not a bad mom, and your boys are normal, rambunctious boys. Since my kids were just like that, here's my take:

Your kids will not turn out to be demons because they were undisciplined in stores. Mine didn't. Quite the reverse. And my kids were the ones wrestling on the floor, just like yours, while other shoppers probably looked on, horrified.

HOWEVER, allowing this behavior makes every outing more stressful than it needs to be, so in hindsight I would have stiffer consequences for such behavior, just to make my life (and the life of fellow shoppers) more pleasant. A time out in the car probably doesn't mean much to them.

Sounds like they need to do it in much shorter visits and "learn" how to do it. If they really haven't been exposed to the masses then they need some practice time and learning to be able to accomplish it.

For example:
A friend of mine had lots of kids, she had more after she moved away so I think maybe 7? Anyway, the point of my story is this...in our sacrament meeting everyone is expected to sit quietly while the bread and water are passed and the whole routing is finished. She and her husband would start the kids early and have them practice at home sitting on a little stool for a couple of minutes and work up to sitting quietly for 15 minutes. She had the best behaved children I had ever met. The point again is, they planned ahead and practiced the behavior that was expected of them.

Perhaps going to the mall is a bit much for all 3 at first and taking some to a babysitter and the other one get to do something special, like stopping to get frozen yogurt, could be some special time for them.

Practice makes perfect. Learning how to behave at a store is no different than learning good table manners. Would you allow them to stuff their mouths full of food and talk? Of course not because you want them to know how to behave at the table and I am sure you remind them often. So remind them often to behave at a store. There is nothing wrong with telling your child to find a piece of floor and sit on and don't move until I tell you and if you move this will take longer and you won't get home in time to ....

To me they should be expected to behave in a store, my kids did.

And please don't give them greasy or sticky food then take them to a store. Would you want to buy and new piece of clothing with grease on it?
When I worked in retail I could not believe how many parents would give their kids an ice cream cone then go shopping in the mens suits or better dresses department and we would find ice cream or other foods all over the clothes.

I have the same problem as well with my five year-old and almost three year-old. We were at Best Buy and for the many times I asked them to stop running and raising their voices, the trip ended with my younger one running into a table. He slammed right into it and just barely missed his eye. I dread taking them anywhere where I have to focus on purchases that are not for them. Would love to hear other mom's advice to keep them in line and safe.

Hi, Diana -
I don't think it has anything to do with being boys, and I don't think it has necessarily to do with your parenting. I have three girls, and over the years, I have just learned what they are and are not capable of. I know, like I know my name, that my girls 7, 4, 4 would not be capable of behaving like quiet little ladies in a department store while I shopped for jewelry. I'm not certain my husband could withstand this test. Don't beat yourself up, just accept that children don't accept boredom very well, and limit your outings with them to those that you are confident they can handle. Good luck!

Yep - sounds like my shopping trips. I plan to get in, get out as fast as possible. Walmart is doable, because I can corral them in a cart, JC penney, is not. They don't have carts, and my 3 year old runs off and hides in the clothes. I pretty much wait until I am on my own, to do department stores - although KOHLs has corral carts, so I do go there.
Honestly the wrestling on the floor, would have got them a spanking, but I do feel your pain - I have very very very (x###-###-####) active kids - some mothers are lucky (?) and have the sit in the stroller mouth open catching flies type of kids - but mine, and yours are the majority.
I think someone could make oodles of cash if they had a big childcare bus outside department stores and grocery stores, so we could get our shopping done in peace.

I recently responded to one of your other questions and felt obligated to answer this one too because I have 2 boys exactly 2 years apart and totally feel for you. My older one has ADHD and it has taken a lot to help him but has gotten soooo much better. My husband and I took several parenting classes (through school district, church, online, counseling, love and logic). He was in play therapy, speech and occupational therapy for some time. But what I feel helped the most and I still implement at times was the Marble System. We are always catching our kids' negative behaviors and correcting to the point of nagging which can happen a lot with a child that won't/can't listen. The way it works: I bought 2 jars and a bag of glass beads (floral section). I made a list of the behaviors that needed to change. Each week, I introduced one rule (i.e. Listen the first time) and all week we would practice. Each starts the week with 5 marbles then each time they listened the first time they get 1 marble, each time you don't listen the first time, you lose a marble. By focusing on one rule for one week, by the end of the week, they usually had it down (some rules we had to practice for 2 weeks). Week 2, we start over with 5 marbles, last week's rule is expected and you can lose marble for it but no longer gain (unless you really impressed me), and we introduce rule 2, and so on. Fyi, at the end of each week, I would reward each one with a 1:1 with a date or activity they enjoy. It has worked like a charm and I re-introduce their marble jars as needed. My kids have come a long way with this in 1 year. Good luck!

They sound like 2 puppies - getting rambunctious and feeding off each others behavior! :) I would try being more strict. Before you go to a store sit them both down and explain what is and is not acceptable behavior in a store. Sound strict! Tell them if they run or wrestle (or whatever) they are going to have a consequence and the consequence is xxxxxx (whatever works for your boys. No Tv for 24 hrs or whatever and no dollar toy (or gummy candy or whatever you were going to get them). Tell them they are to hold on to the cart and stay with you calmly. Tell them if they can do that they will get a reward of you taking them to the park afterwards (or something like that). If they start running around then give them the consequence. If they do it again give them double the consequence. If they do it a third time ...again they need a consequence. And if they are being good be sure to PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE them like crazy! My 7 year old son is very high energy and this is what we do.He is allowed to wear his "heelie" shoes (the ones with the wheels on the heels) and he has to hold on to the cart. Since he really can't use these shoes anywhere else he is super excited and has so much fun as I push the cart around the store. But this is just one high energy boy and not 2 and I can see how it would get much much more difficult with 2. The other thing you can do is bring something for them to do while you look at jewelry or whatever you want to look at. My son loves this search and find book he has and he loves playing video games. He does not own a little hand held video game thing but I can see how that would work well. Like you, I try not to take my son shopping with me much! It is hard for him. He is bored after 5 minutes.

I want to commend you for asking such a great honest, personal question!

Yes you are too lenient, but you already knew that. And no, wrestling on the floor is NOT ok. One piece of advice is to go on *practice* outings without any briberies.

I hope you take the great advice you have received & use it to make your little boys into Great Men. I have 2 daughters your sons ages & when their time comes I hope they meet Great Men, like you are trying to mold.

I realize you have gotten tons of feedback, which I didn't read!! I think kids have their days. I will take mine to the store and they will be angels. Then sometimes not so much! I try like you, not to take mine to the store too often. It is tiring and there is so much for them to see and want, it is a lot of stimulation for them. I will do it sometimes, like today for example, when I have two stores I have to go to. I am going to take them in the morning to the store where I need less stuff. I usually assign my 4 yr old to be my "helper" and put things in the cart for me, that way he has something to focus on other than running all over the aisles like a wild child. To me they sound pretty normal, but I don't know, maybe I have low standards!!! :D