Am I Holding My Baby Too Much???

I read "Babywise" too & some of the theories are great, but if you're a reader try "Happiest Baby on the Block" too. It blames a lot of crankiness on lack of sleep. My 18mo. old boy has always been a very happy baby (even strangers comment on it). Based on what I got from that book-at the first sign of crankiness I take that as a hint that it's naptime.

No. He's only 5 months--you should still pick him up and tend to his needs. He's still too young to be able to do much by himself, and he needs you. Also, for his emotional development and establishment of trust, he needs to know that you'll be there for him. After he's about a year-year and a half, that's when they grow out of the infant phase and don't necessarily have to be picked up all the time. Just enjoy this stage of Matthew's life--he won't be this dependant on you soon enough.

I had that problem with my first. Sometimes you have to let them cry a little so that they can soothe themselves. At 5 months, I think that he should be sleeping quite a bit. It is important to keep him on a schedule.

It is great to read all these responses that so fit with my style of parenting.
Be sure your little one gets lots of playtime stimulation and quiet learning play-time. As far as crying, there's a big difference between whiney "I want you to hold me while you go to the bathroom" and being scared, angry, out of control. Try to discern what's going on at the root of it all, and you will know better what to do and how to help him be secure. Each child is different. There is no way one formula is healthy for every child.
Babywise originated in the 80's as "preparation for parenting" a very controversial program in every arena. We heard the Ezzo's speak in about 1991. In fact, with my own ears I heard them say they would never convert 'prep' into secular materials...hmm..Without going into too much, our 4 kids were held a lot...my second was like an appendage! He was and is so sweet (they are almost all grown now and amazing people...one is even a really good nanny.)A couple of them were a lot more challenging. In any case, it's your love and consistency in discipline that matters, especially as your baby transitions into toddlerhood. I held them a lot, still have my sling, because we're all emotionally attached to the good memories it holds in it's threads. All four of our children are very independant and emotionally healthy (for the most part..ha ha!)We have to know what is good for them. There is a lot to say no too, and be strong in as a parent. Believe me, they don't want to be held for long. Soon you'll be the one asking him for cuddling! You know, my 19 year old was held so much, and he is so affectionate. He will make an amazing husband and father someday.
Best to you!
L. P

Hi M.,
First of all, you haven't done anything wrong. Secondly, I'd strongly suggest dumping the Babywise book.
As for being told that you can't spoil a baby in the first four months, well the time frame is actually more like a year.
The first year of life for an infant is about feeling secure in the world and knowing that their needs are met. I personally find it very important to tend to the baby's needs for when they want mom and when they want to eat. If you're interested in reading more about this from a professional perspective, I recommend books by Dr. William Sears. The Baby Book is a good book of his. He also has many other topics. From a child development/psychological standpoint, Erikson's theories on pyscho-social development really hold a lot of water. He says, for example, that in the first year of life, that the baby is looking to establish trust in the world, and knowing that his needs are met. This sets up his sense of security. During the two's, the No's are not an act of defiance, but rather an attempt to show himself as capable and independent. When the need to show competence is honored, then the child feels satisfied.
So, my encouragement to you would be to give your son that loving attention that he needs, and what is in your heart to give him. My son wanted to be with me a lot as well, and now he is a happy, secure little 5 year old. I know that it's hard to know what is best sometimes. There are so many schools of thought out there. I can also remember being afraid of setting up bad habits if I was too accommodating, etc, but the bottom line really is that especially as an infant, they have genuine needs regarding security and wanting to be near mom. As your child gets older, boundaries come into play more and more, and things get adjusted, appropriate to their age. Whenever I wasn't sure what to do, I just looked inside myself for answers, and chose to err on the side of loving my son.
I really acknowledge you for your honesty in asking these questions. What a caring mom you must be.
Love,
M.

Hi M.,

My little 5 month old sounds just like your Matthew! In the first few months she never cried unless she needed something, but now she can be so darn fussy. She's happy as can be in the mornings and gets progressively more crabby as the day goes on. Like you, I think it might be because she's sleepy during the day (she sleeps well at night). She used to fall asleep during the day by herself for naps at random times, but now she looks very tired but just won't go to sleep.

The only thing that works SOMETIMES, is if I hold her after I feed her, but then I'm stuck, not able to move until she's ready to wake up (she always wakes up if I try to cary her around or put her down). I love holding and cuddling her, and as everyone says she won't be this little and cute and want to be held forever, but it's hard to be pinned to the couch an hour or more at a time (especially if I don't happen to have a book within arms reach). And often holding her doesn't do the trick and she's still crabby and seems to need to take a nap, but I can't figure out how to help her! Today I threw her in the Bjorn and took her for a walk. After 35 minutes she was asleep and had a good little snooze. Maybe that will work for you and Matthew?

Sorry I haven't given you much advice, but hopefully it's helpful to know there's another mom out here with the same issues (it's been helpful for me to read your message!). Your message has gotten so many replies, I'm going to read them to see what other mommies suggest!

Hang in there, and write again. It's interesting to read what others are dealing with who have kids the same age.

Hugs to you and Matthew,

H.

p.s. The pediatrician said she's fine physically and not teething, but might be spoiled... I think I'll take the advice of one who told me to only listen to the pediatrician's medical advice and not parenting advice. :)

Hi M. B.,
I feel your pain. Your needs need to be met as well as your baby's. For the time that there is no one else to hold him except yourself, have you considered a sling/carrying device? My daughters are 3 and 5 and i wish i had that time back to hold them all day. Just a thought.
Hang in there.
J., mom of 2.

Hi M.!
Here is a link about Babywise that might be of interest to you:

http://www.rickross.com/reference/gfi/gfi5.html

Check it out!
M.

M.
Babies cry! It is normal. A crying baby is not a symptom of poor parenting, babies simply cry.
He needs at least two naps a day. Set them for the same time so he is used to being asleep then. Make sure he is gaining the proper amount of weight by taking him for his regular check-ups. Ask your pediatrician if there is anything unusual about his crying.
Chuck the Babywise book. Respond to your baby. That is what he needs. Love him, enjoy him, he is your precious gift from God. Take good care of him and yourself.
God bless you
D.

No, you aren't holding your baby too much. Babies thrive on touch.

When my first was about 5 months old, a friend insisted I get the Babywise book. All this because I was STILL nursing her at night (gasp) and I would carry her in a pouch or my Ergo carrier during the day. While at the book store, I purchased Babywise but also bought The Baby Book and The Fussy Baby Book by Dr. sears. I spent the weekend reading books that said the opposite of one another. Thankfully I went with Dr. Sears books, they only validated what I was already doing. I've never had to do anything with my now 5 and 2 year old that went against my gut. Neither one ever cried it out. Both of my kids nursed on demand until age 2, slept with me and were carried as often as they wanted. From what I can see so far, both have turned out great. They are confident, independent little beings that know they are loved.

Your son is only 5 mos old. You'll hear this a lot, but this time is going to go so fast. He'll be crawling and walking before you know it and won't want to be carried around, enjoy the little wee now while you can!

M.

I am also a huge fan of Dr. William Sears, because his book told me that it was OK to do exactly what I wanted to do...hold my child. A lot of 'experts' said to let babies 'cry it out' to develop independence. Dr. Sears is a big proponent of holding and responding to a child who wants their parents because it helps the child learn that they have emotional support, which in turns allows the child to become independent. As long as you feel that you are able to take care of yourself and are not constantly having to put your own needs aside to take care of your child needs, do what you feel is right, not what some book says.

You cannot spoil a 5 month old. They don't have a concept of manipulation yet. Be careful of 'Babywise'. I have heard of parents who have had their children taken by cps for following that book too closely. My daughter was like that, and she still has times when momma lovin's are what she wants, but she is also very good about playing by herself too. Most of the studies I hear about say that kids who's needs are met do better in the long run. Also, we still co-sleep. We have started to put her in the crib to start the evening, but she has ended up in the bed with us every night. I am not ready to stop co-sleeping and neither is she, though my husband is getting there. My parents co-slept both my sister and I and we are fine. There comes a point where you stop co-sleeping, but YOU will know when that point is, not doctors, not friends, not parents, YOU. it has to be when you and the baby are ready, otherwise, he could end up in and out of bed with you for a long time. I know one family that co-slept until the children asked for their own room, at about 10 years, which I thought was kind of icky, but the kids are normal smart kids. Ok, I have rambled enough. Good luck and remember, breakfast is good.
R.

please please please throw your 'babywise' book out the window! babies cry, that's what they do. he is not a 'bad baby' or 'hard baby' because he cries. just relax, and pick him up! if you can't get to him every instant he cries, oh well--get to him as soon as you can, but don't let him "cry it out"! do some research on 'babywise' and it's author(s) and you will be disgusted!
GOD bless and good luck and remember 'this too shall pass'

M. it all depends on how you want to parent. I, like a few others that responded, practice attachment parenting - with twins, no less - and agree that you cannot hold a baby too much. Parenting styles and needs vary - getting the baby to do what you want is possible using some CIO methods, but for me I had to weigh what I felt the end result of those methods would be. For me it has been worth the carrying around of both my kids to the negligence of my house (dirty dirty dirty) so that I can feel confident that I am helping them to be as secure as they can be in the future. My boys (16 months old now!) are very happy little boys. We have one that still has sleep issues and I try my hardest to meet his needs, knowing that it will pay off in the long run.

Hi M. -
I can't believe there are still "experts" out there that tell you not to hold your baby. That really ticks me off. I've held my son as much as he's wanted and he's a thriving and wonderful child. You can NEVER hold your baby too much, that's just nonsense.

Like you, I appreciate books, and have found two that are particularly good with regard to child rearing. They are "The Continuum Concept" and "Attachment Parenting." I've given them to everyone I know with kids.

Parental responsiveness to a child's needs, leads to happy and emotionally well-balanced children. Trust your instincts, and don't ever let anyone tell you not to hold your child.

Good luck to you! - L.

Hi M.,

Almost everyone I know advises against the advice given in Babywise. Babies don't have wants, they have needs. We follow the Dr Sears method of attachment parenting so my advice would be to get a sling or ergo so you can babywear. The baby wants to be close to the mother (he was in your womb for 10 months) and wants to hear your heartbeat and know you are there. When you practice babywearing you can go about your day and get things done but the baby also has what he needs which is bonding with mommy.

HTH P.

There is totally nothing wrong with letting him cry a little and not always picking him up. Sometimes baby's just cry for no reason. Other times they are frustrated. And other times they need something. But a little crying doesn't hurt your baby at all. My Mom told me that crying helps them to clear out congestion and helps them to release any fear or frustrations and that is healthy for them. Now obviously if your baby is doing the "I am totally afraid, hungry, or in pain cry" you know, the high pitched one, you need to go to him. My DD is 9 months old and I let her cry when she is tired of playing on the floor all the time. Probably for about 10 minutes. It's the whiney I want someone to come and get me cry. Half the time it's because I am taking care of her older brother and can't get to her, and the other is because I think it's healthy for her.

I have heard good things about "Baby Wise". I prefer "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby". I have always been a stickler for daytime naps for both my kids. With DS (3 yo) if he doesn't get a good nap, he doesn't sleep well at night. With DD (9 months) she can have a little mroe flexibility in her nap schedule for a day or two then she starts to have problems settling down at night. So I try to keep both kids on a regular nap schedule. Until DS was 1 years old he would take 3- 3 hour naps during the day and would sleep 12 hours at night. From 1-2 years old he would take 2-2 hour naps and sleep 12 hours. Now at 3 he takes a 2-3 hour nap every other day or so and sleeps about 10-11 hours at night. He is starting to phase out naps, but even on the no-nap days I put him in his room for quiet time for at least 1.5 hours everyday. He can nap or play quietly in his bed with some toys.

DD on the other hand has never taken 3 naps during the day. From 2 months on she started to sleep 12 hours straight at night and take 2- 1.5 to 2 hour naps a day. Occasionally there will be a 3-4 hour nap. That's just ber body's schedule. Luckily for me they both have nap/quiet time in the afternoon from 1-3pm :).

Both my kids also slept in their own cribs since birth and slept in their own rooms since about 4 months. I also play music (DS preferred reggae music and DD prefers Christmas music) softly in their rooms while they sleep since birth.

So try giving your DS a more consistent nap schedule. Maybe he needs to go to bed 15-30 minutes earlier than he is now. I think the book says that infants should be put to nap/sleep for the night about 1.5 to 2 hours after the wake. Some kids go less or more. Here is my DD's schedule:

7am wake
730-8 breakfast
8-830 playtime
830-9 bottle
9-11 morning nap
11-12noon playtime/errands
12noon -1230 lunch
1230-1 bottle
1-3pm nap
3-4 playtime
4-430 bottle
430-5 playtime/bath
5-530 dinner
530-6pm bottle
6pm sleep

That's roughly her schedule. Some days it's off a bit though.

Another thought is that he might be teething and that maybe causing him discomfort. my DS started teething at 4 months. Lots of drool, more spitup than normal. Some kids have lowgrade fevers and get very cranky.

Or it could be option C: ALL of the above.

Or maybe his formula is still causing him some discomfort. I know with DS he couldn't take milk based formula so he drank soy formula. And with DD she can't take anything with Lactose in it so she drinks Similac Sensitive. I know some kids who can't digest milk proteins so they are on some specialized formulas. Also, different brands sometimes cause different reactions for each child. So maybe try a different brand or type of formula if that is the problem. You should be able to get a few samples of different formulas from your pediatrician for free. The manufacturers give free samples to peds to give out to their patients, you just have to ask your ped.

Good Luck!

S.

I highly recommend Dr. William Sears books.

I encourage you to consider reading/browsing The Science of Parenting for a different take on crying versus not. There are a lot of opinions and you have to do what fits with your framework and life, but I don't think you can hold your five-month-old too much. The cries are usually a sign that something else is going on.

You cannot spoil your baby by giving it too much love. Babies are spoiled when adults replace love with material "pacifiers."

You may not know this, but the Ezzos, who wrote "Babywise," were at one point being investigated due to the large number of babies who developed "failure to thrive" when parents followed their recommendations. If you google "babywise" and "failure to thrive" you'll see many articles. The first article is by Dr. Aney, who has spent considerable time and money to get the message out and provide documentation. If you email him he will send you a packet of documentation as to why Babywise is harmful. I have, and the packet is valuable information. The Ezzos' own church has disassociated with them due to this.

Babies need love, not schedules or people recommending spankings or letting them cry themselves to sleep. Babies were inseperable from mom for 9 months, it is against our own evolution for them to be alone.

Now as to him needing to be carried - I highly recommend getting a sling or baby bundler. He can be carried next to you while you do your work. There is evidence that wearing the baby improves his cognitive ability: babies can't learn when they're crying. When they're happy and being engaged, it stimulates their brain.

I am a mom of four who always responds to my kids' cries and who wore all of them in slings. I teach them to trust that if they need me - whether as babies or teens - I will Be There for them.

I see a lot of people have already warned you against Babywise. But I don't think you can be warned enough. This link is GREAT because it is compiled by people who used the Babywise and other Ezzo methods and regretted it. Like you, thinking THEY were the ones doing something wrong, not that the method was SEVERELY flawed and dangerous.
http://www.ezzo.info/
These were well meaning parents just like you. There are warnings from medical professionals, breastfeeding experts and churchs (including Ezzo's former church).

It's a shame you didn't get better advice about breastfeeding because I had issues with both children. I gave up with my son (because then, it wasn't as promoted) but stuck it out with my daughter and now she's a great nurser. I never co-slept with either of my kids though either but that was out of fear and concern of SIDS than anything.
Your son may be grumpy because at 5 months, because he isn't getting enough to eat (if you've put him on a schedule, you may be starving him or leaving him thirsty)
but also around 5 months, they start teething. Both of my kids went through periods like this at 5 months when they started teething. You won't necessarily see teeth when they start and it could take a few months. It happened again around 8 months and 16 months-all teething related. During those times, my daughter nursed more. My son wanted to be held more.

Anyhow, a good highly recommended book is the Baby Sleep Book by Dr. Sears. Throw away that awful Babywise (you wouldn't let your children play with toys that had been recalled would you?) and check out Dr. Sears.

I agree with the mom's that are saying to hold baby when he wants to be held. You have gotten a lot of good advice already, but one other idea is to put yourself in baby's shoes. If the baby cries it out, and sooner or later he does it less, and then pretty much stops because he has become independent in that arena, do you think it's because the discomfort he's experiencing has suddenly gone away or because he realizes that he's wasting his time and mommy isn't coming? Also, when someone tells you what the baby is feeling (one lady said babies can cry for NO reason), I ask how can you say? Since babies can't tell us, we can only speculate. All I know is I came from a very loving household and I know how important it was for me. I have a 2 month old and also run a business, so I know about wanting to get stuff done but you can't because you have to soothe the baby. I do not feel comfortable letting him sit there and cry and my only solution is if daddy's home or a friend/family member is over (i.e. someone else is tending to his needs so I can work). Otherwise the other tasks take a backseat. That's okay though because, like the other mom's said, it will pass and baby is top priority. I say sacrifice now for a healthier future!

M.-

The answer is NO, you are NOT holding your baby too much.

Babywise is garbage. I hate how "experts" come out with books that discourage mothers from following what they already know instinctively. IMO, only you know what your baby needs, in spite of what others may make you think.

Your baby is 5 months old and may just be teething or going through a growth spurt. Until he learns to talk (and in some cases beyond that- lol) the only way that your son can convey himself is through non-verbal communication. (i.e. crying) Spoiling your child is definitely possible but NOT at 5 months.

I do remember being a first-time mom and wanting to "do the right thing." Worried that I'd "wrong" or scar my child in some way, I read books, went on websites but it was really through trial and error that I found my parenting style.

At 4 years old, my daughter is independent and incredibly secure. I attribute that partly to how we chose to parent her. We were responsive to her cries - and though it wasn't easy, the pay off has been tremendous. The day will come when my daughter's hugs won't come as frequently. Until then, I will take every opportunity to comfort and hold her whenever I can. You have to find what feels right to you.

Good luck mama. You'll figure it out. I promise.

J.
J.

Hi, I am a big believer in giving baby what he/she wants the first year of their life. They are only that little once, and they have needs, how can you spoil something that can't talk or articulate their needs clearly enough? that's why they cry because they need comfort, it's instinct when they are that little. it is hard as a mom to be needed constantly and meet the demands of a crying baby on a continuing basis, but isn't that what we moms do? anyway, just my two cents. i personally am not a "cry it out" mom when they are that little. some moms feel comfortable having their babies cry it out so i would say to just act instinctually with your comfort level. i've heard good things about these websites:

www.askdrsears.com
www.drjaygordon.com

Good Luck!

p.s. i just reread your post. could he possibly be teething?

My son has acid reflux too and although he has stopped most of the spitting up, he still takes his medicine(not sure if your baby was on any meds) since the acid still churns around in their tummies making it hard for them to sleep. My son only takes short naps during the day, but is a pretty good sleeper since we started the CIO method too! Just a thought.. it might be that the acid reflux is not yet gone and is causing his unhappiness. Best wishes

I'll bet you aren't recognizing when he needs to be put down for a nap. Little guys that are only five months old often are only awake for an hour and a half, give or take a half hour before they need and want to be put back in their beds to catch up on their rest. They tell you that by getting fussy and not being happy being held or sitting in his car seat or in the corner of the sofa. Be aware of how long he is up and be ready to get him tucked in at the first sign of being too tired! S., mother of four

I don't think you can hold a baby too much. I did the babywise thing with both of my babies and it did help, but you need to use anyone's advice loosely, each child is so different. He's only 5 months old, he just loves his mama. I do think you are doing the right thing at night and letting him cry a little to learn how to go to sleep on his own.

Have you looked at his gums? He may be in the first stages of teething. Sometimes it takes a few months before you can see anything popping thru, beforehand there's just an abundance of drooling and crying. Look for a little swelling and maybe try some Tylenol or Oragel.

Also, he may just be in a growth stage. You'll start to notice a pattern of lots of sleep and then lots of awake time and eating, they "bulk up" and then grow.

Be patient, as slow as it seems, this stage passes and they get into other wonderful (and trying) stages. Hold your baby as much as you (and he) want, you can't go wrong with showing him affection as long as you can be gently consistent with things you are teaching him, like falling asleep on his own. Before long, he'll want nothing more than to get down out of your arms and that, like this stage, comes with its own set of dilemmas.

God should have sent them all with an instruction manual....

Blessings. C.

Matthew doesn't understand why his needs are not being met. I believe he is too young to let him cry it out Also he is too young to pass any significant amount of time paying by himself. Could it be that he cries because he is bored, uncomfortable, teething?
When my daughter was that age I put her in a baby snugli(or baby bjorn) after she would play a bit and went about my day.
Also, the sleep thing is HUGE. Please pick up the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby by Weissbluth. This is a great resource for all the different stages a child goes thru.
GL!

I was a baby holder but that's just who I am. I loved it and don't regret a minute of it. There comes a time when kids just don't want to be held anymore by mom. My youngest is 5 now and I have no one to hold and it's sad. They just want to go off and play lol....I'm glad I held them all the time when I got the chance.

Hi! I had one child like that and my grandma said that you can never hold a child too much she was born 1919, I don't know if I fully agree with that but what I did was get down on the floor or at the child's level with out picking her up letting her even sit on my lap but I would not pick her up and put her there I would make sure she did not fall on her face by having my had to guard her but she would be free to come and go as will and after 3 days of this she would start to wounder off and after a while I too would quietly wounder off and do the things around the house that I had to do when she fussed again I would repeat this process even laying a blanket down during the day to nap on and then in the evening when we had worship I would hold her before bed. It worked. God bless.

Hi! You're probably not holding him too much, although, he sounds a lot like my third baby, who was simply tired and needed two naps during the day and then a full 10-12 hours at night. He is 16 months old now and just scaled down to one nap(2 hours) during the day. Try putting him down for the first nap around 10:30 am and he will probably sleep an hour or so then put him down again after lunch and he will probably sleep for one to two hours. You should notice a big difference! If not, maybe, he just wants you near him while he plays, or maybe he wants you to play with him! Good Luck! Don't stop holding him! They grow WAY TOO fast!

Hi there, I don't believe in "Babywise" but some of my friends live by it. I think it comes down to your personal parenting style. I have a very demanding 15month old who constantly wants my attention. However, as she has grown she naturally is gaining indepence. I think that your children are only small once and if they need that extra love then so be it. It just means that you won't get as many showers or do as much laundry. But really in the grand scheme you will never say "I wish I look more put together at story hour". Trust me, I know it is physically and emotionally tiring sometimes but try and just sitting next to him with a toy. I bet he will start playing on his own eventually.
Mom of a very busy, no napping 15 month old:)

I agree with the doctor's..."you can not spoil your baby too much" especially in the first few months. My daughter was the first grandchild on both sides and they only girl....talk about SPOILED! She never took a bottle or pacifier only nursed. I was worried about her nursing too much and being held too much, but by the time she could crawl she wanted nothing to do with me and I longed for the days she wanted to be cuddled. :0)

One bit of advice though...if he is not sleeping in his crib already, you should really try to get him in there by six months or you will never get him out of your bed. :0)

He sounds very normal. To me, it does not seem like what you have done is backfiring. Perhaps he is beginning teething? It's GREAT for him to be held a lot of the time. I believe that there's no such thing as holding your baby too much, for HIM. But for us, that's another story. I loved Dr Sears "The Baby Book" which suggests that when your baby cries, you pick him up, you respond, which teaches him that you are engaged, that he is heard and not alone. (I did this with my daughter and she is now 12 and awesome:) If you don't want to pick him up, you can talk to him so he knows you are there. I don't believe babies are so-called "manipulative" until 2 or 3, and even that is okay and developmental. I think the need/desire to be held is as real for an infant as a need like hunger, tiredness, etc.

Hi M.,
I am glad to hear the website is useful to you. It's nice to have a group of reliable mommies to look to.
I too was a "Babywise Mommy." I LOVE the book. It help set the stage for easier patterns later. I am a mommy to four boys ages 4,3,2 and 11 months.
However, children do go thru phases where they seem more cranky or want mommy. My theory in those times: they are only babies once. Love and hold them. I even held my and rocked them to sleep when I wanted and when they needed it. It was not an every night thing - but something special. Someone told me that once (they are only babies once) and I have never forgotten that.
I hope that Babywise works for you as well. I especially hope that you find a happy balance for you and baby.
With love,
P.

***FUNNY, CAUSE I HAVE TWINS, AND IF I DID ATTACHMENT PARENTING I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOSE MY MIND IF I WENT TO MY KIDS EVERY SINGE TIME THEY CRIED. PROPS TO THOSE OF YOU WHO DO, AND I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE A BAD MOM FOR DOING WHAT YOU BELIEVE, BUT HONESTLY YOU ARE DOING MORE HARM THAN GOOD IN MY OPINION! NOT TO MENTION, WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING YOUR CHLD WHEN YOU GO AND PICK THEM UP EVERYTIME THEY ARE CRYING? NOTHING! THEY NEED TO LEARN SOME KIND OF INDEPENDENCE, AND IF THEY ARE CONSTANTLY ATTACHED TO YOUR HIP UNTIL THEY ARE 4...WHAT IS THAT REALLY DOING FOR THEM????***I agree also that you can spoil a baby too much by holding them all the time. If you have done what your doctor told you, then it is most likely a phase your son is going through. My daughter actually started doing this and she is 1! If i'm in the room, she is crying for me to pick her up and once I do pick her up she is fine, the crying completely stops. What i have done with all 3 of my kids, is tell them they are fine, kiss them and put them down. I tell them "i will be back in a few minutes." (even though they don't understand that yet, they will.) When I leave the room, yes, she usually cries, but now it has gotten to where I leave the room, and she plays contently by herself. She now knows that I will be back, and the reward is if she isn't crying I am going to come and pick her up! I know it takes a lot of effort not to pick her up at every whimper, but babies need to be taught how to be independant at times. Not to mention moms need time to their self or times when they need to get things done around the house. My oldest son is 2, and he is the most behaved child, and does not have issues with self esteem, blah, blah, blah...people ask me all the time "how do i do it" with 3, and well, it's called "discipline". My kids are loved and equally balanced with discipline and are learning everyday! Kids need structure, they crave constant discipline when they are young. Good luck! He will get through it! :O)

Dear M.,

Yes, I think that you have the right idea, he is not getting enough sleep during the day. Establish times when he will be in his bed in his room, and let him cry until he sleeps - he will be laying down and will rest and that is good too. I noticed that our 10 month old gr granddaughter needs two naps a day and then early enough to bed at night. C. N.

M.,
Welcome, and glad you found us. When my kids went through this fussy time I began to track their schedule. I had it down, in fact it is in the baby books. I tried to stay on schedule. At 5 months my kids still required 2 naps a day. A small one in the am and a longer one in the early afternoon. If your son is not napping why? Is he getting exercise? Is he hungry?

This next week keep a record of his schedule this would include all the times he crys etc. Next week implement a plan or strategy to ensure he is eating, sleeping, getting his needs met and then stick to it faithfully for 6 weeks.

Good luck
Debbie

I'm going trough the same. My 2 month old baby has reflux and there are days where he just won't sleep anywhere but in my arms. At times I think I'm spoiling him bit then I remember that he was inside of me for 9 months, having me there every single minute. He is a stranger to this world and as a mother I need to show him that it is a safe place, that I'm here for him when he needs me.. I guess that as he grows ( and gets better from the reflux) he'll learn to sleep by himself more often and for longer periods...
he is my baby, if I don't comfort him who will? if i Don`t hold him now, when?

Is he drooling a lot & chewing on his fist? He may be teething...

Hi M.,

I know you have received alot of advice already, but I felt compelled to respond as my daughter was quite similar. One question; did Matthew begin to cry during the day after the letting him cry himself to sleep? I tried that with my Kimmi one night in desperation. My husband travels for work, only 6 months out of hte year, but 4-6 weeks at a time. I was so tired and cranky and thought, "okay, everyone says I should do this. . ." Her daytime demeanor changed drastically. My happy, independent baby became clingy and super fussy. I spoke to my Dr (who is really great about first-time-mommy-phone-calls) and she said some babies just don't respond well to CIO; it just doesn't work for their personality. SO we didn't cry it out and now at 13 months we are FINALLY sleeping through the night. It was hard, I was tired but it was what we felt comfortable doing. And that's the bottom line. I agree with what many here have said; who cares what these "experts" say you are the mommy. Go with your instinct.

Just a note. You know how things seem to change about every 4 weeks or so? You get into a groove and all the sudden things change up on you? Maybe he's just going through a needy phase. I have found that with Kimmi, some days she wants to be held and cuddled exra, some days she is too busy playing with her toys to pay attention to mom. They are just little people, with feelings just like us. So maybe Matthew is just feeling a little needy right now and needs some extra cuddles. I have several friends who swear by the little slings and "wearing your baby." Kimmi didn't care for it, I don't think she liked being confined. But I carried her around ALOT on my hip while I did stuff around the house the first 6 months or so. She is 13 months now and I am still finding my "mommy-groove" but I find things go smoothest for us when I forget the books and just do what I think is best.

I don't think you can hold them too much. I don't think you have done anything wrong. Hang in there and follow your instinct.

PS Sorry for the typos--I don't have time for spell-check, Kimmi is waking from her nap!!!! :) :) :)

What your asking is ( are you showing your baby to much LOVE? Do you really think thats posible? Babies,need all the love you can give them.They need to feel safe and secure. What beter place than in your arms? You've recieved some good responses from some experienced,loving mothers.I agree with those,that suggested you hold him and love him,as much as you can NOW. Time flies faster than you can imagine,and in a couple years, you'll be lucky if your quick enough to crab him and get a hug yourself! tee hee

My baby loved to be carried around all the time because she was bored of being in one place without being able to mobilize herself. Once she could see and explore other areas of the house, store, park etc, she was a happy camper. She wanted to experience more of the world than her little immobile area. Once she could get around on her own, the need to be carried was gone. Think about being an eager and interested person in the world, but you can only see and experience what's within reach of your body...pretty boring after a while. Once mom carries you to a new environment all the new stimuli and experiences are wonderful to see. They grow so fast, enjoy this moment...although it can be tiring...I know. HAVE FUN!

I went through the the same thing with my second boy. You may need to use a Baby Bijorn or Sling. Some babies just want to be held and need to be held more than others. My first didn't want to be held as much as my second and knowing how fast they grow try to embrace it. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I too used Babywise!!! Just take a deep breath and hold the little fella- you will be surprised on how fast they grow.
Mother of 2 very different boys!

Hi M.,

I agree with the other mommies who say you can never hold your young baby too much and who suggest making sure your baby has a nap around 10:30 am and sometime after lunch. My 7 month gets so fussy if he does not get these naps in. Otherwise, he is very happy.

Another thing to note... Around 5-6 months, babies begin to experience "separation anxiety". They are becoming much more aware of their surrounding and begin to get a bit upset if they look around and Mommy is not within arm's reach. It lessens as they begin to grasp "object permanence". They won't get so freaked out when Mommy is not in site because they know you'll return. One thing I did with my first son and, now, with my 2nd one is walk away from him (~5ft), stop & turn give him a very cheery, "Hi!". I walk further & further, continuing to stop and say Hi. When I get to the room, I am trying to get to, I come out of it a couple of times and say it again. He eventually relaxes because he keeps seeing me come back. Each time you walk further away or go into another room, you can increase the time he doesn't see you & just pop your head out every couple of minutes.

I wish you well. Good luck.

Hi M., I was told by "experienced mothers" that I shouldn't hold the baby all the time...... well, my daughter was born premature and with all the worrying I did about her surviving I didn't listen and while I did let her cry sometimes for short periods of time, I would pick her up and just let her be comfortable and happy in my arms. My daughter, who is now 11, is well adjusted and while the separation anxiety I have is mostly on my part, I wouldn't trade in a day that I held her when she cried for anything. Considering we can't carry them forever.... I did the same thing with my son - 7 years later and his is now a well adjusted 4 year old. I kept everyone's advice/opinion in mind but ultimately I made my own decision to carry the kids when they wanted to be held and I was available to do it.

Good luck. I truly believe that as long as we are being the best mom we can be and do what we do out of love, it can't be all that wrong, except for "extreme" cases of course. ENJOY YOUR BABY and the feeling of him in your arms! :)

maybe it's his teeth my brother got them early too

My now 20 year old was carried in a front pack for most of her first year, and beyond, for the same reason. She could be self entertaining and happy, but often wailed unless I held her. I did dishes, taught my Sunday School class, shopped and everything else with her in the pack. She eventually outgrew the behavior, and is the least clingy of my 4 kids. Everybody's personality is different, and your son may just be a person who craves physical closeness.

As long as all of his needs have been seen to(i.e. hunger, diaper, or pain/sick) it's ok to let him cry a little. When my kids did this, I would talk to them and tell them they were ok and get them something to play with. If I was in the kitchen cleaning or cooking , I would put them somewhere that they could see me. Most of the time if they were still crying, they would be tired and would fall asleep soon after.
I could tell if my kids just wanted to be held when they would be happy in my arms then instantly cry when put down and be instantly happy when picked back up. At this point I would put them down and let them cry a little. They didn't usually cry very long before they would find something else to occupy them or they would fall asleep on the floor. After a while, they stopped crying so much, and things calmed down. This worked on all 4 of my children.

No, just enjoy it. There will come the day when he won't let you and it is not that far off. You can't spoil them and remember, each of these stages are just that...STAGES. He will stop whining within a month or two and move on to something else.
I have 2 daughters (2 and 4) and as a new mom I worried about all the same things and the best advice ever is to do what feels right in your heart. Hold them, love them and do it as much as you can-in the end you will have a confident child with high self-esteem.

My personal feeling about holding a baby to much is this hold them as much as possible, they grow up so fast and before you know it they are 13 years old and well on their way to adulthood, the time for holding them is very brief and gone before you know it. when some of my friends had children they used those body carriers, back or front and went about their busy day with baby right there with them, the time will come when he will be able to manuver on his own, and when you pick him up to hold him he will squirm his way out of it, or he will run and you will have to chase after him to keep him safe.

M.-Your not holding your baby too much!!! I am a Mother of 2 boys, one 7 and one almost 13. My 13 year old cried all the time when he was a baby and I tried the cry it out approach. It was a huge mistake in my book!!! I felt awful, like I was going against every grain of instinct I had as a Mother. I even threw out the Ferber book that preaches that technique and wanted to burn all the copies at the bookstore and library. I believe what Dr. Sears says in all his books- if you let a baby cry and do not respond you will teach him that you will not be there for him, & that he cannot rely on you. Is that the message you want your 5 month old to have? He is so little not even talking or walking yet and his only means of communicating is crying- you need to listen. Even if you cannot stop the crying he will know you are there for him and he can count on you. Pick him up- hold him all the time- your child will be more secure and they have proven that children who are worn in a carrier or a sling end up brighter, with larger vocabularies and more comprehension cause they are in on all the conversations you have all day long! Babies need to be held and heard!! I strongly believe this. This baby is not manipulating you, but merely trying to communicate with you. Listening is the best skill a parent can have! Also a little hint someone told me- If the crying gets on your nerves, stick cotton in your ears! I tried it it works. It buffers the sound but you can still hear them just not so loudly. Works you nerves much less. Hope this helps-
L. T